Listen to Me

I went to grab a can of pop from the mini-fridge, and the only can left had one of Rory's Post-its on it, asking the same damn question he asked before: "Are you gay?"

I rolled my eyes, snatched the note off and tossed it in the trash, and took a swig from the can.

Rory didn't let up with this though. The next day, I saw a Post-it on my textbook on my bed. He watched me crumple up the note and leave it on the floor. I glared right at him before I left for the library.

He left more notes - in my bed, in my backpack, in my fucking sneakers!

My bud Rick and I were walking back to my dorm after playing an intense game of basketball.

"I'm telling you, man. Tasha was checking me out." HE said, tossing the ball in the air.
"Tasha has a boyfriend."
"Who clearly doesn't know how to satisfy her."
I stopped in front of my door. "So, because some girl watched you lose so badly it was funny, you think she wants to have sex with you."
"Hey, my game is good on and off the court." He tossed the ball back in the air, but I smacked it away before he could catch it. He glared at me before running down the hall to catch the ball. I laughed as I opened the door to my room, but the smile instantly left my face.

Rory had covered my side of the room in Post-its, all of them asking THE SAME. FUCKING. QUESTION.

I slammed the door closed just as Rick walked up to me. He shot me a confused look and I tried to play it off as cool as possible.

"Uh, let's go grab something to eat."
"I thought we were gonna chill in your room."
"My room's a mess."
"Like I give a shit. I bet my room's worse."
"My roommate's in there... cleaning. A-And he'll be pissed if we mess anything up."
He raised an eyebrow. "You're living with a neat freak? Sucks for you." He shrugged and walked away. I let out a huge sigh.

I AM GOING TO KILL RORY.

"Hey, you coming? I thought we were gonna get food?" Rick called to me from the end of the hall.
"Yeah just a sec. Let me grab my wallet."

I ran into the room and quickly snatched down as many notes as I could. They rained down to the floor in a mess of neon colors, and I kicked piles of them under my bed. I tossed my sheets and dirty laundry over most of them and ran out, nearly knocking down Rick.

"Dude, what's your rush?"
"Didn't want you to leave." I grinned.
He stared at me. "So, where's your wallet?"
"Oh, uh, I had it with me the whole time."
He shook his head and walked down the hall. "You're losing it, dude!"
I groaned and took off after him.

**

I nearly ripped the door off the hinges when I came back to my dorm. Rory was sitting on his bed staring at one of the Post-its. I snatched it from his hands and ripped it up into pieces. The bright flakes fell into his hair, and when he looked up at me, he looked like a sad kid waiting for his punishment. I pulled him up off his feet and grabbed him by his t-shirt, knocking most of the Post-it pieces on the floor.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DEAL, MAN?!" I yelled at him. He winced and chewed on his lip which would be so cute if I didn't want to pummel him right now.

I sighed and set him back down on his feet. He stumbled back and nearly fell on his bed but he caught himself. He started to speak in sign language, but stopped when he remembered I wouldn't understand him. He dug around and picked up a Post-it and wrote on the back of it: "Sorry."

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't forgiving the fucker. He almost outed me! And Rick was a fucking big mouth - who knows how fast the school would've found out.

I knew if I didn't tell Rory what he wanted to hear, he would never leave me alone. I sighed, ran a hand through my hair and looked him in the eyes.

"Yes," I nodded. "I'm gay, alright? Are you happy? You were right all along."
He didn't react.
"What, that's it? You spend the past few days making my life hell just so you can prove you're right and now you act like you don't even give a shit?"
He just stared at me.
I shook my head. "You're such a dick."

I went to the bathroom, slamming the door closed. I turned on the shower and let the water just run into the tub. I locked the door before sliding down to the floor. I bit my lip hard and ran my hands through my hair. I didn't think it would be so obvious, after hiding my sexuality for so long. I hit my head against the wall, trying to ignore the tears pressing against my eyes.

Rory and I have never been very good at liking each other, but especially now, I can't even stand him. He's driving me nuts. I understand that he's deaf and must not have had many friends, but he sucks at being social. It's like he has no idea how to be sensitive of other people's feelings, but he gets easily offended. I just can't deal with him anymore!

I know there weren't any rooms open when the school year first started, but maybe something's opened up by now. I don't care if one of us has to live in the basement - I am not going to be roommates with him anymore.

**

"Are you sure there aren't any rooms open?" I asked the woman for the hundredth time.
She narrowed her eyes at me. "I'm sorry, but there are currently no rooms available. I suggest you wait until the end of the semester to check again."

I left the housing office before she could smack me for annoying her.

I couldn't be stuck with Rory for the rest of the semester. I might kill him first.

I went back to the dorm. Rory was sitting on his bed with his cousin Jon. They both looked at me. Jon looked at his cousin and signed something to him. I rolled my eyes and turned to leave when Jon jumped up and grabbed my arm.

"Wait, Rory has something he wants to say to you."
"Like I care."
I opened the door but he gripped my arm tighter. I shrugged out of his grip and glared at him. "Look, I don't care what your stupid cousin has to say to me. I've had enough of him. All I tried to do was be his friend, but he's not holding up his end, and I'm sick of living with a guy who can't even function with normal people!"
Jon grabbed my arm and dragged me into the hallway. He closed the door before blowing up at me.
"You dumbfuck! He can read lips! What if he understood everything you just said about him?!"
"He knows I'm sick of him!"
"Not that, you said he wasn't normal!"
"Well he's not. I get that he can't talk to people, but he acts like a total alien. Does he really not know how to deal with people?!"
"No, he doesn't. His parents practically had him on house arrest his whole life. He was home-schooled, and the neighborhood kids wouldn't play with him. I was his only friend, and I've been defending him from assholes like you ever since he was born. He just started to make friends who can barely communicate with him because they only know the basics of sign language.

To him, he probably does think of himself as an alien. Do you even know what it's like to live your whole life caged up because people won't understand you? Do you know what it's like to be surrounded by people who don't know how to talk to you and won't even take the time to learn? He's not used to being around anyone other than family, so maybe you're right - he isn't normal. He is an alien. But the way I see it, acknowledging that he's there by humoring the little notes he writes is not good enough to call yourself a friend. Have you ever wondered what he really has to say, how he feels? You can't condense your thoughts onto a single Post-it, but he has to. Most people don't even take the time to read what he has to say. It's not easy for him to make friends because nobody gives a fuck about talking to the deaf kid.

And I bet you think you're so great because you don't make fun of him. You don't ignore him. You invited him to a party - so what? Did you introduce him to anybody? Do you invite him to play sports with you? Have you even bothered to learn a single word in sign language? He has to try so much harder, and you're fed up because it's too much work for you to be friends with him.

I know he can be intense sometimes, but when you have to work so hard to get someone's attention and say what you have to say in a language that's not native to you, you're not gonna waste time beating around the bush. All he wants to do is get along. But you won't even take the time to talk to him. So you know what, I don't want to hear your bullshit. I don't care if you don't like him. I don't care if you do move out. But you are gonna march back in there and hear what he has to say to you, right now. It's the least you could do."

"I... I..." I gave in and went back in the room.

Jon went over to Rory. They signed for a minute before looking back at me. Rory's hands started moving fast - even if I did know sign language, I don't think I would be able to follow him. Jon started translating:

"I am so so so sorry that I offended you. I did not mean to hurt your feelings or annoy you. I only want to grow closer to you as friends. I know you are mad at me, and that is understood. I went too far. I should have let you come out at your own pace. I should not have pushed you. I know how frustrating it can be to talk and not talk. There are some things that cannot be shared, even if you want them to be. I swear to you that I will work on my social skills. I do not want to scare away any more people. If you want to move out, I understand. I promise not to say anything. It is not like I could anyway. Again, I am so sorry. I ruined everything."

Rory's hands stopped moving and now he was staring at me expectantly. What could I say? Jon was right - I hadn't tried hard enough to be friends with Rory. And yeah, he did get on my nerves sometimes, but I never really hung out with him to know what he's like. Part of this was my fault. I still didn't want to forgive him for trying to shove me out of the closet - that was not okay. But since I'm stuck with him anyway, I should try to get to know him better.

"You didn't ruin anything. I wasn't trying hard enough to be your friend, and I know that's all you were trying to do. But I don't want to bond over my sexuality. I've barely accepted that I'm gay and I don't want anyone to know," I looked at Jon, but he was busy translating it all to sign language for Rory. "Look, we're gonna be living together for a while. We might as well get along, right?"

Jon finished and Rory looked at me. He nodded, but I still felt like crap. I looked at Jon. "I don't... I don't know what to... can you... can you just tell him that I'm sorry for being such an ass and that I do want to be friends with him, and that I'm not mad at him anymore, but he's gotta find other things to talk to me about."

Jon signed to him. Rory smiled and turned to me. I just nodded. He jumped and attacked me with a hug. I was surprised at first, but I ended up hugging him back. He's too cute not to hug him.

"Okay, so we're cool now?" I asked. He looked at Jon, who signed for him, and Rory nodded. His skinny arms were still wrapped around my chest, and I felt his warm breath through my shirt. I didn't have the heart to tell him to get off of me. I'm not even big on hugs, but something just felt right about this...

No. I already know where my mind is going and that's a big NO. We're barely friends, and I'm not thinking about dating anyone. We probably shouldn't hug a lot.