Can You Keep a Secret

It was taking every ounce of effort in me to stay mad at Eric. He was pushing me, too. He knew exactly what he was doing. I wasn't going to give in, though. No way. Not this time. 

"So, at practice today-"

"I don't care."

Eric stared at me blankly. He wasn't used to me cutting him off so rudely. I took another bite of my cereal. 

"As I was saying," he began again. 

"I really don't care, Eric." I added a glare for emphasis. 

Eric stopped completely again. He suddenly reached over and grabbed my side. I smacked his hand as hard as I could. His hand retreated while he scowled. "Leave me alone!"

Eric finally stood up and left the living room. Good. He was getting my point. My phone began to vibrate in my pocket to signal a new text message. As I pulled my phone out, I recognized my brother's name on the screen. 

"Why are you being a bitch tonight?"

I deleted the message. "Real mature, Eric. Grow up."

As I left the living room to take my cereal bowl to the kitchen, I passed him. He was standing next to out kitchen table, just watching me. 

"Why are you so pissy?"

"Why do you think?" I snapped. 

He scoffed. "Fuck's sake, I was rude to your little friend. So what? Grow up, Ricky. Not everyone gets along in this world," he yelled at me. 

I pointed my finger directly at him. "You were being a pompous jerk to him! He didn't deserve that and neither did I!"

"I didn't do anything to you-"

"You acted like some jack ass to one of my few friends at work! How do you think that affects me? Do you have something against me creating new friendships?" I screamed at him. I never knew I could be this frustrated with him. I had never been this way with Eric. We never fought. Ray and I used to, but Eric always was the one in the middle. He solved a lot of our fights.

"If it's a guy, of course I do! Are you mental?" he yelled back. 

"Why does it matter what gender they are?" I scoffed at him. 

His face was a bright red. I had never seen so much fight in him, off the ice of course. I had never seen such anger from him directed at me, either. 

"Why the hell do you think it would matter? Do you think I ever want to get a phone call saying some guy beat the shit out of you and you were hospitalized again? Do you really think I want to see such a small woman's body mangled and beaten, laying on a hospital bed like a ghost again? Do you think I would enjoy that? Do you think I want to relive seeing someone so close to me in such a state?" he yelled. He was only a foot away from me when he finished his rant. If his words hadn't gotten to me, his expression and tone of voice would have. 

I bit my lip, my anger dwindling faster than ever. "Thank you for bringing that up. Great low blow there, Eric. You really know how to win fights," I whispered. 

Without another word, I headed to my bathroom. I brushed my teeth, threw my hair up into a pony tail, and washed my face. I only wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep away everything. 

I wrapped myself up tightly in my blankets, wishing I could just hide. I didn't want to relive those memories. They were fresh in my mind again as if everything had only happened yesterday. I could see the look in my brother's eyes when he saw that I was awake. I could see the pain and unhappiness. 

My eyes snapped shut. Don't think about it. It doesn't do you any good to dwell on it all again. 

I wasn't sure how long I laid in my bed, fighting off my memories. All I knew was that my alarm clock read 10:11 when my door was slowly pushed open. 

"Shrimp?"

I didn't respond. My heart sank at the sound of his voice. I could remember all the anger in it from before. 

His footsteps were heavy as he walked into my room. My bed sank when he sat down on the side of it. I kept my backup him. I didn't care if he knew I was still awake. I didn't want to talk to him anymore for the night. 

"Shrimp..." He stopped his sentence short. "I'm sorry, Ricky."

Silence.

"Come on, I know you're awake. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up. I know you've done so well at putting it behind you thus far and I was an ass and brought it up again. I feel terrible."

Silence. 

"I'm still always scared that someone will hurt you again. All of us are. Ray might have calmed down a bit, but he still gets uncomfortable when you go out on a date with any guys. He's scared someone will hurt you again and maybe take it too far next time. He's only scared that he'll lose the only family he has."

I didn't respond for a long minute. "I've never been on a date," I finally whispered. 

"What?" he responded in confusion. 

"I've never actually been in a date with a guy. We've hung out and gone to a club maybe, but I've never had an actual date."

"He's scared either way. I am, too."

"Why can't you relax about it, too? You aren't even my brother," I mumbled. 

"Shrimp, you're just... I have to take care of you. I have to be sure you're safe. I can't let something so bad happen to you again... It's painful to even think about." His words were careful and measured. His voice was barely audible. 

I rolled over so that my head was resting against his thigh. It wasn't a comfortable pillow, but I'd slept on worse before. His hand went to my hair. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I'll give him a chance, but I'm still not okay with him."

"Just one chance."

"Love you, Shrimp."

"Love you, too, Eric."

"Now move your face so I can lay down," he instructed lightly as he nudged my head. 

I laughed softly before laying straight. Eric stretched out across my bed; his feet hung over the edge. "We peanut butter?" he questioned, holding his hand up between our faces. 

"And jelly," I finished with a smile. My hand landed lightly in his larger one. He laced our fingers together before squeezing my hand. He returned my smile easily. 

"Told you so."

I rolled my eyes before trying to push him off my bed. "Fuck off," I muttered. He chuckled at my weak attempt.