Like Ghosts In The Snow

Gerard’s P.O.V

“You should have seen the look on that old ladies face,” I giggled as I gently placed the paper bag down on the kitchen counter. Frank jumped out behind the wall he was taking a nap in and walked his way over to my side.

“What did you buy?” Frank inquired as he wrinkled his nose at the contents that were placed inside the bag.

I walked my way over to the bag and grabbed out the shovel and the floral cross from out of the bag. Frank smiled and reached for the black and red flowered cross, with the miscellaneous beading and the different etched designs on the blackened wood. ‘Frank Anthony Iero’ was etched out in fancy cursive writing. Frank’s eyes began to tear up as he looked at his own cross, the cross that would mark his burial spot. He looked just a tad bit distraught as he grasped the sacred wooden object in his hands. The tears brimmed his eyes, as he looked up at me, his hands gripping it tighter.

“Turn it around,” Frank listened to my request as he tenderly turned the cross around, grazing his eyes back to the object.

‘Here lies Frank Anthony Iero, the great man that had not been able to live his life to the fullest. May he now be in Gods’ arms, while we lay his tortured soul to his final rest.’

“Gerard?” Frank blubbered out, his lips trembling ever so slightly as did the cross that was laid tightly in his trembling arms. I did not answer him as he threw himself at me, his arms enveloping me in the first hug that I had had in such a long time. “Gerard, what if I can never see you again?”

The thought had never crossed my mind. What would happen if as soon as I had had the burial for Frank, he would leave me forever? I couldn’t help but have the thought tug at my heart strings just that little bit. My throat had tightened. I would not be able to deal with Frank leaving me. he is the only one that had really kept me sane, had kept me from dying emotionally myself. If he were gone, how would I deal?

“You’ll be happy, Frank,” I tried, but my voice couldn’t help but crack. “Your finally going to be free, you can get out of this place.”

Frank slowly pushed himself away from me, to the point he was looking into my eyes, his eyes brimming with tears and screaming with emotions. “I cant live my eternity without you anymore.”

I drew in a small breath as he lightly brought himself to me, his hair slightly brushing up against my nose as he had pushed himself closer. He kissed my cheek just ever so slightly before he pulled away from me. “Your all I have,” He whispered. “Your all I care about, your all that I ever wanted or will ever need.” He drug in a breath. “You’re the only one that has ever made me feel like this, dead or alive. I can’t leave you just like that Gee.”

There was nothing else I could say that he hadn’t already said. I had no idea what to tell him to make him feel better or to calm him down. The only thing that I could truly do that would make an impact, was kiss him.
I kissed Frank with everything that I had. Every single feeling, every single thing that I could conjure up, I pushed it against his lips. He was shocked against me, his cold quivering lips pressed back against mine with such a powerful, needy force. We wrapped our arms around each other in synch as the kiss had progressed. I parted my lips for him as we moved together. Ever inch of my being was screaming, was on fire with so much intensity. And as we pulled apart, for the first time in my life, I had felt love.

“I love you, Gee,” he whispered.

“I love you, Frank. Forever.”

…

That day was the last day that I was going to see Frank. I had buried his body that night, in the creek out by my house. He was stood beside me as it had begun, as I cried and as he cried, clutching my hands in his with such a force that it had hurt. But I had not cared. The more the dirt had covered the small wooden box, the more and more that Frank had faded. He was gone just like that, in an instant. Frank was gone, and I couldn’t bring him back.

Everyday that had passed had gotten worse with time. And as my father had come back from business, it had gotten worse. I couldn’t deal with constant arguments and death threats. I had gotten worse mentally too. Not having Frank with me all of the time, not seeing him in every corner of the house or jumping through walls to greet me had really made me miss him even more. I really could not go five minutes without turning around and checking behind me for him. Checking behind me for someone that was never going to be there again.

The library was excruciatingly quiet. There were no footsteps in the night or the rustling of the over aged books. There wasn’t that annoying little squeal or giggle that I would usually hear in the night when he wasn’t cuddled up with me in my bed. Yet even without his presence, for I had felt nothing of him since he had gone, nothing, like he was never even there, like he was just in my mind the whole time. Like I had created Frank Iero in my mind for my own pleasures. Even with all of that, I had still found myself in the library at night. Sitting in there in the dark and quiet waiting for something that I should have known would never come.

I slept in the dark hole in the library where Frank had shared with me was his resting place for just that time. I couldn’t let him go, and if I knew of a place where he could potentially be a part of still, I would not leave it for the death of me. Yet there was still no sign of Frank in that chamber, I couldn’t bring myself to leave it. It was the last place that Frank was alive in, and for the time being, I hoped that that would be my final resting place as well.

I had thought of taking my life, More times than once. I wanted to see Frank again, wanted to be out of this hell called my life. Frank was the only one that had numbed the pain of my failing life. He made things worth living even though he was dead himself. I had never really thought of that little punk making such a big impact on me, but since he had gone, I realized the gaping hole that seemed to be pumping out of my chest. I couldn’t do it anymore, I hated to breath because I couldn’t stand it. Ever breath I had took I would mentally damn myself. It hurt to feel the pumping of my heart and the expansion of my lungs. I just wanted to cut it off.

Frank was the only one that was stopping me from doing it too. He would not have wanted that for me, as much as he knew that I would need it, how much I would crave it, he didn’t want me to do it. I would go to hell, be damned for taking my own life and he would be up in heaven, up in God’s arms. So at the time being, I had to brave it out and pray for death to finally take me. Pray to God to just let me go, let me have my Frankie back. For God to finally give me just one thing in life that I had truly wanted.