Time Will Tell

“Woo-hoo!” Erin shouts out of the passenger side window. She leans back in the car and grins over at me. “This is going to be one bitching vacay!”

I smile and shake my head.

“What’s wrong, boo? You’ve been kind of quiet. That’s unusual for you.”

I shrug. “Just thinking, I guess.”

“Lemme’ guess. Thinking about Noah still? What did me and Kim tell you? This weekend you are not allowed to think about him! You’re not allowed to call him,” I started to protest but she held up her finger, stopping me. “Except to say goodnight to Grace, and you are definitely not allowed to think about him. Oh, and I forgot one: no thinking about him.”

I huffed and turned onto the next exit. Despite my melancholy mood I was actually starting to get a little excited. A vacation is exactly what I need right now.

“I miss him,” I whisper.

“Ugh!” Erin moans. I glance at Kim, asleep in the backseat. “Stop thinking about him. Think about how as soon as we get there we’re going to raid the mini-bar or call room service and get the most calorielicious things on the menu and then think about how after that we’re hitting up the beach and maybe even a club.”

I grin over at my best friend. “I’ll try.”

“Speaking of Noah, though, you never did tell me how things went when you went to his place to say bye to Grace. This is the only chance I’m giving you to talk about him so take advantage of this.”

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “It was awkward and weird. But it was nice, too, you know? I liked seeing him.”

“Things weren’t bone-crushingly creepy?”

I shake my head at her. “No. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And his mom was there. I wasn’t expecting that. But what I was expecting was for her to hate me for breaking up with Noah, but she didn’t. She was actually really great. She gave me a hug and started asking me all of these things about our trip and speaking when there was this awful awkward silence. She kept everything light, so I’m actually really glad she was there. I might have died without her.”

“But that’s weird, though,” Erin points out. “You break up with her son and she likes you just as much as before? None of my ex-boyfriend’s moms still like me… but that might be because I broke up with a lot of them for their older brother.”

I laugh. “I don’t know why she was so okay with me being there. Noah looked awful, though, not that I told him that.”

“Awful how?”

“He looked like he hasn’t been getting any sleep, and he looked like if you touched him he’d break into a million pieces. I was scared to talk to him. I don’t want to hurt him anymore that I already have.”

“Well he’s hurt you before. Like three major times, I think. So your one major time just kind of makes you even.”

I shake my head. “Love doesn’t work that way.”

“Do you love him?”

“I feel like I used to, like I should, but I don’t know how.” I sigh. “It’s aggravating, because there are things I know I would do if I could feel the same way about him as I did before, but I just… can’t.”

“Things like what?” Erin asks, reaching into the backseat and grabbing a box of Skittles out of the snack bag. She pops a few into her mouth. “Open up,” she says. I open my mouth and she tosses a handful in.

“Things like staying,” I continue. “I would stay for him in a heartbeat, and I know that I would but right now I just can’t make myself do it. I mean, like, right this second I’m leaning more towards leaving him. I really like the college in Georgia.”

“You could like the college in Newberry just as much,” she says softly. “Noah’s not the only one who will miss you if you leave, you know. I won’t get to see my best friend anymore.”

I look over at her sadly. “Is that why you were pushing for me to stay?” I ask.

“That and because I want you to be happy and I know that if you left and then remembered Noah you’d feel like this biggest dumb ass in the world. Plus, how do you come back from that? How do you leave the guy you love the most in the world and then come crawling back on your hands and knees and beg for a second chance.” She smacks on more Skittles. “Sounds humiliating.”

My cheeks burn. It does sound humiliating. I don’t want that to happen to me.

“Alright,” she says now. “No more talking about Noah for the rest of the trip.”

**************

The music is so loud I can barely hear myself think… which might actually be a good thing. The club smells of smoke and its dark, so I can barely see where I’m walking. Techno pop is playing and people are smashed into the middle of the room, everybody dancing on everybody. I’m wearing my shortest, sluttiest dress and I have a pink fruity drink in my hand.

I’ve already had five.

I don’t know what’s in it, but I feel good. I’m sitting at the bar sipping on it, watching some guy watch me. He’s cute.

He smiles and gets up, walking my way. He holds out his arm to me and grins, flashing me his pearly whites. “Care to dance, beautiful?”

I smile, placing my drink on the counter and grabbing hold of his arm. He escorts me to the dance floor and before I know it I’m grinding against him and he’s grinding against me. It’s hot and I’m sweating but I don’t care. He’s kissing my neck and it feels too good to care about anything. His arms wrap around my waist from behind.

“I think we should continue this at my place,” he whispers into my ear.

No.

I giggle and nod, twisting around in his arms. His mouth attaches to mine and I part my lips, allowing his tongue to explore me, to taste me. I taste him, too. He has a minty taste, but he also has a strong alcohol flavor that almost makes me gag. Almost, but not quite.

He pulls away and I grin up at him. He takes my hand and starts leading me to the exit. I can’t feel my legs, so it’s hard to walk. He puts his arm around my waist to keep me steady.

Something flashes in front of my eyes and I look around for it for a minute, stumbling stupidly behind this random guy before I realize it was my imagination.

Something flashes again and I close my eyes. My head hurts and it’s getting hard to breathe. I all of a sudden wish that Noah was here to hold me. I want Noah to tell me everything’s going to be alright. I want him to kiss the top of my head and tell me how much he missed me. I want to lie on the floor with him like we used to while I did my homework. I want him to take me out to eat just so I can cuddle up with him in the booth. I want to cuddle into his chest while we watch movies on his couch. I just want to remember.

The last thing I hear before I fall to the ground is someone shouting my name.

**********

Groaning, I roll over in bed. I have a splitting headache. I sit up and look around. Where the hell am I?