Time Will Tell

Grace is playing on the floor, completely oblivious to the tension and drama. Sometimes I wish I could be two again, so that all of this would go away. I wouldn’t understand, so I wouldn’t be hurting this much anymore. I feel like this huge wimp saying it, but I love Teagan, and I am hurting. I cried myself to sleep the last few nights, which no one knows about. I didn’t even tell my own mother. Gah, I’m turning into such a chick.

I feel kind of stupid, but I’m really nervous about Teagan coming by. She wants to see Grace before she leaves for the beach. I’m excited though, too, because I haven’t seen her in a whole week and I’ve only talked to her once, when Grace wouldn’t go to sleep – she just kept saying momma over and over again so I finally broke down and called her. I handed Grace the phone and told her it was momma. She didn’t understand but her face lit up when she heard Teagan’s voice on the other end of the line.

Teagan means so much to Grace. I mean, Teag made sense when she said that if we weren’t going to work it would be better to break up now, when Grace will eventually forget about it, rather than later when it will hurt Grace to not have her in her life anymore. But I don’t think about that, because Teagan is what I want, and she’s what Grace wants, and I honestly think we can make things work. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.

“Loosen up,” my mom scolds as she walks into the living room. “And sit down or something. If she gets here and you’re all jumpy she’s going to find that a turn off.”

“I’m just nervous,” I tell her. “I don’t want to act like I can’t live without her, but I don’t want to act like I don’t need her at all.”

“So just be yourself. Breathe, and think like a normal rational person for a minute. Either she’ll remember or she won’t, but you have to start getting used to the idea that maybe she’ll never feel the same way about you again, but I do know that she cares about you very much. She just doesn’t want to hurt you. Believe it or not, but this is probably ten times harder on her than it is on you.”

I nod. “I know. I know that, I just hate this. I hate all of it.” I pout like a stubborn toddler.

She laughs at me. “Everything happens for a reason.”

“I just want her back,” I say pathetically.

“Honey, just give it time.”

“I know, time will tell and all that shit. Screw time, I want my girlfriend.”

She laughs. “It doesn’t work like that. She’s trying, sweetie. Just give her space. She’ll come around. And if she doesn’t start remembering soon maybe you could ask her to start over.”

“Start over?” I ask. “What does that mean, start over?”

She sits me down on the couch before taking her spot next to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“Every girl dreams of some perfect guy to show up and change her life. He’d be chivalrous and charming and say all of the right things at exactly the right moment. It’s their fairy tale. If she doesn’t start remembering I say you should do something extremely special for her – sweep her off her feet, you know? Ask her if you can start all over, at whatever stage of the relationship she wants, whether it be the very first date, or skipping straight to the ‘I love you’s.’ Just don’t pressure her and don’t rush her. Just let her know that you’re there for her no matter what happens. Be her knight in shining armor.”

I smile, shaking my head slowly back and forth. “That’s dumb as shit, but I think it might just work.”

She laughs at me. “See, you have nothing to worry about. Teagan is yours, she’s just struggling with figuring everything out, alright?”

I nod. “You always know what to say, don’t you?”

She smiles smugly. “That’s what mothers are for.”

There’s a knock on the door then and I jump up, practically bounding in excitement.

“Down, boy,” my mom teases. I sit back down and she pets my head. “Good boy. Sit. I’ll get the door.”

I roll my eyes and scowl at her.

“Teagan!” I hear my mother exclaim. “It’s so good to see you, sweetheart! How are you?”

“I’ve been better,” is Teagan’s response.

“Oh, well come on in. Grace is dying to see you.”

I reach down and pull Grace up on the couch next to me. She smiles and claps her little hands together. “Daddy!” she giggles. I smile.

Teagan walks in then, my mom right behind her.

“Hey,” I say.

She blushes and looks away. “Hi,” she says back.

“Momma!” Grace squeals. She holds her arms out to her and bounces impatiently. “Momma!” she says again.

Teagan looks at me, like she has to get permission to hold her. I roll my eyes at her and nod. She smiles and steps forward to pick her up. She starts to walk back over to the other side of the room but I grab her arm to stop her.

“It wouldn’t kill you to sit next to me would it?” I ask her.

She shakes her head nervously and sits down beside me. Grace wiggles in her arms until Teag turns her around and she’s facing us. Teagan takes Grace’s hand in her own and squeezes it.

“Hey, baby,” she says. “I missed you.” She leans down and kisses Grace’s forehead.

“Miss Momma,” she mumbles, grinning up at us.

We talk for a few more minutes, about nothing special – mostly about her plans for the weekend and she promised to call me so she could say goodnight to Grace every night. I think it’s a nice gesture. My mom asks her a few questions about the spa she’s staying at and then that’s it. She’s getting up to leave. My mom takes Grace into the kitchen to get her some pudding and I walk Teagan to her car.

She unlocks it and looks up at me. “I’ll miss you, Noah,” she says softly, unsure.

I smile and shake my head, pulling her into a hug. She clings to me for a long minute. “I’ll miss you, too.”

She nods and pulls away.

“Hey, Teag, you know you can call me if you need me.”

“I know,” she says softly. “Bye,” she says, kissing my cheek.

“Bye,” I whisper and she gets in her car and then I stand there and watch her drive away. I hope this weekend does her some good. I hope she decides what she wants to do about us, and I hope that she chooses us.