Listen to Me

I wandered around campus, subconsciously in search of Jon. I rarely saw my cousin anymore. He had become a social butterfly at Dakrem U, and I was still a late bloomer in the friend department. My roommate just turned out to be an asshole, and the only perspective friends I do have would be the kids in my American Sign Language class. The teacher expects me to practically teach the class with her, but I hate being put in the spotlight. I just wanted to be able to communicate with someone.

I found Jon on the field with the rest of the lacrosse team. I watched them laugh and gently shove each other and slap each other on their uniform-covered backs. Jon looked so happy, he was right at home there. I felt like an outsider, intruding on this image of brotherly love. But before I could turn around and leave them, Jon spotted me and started waving his arms for me to come over. I smiled and shook my head, but he still jogged over to where I was. He was sweaty and out of breath but had a wide grin that could barely fit his face.

"Where have you been?" He signed.
"I could ask you the same question," I replied. "I do not see you any more."
He frowned. "I am sorry..." he paused, probably trying to come up with an excuse for why he was so busy. In the end, he just shrugged and sighed and said "I am sorry" again.
"You made friends."
He looked back at the lacrosse team, still joking around like before. "Yes I have. What about you?"

Jason crossed my mind again. I visibly winced, which Jon noticed. "Can we talk?" I asked him.

He nodded and plopped down to sit on the grass. He patted the spot next to him. I rolled my eyes but sat next to him anyway. (If I get grass stains on my jeans, I'm gonna be really pissed.)

He watched me patiently. He always let me explain things first. He would stop talking in the middle of a sentence if he saw I had something to say. I didn't feel babied when he did this though, I felt... important. Respected. I wish it still had the same affect.

I knew I had a lot to tell him, so I took out the notepad and pen that I had to carry with me everywhere and started writing.

"My roommate teased me."

I showed it to him. His eyes widened, and I could already tell he was getting angry. He nodded his head for me to continue. I kept writing.

"Last night, he got drunk and I took him home. We went to bed. Then he woke me up. He called my name and muttered things - I thought he was still drunk or sleepy. He climbed on top of me in my bed and kept talking to me... 'Rory, wake up. Rory, come play with me. Dance with me. I am bored.' He was being stupid so I ignored him at first, but he was laying right on top of me. I told him I would play with him if he got up, so he rolled off the bed onto the floor, and then he bounced up and took me by the hand and spun me around the room like we were dancing. I do not know why he did it. He danced with me at the party too, but I just felt so stupid because I could not hear anything. I thought he was mocking me. I told him I did not want to dance anymore, but he would not let me go until he spun me too fast and I fell down... I left then."

Jon was sympathetic. He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. I tried not to cry again. I know I could always cry in front of him, but whenever I did cry, it just made my head hurt. He rubbed my back and held me close. We broke apart.

"Do you want me to punish him?" He signed.
I laughed and shook my head. "Do not fight him," I signed.
"But he hurt you."
I looked down at the grass. Everyone hurts me.
I shook my head and said, "Just talk to him please."
He nodded one last time before getting up. I thought he was heading back over to his teammates, but instead he was headed in the direction of my dorm.

Damn it, this can't be good. Jon may not look like it, but when he's angry, he's extremely dangerous. He doesn't like to show his emotions, which makes it even more surprising when he suddenly lashes out at someone. He's strong and protective and clearly pissed... and I just let him go beat up my roommate.

Scrambling to get up, I raced after him.

He got to my dorm before I did. I was short - my legs couldn't move that fast. I was puffing in the doorway, staring up at Jon and Jason. Jon had already punched him - Jason's lip was bleeding. Jason seemed more worried about me than his lip though. He turned to me, his face full of regret.

"I didn't know what happened." He said to me. "I thought I was dreaming."
"What?" I signed.
"I knew I was dancing with you, but I thought I was just dreaming. I didn't know I was really dancing... I didn't really know what was going on, but you have to know that I wasn't making fun of you. I don't know... I don't why I acted so stupid - but honestly... I was having fun... dancing with you."

I stared at him. He wasn't making much sense, I mean I could read his lips fairly well, but he just wasn't explaining himself well enough.

"You're not making any sense." Jon said exactly what I was thinking.
"I know, I know." He sighed. He stepped closer to me, and I nearly stepped back by instinct but I stopped myself.

He spoke up again. "Rory, I really am sorry for what happened. I'm sorry if I made you mad or uncomfortable. I can't explain what came over me, what made me want to dance with you. I felt like I was still dancing with you from the party... but even then I knew you might not be comfortable dancing. I'm such a dumb-ass. I'm not sensitive to... to how you do things. I don't know how to hang out with you. I've never been around a deaf person before. I don't wanna alienate you, but there's a lot of things I do with my friends that won't really work with you."

He was apologizing. I know he meant what he said, but it still didn't have much meaning to me. He was only trying to be friends because he felt sorry for me. Everyone I ever met felt sorry for me, some didn't even want to be around me. I was an alien - there's nothing anyone can do about it.

I nodded and accepted his apology. There wasn't much else I could do - he was sorry, and even though I didn't like what he said, I knew I'd hear a speech like for the rest of my life. Jason was my roommate and I really didn't want to suffer through this year with hostility between us.

He looked relieved. He didn't feel guilty. People love it when they don't have to feel sorry for others. They love having the weight lifted from their shoulders.