Good Love Will Find Me

John felt trapped and isolated.

Apart from band practice, no one talked to him except his parents and Allison.

He could practically feel the life draining out of him, and the only way he could possibly take it back was by drinking himself halfway to death.

Tonight, he was at Peter Sellers' house, and there was so much alcohol that John drooled at the sight of it.

Allison wasn't feeling good, so she stayed home at her apartment. She was so goddamn controlling. She looked over every aspect of John's life and watched over his every move. On top of that, she was moodier than usual. She was always eating as well, which probably explained the fact that she was getting bigger. He often found her talking to herself, but he never questioned it. He just let his crazy girlfriend be.

Consuming more alcohol than he probably ever had in his life, he went looking for something to get his mind off Natalie.

Wait, he meant Allison.

No, he meant Natalie.

Even though he spent all his time with Allison, he could only ever think about Nat. He had no clue why; it was Allison that he loved. He was sure of it.

All his bandmates were avoiding him. None talked to him, except to ask him about important band matters. Even Luke didn't talk to him, and he understood why. When Allison snapped at him in the restaurant, John didn't say a word.

He never thought one girl could ruin all the relationships he had with almost every single person in his life.

John stepped outside to smoke when he collided with someone. His drink spilled on their shirt and immediately, he stepped back to gauge how much damage he had caused.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Um, do you, um, need me to take you to the bathroom? I mean, I can show you where it is, and you can - oh."

He realized who he had spilled his drink on and immediately, feelings of anger and hurt hit him with such force that he could feel them punching him in the gut. It was the feeling he got every time he saw her, his stomach sinking and the feeling of losing the ability to breathe.

He realized that no matter how much she hated him and how much he loved anyone else, he would always love Natalie. She still had, and probably always would have, the ability to make him weak in the knees and get him to do anything she wanted. Natalie was perfect. She was invincible. She was unique, and she wasn't his.

But he wanted her.

Natalie looked at him with disgust. "No, it's fine. I know where the bathroom is. Jesus Christ, John. Are you okay?"

Despite his confusion as to why she was asking him if he was okay, he shook his head. "I don't - I can't - Natalie, I - I need you, I have no clue -"

"John, I can't understand a word you're saying."

He couldn't understand what was happening either. The only thing going through his mind was that he needed more alcohol, nicotine, and, "You. I need you. I need you, Natalie. I need you. I need you."

He just kept saying the same thing over and over, so much that it turned into one word. He swayed back and forth, dizzy from the vodka he consumed.

Everything faded from his mind except the girl in front of him. 

She took him by the shoulders and guided him to a room upstairs. Natalie set him down on a bed and bent down so she was at eye level with him, looking straight into his hazel green orbs. "John, how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Enough to wash the pain away."

She frowned. "Where's Allison?"

"Home. She was being bitchy. She said she didn't want to go out, so I left without her. I hate her, Natalie. I hate her so much. I don't need her. I need you."

"Stop saying that," she whispered, "Please."

"Why?" he demanded. "It's true."

"Because you don't love me, John. You love Allison. All I can do is hurt you."

"You could never hurt me," he slurred, "You're perfect!" John suddenly became serious. He placed two hands on her cheeks and pulled her face closer so that they were touching noses and they were eye to eye.

"You are perfect, Natalie Marie Smith, and I love you."

She smiled, but he noticed that it wasn't bright like it used to be. It was sad and lonely.

"Thank you for loving me."

"You don't love me?" John whimpered. "But I love you so much."

"You're drunk."

"Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't love you, Natalie. Why don't you believe me? I love you!"

She closed her eyes and sighed.

He rested her forehead on hers, letting go of her face, instead placing his hands on her waist. "Please love me back. You never loved me back. I wanted to give you everything in the world. I wanted to give you the stars, but you didn't even give me a chance. Please, Natalie, give me a chance to give you the stars. I know you want them. Please, please, Natalie, please. I need you. You're my Wendy bird."

She placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I love you, John."

"Stay with me?"

"What if I said no?"

Her voice was trembling and her eyes were rimmed red and watery. Her lower lip jutted out and it quivered.

"Then I would chase after you. I'll keep chasing after you for ever and ever until you stop running away."

She sniffled as a tear rolled down her cheek. John gasped. "Natalie, why are you crying? Don't cry, Natalie, please don't. I didn't mean to make you cry. What can I do to make it stop? I'll do anything."

She pressed her lips to his. The kiss was rough and familiar to John. He had missed her lips more than he had missed anything in his life.

It took a few seconds for him to get over the general shock of the sudden kiss, but he hungrily kissed back. He kissed every part of her that he could. Her mouth, cheeks, nose, forehead, eyelids, neck, and collarbones.

"You'll forget this in the morning. You'll go back to her, and I'll be alone again. I need you too, John. I need you so much. You have no idea."

"I promise I won't forget. I'll stay with you, Natalie."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

She kissed him again, the kiss even more hungry than before. His hands traveled under her shirt and he explored the parts of her body that he had missed over the past few weeks. Natalie slipped her shirt off and he did the same. Leaning back, he fell on the bed with her on top of him, and they committed the crime that didn't feel like a crime at all. It felt like the world shifting back into place after a hurricane had swept through, knocking everything out of place.

Everything was right again.


John's ringing phone woke up the both of them. Natalie blinked a few times, her eyes getting adjusted to her surroundings.

John rolled over, rummaging around for his phone, when he realized it was on the floor, in the pocket of his discarded jeans. He sat up, bending down to retrieve it.

Natalie smiled softly, remembering what had taken place last night. She had finally gotten John back. He promised he would be here, and he was still here. He stayed with her. He was telling the truth, and Natalie was overjoyed.

"Hello? No, I don't - I don't know, Allison. Stop yelling! Yes, I have a hangover. Who's house am I at? Peter's. Am I in bed with anyone? No - "

She cleared her throat softly. John turned, wide-eyed, and said, "Allison, let me call you back, okay?" and proceeded to hang up.

Natalie was still smiling, but her smile was slowly fading away in response to John's expression. He looked confused and disgusted at the fact that he was in bed, naked, with Natalie, who was also naked.

"What?" she asked, worried.

"What do you mean, what?" he hissed. "What am I doing here?"

"What do you think you're doing here?"

"Did we...?" he asked, pointing a finger back and forth between them.

"Yeah. What else could we have been doing in a bed, naked? Playing cards? Reading books?" she spat, starting to get frustrated. Did he not remember?

"Jesus, no need to be sarcastic."

"You don't remember anything from last night?"

"No. I guess I blacked out. I must have drank way more than usual."

"You don't remember anything?"

"Nothing."

"You didn't make anyone any promises?"

"No, Natalie. I didn't. Why the fuck did you sleep with me? You know I'm engaged. Jesus Christ, I'm engaged!" he repeated. "And I slept with you! What the hell is wrong with me?"

"So what you're saying is that you regret this, and you don't need me."

He was silent for a few seconds that felt like hours. Biting his lip, he shook his head. "No. I don't need you and I don't know why I would. I'm good with everything I've got and you're a selfish bitch anyway, so why would you want to help me?"

"John, you said to me last night that you -"

"I don't want to hear your lies, Natalie. As far as you and I are concerned, we didn't sleep together, okay? This never happened. Do not talk about this with anyone."

Her mouth dropped open. "What? Why? John, you slept with me."

"Did you not hear what I just said? God, Natalie. Are you deaf or something? Can you stop thinking about yourself for one minute and listen?"

"I'm listening to you right now, but you're not listening to me, you fucking hypocrite!" His words angered her. They stabbed at her like knives coming from all directions, things she couldn't stop. They just kept coming, full speed, making holes in her until she was punctured beyond repair.

"Shut up, Natalie. There's people sleeping outside. See? You don't think of anyone else but yourself. Maybe if you weren't such a whore -"

"A whore? Really? Really, John?"

"Yes. You're a whore. I have a fiancé! You know that, yet you still slept with me."

She sat up, bewildered. Natalie couldn't believe what she was hearing, and she was sure she could feel John practically ripping out the stitches he used to put her heart back together.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered, pulling on his clothes.

"Leave! I cannot fucking believe you! You're a piece of shit, John O'Callaghan. I know what happened. You're just a pussy. You can't face up to the fact that you love me and you need me more than anyone or anything."

"I'm done with you. God, this yelling is giving me a headache. I'm gonna go sleep on the couch." He rolled his eyes and walked out the door.

Natalie balled up her fists and pounded them into his pillow, burying her head in it and screaming obscenities about John.

How could he?! He forgot! He just blanket out! He couldn't just do that, could he? No! It wasn't possible!

But apparently, it was.

And it was her fault.

If she had just left John in the room and had gone home like she had originally planned, this wouldn't have happened. She never would have heard what he had to say. She never would have believed him when he said he wouldn't leave her. She never would have slept with him, and most importantly, she wouldn't have fallen in love with him all over again, just when she thought she could manage without him.

John had nothing to do with it. He was completely hammered. That part was his fault, but letting it happen was hers.

She took a piece of paper and a pen from the dresser next to the bed and scrawled out a note. Natalie got dressed, walked down the stairs, read over the note one last time, and quietly walked over to the couch John was sleeping on.

He looked so peaceful and innocent in his sleep. What had happened to him? The old John never would have yelled at her. He never would have broken a promise. He never would have left her stranded.

He was gone now.

Natalie had to realize that she was never going to get him back.

She tucked the note in the front pocket of his jeans and walked out the door, battling the urge to wake him up and read the note to him herself.

She walked the necessary two blocks home and slipped the single key out of the pocket of her shorts. Trying her hardest not to wake her mother or stepdad, she tiptoed up the stairs to her room.

Deciding that sleep wouldn't do her any good, she opened up her laptop and logged onto Skype. Seeing that Bridget was online, she video called her. Bridget picked up almost instantly.

"Hey! It's like, 9:30 in the morning. Did you just get home or something?"

"Yeah, I just got home from Sellers' house."

"Jesus. Did you sleep with someone?"

Natalie bit her lip, afraid to tell Bridget who she had spent the night in bed with. Of course Bridget knew about his engagement; she was one of the first people Natalie complained about it to.

She just nodded in response.

"I take it you're not going to tell me who. Was it Kennedy?"

"No! Why does everyone think I have a thing for Kennedy?"

"Because you ki-"

"Let's not mention that. That was to make John angry."

"Oh yeah. It wasn't Peter himself, was it?"

"No. God, no."

"Rex?"

"No! I haven't even talked to the guy more than once. Too much like him."

"Him? You mean John?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I mean John."

"So you slept with John."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Once again, Natalie just nodded.

Bridget sighed. "Natalie..."

"What?"

"Were you drunk?"

"No. I was sober."

"Was he?"

"Hammered."

"Did he ask you to?"

"No."

"Natalie," Bridget sighed, "How could you-"

"No, Bridget, you don't understand, okay? He told me. He promised me, I swear on my life that he did. You didn't hear him say that he loved me. You weren't there when he pleaded for me to stay. He said he needed me! He said he did. He promised me."

Her hands started to shake from how worked up she was getting. Her whole body started to shake, in fact. She rocked back and forth, trying to calm herself down. She couldn't.

She couldn't get over the fact that she let herself believe that things would be okay again. She let herself think that maybe, just maybe, John would leave Allison for her.

"Nat, Natalie? Are you okay?"

She shook her head.

"I believe you. I believe that he said all of those things."

"It's all my fault, Bridget. I messed everything up. I fucked up. It's my fault," she mumbled, trying so hard not to cry.

"It's not your fault, Natalie. As much as you hate to admit it, you love him, and you can't help that, okay? It's not your fault."

She couldn't help but feel that it was.

"Come with me to band practice. Kennedy can talk things out with you."

Meekly, Natalie nodded.

"See you around one, okay? We'll go to Panera or something. Love you, Nat."

She logged off and Natalie was left alone to deal with her actions and consequences.


John woke up, groggy and discombobulated. He reached into his pocket for his phone but instead found a piece of paper, folded crisply and almost perfectly. There was no hint as to who it was from, but when he opened it and read it, he knew.

"I guess this is payback for everything I've done to you. I get it. I'm sorry, John. I shouldn't have slept with you. This is my fault. I miss you. I guess I was trying to hold onto what I could. I love you. That promise I was talking about this morning? You promised me last night that you wouldn't leave me, but you did, John. You left me, just like everyone else. Maybe it's what I deserve. Maybe it's what I need."

John's mind spun at extreme speed from her note. What exactly had happened last night? He had absolutely no idea. Natalie said they had slept together, and he made a promise.

John had no control of what he said when he was drunk. Words flew out of his mouth at full speed, and most of the time, he didn't remember them in the morning.

But as they say, drunk words are sober thoughts.

If he could figure out what the hell he had said last night, maybe he could determine if it was true. It had crushed him to see Natalie hurt like that, but what could he do?

He loved someone else. He was going to marry someone else. He had a future with someone else.

He couldn't just start loving Natalie again, out of the blue.

It wasn't fair of her to start loving him right when he stopped loving her. It wasn't okay for her to do that.

All of this was most definitely her fault, and he hated her for it. She knew he was engaged and she knew he was drunk. Natalie could have left, but she didn't.


Bridget had marched into the Smith household with a purpose.

Natalie knew that she would do so, because it was Bridget and Bridget always knew what to do.

What she didn't expect was for Bridget to come with Pat in tow. What she really didn't expect was for them to be hand-in-hand.

Since when did Bridget and Pat start being Bridget and Pat?!

Natalie was sitting on the couch, watching Friends. Friends was her favorite television show and it always cheered her up.

Bridget stood in front of the TV, hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed.

"Sit up, young lady! We're here to stop you from feeling sorry for yourself and we are here to turn your frown upside down!"

Pat smiled and nodded.

Bridget had a plastic bag filled with what she claimed to be Natalie's favorite things to eat when she was upset.

"Okay, I have a copy of Donnie Darko and then a copy of Step Brothers, one can of Razzleberry Peace Tea, two cans of red apple green tea Arizona, white cheddar Cheez-Its, Hot Cheetos, nacho cheese Doritos, bananas, plums, tangerines, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch."

Natalie's eyes widened at all the food Bridget had laid out on her coffee table and thanked her profusely while she popped in Donnie Darko. Immediately opening the bag of Doritos, the three all sat on the couch, munching away.

There was no mention of John because Bridget knew that at this time, Natalie was done thinking and speaking about it. Natalie was indeed beating herself up over it, but Kennedy could fix that later on during band practice.

The whole situation was quite messy and Natalie and John had been through a lot. The only thing Bridget and Pat could do was distract her and get her mind off of it until later.

Quietly, Pat reached for the tangerines. The tip of one of his fingers had barely touched one of them when Bridget-Godzilla slapped his hand away. "Patrick! Those are for Natalie!"

Natalie giggled. "He can have some, Bridget, it's okay."

"I bought apples and grapes too, but he ate those on the way over when I wasn't looking."

"I was hungry!" he defended, getting up and bouncing around.

"You're always hungry."

"That's why they call me Fatty Patty, Bridget!"

Pat walked around the living room, occasionally taking his phone out to text someone back.

It was common knowledge that Pat couldn't watch movies because he was too hyperactive to sit down for that long.

For a while, it got quiet and about fifteen minutes had passed before either of the girls had noticed that Pat had disappeared.

Upstairs, there was a crash coming from the direction of Natalie's room.

Rushing to see what had happened, Nat and Bridget ran upstairs to inspect the damage Pat had caused.

He was lying on the floor under a pile of empty suitcases and discarded boxes of old Barbie dolls, books, board games, and various childhood items.

"Hey!" he yelled out, his voice muffled by the small mountain of the contents of Natalie's closet.

They dug him out from the pile and Natalie started to put her things away.

"Let's have a slip and slide party today!" he exclaimed, holding up a box that said SLIP N' SLIDE in big, neon letters. It showed a picture of a little boy sliding across the slip and slide on his stomach, arms stretched out like a superhero.

"Pat, you have band practice today," Bridget reminded him.

"Band practice, shmand shmactice."

"What?"

"You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, I think that'd be really fun," said Natalie, "I don't think my mom would mind."

"Alright, I'll call the guys. Oh man, this is gonna be awesome."

"Pat?"

"Yeah?"

"No John."

"Whatever you say, Captain Natalie."


"Cowabunga!" yelled Garrett, sliding through the sprinklers.

"Cowabunga!" said Luke, copying his daddy.

They had matching Star Wars swim trunks that Natalie couldn't help but giggle at when they walked through the front door, marching to the backyard.

Leigh had told her that Luke had only recently learned that he was named after Luke Skywalker, but he had yet to find out that his middle name was derived from Ryan Adams. He received his first lightsaber and he was having frequent lightsaber fights with his daddy.

"Nat Nat! Didja see me? I went so fast, like woosh!" Luke made a sliding motion with his hand.

"I did! You were like a superhero, dear, it was so cool!"

"Again!" He ran back behind Bridget, who was behind Pat.

Bridget and Pat had been inseparable throughout the entire party, and Natalie couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous.

Once upon a time, she and John had been attached at the hip, too. They had been holding hands and sitting on each other's laps and sharing clothes and watching movies and lying in bed, talking. They were everything that a perfect couple should be.

"What's wrong?" Kennedy said, worried.

"What? Nothing."

He sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

"There's something wrong."

"Kennedy?"

He nodded for her to continue as he grabbed a slice of pizza.

"If I told you something, and it wasn't what I should have done, would you judge me?"

"Why would I judge you, Nat? I love you. Knowing you, you had a reason for doing it."

She whispered, eye downcast, "I slept with John. Last night, at Peter Sellers' party. And I wasn't even drunk."

"Was he?"

"Yeah. Pretty hammered." She went through the entire story of last night, starting with him spilling his drink on her shirt to her tucking the note in his pocket.

Kennedy squeezed her shoulder and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Natalie, it's not your fault."

"Everyone keeps saying that, but it is. I had a clear head and I-"

"No, you didn't. He wouldn't have let you leave. It's John. He's persistent. And I know he really needed you, and he still needs you. He's just...there's some things that have been keeping him from seeing things clearly."

"Allison?"

"Allison."

"I hate her, Kennedy."

"Join the club. But hey, before you go feeling all mopey, I want you to meet someone. We invited him."

"What? Who?"

"He should be here any minute now..."

"Kennedy, who are you talking about?"

The door to the backyard opened and someone called out, "Did anyone order a British Canadian?"

Natalie was as confused as ever.

Kennedy smiled. "Jay!"

Jay?

"Hey! Kennedy, what's up?"

A guy who looked about 6'5 walked over to the table with a six pack of Corona. He was wearing black swim trunks with a pair of flip flops and the same red Budweiser shirt that John wore. He had a fauxhawk and what seemed to be a permanent smile. What really caught her eye, though, was his camera. He guarded the thing like it was his child.

"Jay, I want you to meet Natalie."

"Salutations, Natalie, I've heard a lot about you."

She blushed.

"I'm visiting from Quebec. The guys asked me to take some pictures in the studio for the blog, but I guess the slip and slide party was deemed more important than recording b-sides."

"G-Glad that you could make it," she stuttered.

Jay was adorable. As in fuck-me-now adorable.

She couldn't help but feel giggly and shy around him, something she hadn't felt in a while.

Natalie turned to Kennedy, but almost flipped out when she realized that he had snuck away, leaving her to carry on conversation with Jay.

"Oh god, I love this song."

"You like Manchester Orchestra?" Natalie asked, shocked.

"Like 'em? I love them!"

"Yeah? What's your favorite song?"

"Colly Strings."

"Wait, seriously?"

"Favorite album?" he questioned.

"I'm Like A Virgin Losing A Child. Favorite line?"

"Don't stop calling," he said, and Natalie finished with, "You're the reason I love losing sleep."

He handed her an open bottle of beer and opened one for herself.

"You're not one of those girls who makes a big deal about what kind of drinks she consumes, right?"

She chuckled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, sometimes - most of the time - if I hand a girl a bottle of beer, she'll scoff at me and go for some girly drink that has a name completely unrelated to what it actually tastes like."

"I'm happy to inform you that I've never done that. If a guy hands me a bottle of beer, he's immediately on my good side. You're on my good side now, Jay..."

"O'Byrne," he told her with a slight chuckle. "And you are?"

"Smith. Natalie Smith," she grinned.

"Okay, good. I was half expecting you to say Brock or something because there was this one time when I tried to hit on Leigh and John came at me with one of his boots, I swear. I don't know what he was planning to do with the boot, maybe stick it up my ass, who knows? I'm just glad I didn't find out."

Her lips bubbled with laughter and Jay laughed along with her.

"Speaking of, where's John?"

"Oh, we've shunned him."

"What? Why?"

"Evil fiancé."

"Kennedy told me you guys were dating."

"Were being the key word."

"What happened?"

"Long story. It's really boring and complicated and honestly, it'll probably make you never want to see me again, ever."

"Who says I want to see you again?" Jay joked with a grin.

She shoved his shoulder and shook her head, smiling. "Shut up. Go be a British Canadian somewhere else."

"Nope. I'm staying right here."

"Fine, but I'm not talking to you anymore."

He shrugged and leaned back, crossed his legs, and toyed around with his camera. Natalie looked at the mayhem that was the slip and slide party.

Jay turned to take pictures of the band, minus John, sliding across the bright blue tarp that was surrounded by little sprinklers of all colors. It was a comical sight, as the slip and slide was too big for everyone except Luke.

Luke was going mad with happiness. He was jumping around and yelling and shouting all sorts of indecipherable things, shoving past everyone in line to go on the slip and slide over and over again.

"Hey, Natalie."

She looked up and was met with Jay holding up his camera to his face, taking a surprise shot of Natalie.

Her eyes widened - a perfect deer in the headlights expression. She held a middle finger up, which Jay also took a picture of.

"Why aren't you out there?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Emotional damage that even a slip and slide can't fix. You go out there. God knows you need the sun."

He gasped. "Excuse me?! Are you making a dig at my whiteness?"

"Indeed I am, Mr. O'Byrne. Do something about it."

Jay was eyeing the garden sprinklers that had turned on five or so ten minutes ago. He smirked and slipped his shirt off. As he did, Natalie couldn't help but gape at the sight. He really was fuck-me-now adorable. Was it bad that Natalie was already thinking of ways to get him in her bed?

Jay took off his flip flops and set down his camera. Then he stood, walked over to Natalie, placed both hands on either side of her waist and flung her over his shoulder.

"You asked for it!"

She made fists with both her hands and beat them against his back. "Jay! Stop it! Put me down!"

Jay ran through the sprinklers, soaking Nat head to toe. Eventually, Natalie stopped fighting him and just started laughing. She couldn't stop laughing and he made three rounds through her backyard.

Stopping at the tables they had been sitting at, he set her down and shook the water out of his hair.

"As if you didn't get me wet enough."

"As if you didn't like that!"

She rolled her eyes, but kept the smile on her face which she couldn't seem to wipe away.

"I'm gonna go change. I'll see you in a few," Natalie told Jay, grabbing a towel and drying off.

She walked back into the house and into the kitchen.

"Thanks for letting me have this party, mom," she said, kissing her mother on the cheek.

"No problem, honey. We need to talk later, okay?"

Instantly, worry ran through Natalie. "About what?"

"Don't worry about it."

That was exactly what she was doing.

"Is it important?"

"You could call it that. Natalie, don't fret. We can talk about this over breakfast tomorrow."

Nat bit her lip and continued to walk up to her room. Once inside, she smiled, remembering what had taken place with Jay in her backyard. Jay was so sweet and funny, and extremely cute. And he had a slight accent! What could be better?

John.

She had to realize that John was never going to come back to her. Natalie was just another girl in his life, something to cross off his list of things to do. Allison was his girl now.

Natalie sighed and pulled her shirt over her head. As she did so, the door opened behind her and she gasped. Turning, she found that it was Jay.

"Oh, jeez. This isn't the bathroom?" He was shielding his eyes and trying his best not to sneak peeks at shirtless Natalie.

He was genuinely lost, and wasn't faking it like Natalie knew most guys would have, given the opportunity. "The bathroom is on the other side of the hallway."

He nodded, but before he could step out, she took him by the hand and pulled him into her room.

He was exactly what she needed to forget about John.

Pressing her lips to his, she hoped her hardest that he would kiss back, and he did, much to her delight.

In fact, he smiled into the kiss.

"Sneaky," he whispered as she nipped at the skin just above his collar bone. He realized that she was standing on her tip toes just to be able to reach his lips, so he placed both hands on her hips once more and lifted her, resting her on her back on her bed.

She reattached their lips and ran her hands through his hair. She was hungry for someone, anyone's affection. Jay was willing to give it to her. They wouldn't last long anyway, Jay would be going back to Canada in a few days.

Natalie reached down and tugged at Jay's swim trunks, and suddenly, he pulled away from her.

"Nat, we can't do this."

She sat up, backing away from him. What? She thought he liked her. He did, didn't he? They flirted, and he did all these things and...what the fuck?!

Natalie bit her lip and asked quietly, "What?"

"I - you - I'm sorry," he sighed. "You - you're hurt. I know you are. You're just looking for someone to fuck and get your mind off of John. I don't want to get too far into this because I really like you, Nat, but you belong to someone else. I don't want to date you, and do all these things with you only to get dumped in the end because you realized that you love someone else. And I can't do long distance, and I know that's a shit excuse, but I don't want either of us to get hurt. There's someone better out there for you, Nat."

Natalie pounced on Jay, wrapping her arms around his neck, knocking him on his back. "Thank you. If it wasn't for John and the fact that you live a bajillion miles away, I would totally try to make this work." She sat back up and smiled. "Friends?"

Jay returned the smile. "Friends. Best friends, even."

"I'm sorry for trying to fuck you."

Jay laughed. "It's okay, Nat."

"You probably have to go to the bathroom to fix, erm, that, don't you?"

He looked down at the now erect bulge in his shorts and blushed. Natalie giggled and pointed him to the direction of the bathroom.

Once he was gone, she finished changing into her bikini and walked out the door as well. Jay stepped out at about the same time and he put an arm around Natalie.

"Let's go back to the party, best friend."

"You got it, dude."

As they walked down the stairs and through the kitchen, they were stopped by Natalie's mother.

"Natalie, you have a visitor."

She looked up and her eyes met with the same hazel green ones that had stared at her with hatred just that morning.

"John? What are you doing here?"

He held up the note. "I came to talk to you about this."

Jay and her mother excused themselves and Natalie hopped onto a kitchen stool. "Talk."

"Listen, Natalie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I don't remember what happened last night, and I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise."

"Do you want to know what happened last night?" she spat.

"I do, actually."

"You spilled your drink on me. Then you apologized and kept repeating, 'I need you,' and I took you up to someone's room so you could sleep off your obvious wasted state. You said Allison was a bitch and said you needed me again, then you told me you loved me. I thanked you for loving me and once again, you said you needed me and that you missed me and repeated that you loved me. I kissed you, and you tried to make me stop crying and you promised me that you wouldn't forget the whole ordeal in the morning and you would stay with me. Then we fucked. Happy?"

She rolled her eyes and waited for him to respond. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

She missed him, a lot. More than anything, she wanted to be back into his arms. She felt incomplete without him and it killed her to feel that way.

"I - I didn't mean any of those things. I don't love you and I don't need you. Drunk people say stupid things."

"No, John. You love me and you need me. Face it!"

He shook his head furiously. "No! You broke your promise and I'm breaking mine. What happened to 'I'll never love you back,' huh, Natalie? You can't just change your mind when you realize I'm not sticking around. Life doesn't work that way. You don't always get what you want."

"You're not getting what you want either. Allison isn't what you want."

He pursed his lips. "Like I said, life isn't fair."

"Why are you even here?"

"To apologize. Now I don't even know why I came. All you do is bitch at me."

"Get out of my house," she demanded.

"Gladly."