Easier Said Than Done

On Monday, I walked into school, butterflies in my stomach. The fact that I had to get through the day without talking to Sam was going to be hard. After all, he was in a couple of my classes, so there was a bit of awkwardness.

Biting my lip, I walked into class and took my seat. In my peripheral vision, I saw Sam take his seat, but I made a point of not glancing at him, not even for a second. Instead, I took a pencil out of my bag and tapped it repeatedly against my notebook, waiting impatiently for our teacher to come into the room so we could take notes or do something else that would take my mind off the fact that I could feel the mounting awkwardness in the room.

“Hi,” Sam greeted.

Slowly, I turned toward him, cocking an eyebrow. “Um, hey,” I responded, trying to disguise my surprise, but not doing such a very good job.

“I just want you to know that I’m not mad. I mean, I’m not anymore. I should have known that you weren’t over Puck and all that. I think I did, but I was just trying to convince myself that I was making it up.” His face colored slightly as he ran a hand through his hair. “I kind of do that stuff a lot.”

I let out a sigh of relief and turned toward him, putting one hand on the back of my chair. “I’m glad you’re not angry at me. Friends?”

Sticking out my hand, I waited for him to take it. When he did, we shook. “So does that mean you chose Puck?” Sam questioned.

Wow. Way to make the situation extremely uncomfortable. “I haven’t decided yet,” I informed him, sitting up a little straighter. “I’m just…I’m going to work on me, and let everything fall into place later. So you’re not necessarily out of the running. I’m just…I’m not going to over-think it or make myself come to a decision.” That sounded mature, right?

Sam nodded. “Seems fair.”

“And I have a song to sing at Glee Club today about it.”

“Oh, do you? What Bruce Springsteen song did you find about it?”

I just grinned at him as the door slammed closed. “Alright, stop talking and get out your notebooks.”

* * *

I was the first one in Glee Club, which was kind of awkward. Sitting down in a seat, I crossed my legs and put my bag at my feet. My knee bounced with anxiousness as I anticipated doing what I was about to do. After all, not in my memory had anyone done what I was about to do.

“Someone’s eager for Glee Club today,” Mr. Schue remarked as he walked into the classroom.

Well, that was embarrassing. Since when did he actually get to the club on time, as opposed to sauntering in late to interrupt the loud conversations.

“More like my classroom was right by here last period and I didn’t have to go to my locker,” I laughed.

Mr. Schue gave me a small pity chuckle before pulling over a chair to sit in. “So are you performing today?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “About that…”

But before I could explain my plan, Finn, Rachel, Quinn, Kurt, and Mercedes all arrived, talking loudly. Mr. Schue’s eyes were still on me, waiting for me to finish my statement, but I just shook my head, turning my attention to Kurt, who slid into the seat next to me.

“Hello,” he greeted with a smile. “How’s it going?”

“Fine, thanks.”

“Alright, guys!” Mr. Schue interrupted. “Ellie, you want to go first?”

“Sure.” I stood up and made my way, ignoring the fact that my stomach was starting to tie itself into knots.

For a second, I just stared around at the large group of students in front of me. It was shocking how much we had all changed since the year before, yet not at all. We were still within the same cliques, had the same irritating personality flaws. But we were still all together as a group. All the drama that had happened between us didn’t break the club apart.

“Okay, so I know the assignment last week was Springsteen songs,” I started, looking around at everyone, “and I didn’t perform one. And I do have a song, but it’s not Springsteen. Which I guess means that I technically didn’t do the assignment.”

“So what are you performing?” Mr. Schue questioned, his eyebrows drawing together as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“I’m going to perform a song that kind of talks about what I’m going through. The way I see it, at least I prepared a song. And it’s not like I can fail Glee Club.”

There were a couple of chuckles in the group, and I stood up a little straighter.

“What are you going to sing?” Mr. Schue asked, basically repeating his previous question. Since I hadn’t answered it. Oops.

“Too Little Too Late by JoJo,” I responded, turning to the piano guy, Brad.

He nodded and started to play, the rest of the band catching on quickly.

Come with me, stay the night
You say the words, but, boy, it don’t feel right
What do you expect me to say?
(You know it’s just too little too late)

You take my hand, and you say you’ve changed
But, boy, you know your begging don’t fool me
Because to you, it’s just a game
(You know it’s just too little too late)

So let me on down
‘Cause time has made me strong
I’m starting to move on
I’m gonna say this now
Your chance has come and gone
And you know

It’s just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can’t wait
Boy, you know you got all the right things to say
(You know it’s just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face
But you don’t like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn’t matter anyway
You know it’s just too little too late

When I was finished, I stared out at the group and smiled. Kurt was clapping more emphatically than everyone else, encouraging me to continue my journey on finding myself. Because in order to find my other half, I had to understand my half first.