Can You Keep a Secret
Chapter Twenty-Six
"I miss when you say good morning, when it's midnight!"
"Going out of my head alone in this bed!"
"Quand je m'endor, tu te reveilles."
"Et je compte les j'en perde le sommeil!"
"And my heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged!"
"Heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged!"
"Heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged... So jet lagged."
"Eric, why don't we always have sing a longs when we drive?" I questioned happily.
Eric laughed. "Because we both suck at singing, Shrimp."
"No, we don't! We are amazing," I contradicted.
He chuckled, but didn't respond. We had two days to make it up to New York in my car. A week ago, we'd shipped everything up and Lindsey picked it up for me. She had been helping me a lot with the transition. She was helped me find an apartment, was going with me to pick out some cheap furniture at Ikea, and was holding my boxes until I got up north.
Eric's team would be playing the Rangers two days after his last practice, so Eric decided he would just drive up with me. I was glad to have company. It made me feel more confident about moving. I still just wanted to go back to Raleigh and curl up on Eric's couch, but I knew I couldn't do that. Not anymore.
So far, we were about half way there and nearing lunch time on our second day of driving. "You ready to live on your own again?" I asked teasingly.
Eric grimaced. "No," he stated bluntly. "What am I supposed to do now? Watch movies by myself, make my own meals, and clean my own house?"
I laughed. "You'll be a big boy and figure it out," I told him.
He scoffed at me. "Big boy? Rick, I'm 27 years old."
I snorted. "Yeah... About time you start acting like that."
He reached over and pulled a chunk of hair out of my pony tail. "Shut up. I just meant that I would miss you a lot," he stated.
"I'm going to miss you, too, Eric. It's going to be weird not seeing your happy face every day."
"We'll talk on the phone, right?" he asked.
I nodded. "I'll call after your games," I promised.
He smiled. "Good. Let me know how your first day up here went," he told me.
I nodded. I was a little scared to leave, honestly. I was scared to lose contact with him. I was scared he wouldn't want to keep contact and that he would move on to his other friends. I was scared that I would be forgotten.
This could be the last time we truly bonded and had a good time together.
I looked over at Eric. The sun was making his blonde hair practically light up. His skin was relatively pale, but still had a ting of a summer's tan to it. His blue eyes were focused. His lips were in a line, showing his concentration. I just wanted to curl up by his side and never let him leave.
"What? Do I have something on my face?" he asked carefully. His eyes flickered over to mine.
I shook my head. I directed my vision out to the town we were driving through.
"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.
I didn't know if I wanted to respond. I felt stupid for thinking any it. If Eric cared about someone, he stayed in contact. He didn't let distance ruin his friendships.
The word tasted weird. It felt... Almost dissatisfying. Like it wasn't enough. Like it wasn't the right word.
"Something bugging you?" he asked.
I could tell he had been prepared for me to get like this at some point. It was the logical thing to be. It made sense that at some point... Things would hit me; I would realize what I was leaving behind.
"Ricky?"
"Are we going to drift apart after I move?" I blurted out.
He grimaced. "No. We're going to stay in touch," he told me.
I looked out the window. "But are we going to stay as close as we are? Or are we just going to move on and find someone else replace one another?"
"I'm not going to replace you. You can't be replace, Rick." His tone was a little angry.
"But how do you know that for sure? Doesn't it have to happen eventually? I mean, I won't be as close to you forever. One day you'll find a girl that you're in love with and she'll be there. I guess this was a pointless question. It has to happen eventu-"
"Just stop! I'm not going to replace you. You've always been a big person in my life. You weren't just some chick who stayed in my guest room for a few months. Damn it, Rebecca. Can you not handle distant friendships or something? Can you just not accept that one day, if I marry some woman, you're still going to be a close friend?" Eric snapped. The moment my full name left his mouth, I could tell he was pissed.
I sat in silence, not responding or even planning on responding. I would always be scared to lose Eric in my life. His words put me at peace a little, but I still wouldn't ever be comfortable.
Eric sighed. "There's a Subway and a few other places up ahead. What do you want?" he asked.
"Nothing," I replied softly.
I could feel his eyes on the side of my face. "You've got to be hungry. We haven't-"
"I'm fine," I cut him off. I had lost my appetite.
He sighed again before driving through a Taco Bell for himself.
"Going out of my head alone in this bed!"
"Quand je m'endor, tu te reveilles."
"Et je compte les j'en perde le sommeil!"
"And my heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged!"
"Heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged!"
"Heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged... So jet lagged."
"Eric, why don't we always have sing a longs when we drive?" I questioned happily.
Eric laughed. "Because we both suck at singing, Shrimp."
"No, we don't! We are amazing," I contradicted.
He chuckled, but didn't respond. We had two days to make it up to New York in my car. A week ago, we'd shipped everything up and Lindsey picked it up for me. She had been helping me a lot with the transition. She was helped me find an apartment, was going with me to pick out some cheap furniture at Ikea, and was holding my boxes until I got up north.
Eric's team would be playing the Rangers two days after his last practice, so Eric decided he would just drive up with me. I was glad to have company. It made me feel more confident about moving. I still just wanted to go back to Raleigh and curl up on Eric's couch, but I knew I couldn't do that. Not anymore.
So far, we were about half way there and nearing lunch time on our second day of driving. "You ready to live on your own again?" I asked teasingly.
Eric grimaced. "No," he stated bluntly. "What am I supposed to do now? Watch movies by myself, make my own meals, and clean my own house?"
I laughed. "You'll be a big boy and figure it out," I told him.
He scoffed at me. "Big boy? Rick, I'm 27 years old."
I snorted. "Yeah... About time you start acting like that."
He reached over and pulled a chunk of hair out of my pony tail. "Shut up. I just meant that I would miss you a lot," he stated.
"I'm going to miss you, too, Eric. It's going to be weird not seeing your happy face every day."
"We'll talk on the phone, right?" he asked.
I nodded. "I'll call after your games," I promised.
He smiled. "Good. Let me know how your first day up here went," he told me.
I nodded. I was a little scared to leave, honestly. I was scared to lose contact with him. I was scared he wouldn't want to keep contact and that he would move on to his other friends. I was scared that I would be forgotten.
This could be the last time we truly bonded and had a good time together.
I looked over at Eric. The sun was making his blonde hair practically light up. His skin was relatively pale, but still had a ting of a summer's tan to it. His blue eyes were focused. His lips were in a line, showing his concentration. I just wanted to curl up by his side and never let him leave.
"What? Do I have something on my face?" he asked carefully. His eyes flickered over to mine.
I shook my head. I directed my vision out to the town we were driving through.
"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.
I didn't know if I wanted to respond. I felt stupid for thinking any it. If Eric cared about someone, he stayed in contact. He didn't let distance ruin his friendships.
The word tasted weird. It felt... Almost dissatisfying. Like it wasn't enough. Like it wasn't the right word.
"Something bugging you?" he asked.
I could tell he had been prepared for me to get like this at some point. It was the logical thing to be. It made sense that at some point... Things would hit me; I would realize what I was leaving behind.
"Ricky?"
"Are we going to drift apart after I move?" I blurted out.
He grimaced. "No. We're going to stay in touch," he told me.
I looked out the window. "But are we going to stay as close as we are? Or are we just going to move on and find someone else replace one another?"
"I'm not going to replace you. You can't be replace, Rick." His tone was a little angry.
"But how do you know that for sure? Doesn't it have to happen eventually? I mean, I won't be as close to you forever. One day you'll find a girl that you're in love with and she'll be there. I guess this was a pointless question. It has to happen eventu-"
"Just stop! I'm not going to replace you. You've always been a big person in my life. You weren't just some chick who stayed in my guest room for a few months. Damn it, Rebecca. Can you not handle distant friendships or something? Can you just not accept that one day, if I marry some woman, you're still going to be a close friend?" Eric snapped. The moment my full name left his mouth, I could tell he was pissed.
I sat in silence, not responding or even planning on responding. I would always be scared to lose Eric in my life. His words put me at peace a little, but I still wouldn't ever be comfortable.
Eric sighed. "There's a Subway and a few other places up ahead. What do you want?" he asked.
"Nothing," I replied softly.
I could feel his eyes on the side of my face. "You've got to be hungry. We haven't-"
"I'm fine," I cut him off. I had lost my appetite.
He sighed again before driving through a Taco Bell for himself.