Confessions

Matt was standing at the window of his hotel room staring out. He could feel the eyes of his friend on his back. Turning Matt’s eyes met hers. She was sitting with the sheet around her clinging tightly to it. They both knew that their friendship was ruined. Matt watched as she ran a frustrated hand through her tousled red hair. Matt stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans that he had pulled on when he had rolled out of bed after they had woken from sleeping an hour after they had worn themselves out.

He could see that she was trembling, and that she was holding back tears. He hated knowing that he had put that scared, confused look on her face. They were only twenty four and she had come out to visit them on the road to celebrate her birthday. City of Evil had been out for three months and they had been out the night before and they had laughed together and now it seemed that there were no words to speak between them. Trembling she stood wrapping the sheet tightly around her and glanced around looking for her clothes. There was nothing that he could say as she stepped into the bathroom closing the door behind her. Thirty minutes later she stepped back out and without saying a word left.
----
Nevada sighed as she walked from the book store. She had to do the grocery shopping still before she stopped at Ford’s to pick up her daughter. She briefly wondered if Zack had stopped by Ford’s to see the woman. Then she remembered that Zack was out on tour and wouldn’t be paying his girlfriend a visit. Nevada tried to make sure that whenever she dropped Katy Rose Sanders at her friends that Zachary Baker wouldn’t be stopping by. Doing some quick thinking she realized that it would be easier to pick up Katy before going shopping.

After swinging by Ford’s, Nevada soon found herself at the store and telling Katy not to ask for everything, even though she knew that the child would. After all she was only five years old. Sighing Nevada carried the child into the store and placed her in the cart. Once that was done she pulled her grocery list out of her purse and was mentally deciding where to start. By the time she made it to the meat department she was debating on Chicken or Hamburger for dinner. She turned at the sound of his voice.

“Nevada?” He hadn’t seen her in almost six years. Not since that morning that they had woke up next to one another.

“M…Matt? What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on tour.” Nevada said stumbling over his name and knowing that there was no way to hide Katy from view.

“And how would you know that? Been…” But he stopped midsentence finally noticing the child in front of her in the cart.

“Hey Matt, man did you get those steaks yet?” Brian asked walking over to where Matt was standing at a loss for words. It was obvious that Brian hadn’t seen Nevada.

“Ford said that you guys wouldn’t be back for another month at least. It was…nice to see you Matt but I have to go.” She could feel the tears threatening to fall and she’d be damned if she cried in front of him. When she spoke it brought Brian’s attention to her. She quickly placed the chicken and hamburger in the cart moving away just as quickly. Without another word even though she had more shopping to do; headed for the checkout line.

Matt stood staring after her and Brian stood staring at Matt. He had never told any of them why Nevada had suddenly disappeared from their lives. Now it was coming clear. Something had happened between her and Matt. The two of them said nothing; they didn’t even hear Zack join them.

“What are you two doing? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” At the sound of Zack’s voice Matt turned as Nevada’s parting words hit him.

“Ford!” Matt said accusingly to Zack who just raised an eyebrow at him.

“What about her?” Zack asked smiling at his girlfriend’s name.

“Why didn’t you tell me that Nevada was still friends with her?”

“I didn’t know Matt. But she can be friends with whoever she wants. And how do you know that she’s still friends with Nevada?”

“Guys this is not the time or the place for this discussion. Let’s find Johnny and leave.” Brian said interfering in his friend’s conversation. The two men turned to Brian and then glanced around at the people that found them interesting enough to stop and listen to them. Matt sighed but he didn’t lose the murderous look in his eyes that he was currently aiming at Zack. They moved off quickly after picking out the steaks that they needed for their cook out. It was just to be the four of them and their girlfriends. Matt was no longer in the mood to cook out because that meant facing Ford.

Ford was the first to arrive at Brian’s but it was obvious that she was distracted by the texts that she was getting. She had gotten a call that morning stating that the guys were back early because Johnny had injured his arm. When she walked in the door without knocking it wasn’t Brian that greeted her, but Matt. And from the look on his face he had been watching for her. She quickly fired off one last text and slipped her phone in her back pocket.

“We need to talk.”

“Yeah we do, preferably before Gemma gets here.” Matt just stared at her. He had been expecting her to tell him that it wasn’t her place to say anything. So instead of arguing he followed her out back. Apparently it was to be a group discussion. Once everyone was paying attention Ford sighed and pulled out a photograph from the depths of her purse. She laid it in the center of the table that they were all sitting at.

“Looks like a picture of Nevada when she was little.” Brian said confusion clearly written on his face.

“At first glance. The eyes may if you look closely tell you different.” The guys all looked carefully at it now.

“Who is it?” Zack asked raising an eyebrow at his girlfriend.

“Her name…” At this point Ford looked directly at Matt who glanced her way briefly. “…is Katy. Katy Rose Sanders.” Matt’s eyes flashed with emotions when he looked back at the picture. He took it from Johnny. If you looked closely it truly was his eyes that stared back. He drifted back to the scene at the store and closed his eyes.

“She’d be about five now wouldn’t she?” Matt asked. Ford met his gaze and kept her eyes level with his and nodded.

“Wait that means…”

“Dammit!” Matt cursed. He was up and out of his seat in a heartbeat. “Why the hell didn’t she tell me?”

“Is this why she left?” Johnny asked. “Because you got her pregnant?”

“She left the morning after her twenty-fourth birthday. The morning after we woke up together.” Matt muttered and headed inside grabbing his keys.

“Where the hell are you going?”

“To clear my head.” Matt muttered in response to Ford’s question. He passed Gemma as he slammed the front door behind him. He said nothing to her. Gemma stopped and turned calling out to him.

“Where are you going?”

“For a drive.” He said angrily.

“Want me to come with you?”

“No!” Matt said harshly as he turned the key in the ignition. A moment later after skipping songs on the CD that was in Blow blasted from the system as he backed out of the driveway. Matt drove around for almost half an hour before parking at the park and getting out. He walked ten minutes into the trees to a clearing that they had all hung out at when they were younger. He hadn’t been here since just after Jimmy had died. Now he was back. He sat on the ground and leaned against the same tree that he had always leaned against when he had been younger. He could picture her leaning against the tree across from him in the small clearing and laughing. He thought he was imagining it when he heard her say his name. Until he heard it again.

“Matt?” Nevada said again walking into the clearing. He looked up and his eyes immediately latched onto her turquoise colored ones. He stood.

“What the hell do you want?”

“I thought that you may come here.”

“I asked a question.”

“I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t cover what I did, but it’s all I’ve got.”

“You obviously don’t care. For me or any of us at all. You didn’t tell me that we had a daughter! For god sakes you didn’t even have the decency to go to Jimmy’s funeral!”

“No I didn’t tell you about her, but you’re wrong about the other. I did attend Jimmy’s funeral. I just didn’t hang around. My parents will only watch Katy for short periods of time.”

“You should have brought her then we could’ve had this out two years ago!”

“And disrespect a good friend? A man that was more a brother to me than my own brothers? Trust me when I say Jimmy didn’t even want you to know about her!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Jimmy didn’t want you to know about my Katy. For Heaven’s sake Matt you didn’t even try to stop me from leaving that morning! You just stood there with your hands in your pockets and watched me leave.” The tears couldn’t be fought back this time and Matt moved forward. “No, don’t touch me!” It killed her to say that to him because she was still very much in love with him.

“Did you want me to stop you from leaving? Because the way you were acting said differently.”

“I…” Nevada thought back to her twenty-fourth birthday, well the morning after and sighed. “Yes” She said simply and sat on one of the boulders that was in the clearing. The one Jimmy had always sat on and said he was King of the Clearing. Neither one of them heard the footsteps walking towards them over fallen branches and leaves.

“’Vada…” Matt said helplessly then ran his hands frustratingly over his face. He didn’t know what to say to her.

“Who the fuck is she?” Matt winced and turned and saw not only Gemma but a frustrated Brian standing there. He knew that if they were there then the others weren’t very far behind. Matt glanced up and saw the rest of the group approaching, he hated being right. The look on Gemma’s face was one of pure hatred for a woman that she had only seen in pictures. The others stood there staring at Matt and Nevada so close together; obviously confused about the feelings that were currently flying between them in the unspoken words that passed in the looks on their faces. Brian sighed when Matt began speaking.

“Gemma, this is Nevada, Nevada, my…”

“I’m the girlfriend and you are?” Matt closed his eyes not so sure he wanted to hear what Nevada had to say.

“I’m the woman that’ll kick your ass if you don’t back the fuck up out of my face.” That’s when the others noticed that Gemma had advanced. When Matt moved to stand between them she shoved him aside as she jumped down off the boulder. Matt stared at her in surprise; as did Johnny, Zack, and Brian.

“Here we go!” Ford muttered and she moved forward to stand with her friend tossing an apologetic look at Zack as she stopped beside Nevada. Gemma reacted to Nevada’s move and slapped her across the face. Nevada raised an eyebrow at Matt.

“She’s one of those?” And the look on her face as she turned to walk away broke Matt in two.

“Go after her and I’m gone.” Gemma told Matt as he took a step to follow her. He didn’t even glance back at the blonde as she squeaked in protest as he moved from the clearing.

“Nevada wait!” They all heard Matt call. They hadn’t followed him so they didn’t see the tear streaked face of the redhead as she turned. “I’m sorry for what Gemma did.” Was the only thing that he could manage once she had turned. That hadn’t been what she wanted or expected to hear. She turned again saying nothing and once more started walking away from him. Matt all but growled and tossed his hands up in the air and strode after her.

“Dammit Nevada I wasn’t finished talking.” Matt said as he caught up with her at her car. He grabbed her arm and spun her around so that she was facing him.

“Well I am. Let go of me Matthew.”

“I want to see her.” Matt said losing his grip on her arm, but not releasing her.

“Let go of me Matthew!” At the murder in her voice he did let go.

“I…”

“I heard you the first time.” Nevada said as she got in the car and slammed the door while she started the engine. “I’ll think about it.” Was all she before she pulled away. Matt stood there and sighed as he watched her go. He knew that he shouldn’t have grabbed her like that; but it was too late to change what he had done.

“I’ll talk to her Matt.” When he turned Ford stood her ground even though the man looked murderous.

“Let her make up her own mind. I’m going home.”

“Don’t get too drunk.” Ford said quietly as he walked to his car.

Nevada sighed as she pulled up to her parent’s house. She had to wipe the tears from her eyes as she climbed from the car. Setting her shoulders and back straight she walked to the front door and without knocking walked into the house. She sighed and continued to pull herself together as she walked towards the family room at the back of the house. She found her parents there, but not her daughter.

“Where’s Katy?” Nevada demanded of her parents who were more interested in the movie on the television than in her presence.

“She’s with Dakota.” Maureen Nightingale told her daughter without taking her eyes off the screen.

“Are you fucking serious?” Nevada yelled. “What in the hell were you thinking giving my daughter to that psychotic bitch?”

“Watch how you talk about your sister.” Roger told his oldest.

“This is unfucking believable!” And Nevada stormed from the house as she pulled out her cell phone to call her evil twin sister. Dakota of course didn’t even answer the phone so she left her a message.

Where the fuck are you? You have Katy and you don’t even bother answering your phone! So help me God if you have her anywhere other than your house I am going to do more than contemplate murder!

When she hit the end button on her phone and threw it in the seat beside her, she took a few deep breaths before starting the car and pulling out of the driveway. Her day was already bad; and getting worse. She really didn’t have time to hunt down her sister in Long Beach and get back to Huntington Beach in time for work. Sighing she detoured to her apartment and ran in to quickly shower and change. Once she had on her black miniskirt and pale green tank she pulled on her knee high stiletto boots. Glancing in the mirror she ran her hands through her towel dried, still damp hair. It was as good as it was going to get. She had already called work and told them that she was probably going to be late. She was walking out the front door when she heard her name. She didn’t close the door all the way.

“Vada, finally I’ve been looking for you everywhere since mom and dad dumped Katy on me. I tried calling the apartment, your cell phone, and Ford’s. I fed her something to eat. It was McDonalds, but it was food. I didn’t think that you wanted me to take her out of Huntington. So we hung out at McDonalds and I let her play in the Play Place for a while.”

“Yeah, okay, when you get home ignore the message on your machine. I was being bitchy, I’ve had a long day.”

“And because of my past you don’t trust me with your daughter. I wouldn’t have even taken her if mom and dad had actually been watching her. She was out back unsupervised.”

“Damn them! Okay look you are my twin and were my best friend growing up.”

“You want me to keep her until you get off work?”

“Yeah, if you have to go out there is a spare key inside on the hook. I have to go so I’m not late. Let’s see if I can surprise Aidan and be early instead of late or barely on time for a change. Dakota nodded and watched her twin sister leave. She sighed and shoved her hands back through her own mane of thick red hair. Ever since she had gotten out of rehab three years prior she had let it grow and it was now almost to her ass. She let Katy lead the way inside and closed and locked the door behind her.

Matt didn’t know if he would be able to sit at home alone the rest of the night. He wanted to get drunk but it was too quiet in his house. Sighing he stood looked down at his clothes and went upstairs to shower and change.

Two hours later Nevada found herself sitting at the desk in the office taking a quick five minute break as music pumped through the building. She sighed when her five minutes were up and she walked out and grabbed her tray. She was halfway around the bar when their eyes met and the music changed. Fever played as they stood there watching one another.

Her eyes trailed down from his green eyes to his lips remembering just how they felt on hers. Her gaze lowered and she took in his black button down shirt and dark blue jeans and back up. She had to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat at the sight of him.

As she looked him over he let his gaze wonder from her eyes to her lips; which were currently void of any color. He took in the green tank top, her name tag, the tray in her hands. When he saw the tiny skirt and boots he wanted to hate her for the hot ball of lust that had formed in the pit of his stomach. He quickly contemplated his choices and sat at the bar instead of at the last lonely one person table in the corner.

“What’ll it be?” Aidan the bartender and shift manager asked. He had all but felt the heat radiating between Nevada and the man now sitting in front of him.

“Whiskey, make it a double…” Matt muttered as Nevada moved up beside him and placed her orders after Aidan had sat the drink in front of him.

“What in the hell are you doing here?”

“Getting ready to get drunk. You?”

“Working. Dammit couldn’t you get drunk somewhere else?” She demanded as she walked away with her orders.

“I see you know our Nevada.”

“She was mine once… for a night; but if I had been so stupid I would still have her.

“’Vada doesn’t date. She doesn’t have one night stands either.” Aidan said; obviously he didn’t believe Matt. Matt was sitting so he could watch the room; watch her.

“Because of Katy?” Matt asked as he contemplated his third shot and watched as Nevada worked the room.

“You know about Katy?” Aidan asked obviously impressed. Matt only nodded and tossed the shot back. Aidan let him be after that. Towards one AM Nevada glanced at the bar and noticed that he was still there. She sighed. The bar was slowly emptying seeing as they closed in an hour. There were three other waitresses already cleaning up when Nevada walked to the bar.

“How many has he had?” Aidan glanced at Matt who was staring at the beer he had just gotten.

“That’s his fourth beer. But I can’t tell you how many double’s he’s had. I’m gonna call him a cab.”

“Don’t. I’ll get him home. At least as far as his parents place. It’s close to mine.”

“How do you know him ‘Vada?” Nevada smiled at Aidan.

“An old friend. One I walked away from six years ago.” Then turning as that settled with her friend yelled across the half full room to another waitress. “Yo’ Jenny I’m outta here. I have some things to deal with, besides I was early for once.” Then she took the purse that Aidan handed her and walked toward Matt. She took the beer from him, judged it half full and placed it to her lips finishing it for him. She set the empty bottle on the bar and looked at Matt who was staring at her.

“C’mon I’ll give you a lift. You’re drunk and you’ve had a long; hard day.” Matt stood and at no surprise to Nevada staggered a little. “Lean on me… there ya go. One foot in front of the other.” It took about ten minutes but she finally got him to her car and poured him into the passenger seat. In Twenty minutes she found herself sighing at a stoplight and thinking Where in the bloody hell am I taking him? The ride had been silent and she jumped when he spoke.

“Home! Please dear God! Go Left.” That shocked her. He didn’t live far from her. That much was made clear as she paid attention to the street signs. When she pulled into his drive he all but fell out of the car. Closing her eyes and asking for strength she got out of the car and took his keys before he fell on them. She got him to lean on her again and helped him to the door. She prayed to God that no one was watching this. She unlocked the door after a moment of fumbling with the keys to find the right one. She felt around for a light switch and flicked it on. There was no way in hell she was helping him up the stairs, they’d both end up hurt. She led him through an entryway and into what looked to be the living room.

When Matt was seated on the couch she went in search of a blanket and pillow. She obviously got the right room once she was upstairs. Grabbing a pillow and the comforter off the bed she turned and started to move from the room. A picture on the dresser by the door caught her eye. It was the only picture in the room she noticed after she glanced around the room to check. It was of her and Matt in New York. Why in the hell would the man have that picture there instead of one of him and his girlfriend. On her way back downstairs she noticed that there were no pictures of the blonde from earlier anywhere to be found.

When she got back downstairs Matt was laying on the couch. She lifted his head and placed the pillow under it. He was already falling asleep. At least he had managed to kick his shoes off. She covered him with the comforter and was walking from the room to find a pen and paper to leave him a note. He reached out and gently took her hand as she passed him and barely managed her name.

“What Matt?”

“Can you stay?” He slowly moved to sit up; because moving quickly made him dizzy.

“That’s not a good idea.” But he had already pulled her down on the couch beside him. “Matt, I have to… go… get…” He cut her off as he pressed his lips gently to hers. She didn’t try to struggle; only kissed him back. Matt pulled back and looked into those Turquoise eyes that haunted his dreams for the past six years. She bit her lower lip.

“I don’t want you to leave.” He murmured a moment later against her ear. Those words she had been waiting six years to hear him say.

“We can’t…you’re…”

“Just let me hold you.” Was all he said and lay back down pulling her with him. He covered them both up but a moment later she sat back up and took her boots off, then lay back down and let herself be wrapped up in him. She knew it was wrong; she knew she should go home. But if only for one night she would let the man she loved hold her.

When Nevada woke up the next morning she was pressed tightly against Matt. She closed her eyes and realized that she wanted to cry. Carefully she moved from his embrace and grabbed her boots. She could feel the silent tears falling down her face. She had to leave. Carefully not to wake him she grabbed her keys and walked from the room. She detoured looking for the kitchen and found pen and paper to leave him a short note.

Meet me at Confessions tonight. I’ll bring Katy to you there. – Nevada Nikole Nightingale

She slipped out of the house and out to her car. She felt like shit leaving without saying good-bye. Once outside she blinked away the tears that were falling and tossed her boots in the passenger seat before climbing in between the wheel and starting the engine. She pulled out of the driveway. She was parking in her spot at her apartment complex when she realized it was the third of June; payday and three days until her daughters fifth birthday.

Dakota was asleep on the couch when Nevada walked in the door. Leaving her twin to sleep she went to check on Katy. The child was still asleep. Nevada sighed and went back out to the living room and woke her sister. She realized that she probably should’ve changed out of her skirt at least. Dakota glanced at the clock noticing that it read eight AM. She looked at Nevada as she sat up and her sister sat in the single chair across the room.

“You’ve been crying.” Was all Dakota said.

“He showed up at Confessions last night. Obviously he didn’t expect to see me there. He got wasted. I gave him a lift home.” Dakota didn’t need to ask who she was talking about.

“Did you sleep with him?” Nevada just cried harder.

“We didn’t have sex. I was still stupid. Not that it matters but he has a girlfriend. So I shouldn’t have stayed anyways. Oh god, oh god, oh god! What am I supposed to do ‘Kota I’m in love with him!” Dakota sighed and stood drawing her twin up out of the chair and into her arms. Neither sister heard Katy walk into the room.

“Mommy? Aunt ‘Kota?” The twins pulled apart and both looked toward the young red head. “Is everything okay?” Nevada sighed and picked the five year old up.

“You want to get some breakfast?”

“Yeah!” Katy said happily. Her mom hardly got breakfast or any food out.

“Let mommy change, ‘Kota you can borrow some clothes. I have to pick up my check before we do anything though.”

“Alright, go get dressed Katy.” Dakota told her niece. Katy took off down the hall to her room and you could hear her opening drawers to find something to wear.

Twenty minutes later the trio of red heads was out the door. The oldest her turquoise eyes usually bright got behind the wheel. The middle one identical in every way except for her clear midnight blue eyes helped the youngest green eyed little girl into the car before she got in the passenger side herself. The car ride to Confessions was silent.

Nevada walked in and straight to the bar where Donavan the day manager sat with a pile of envelopes in front of him. Five other employees were waiting for their checks. She saw Aidan and smiled at him as she joined him in line.

“Your friend get home okay last night?”

“Huh? Oh…” She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “Yeah managed to pour him onto his couch before going home.” Inside she was begging him to drop the conversation.

“That’s good. So how’s Katy doing?”

“She’s out in the car if you wanna say hi before you leave.” Nevada said absently as Charles and Troy walked away from them now that they had their checks. She glanced up to see that Jewel was in front of Aidan and groaning as Barbie opened her check and started bitching. Donavan rolled his eyes.

“Move your ass or it will be your last check from here.” Everyone turned straightening at the voice that had spoken. Nevada was the only one that hadn’t turned because the boss walked in. She turned because of who the boss was. The bar had only recently changed owners. She had been aware of the change but had yet to meet the new owner. Swallowing she prayed to god that he didn’t recognize her. She watched as he walked to Donavan and asked for someone’s check. He shrugged and handed it over. The next thing that she knew he was speaking to her directly.

“Nevada, can you come into the office for a moment please.” She closed her eyes, sighed once and then nodded. Before she took a step she turned to Aidan.

“Tell Katy and ‘Kota I’ll be out when I’m done.”

“Okay” no one said anything as she walked towards the office. But those that were already there and had their checks sat at the bar. Once inside he motioned for her to close the door. They stood in silence for a moment before he sat.

“Why don’t you sit?”

“I’d rather stand.” Nevada said through clinched teeth.

“No need to get testy.”

“With all due respect sir, I have things I need to get done today before I come into work.”

“Then we’ll make this quick. Brian called…”

“I don’t give a damn what you and your son talked about! Can I have my check now please?”

“You’ll hear me out!”

“No I won’t! I have reasons for what I did. If it’s going to be a problem; me working here, then I’ll take my check and you won’t see me again. I’m sure Jewel or Troy will cover my shift until you find a replacement.”

“Is that how you intend to deal with the situation?”

“It’s none of your god damned business. It’s between me and Matt. Not me and the band. My check if you please Mr. Haner. Brian Haner Sr. handed Nevada her check and she turned toward the door. “I already planned on dealing with personal business. I’d catch Jewel before she leaves if I was you. Otherwise you won’t reach her until tomorrow.” And with that Nevada left the room. Jewel, Barbie, Aidan, and Donavan, along with a few others were staring. They had obviously heard her yell. She said nothing as she walked to the doors. She didn’t look back as she walked to her car. She glanced at her twin sister as she opened the passenger side door and handed her the keys. Dakota got out of the car and walked around the hood of the car and got in behind the wheel starting the engine. She closed the car door and pulled out of the parking lot and glanced at her sister who hadn’t even looked at the building since she had walked out of it, and saw the tears falling down her face.

“’Vada?” Dakota asked quietly.

“Bank. I need to deposit my check.” Nevada managed through her tears. Dakota only nodded. Thirty minutes later once they had left the bank Dakota spoke.

“Where am I going?”

“We’re taking a trip to LA. I need to speak with Grandma and Grandpa. I’m going to call Ford and have her meet us there.” She glanced at Katy in the backseat. “Stop at McDonalds I’ll get you and Katy breakfast.”

“I’ll pay.” Dakota said quietly.

It was going on seven thirty in the evening when Matt pulled back into Confessions parking lot. He had called Zack when he had gotten up and had him take him to get his car. When Matt got out he looked around and didn’t see Nevada’s car anywhere. He sighed and went inside deciding he would ask what time she would be in. He looked around and noticed that the same guy was behind the bar. He walked over.

“What time is Nevada supposed to be in?”

“She won’t be.”

“Why not?”

“She quit this morning. You wanna know why ask your friends father.” Aidan said jerking his head toward the office. He had done his research after Nevada left. Aidan watched as Matt made his way around the bar and walked into the office. Brian Sr. looked up when he entered.

“Matt, what are you doing here?”

“Why’d she quit?”

“Her choice.” Matt shut the door and crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. It was obvious that the man knew something otherwise he would’ve asked who he was talking about.

“What’d you say to make her quit?” The hardness in his voice had the other man looking at him in surprise.

“I didn’t get a chance to say a damned thing to her.”

“What did you start to say that pissed her off.”

“I just told her Brian…”

“It’s none of your god damned business! It’s between me and her. The guys are not involved in everything. Yes it involves them because the outcome could but shouldn’t affect the band, but it’s my fucking problem!” Matt yelled before slamming out of the room. He was halfway to the exit when Aidan caught up with him.

“Here” was all he said and handed him a piece of paper before walking away. He had heard everything that had transpired in the office. Matt looked down at the folded piece of paper and unfolded it. He turned his head and nodded to the other man before passing through the exit and taking out his cell phone and dialing the number on the piece of paper.

Hey you’ve reached Nevada, sorry I can’t answer my phone right now. If you want me to call you back leave a message.

Hey Nevada, it’s Matt. I’m at Confessions but you’re not. I already know why. Give me a call and let me know what’s going on.

Matt hung up his phone after leaving the message and his number and glanced behind him at the bar. He was going to have a few choice words to say to Brian. Dialing Brian’s number he got in his car and started it. Brian of course didn’t answer his phone.

You’ve reached my voicemail, leave a message I might call you back.

Matt waited for the beep.

You stupid mother fucking asshole call me back or I’m coming over there and beating the living hell out of your dumbass!

Matt hit end and tossed his phone in the seat beside him. He needed a place to thing. Some place quiet. He could go home but that made him even angrier than he was at the moment. He briefly thought about going to Nevada’s parent’s house, but knew that they didn’t really get along so she probably wasn’t there. He highly doubted that she still lived in the same one bedroom apartment that she had six years ago so going to her place was a bust. And he knew that she didn’t talk to her twin; not like he knew where to find her anyway. He could always ask Ford. He stopped at a stoplight and grabbed his phone and dialed her number.

Ford was sitting on the couch in the living room of Wyatt and Candice Nightingale when her phone went off. She grabbed it as Buried Alive played.

This is now your life
Strike you from the light
This is now your life
Die buried alive

Nevada raised an eyebrow as Ford answered her phone.

“Matt what do you want?” Nevada’s eyes widened.

‘Oh shit!” Nevada whispered quietly. “I knew I forgot something.” She held out her hand for the phone. Ford held up a finger.

“Matt hang on she’s right here. I’m handing her the phone now.”

“Matt I’m sorry I forgot. A lot of shit happened this morning and I wasn’t thinking when we drove to LA.”

“We…?”

“Me, ‘Kota, and Katy. I needed to talk to my grandparents.”

“Oh well I left a message for you. I still want to see Katy and figure this out.”

“Left me a message? How’d you get my number?” Nevada asked cutting him off.

“Aidan gave it to me after I blew up at Bri’s dad.”

“Yeah look I’m gonna be in LA for a few days at my grandparents’ house. Can we discuss this when I get back? Please?”

“Sure if I’m not in jail for murdering Syn.”

“Matt don’t… don’t do anything stupid. Katy’s really excited to finally meet her daddy.”

“Really?” She could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll try not to murder him.” And with that Matt and Nevada hung up at the same time. Ford looked at her and just shook her head and headed up to the third floor of the huge house that her grandparents owned. She had always slept on the third floor. She passed Dakota on the stairs and asked her to put Katy to bed at nine. When she got upstairs she fell on the bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

Matt sat at the park in his car debating on going to face Brian. He wanted to but he wasn’t sure that he should in the mood that he was in. Sighing Matt started the car and left the park heading home. He growled as he slammed out of his car once there.

“What are you doing here?” Matt said glaring at the blonde.

“I thought we could talk…”

“No, I have enough problems to deal with right now and you’re the one that broke up with me. I was getting tired of you anyway. So do us both a favor and leave. Make sure you don’t come back!” Gemma stared at him but after a moment she turned and left. Matt unlocked the front door and then slammed it shut and re locked it. He tossed his keys on the entrance table and kicked his shoes off and walked into the living room crashing on the couch. Closing his eyes he tried to think; but he could only think of her. Sighing he rolled to face the back of the couch and attempted to sleep.

“Nevada, wake up.” Candice Nightingale told her granddaughter as she opened the curtains in the room to the morning sun. Nevada glanced at the clock on the bedside table.

“Grandma it’s seven AM!”

“Yes, and you have a visitor. Downstairs, Katy and your sister are still sleeping. So is Ford.”

“Wake Katy…”

“After. Now go!” Candice had a smile on her face as Nevada sighed and walked down the hall and headed downstairs. She passed her grandfather on the stairs.

“Kitchen.” Was all Wyatt said to her. She nodded sleepily and made her way into the huge room. She however stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Matt standing there leaning against the island counter holding a mug of coffee. He offered it to her and she took it. She closed her eyes in relief and praise as she took the first glorious sip. She looked at him and he pulled out a stool for her to sit on as he walked around the island and leaned on the top of it so that he was facing her.

“You come all the way out here to give me my morning cup of coffee?” Nevada asked as she moved forward toward the stool and sat.

“No I drove all the way out here to… Dakota?” Matt said trialing off when he saw Nevada’s twin. Nevada turned and raised an eyebrow at her sister.

“I smelled the coffee, I’m just gonna take mine outside.” Dakota said and managed to get a mug and make her coffee in less than three minutes.

“Is she sober?” Matt asked before he could stop himself. Nevada choked on the sip of coffee that she had just taken as she tried not to laugh.

“Three and a half years on Katy’s birthday.”

“Wow, she looks better these days.”

“More responsible; holding a job; stays away from alcohol unless it’s unavoidable. Do you really want to discuss my sister?”

“No…Nevada there’s no easy way to say this…” Nevada’s face paled.

“You don’t want anything to do with Katy…”

“No, I want everything to do with Katy. Nevada, I love you. As in I’m in love with you, not the I love you because you’re my friend kind of love.”

“You can’t love me!” Nevada said panicking and almost falling off the stool as she moved off of it.

“Why not?”

“Because… because you… you have a girl…”

“She broke up with me when I followed you out of that clearing. I never loved her. I couldn’t. She wasn’t you.” With each word he moved closer to her. She held out an arm so he wouldn’t move any closer to her but he just took her hand and pulled her to him. Nevada found herself in front of Matt with one of his arms around her waist and his eyes fixed on hers.

“Matt…” but he cut her off as he lowered his lips to hers. She was shocked, but when she got over the shock her lips parted as her arms moved to snake around his neck. Matt pulled her closer so that he could hold her tighter and deepened the kiss. About three minutes later he pulled back from the kiss.

I love you.

“Then why the hell am I not allowed to love you?” Matt asked not letting go of her and still managing to look down into her eyes.

“Did I say that out loud or can you read minds now?”

“You said it out loud.”

“Oh” Nevada bit her lip but the fact that she wasn’t trying to pull away from him was a good sign. She found herself smiling as she removed her arms from around his neck and managed to take one of his hands and head towards the stairs.

“Where are we going?”

“To give Katy the one thing she’s wanted every year for her birthday two days early.” Nevada said and lead him up the stairs not letting go of his hand.

“Her birthday’s June sixth?”

“Yeah.”

“You mean she was born exactly one year after City of Evil was released?”

“Mhmm, now hush.”

“Fine” he muttered as they entered the room that Katy was in.

“Katy, wake up baby doll.” Nevada said sitting on the edge of the bed. The soon to be five year old stirred.

“Mommy?” she asked groggily.

“Yeah, c’mon kiddo wake up and…” but as Katy opened her eyes and looked around her eyes landed on Matt. She tossed the sheets aside and jumped from the bed.

“Daddy!” She squealed and launched herself at Matt who caught her as she leaped at him. She buried her head in his shoulder and clung to him. Nevada smiled as Matt held their daughter close. He held out a hand and Nevada moved to him. Matt his arm around her and rested his head against Katy’s as he held them both.

“Hey, what’s with Katy? She sounded like her birthday…” Ford walked into the room and stopped midsentence.
“Well, damn, her birthday did come early.” Nevada peeked around Matt at her best friend. Nevada and Ford shared a smile. Ford turned and was about to leave the room when Wyatt stepped in.

“Are you staying for breakfast Matt?” Before he could answer Nevada spoke.

“Of course he is Grandpa.”

“If I remember correctly nobody cooks better than Candice Nightingale.” Matt said as the five of them headed towards the kitchen.

“Daddy sit next to me.” Katy exclaimed. Matt smiled and did as she asked. Nevada watched as Katy talked animatedly to Matt. Her heart felt like it was mending and she felt like the world was going to be okay now. Dakota walked in and sniffed the air.

“I smell French toast.”

“My favorite.” Katy told her dad. Dakota and Nevada shared a smile.

“Oh before I forget. Where is her party at this year?” Candice asked turning from the stove.

“The park in Huntington.” Ford said before Nevada could answer. Vada raised her eyebrow at her friend and Ford just smiled.

“So what’s the plan for today?” Wyatt asked. Matt looked at Nevada before he spoke.

“Dakota do you think that you could watch Katy for a few hours? Nevada and I have to talk to my parents. And deal with… The Brian’s.” Dakota glanced at Nevada who said nothing just waited for her to answer.

“Uhm… sure but I have to go to work at four today. I only work until ten tonight. I switched with someone at work.”

“Okay you can watch her at my apartment, so you don’t have to drive all the way to Long Beach and back to Huntington to work.”

“Great.”

“You can borrow my car. I’ll ride with Matt.”

Thirty minutes later Ford was following them out the door and promising not to tell anyone what was going on. Nevada slid into the passenger seat of Matt’s car at the same time that he slipped in behind the wheel. He leaned over and placed a quick kiss to her lips making her smile.

“”Let’s go tell my parents.”

“Okay.” And once they hit the highway Matt took Nevada’s hand in his; lacing their fingers together. Nevada turned and looked out the window so that he wouldn’t see the look of sheer happiness on her face. An hour later they were pulling into his parent’s driveway. His dad was sitting on the porch drinking coffee and eating a doughnut. He looked up as Matt got out of the car.

“Figured you would make it over to let us know that you were back early. How’s Johnny holding up?” Gary obviously hadn’t seen Nevada.

“He’s fine, nothing serious. We’ll be back on the road by the twentieth.”

“Of this month? That’s good to…Nevada?”

“Hi Mr. Sanders.” She replied greeting him cheerfully. This at the moment wasn’t hard to pull off seeing as Matt was holding her hand and had told her that he loved her that morning. She leaned her head on Matt’s arm.

“Where’s mom at?” Matt asked.

“She went in to get more coffee…” Gary trailed off as Kim walked out with her coffee.

“Oh hi Matt, Nevada. Would either of you like a dough…” Matt watched as his mother set her coffee down and slowly turned back to look at them.

“No thanks; we had breakfast already.” Matt said easily.

“Would someone like to tell me what in the hell is going on?” Kim demanded. She didn’t exactly look happy to see Nevada.

“Don’t look at me. I have no idea.” Gary said defensively.

“Mom, you may want to sit down.” Matt said gently and Kim sat waiting expectantly to be told why the woman that broke her son to pieces was now standing beside him.

“Mrs…Kim, this, well what I’m about to say may piss you off, well will piss you off, but it has to be…”

“You tore him apart! When you just disappeared. It damned near killed my son! And now you stand here and tell me; no have the nerve to say what you’re about to say will piss me off!”

“Mom, just listen.” Kim glanced at her son, then glared at Nevada but stayed silent.

“First of all, I did what I did because I didn’t know Matt loved me. I did it because I thought all that we would ever be was friends and that he would never love me like I love him.”

“So what you thought you’d tease him with one night and then disappear?”

“I didn’t! He only had to ask Ford or Jimmy where I was! I stayed away from him because…”

“It’s okay Vada, just say it.” Matt said tightening his hold on her.

“I stayed away from him because of the baby.”

“The baby!?” Kim exclaimed. Nevada nodded. The tears were starting to fall now.

“Oh god I know now that it was stupid but I didn’t want to hurt Katy.”

“Katy…you had a girl?” Kim asked. Her voice and attitude softened almost immediately toward Nevada.

“Katy Rose…Sanders. My little angel. She’s with my sister right now.”

“I want to see her.” Kim said, Gary nodded in agreement.

“Okay well…”

“After we finishing talking, there’s more.” Matt said interrupting Nevada.

“More?” Gary asked, his eyebrow raising.

“Yeah, we’re getting married.” Matt squeezed Nevada’s hand as he spoke so that she wouldn’t argue.

“What? When?”

“Saturday.” Nevada said pulling a day out of thin air and praying to god he was serious. Matt turned his head and grinned down at her. She squeezed his hand and then moved forward. “I know I would appreciate it, but Katy would love it if you were at the park on Monday for her birthday party.” Suddenly Kim was crying and pulling Nevada into her arms. Nevada let the woman hold her for a minute and they all turned when Matt’s phone went off.

I’m alive!
Sick of the pain, I’m sick of the sorrow
Sick of today, I’m sick of tomorrow
I’m addicted to this misery in my head
I better stop before I end up dead

Matt glared at the phone that he pulled out of his pocket.

“What Haner?” Matt growled.

“What was with the hostel message?”

“Oh like you don’t know! You talked to your dad.”

“So talking to my dad isn’t a crime.”

“You told him what was going on with Nevada.” Matt accused and had three people raising eyebrows at him.

“No I told Suzy. Because I needed someone to talk to. She promised that she wouldn’t tell dad.”

“Then how does he know?”

“I don’t know. It’s just this all made me think about Julianne and the baby, and how they died when…”

“Oh god Bri… I didn’t think about that.”

“Matt is he okay?” Nevada asked resting a hand on her fiancés arm.

“Was that…?” Brian started to ask.

“Yeah, hey man I’m sorry, we’ll be over later. We’re at my parents now.”

“Okay. Hey wait. How’d you know dad knew anything about it anyways?”

“Confessions.”

“That club or bar or whatever that he bought?”

“Yeah, until yesterday morning Nevada worked there. She quit.”

“I’ll talk to him. Hey you know we should really try that cookout thing again.”

“We’ll talk about it. See you later Brian.”

When Brian hung up the phone he found himself staring out the front window. As cars drove past he found his thoughts wondering back to Juli and the baby that she had lost only hours before she had lost her own life. The pain came back easily rearing its ugly head. They had only been married six months. She had been five months pregnant.

Brian walked off stage in Las Vegas happy. In only a matter of hours he would be home. Julianne would be in his arms and they’d just hold one another and talk about the baby. Brian couldn’t wait to be a father. He had been excited when she had told him that she was pregnant. Once he was back in the locker room he pulled his cell phone out fully intending to call his wife. His phone however after he flipped it open showed that he had thirty missed calls. Most of them from his father, several others were from Juli’s parents. He was about to dial his father’s number when his phone rang again.

“Dad what’s up? I just walked off stage.”

“Bri… it’s Juli.”

“What about her?” Brian asked smiling at the sound of his wife’s name.

“She…oh god!”

“Dad, what’s going on?” Suddenly he was panicked.

“She was in a car accident. She was hit by a drunk driver. Brian it’s bad.” He hung up his phone and started throwing everything in his duffel bag. Grabbing it he quickly bolted for the door. Matt watched as Brian moved and wondered what was wrong.
Five hours later Brian was walking into the hospital and Juli’s parents as well as his own moved towards him. The pain written on all of their faces had him fighting back tears.

“Julianne?” He could barely choke out his wife’s name.

“She’s… they don’t think that she’s gonna make it.” Mary Casey told her son in law. Tears streamed down her face as she clung to her husband.

“She lost the baby and she’s lost too much blood. Too much, there are internal injuries and…”

“Suzy, stop please.” Brian begged. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way in hell that he was losing his wife. The only woman that he had ever loved. They all looked up when a doctor walked to them.

“She’s asking for her husband, I don’t think that…”

“If she wants to see me then let her! If I’m going to lose my wife at least let me say good-bye dammit!” Mary rested a hand on his shoulder but he ignored it and followed the doctor who was apparently used to dealing with people in situations like this. When Brian walked into the room he felt his heart begin to break into millions of tiny pieces.

“Juli…”

“Bri…” Her voice was so low, so quiet. He walked to the side of the bed and laid a hand over hers.

“Oh god… Juli.” And Brian felt the tears that he had been fighting spill over. “Please you can’t leave me.”

“Promise me…” Her voice was shaky as she spoke, “promise me that you’ll never forget…forget me. You’ll move on and find some…someone else.”

“No… Juli you’re gonna make it through this. You have to I need you.”

“Promise me Brian?” Juli said gasping out as her breathing became labored.

“I promise. Juli please don’t let go.”

“I love you Brian.” Juli said in barely a whisper and her hand went limp beneath his and as her eyes closed. Brian wasn’t ashamed as the tears fell hard, hot, and fast down his face.

“I love you Julianne Renee Haner.” Brian whispered as he watched her lay there lifeless. He looked up feeling eyes on him. He found himself staring at his four band mates; no his four closest friends.

Turning from the window Brian ran his thumb over his empty ring finger. He missed her something awful. And it was coming back hard and fast with Nevada walking back into their lives with a child. A child that Matt had fathered. Brian knew of one way to get this pushed back from the front of his mind but he didn’t think getting smashed would do it this time. He had kept his first promise to Juli, but not his second. He knew that he would never forget her, but he was beginning to think that it was time to move on.

Nevada was laughing as Matt pulled into the Haners driveway. Matt noted that Brian’s SUV was there. He sighed. He had on the way started to explain about Juli, but apparently Ford had kept her appraised. Syn was stepping out onto the porch when they got out of the car. Nevada smiled at him and he hugged her.

“Good to see your smiling face Vada, but why you’re with the likes of him I’ll never know.” Brian said causing Matt to laugh and Nevada to smirk.

“Could it be because I love him?” At that Matt grinned. Oh yeah she was his. There was no denying it. “So can we come in Syn or are you gonna make us stand here the rest of the day?”

“I supposed you could come in.” He replied; her happiness was contagious, because he found himself smiling at her. He lead the way into the kitchen where he and his parents had been talking. Brian raised an eyebrow at his son before looking at Nevada and speaking.

“Didn’t expect to see you here in my kitchen.”

“Cut the shit.”

“Matt.” Nevada touched his arm gently and he pulled back on his temper just a little.

“You had no right to confront Nevada like that. It was and still is none of your business.”

“I want to know how he knew.” Syn said leaning against the counter beside the stove.

“Suzy…” Brian said.

“I did not tell you.”

“No, I know that. I overheard you and Brian.”

“And that gave you the right to take matters into your own hands? I had plans to deal with the situation.” This time it was Matt placing a hand on Nevada’s arm as the woman turned murderous.

“I can see that.” The older Haner said sarcastically. Nevada wanted to slap him.

“Not that my relationship; whatever it may be with Matt is any of your business but we’re not letting opportunity pass us by. We’re getting married.”

“What?” Suzy and Brian exclaimed at the same time Syn said;

“When?”

Nevada turned to look at him as Matt took her hand. “Next Saturday.” And the smile that graced Nevada’s face had Matt pulling her against him tightly and wrapping an arm around her keeping her anchored to his side.

“Oh yeah, Syn, be at the park Monday at what time honey?” Matt asked his fiancé?”

“Noon.”

“For?” Syn asked.

“Katy’s birthday.” Nevada said as she and Matt headed out the door. Syn shook his head and tried not to laugh. The two of them had always been crazy about one another.

The next few days went by and Katy was excited because her daddy was going to be at her birthday party. She also knew that her mommy and daddy had been spending a lot of time together and she had been hanging out with her Aunt ‘Kota. When Katy woke up the morning of her fifth birthday she was disorientated for a moment. She forgot where she was. Because she wasn’t in her own bed in her and mommy’s apartment. Then she remembered. They had spent the night at her daddy’s. Smiling Katy got up out of bed and looked around. Her dress that she had been allowed to pick out because her great grandma had said she was allowed to when they went to the store was draped across the back of the chair in the room. Smiling Katy dashed out of the room and went to find her mommy and daddy. She found them downstairs in the kitchen.

“Mommy!” Katy cried happily, because she was always happy on her birthday, and to her this was her best birthday ever. Nevada turned from the stove and smiled at the child that ran to her in her care bear pajamas. After hugging her mom she turned to her dad who had turned from the counter and the coffee he was pouring. “Daddy!” And she launched herself at him as well. Matt smiled and hugged her, after swinging her around in a circle as she giggled hysterically.

“Happy birthday Katy.” He said to her and she pulled back from the hug and looked at his face.

“It’s the best birthday ever.” She said as her mother walked over to them. And her dad wrapped an arm around her mom and held them both.