There Is No I In Love

Chase wrapped Nate in his arms as he pulled him on top of him. Nate laughed and hugged his boyfriend, settling himself close to him on the couch. The older teen had never felt so giddy before. His heart was almost playing tricks on him; it was all over the place.

Nate loved how Chase made him feel, and he loved that he felt so comfortable with him in such a short amount of time. Being with Chase gave him hope that one day he would be 100% over Tucker, and his heart would finally stop hurting whenever he looked at his best friend.

Chase filled the hole that Nate had in his heart; the hole that Nate thought would be in his heart forever.

“Your smile is amazing, Nate. My god. You have the best teeth I’ve ever seen. Aw come on don’t hide them from me!” Chase said, and made a move to tickle his boyfriend.

Nate held up his hands and lightly pushed Chase. “Hey don’t tickle me! I’m so ticklish it’s not even funny.”

Chase laughed. “Asking someone not to tickle you is redundant- because they’re gonna tickle you anyway. Like this,” he giggled and tortured Nate playfully with the tips of his fingers.

Nate laughed uncontrollably and gasped for air; he tried his best to defend himself but he couldn’t. He eventually gave in and let Chase tickle the crap out of him for a few minutes.

The younger teen stopped and kissed the older. He held him tight and ran his fingers through his hair.

Nate was not used to being touched so frequently. It wasn’t a bad thing, in fact, he liked it a lot. It just took a little getting used to.

Whenever Chase touched Nate, no matter how innocently; he always felt his heart jump and his breath shortened. He couldn’t help it, it was a natural reaction. Chase never tried to push Nate into anything, but Nate always tensed up with the fear that he might. He wanted to get more serious with Chase, he really did, he was just too afraid to.

Chase started to kiss Nate’s neck; which was something he never did before. Nate’s eyes shut and his mouth opened involuntarily. Chase felt a little ambitious and bit down ever so slightly on his boyfriends soft flesh, and Nate instinctively hissed and grabbed Chase’s shoulders.

“Mm did you like that?” Chased asked, and bit his lip seductively.

Nate nodded, but he was sure he was blushing like crazy.
Chase took Nate’s hand and got up off of the couch. He led him further into his house, and into his bedroom.

Nate’s heart was beating so fast he didn’t know what to do. His stomach felt weird, and he didn’t like it.

He didn’t want to have sex with Chase; they hadn’t been dating for very long. He just wanted to wait a little bit longer. Until he felt it was right. A part of him knew that the first time wouldn’t ever ‘feel right’ but he hoped that with time and patience on the other persons’ part, it would be as right as it could.

Chase pushed Nate backwards onto his bed and climbed on top of him. Nate squirmed under his touch and pressed his hands against Chase’s body.

“I-I um…I don’t want to-” Nate muttered, feeling stupid and childish.

Chase moved his hair out of his face and softened his eyes. “Nate, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I wouldn’t ever pressure you.”

Nate smiled and caressed Chase’s arm. “Thank you,” he said and grabbed onto the back of Chase’s neck. “I still want to kiss you.”

Chase chuckled and kissed Nate, softly and passionately. He wouldn’t have minded if things had gone further, but he was content with taking it slow with Nate. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Nate off.

~

Tucker woke up to large hands on his chest, shaking him awake.

He opened his eyes and was shocked to see his father.

“Tuck, are you alright?”

Tucker was okay, but confused. Tucker left his house and went to a party to crash at. He didn’t think he came home.

“Uh. Yeah. Why did you wake me up?”

Mr. Connolly turned on Tucker’s lamp that was beside his bed. “I had to, Tuck. You were screaming. So I came in here. I thought someone broke in or something from how scared you sounded.”

The teenager blinked several times and wiped his eyes to make sure what was happening was really happening. “I was? I don’t remember. I’m sorry for waking you up. I didn‘t realize what I was doing.”

Out of nowhere Tucker’s dad enveloped him in a hug. Tucker was beside himself with disbelief. His dad didn’t even believe in affection. He thought he was still dreaming.

“I’m worried about you. You never did this before. Must have had an awful dream. What was it about?”

Tucker shrugged into his dad’s body, just waiting for him to remove himself, which he did moments later. “I don’t recall having a dream.”

Everything seemed to clash together for a minute. Tucker wasn’t aware of what happened, or didn’t happen. His thoughts were circling inside of his head. If he didn’t ask for clarification, there wouldn’t be any. But he was almost scared of the reality.

“I just don’t understand, Tuck. They call those night terrors. Only little kids get them. Unless something really bad happens in ones life, then they can occur in adults. Did something happen and you just couldn’t tell me? You were fine yesterday; I would think I’d know if something was wrong with my kid,” he said with such certainty.

Tucker was really baffled at that point. “Fine? You think I was fine yesterday? Was I fine before you slapped me? Yeah, I was fine then. But after that I wasn’t. You hit me, dad. You’ve been angry but you never laid a hand on me.”

Mr. Connolly shook his head. “Tucker I would never put my hands on you, or anyone like that. You know this. You must have been dreaming. Why did I hit you?”

In a way, Tucker was glad that he felt crazy. He was happy that the whole situation where he came out to his dad and then was hit and disowned didn’t happen. But he figured that at least half of it would happen again if it was repeated. There was only one way to find out; and he didn’t want to. In his mind, he already went through it, and he didn’t think he was strong enough to go through it again.

Out of the events that happened in his dream, one thing that he was happy about was the weight that was lifted off of his shoulders. Carrying around a secret that big took a lot out of Tucker, and just saying the words ‘dad, I’m gay’ made him feel so much better, even though the outcome was horrible.

“Why, Tuck? Tell me why I hit you in your dream,” he asked again, making Tucker’s anxiety rise.

“I- I don’t want to tell you,” he said meekly, hating himself for being afraid of his father.

“Why not? Please tell me. It sounded like you were being murdered, Tuck. Do you know how scary that was for me? I thought- I thought you’d be dead by the time I got in here. I brought my baseball bat," he said, and pointed to the ground where the bat was.

Tucker chuckled from the circumstance. He didn’t feel so uneasy anymore. His dad cared about him enough to come to his rescue. He could have easily took his wife and baby to safety instead of help Tucker. It meant a lot to Tucker that his dad came to him.

“Thanks dad. But I’m fine. No one hurt me.”

“I know that now. I just want you to confide in me. I know I don’t deserve a 'world’s best dad award' but I care about my kids. You and your sister are everything to me. Just to know I hurt you in your dream hurts me in real life. Tell me why so I can reassure you, Tuck. That's all I want to do right now.”

Tucker came to the realization that his father had a life changing wake up call. Maybe the one he needed to hear the information that Tucker was about to tell him.

“You um. You hit me because I-” he swallowed hard and sat completely upright in his bed. He soon lost his composure and began to cry, feeling the sadness of his fake-coming out hit him again. “…because I told you I was gay.”

Taking the teen completely by surprise, Mr. Connolly sat on his son’s bed and wrapped him in yet another hug; this time, Tucker hugged back.