Listen to Me

These past few weeks had been terrible for me. I was lost in almost all of my classes, but I had a bunch of tests coming up. All my friends wanted to do was hang out and party, which I didn't have time for, but I really can't stand being cooped up in the dorm room any longer. Mindlessly staring at my text books is causing my brain to melt.

Actually, my eyes haven't been completely glued to my studies...

I can't help but stare at Rory sometimes. He's so strange. Like, today I invited Rory to hang out with some of my friends because so far he's only met two other people here. My friend Larry had his electric guitar, and Rory seemed so fascinated by it. I don't know if it's because he was home-schooled, or because he's never dealt with musical instruments, but he was being too weird, the way he stared at it and gently touched it, like it might break or something.

"Dude, it's just a guitar." Larry chuckled. "Wanna play it?"
Rory just stared at him. I laughed nervously and turned to Larry. "He can't hear. He's deaf."
"Oh, I said do you wanna play-" I stopped him from speaking louder.
"Larry, he can't hear anything. I said he was deaf."
"Oh, seriously? My bad, man. But it looks like he wants to try it."
I rolled my eyes. "What's the point in him playing it if he can't even hear-"

A few bad plucks of the guitar strings resounded, calling attention to him. The whole group watching him softly pulling strings. But the weird thing was, he wasn't completely terrible.

After a few minutes of just strumming the guitar, he handed it back to Larry and smiled. I just stared at him, my jaw agape.

He was like a little kid, curious but not greedy. Larry smiled and ruffled his hair, which Rory frowned at. Then Larry got more aggressive, bringing Rory into a headlock and giving him a full on noogie. The group laughed before Larry let him go.

"Aw, I'm just messing with ya." He grinned at Rory. He was pouting, but he didn't do anything but look down at his feet.

"Don't do that to him." I told him.
"Why not?" Larry asked, fiddling at his guitar.
"He doesn't like it."
"How do you know? He didn't say anything."
I glared at him. "Because it was obvious that he didn't like it. Just look at his face."

Rory was watching me with wide eyes now. I wondered if he understood that I was arguing with my friend, but even I wasn't sure where all this anger came from.

"Alright, chill. It's not like I hit him or anything."
"Since when did you become his bodyguard, Jason?" Some girl teased me.

I didn't think it was a big deal to tell Larry to knock it off. I mean, it was obvious Rory didn't like people messing with him, and he's not gonna do anything himself to make them stop. Somebody's gotta look after him. I mean, he's so short and tiny, I feel like I would have to carry him everywhere to make sure he doesn't get hurt. He just seems so vulnerable. And I know it's not exactly my job to look after him - I guess it's really on his cousin Jonathon - but I feel protective of him.

Rory just stared at me now. I don't even know why I brought him along. It's not like he can talk to anybody. I've been trying to learn some sign language to make it easier to communicate, but I'm terrible at it. I think my hands are dyslexic or something. I wonder where the hell Jonathon is, anyway. I don't really like him, but he translates for me and Rory.

Larry had started to play some riffs on his guitar and the group became glued to him. Rory just stood there, a bit interested in watching but not really invested in it. I tapped him on the shoulder and he looked up at me.

"Wanna go somewhere?"

He still stared at me. I sighed and took out my phone and started typing a message. I showed it to him. He read it, but still seemed confused.

"What?"

He took the phone from me and started typing. 'Why do you want to hang out with me?'

I thought that was the stupidest question. I invited him to hang out, didn't I? Besides, it's not like I didn't like him. Sure, he was a bit annoying sometimes, and I'm still not comfortable with him knowing that I'm gay, but he's a nice kid and I just wanna spend some time with him. Why is he so confused by that?

"Because I like you? Why'd you ask me that?"
He watched me, then began typing a new message. 'I know you don't like me very much.'
"What? That's not true."
He typed again. 'You always fight with your friends when I'm around. I don't like coming between you and them. And I know you're still mad at me about finding out your secret. It's okay if you don't like me - you don't have to fake it.'

I couldn't believe this. Of course I liked him. We had a bit of trouble before, but we're getting better now. That's why I wanted to hang out with him - to get to know him and get closer. I want to be friends with him. Or maybe something more

I just smiled at him. He chewed his lip - god I wish he would stop doing that, it's too cute.

All of the sudden, I had an urge to give him a piggy-back ride. I dunno why, maybe it was because he looked so cute and child-like.

I carefully picked him up and stood him on the bench. He looked down at me, scared. I just turned so my back was facing him and I backed up so his hands were brushing against my back. He still didn't get it, so I reached back and gently pulled him onto my back. His legs clenched, squeezing my sides to hold on. His arms scrambled around my neck, and I waited to make sure he was okay, giving him the option of getting off if he wanted. When he didn't move, I tucked my arms back to hold onto his legs and I walked around a bit.

He wasn't very heavy - couldn't have weight more than my last girlfriend, who was about Rory's height too. But he definitely had something my ex-girlfriend didn't have, and it was firmly pressed against my back, which I tried my best to ignore. I already knew having Rory in close proximity of me was a bad idea - I couldn't control the thoughts that were running through my head. So far, I knew I was kind of attracted to Rory's body, but I wasn't going to act on it. I wasn't even going to acknowledge it.

I was able to carry him across campus to the Cafe. I bent down to set him back on his feet, and I noticed he had a big smile on his face now. I smiled too and opened the door for him. Is it wrong that I stared at the way his hips swayed as he walked by? I shook my head and followed him to a table.

I handed a menu to him, but he shook his head.

"Aren't you hungry?"

He shook his head again. That was weird. Earlier, we went with the gang to get burgers, and he didn't order anything then either.

"Are you a vegetarian or something? A vegan? 'Cause they do have some stuff here you could eat... I think. I can call a waitress."

He shook his rapidly, punching the buttons on the cell phone.

'I don't like to eat in front of people.'

I looked at him, watching the blush rise to his cheeks.

"Why not? I eat like a pig, and I'm happy with that."

He raised an eyebrow at me, but I had already stood up and went to the counter. I bought a latter and plate of cookies. There were even two pink pig-shaped shortbread cookies, which reminded me of the piggy back ride I gave him.

I set the plate down on the table. He smiled, and his hand instantly reached for the pig cookies... at the same time I did. Our fingertips brushed, and I felt like a total idiot for jerking my hand away so suddenly, but it was a reflex. I didn't like the way I felt whenever Rory was touching me, how it feels like there's a giant ball bouncing around in my stomach and up my throat, and my hands tingle with warmth. I had never felt this with a girl before, and I don't want to feel it now, whatever it was.

I waited for him to take a cookie, but he was typing a message on my phone again. He handed it to me before grabbing the pig cookie on top.

'I just don't like eating in front of people b/c I always feel like people stare at me, like some zoo animal. I don't like how people stare at my mouth like it's broken just b/c I don't use it to talk.'

He was nibbling on the pig's left ear. I shrugged and handed him back the phone. I didn't care how he looked when he ate. I can't imagine why people would treat him like that. He's just a human being, like anyone else.

Which reminded me, about the guitar, how he was so fascinated by it. I tapped his shoulder, taking his attention away from his half-eaten cookie.

"So... have you ever heard... music before?"
He shook his head.
"Oh. Earlier, it seemed like you knew what you were doing when you held Larry's guitar." He nodded. "Have you ever played before?"
He started to shake his head, but then he pulled out the phone again: 'I've never played guitar, but Jonathon has when we were little. Except he had an acoustic guitar. I had never seen an electric one up close.'
I nodded. But then a worried look crossed over his face.
He typed: 'Oh god, I didn't look stupid in front of your friends, did I? I just wanted to try to do what Jon did before.'
I shook my head. "Why do you always think so low of yourself? You weren't stupid. It was just confusing because I knew you couldn't hear anything, but you acted like you kinda knew what you were doing."
He smiled and typed: 'I've just been watching Jon all these years. But I'm much better at drums... I think.'
I laughed, but then I stared at him. "You play drums?" He nodded. "But how, with the whole..." I trailed off, not wanting to seem insensitive.
'I don't really know if I'm any good,' he typed. 'When we were kids, me, Jon, and my other cousin Ashley had a band. I'm sure we were terrible - we were only in fourth grade, and my parents made me quit, but Jon still plays.'
"You never tried to play after your parents stopped you?"
He shrugged and typed: 'Sometimes I try to mimic a drummer's hand movements on a concert or music Youtube video.'
"Really?"
'It's not that hard. It's just more hand movements at different tempos.'

He handed me the phone, and I noticed his body was shaking. A small sound came out of his mouth - he was laughing. It wasn't much, but it was enough to get stuck in my head for the rest of my life.

I smiled. "What's so funny?"
He bit his lip. 'That's what she said' the phone read before he started up giggling again.
I thought back to his last sentence and laughed. He wasn't as innocent as I thought.