There Is No I In Love

Tucker dwelled on his dad not letting him sleep over Nate’s house for days. He took the time to really think about why his dad wouldn’t allow it. What was going through his dad’s mind? Did he think that they would stay up all night, and if they did, why would that have been a problem? Tucker was almost 18, he was used to staying up later than midnight. Did his dad seriously not know that?

Whatever Mr. Connolly’s reasons were, Tucker accepted it; for the time being. It wasn’t an argument he felt like having. He never liked to argue, it just always happened.

The teen heard his parents talking in the next room over…they were just talking. He wished that his father talked to him the same way he talked to his wife. Mr. Connolly was so patient with Francine, and he took the time to listen to her. He didn’t give his own son the time of day. Tucker was almost jealous of Francine, but he wasn’t all the way. Francine had a special place in his dad’s heart and he understood that.

“Tucker, Nate just pulled up. Want me to get the door?” His mom called out.

“I’ll get it, I’m right in the kitchen. Thanks though.” He said to her, waiting for Nate to actually knock on the door.

Tucker thought it would be weird to answer the door before Nate actually got there; it would look like he was stalking him out of the window or something. He even waited a few extra seconds after he heard the knock to answer for a reason that was unknown to even him.

“Hey, whatsup?” Nate asked with a smile.

Tucker let his friend in and took his coat. “Nothing really. Let‘s go in my room.”

Nate made sure to greet Mr. and Mrs. Connolly before following his friend up the stairs. Nate was so polite and well rounded. He had no personality flaws. Well, maybe one or two, but Tucker barely noticed anything wrong with the brunette.

“Wow, it’s just as dirty as it was the last time I was in here,” Nate said with a laugh. “Tucker don’t give me that face you know I don’t care what your room looks like!” He said, referring to Tucker’s half-fake scowl.

“We all don’t have immaculate rooms like you, Nate,” he said taking a seat on his bed.

Nate sat down on a computer chair and scooted himself closer to the desk. He lifted up Tucker’s laptop and logged on to his Facebook.

“No love. I never have any notifications. Not even from you. I should just delete it, I have no friends.”

Tucker sighed. “Nate everyone loves you. You have tons of friends. Stop with your lies. I wish I had your life.”

Tucker didn’t exactly mean to say that last part. It just came out, and unfortunately sounded very serious.

“What do you mean by that?”

The older teen shrugged and looked down at his hands. He tried to think up something to cover it up, but he knew it wouldn’t do him any good. Nate was his best friend, and he usually told him every single thing that was on his mind. It wasn’t any different except he was starting to feel uneasy about the way he was looking at him.

“I don’t know. I’m just envious of you, that’s all. Like, you seem so happy- you are happy.”

Nate frowned. “We never did talk about your dad the other day, when you were supposed to sleep over. That is what you‘re getting at right?”

The blonde swung his legs over his bed and faced the brunette.

“Yeah. It’s not that important though. Why don’t we just order a movie on Netflix or something?”

Nate didn’t want to ignore Tucker’s obvious sadness. He wanted to know what was going on so he could be there for his friend and help him. Nate loved Tucker, more than Tucker could ever know. If there was anything Nate could do to make him smile, he would in a heartbeat. In fact, Nate couldn’t remember the last time he saw a genuine smile come from Tucker. Sure he smiled, but he wasn’t really smiling.

“No, I think you want to tell me. I can only help, not make things worse you know.”

Tucker nodded, and decided to tell Nate; but not everything. Just enough so that he wasn’t in the dark.

“Yeah you’re right,” he said and took in a heavy breath. “It’s just…my dad and I never get along. We fight every day about something different. It drives me crazy and I can’t stand it. I mean I can; I do. But it just sucks. All I want to do is leave. Is that bad? That I would be willing to leave Kacee just to get away from my dad and Francine?”

Nate shook his head. “No. You’re human. There’s only so much you can take. I don’t know what you and your dad fight about but it sounds serious. It’s between you and him honestly, but you know you can tell me anything. You’re leaving stuff out on purpose and that’s okay. Just know that you don’t have to.”

Tucker felt like crap for making Nate feel like he wasn’t good enough to know the whole story. He didn’t feel like saying how he really felt. He couldn’t tell Nate that they fought about him. How could he bring that up, and how would Nate feel? He wouldn’t do that to him.

“I promise it’s not as serious as you think. If it ever gets to the point where I don’t know what to do, I’ll tell you. Don’t worry…I’m not going anywhere, I’m not stupid enough to run away.”

Nate half-smiled. “You better not. If you left I don’t know what I’d do. Not to get all mushy on you, I know you hate that, but still. You’re my other half, you know.”

Tucker let out a small chuckle. He didn’t think Nate would be that devastated if he were to run away, but it was flattering to hear.

“Yeah, same here,” he paused for a moment, he started to have a small flashback. “I don‘t know why I just thought of this but do you remember that time when we were in middle school and we were sitting in the cafeteria and you said something funny…I forget what it was but chocolate milk literally came out of my nose. Remember that?”

Nate’s eyes shut as he laughed and he nodded. “Yes, how could I not? I think I quoted something from a TV show we used to watch and you thought it was hilarious. I didn’t think you’d react that way and drench me with nose-milk.”

“Eww. When you put it that way it sounds gross. But no, it was funny. I’m mad that I can’t remember what it was, I will though, it’ll just take a while. We had some good times in middle school.”

Nate bit his lip and shut Tucker’s laptop screen. “Yeah we did.”

It wasn’t too long after middle school when Nate realized he wanted to be more than friends with Tucker. It dawned on him that his ‘crush’ on his friend had been going on for over 3 years. A part of him wanted to do something about it but the bigger part of him wanted to continue to keep it a secret. The last thing he wanted was to jeopardize his friendship with Tucker.