There Is No I In Love

Nate woke up with a pounding in his head. He felt like a brick had hit him, and all he wanted to do was go back to sleep. Nate very much regretted partying on a school night; and he regretted partying to begin with.

The teen became confused when he realized he was not in his bed, or even his house. He was at Tucker’s house, and he had no idea how he got there. He didn’t remember much about anything.

He rubbed his temples, sat up, and looked for Tucker.

All of a sudden he started to feel nervous. He thought Tucker went to school without him and just left him alone. But why would he do that? Nate knew Tucker, and he knew he would leave a note.

He became worried that Tucker’s dad found out and was pissed and did something horrible to Tucker. And then Nate felt crazy for thinking that way.

His fears were calmed when Tucker came into his room with a smile on his face. He was carrying a glass of water.

“Hey there party animal. How are you feeling?” He asked with a chuckle.

Nate sighed. “Head is killing me. I can’t remember anything, like at all.”

Tucker sat on his bed and handed his friend two pills and the cup of water.

“I figured you’d be hung-over. Take these and they’ll help with your headache. You had fun, you told me so. Maybe it will come back to you.”

Nate was going to get fake-angry at Tucker for making jokes but then it dawned on him that school had started over an hour ago, and Tucker wasn’t there.

“Thanks,” he said and swallowed the Advil’s. “Why didn’t you wake me up? You’re late for school. And you have a psych test today…”

Tucker took the glass from Nate and put it on his night table. “I’m not going to school. I would have failed that test anyway so I’m glad I saved myself the horror of actually taking it. Besides, I couldn‘t just leave you here all alone. Who would take care of you?”

Nate frowned. He felt like crap for causing all of this trouble. Tucker probably went through hell last night and had to deal with his stupid drunk self for hours. Nate always appreciated Tucker’s friendship but he really appreciated him at that moment.

But of course he couldn’t get all soft; Tucker hated that more than anything. Instead Nate decided to be funny.

“Never would expect you to be the nurturing type,” he laughed and bit his lip. “So I told you I had fun? What else did I tell you? Oh my god…what did I say? What did I do? This is so not cool to not know anything. I don’t remember blacking out; did I black out?”

Tucker held out his hands as if he were being attacked.

“Calm down, Nate. You didn’t do or say anything to me that you need to worry about. I wasn’t at the party so I can’t help you there, but I’m sure you were fine. I’m surprised you drank honestly, you barely even wanted to go. I’m proud of you though. Way to make the best of it.”

Nate was so frustrated at his lack of memory.

“I just remember saying no to a drink, and then I kept saying no and no and I got annoyed at people who kept offering me drinks so I just drank a beer. I guess 1 turned into 5 I don’t know. Actually I played that retarded flip-cup game. That’s all I remember though. I think it will come back to me unfortunately. I bet I made an ass out of myself. I was probably that drunk idiot that everyone hates,” he said, reaching over and taking another sip of water. “How did you get suckered into picking me up anyway?”

Tucker smiled and Nate tried his best not to melt. Nate couldn’t get enough of Tucker’s beautiful white teeth and lip rings shining at him; Tucker’s smile was one of his best features.

“Kiara called me and said you needed a ride, so I came and got you. You kept your seat belt on like a good boy and you didn’t throw up in my car. Don’t worry, I texted your mom from your phone telling her you were staying at my house. My dad doesn’t know you slept here, and my mom doesn’t care. So everything is fine.”

Nate breathed a sigh of relief. He was scared that Mr. Connolly would be angry.

“Thanks. I’m sorry for all of this. I shouldn’t have gone. I made you come out late on a school night, miss school, and risk getting in trouble all because I couldn’t control myself. I owe you big time, Tucker.”

Tucker shrugged. “Don’t apologize Nate, never say sorry for needing me. It’s perfectly fine. I was up anyway, needed a study break, and I was glad to get you. I’m happy that you had a good time.”

Nate felt his heart flutter, and he looked down at the bed sheets. “Are you sure that I didn’t say anything stupid? I feel like I would. Be honest please, I want to know. Maybe it will trigger other things that happened?”

Tucker didn’t have any intentions of telling Nate about what he said. It would make things awkward and he didn’t want that. But he also didn’t want to lie to his friend.

“Nothing really. I mean, you were pretty wrecked, sure. But you weren’t like sloppy or anything. I think you were just confused and disoriented.”

Nate slapped his forehead. “Oh god. Great. But what did I say?”

Tucker stood up and ran his fingers through his hair nonchalantly.

“You just said that you had fun. And you asked where you were going to sleep once we got here. I told you that you could have my bed and I’d sleep on the floor. You said thank you and that’s about it.”

Nate could tell that Tucker was leaving something out, but he could also tell that whatever it was, was bad enough to bother him. He didn’t want to press Tucker into telling him, but he really did want to know. He was hoping he’d regain his memory sometime soon, so he’d have an idea of what went down.

“Oh okay. That’s not so bad.” He said, and scooted around in Tucker’s bed. He realized he had to go to the bathroom, so he pulled the covers off of him. “I guess I don't remember undressing myself either.”

Tucker shook his head. “You didn't. I did. You passed out the second you laid down but I didn’t want you to sleep in your jeans. I know how uncomfortable that is. Do you know how hard it is to take pants off of dead weight?” He laughed. “Pretty damn hard.”

Nate prayed he wasn’t blushing. Sure, they had been friends for a while and they had seen each other in their boxers and swim trucks but for some reason it didn’t sit well with Nate. He wished that Tucker just left him to be uncomfortable.

The younger teen wondered if it made Tucker feel weird, or if Tucker didn’t really want to do it, or if he felt like he had to. Nate tried not to think about it too much, but the more he did, the worse it was. At the end of his thought process he came to the conclusion that he wanted so badly for that particular event to happen, that he was mad at himself for missing it.

Tucker noticed that Nate didn’t laugh at his joke, and that his facial expression looked off. He instantly felt terrible and started to freak out a bit.

“I’m so sorry, Nate. I just figured you wouldn’t want to sleep in tight jeans and I thought it was a good idea at the time and now I think I made the wrong choice. You probably feel violated I totally shouldn‘t have done that and-”

Nate cut him off. “No, stop, Tucker. I don’t feel that way, I just- it’s not something I expected you to do. I um. I need to use the bathroom I’ll…I’ll be right back.”

The brunette got up and left the room. He closed the bathroom door and slid down it, closing his eyes and shaking his head. His bladder could wait. He needed to calm down.