Easier Said Than Done

Aileen knew. It was weird how she picked up on that kind of stuff.

“You and Sam kissed, didn’t you?” she asked at the table while we were eating dinner. I was actually super excited to eat it, since she’d made quesadillas, so I was kind of annoyed that she was postponing the whole process by wanting to talk.

“What makes you say that?” I wondered, cutting a piece of quesadilla and dipping it in the salsa.

“Because you’re perky. You haven’t been like this since you were with Puck. Well, with Puck before you guys started fighting all the time.” She took a bite of her food and chewed it thoughtfully. “Wait, what happened to Quinn?”

“Turns out that she was cheating on him with some guy on the Cheerios.”

Aileen’s face fell. “How recent was this?”

“Um…” I took a bite, closing my eyes for a second as the cheese ran through my mouth. “Within the past couple of days. He just told me, and he didn’t specify a time, so…”

She just stared at me as I continued to eat way too quickly. “Ellie.” The seriousness in her tone made me stop and look at her. “It never occurred to you that you’re just the rebound?”

My stomach fell. Alright, so she had a point. After all, both he and I were just coming out of long-time relationships. His breakup was even more recent than mine. Hell, how could I even know if I wasn’t just a small comfort to him while he got over Quinn?

Man, I got myself in a pretty complicated situation. Again.

* * *

On Monday, I got to school extra early so that I could avoid bumping into Sam. Okay, so I was paranoid and completely immature, but I couldn’t help it. Awkwardness was so not something that I wanted bright and early on a Monday morning.

Of course, I’m the unluckiest person in the world, so when I closed my locker door, Sam was standing behind it, grinning at me.

I jumped about a mile and screamed. An actual high-pitched, straight out of a horror movie scream. My face colored as I put a hand over my chest to try to calm my racing heart. “God. Scare the shit out of me, why don’t you?”

“Sorry,” he laughed. “So, how are you?”

“Fine,” I responded, clearing my throat and brushing my hair behind my shoulders. Kurt would definitely approve of my outfit. I was actually wearing a skirt for once.

Where was he, anyway? The one time I really wanted him to intervene...

“You didn’t answer my text yesterday.”

I bit my lip for a second before recovering. “Oh, I couldn’t text. I had so much homework.”

It clearly sounded like a lie, but Sam bought it. “That makes sense.”

“Yeah…” I started walking down the hallway. “I’m going to go find Kurt, so I’ll see you first period, okay?”

“Okay,” he answered. I could tell he was confused, which was better than him knowing the truth, so I continued scurrying.

The reality was I wasn’t sure whether Kurt would even be at the school yet, but I had to take my chances. Thankfully, he was at his locker, staring at a picture of Blaine lovingly.

I coughed as I approached, trying to hide the fact that a smile was starting to encompass my face. Kurt noticed me and got that deer-in-the-headlights look.

“That’s cute,” I commented jokingly.

“We are never to talk about this again.” He shut his locker and fixed his bangs before starting to walk away. “Cute outfit, by the way.”

I scampered after him, struggling to keep from laughing hysterically. “Thanks. But back to what I just walked in on, any reason you were admiring Blaine?”

“We…we kissed on Saturday.”

I squealed in a very high-pitched manor. A couple people gave me dirty looks, but I just reciprocated them right back. “That’s so great! I’m excited for you.”

“He’s such a good kisser,” Kurt sighed, staring off into the distance in a daze. “Oh, sorry. What did you want to talk about?”

“How did you know I wanted to talk about something? Can’t a girl meet up her best friend before school starts without there being an ulterior motive?”

“Sure. But you had that look on your face that you get when you want to talk about something.”

“I have a face that says that I want to talk…?”

“Yes. And now you have your stalling face.”

“I have a-?”

“On with it, Ellie!”

“Oh.” I laughed briefly before coughing and checking around to make sure that no one was eavesdropping. “Okay, so…Sam and I…” I couldn’t bring myself to say ‘kissed’ out loud, so I just mouthed it.

“NO WAY!” Kurt yelled.

I lunged forward and pressed my hand against his mouth. “And you yell at me when I make a scene. God, Kurt!”

“Sorry. I just…I knew it was going to happen the second you broke up with Puck.” He observed my face. “Wait, what else?”

“Aileen brought up the idea that I might just be a rebound, since Quinn and Sam broke up super recently. Like, within a week.”

He clucked his tongue a couple of times. “Quite the dilemma. I have an idea. Why don’t you just talk to him?”

“Because I don’t want to be awkward? Because…what if he really does like me, and he’s insulted if I bring up that there might not be anything between us? And what if I only felt like I liked him because I was talking with Puck, and he talked about Zizes so lovingly, and I was jealous that I hadn’t moved on yet?” Questions started pouring out of me, though I didn’t realize it until I was completely out of breath.

Kurt stared at me blankly. “Okay. All these questions will be cleared up if you just talk to him.”

“It’s not that easy,” I whined.

“Oh, but it is.” He raised his eyebrows. “Now I’m going to History. You should plan to talk to Sam after Glee Club.”

“Fine,” I muttered. “You just better be right!”

“I’m always right,” he called without turning around.

I blew my bangs out of my face and started back down the hallway. I really hoped that I was making a big deal out of nothing, that there really was something between Sam and me, but I wasn’t sure.

If there had been something, wouldn’t I have felt it earlier? Even if I was with Puck, that didn’t mean that my feelings were blocked off to everyone else, did it?

Swallowing my fear, I rushed into class, making it right as the bell rang.

Sam smiled when I sat down next to him. He didn’t seem to notice my nervousness, how I continually tapped my pencil against my notebook and shook my knee up and down.

About halfway through class, I controlled myself by taking repeated deep breaths, like Kurt and I did during our little yoga session.

By the end of class, I felt fine as I turned to Sam and said, “Hey, meet me after Glee Club? I feel like we should…talk about what happened on Saturday.”

“Yeah, of course.” His expression was unreadable, which was reassuring and annoying at the same time.

I just hoped that everything would go well.