Good Love Will Find Me

Cleveland? There was no way Natalie could move all the way to Cleveland, Ohio all by herself.

This wasn't fair.

Things were getting to be so good between her and John. They had finally patched things up and now, the seams seemed to be tearing apart once again.

But she should have known. She had remembered reading the warning on AP's website when she signed up for the internship, and she had thought it to be no problem then.

But then, she had no idea that she was going to fall back in love with Arizona and all the people in it.

Why was it that when she had found a place for herself, she was going to get it taken away from her?

How would she tell her mom and dad? Luke, Leigh, the boys, and Bridget?

More importantly, John?

She couldn't tell him. There was absolutely no way. He would be heartbroken, and she didn't want to be responsible for that again.

All she could do now was listen to The Dangerous Summer and hope everything would be okay.


It was impossible to concentrate on anything with the idea of Cleveland always swimming in the back of her head.

She was in the record store, browsing through the new arrivals. Her fingers wrapped around the new Handguns record, and she smiled. Handguns was just what she needed in a time like this.

Natalie walked over to the register where Bridget stood, typing away on her phone, most likely to Pat.

"Ooh, nice choice. Are you excited about the new Title Fight record?" asked Bridget.

"You have no idea. The review in AP made me want to buy it right then and there."

Nat's smile faded at the mention of Alternative Press magazine. Bridget still didn't know, and she was one of her best friends. How in the world would she ever give Bridget news like this?

She watched as Bridget hummed along to the Santigold song playing in the store and rang up Natalie's purchase.

"Wanna stay for a little bit? I think Pat might be coming around soon."

"Um, you know what?" Natalie sighed. "I think I'm gonna go. But I'll see you later. Thanks, Bridget."

Natalie avoided Bridget's curious stare and walked out of the store.

What if she didn't tell anyone where she was going? 

It wasn't like she just couldn't take the job. It was the chance of a lifetime. This internship could lead to many opportunities in the music journalism business, and if she turned down this offer, she would be crazy.

Not to mention her dad would ship her off to college the second he found out.

So it was decided that she wouldn't tell anyone. It'd be easier to enjoy her time left if no one was worrying or being sad - except her, of course.

She was thankful for all that Arizona had done for her, but it was time to leave.


When Natalie got home, John was waiting for her in her bedroom.

"Who let you in?"

"Henry."

"Remind me to thank Henry later," Natalie said as she smiled. She set down her new record and sat on the bed next to John.

"Nat, are you okay?"

She furrowed her brow. "Why do you ask?"

"Since that day at the park, you've just seemed a little distant."

Was it that obvious?

She needed to come up with a believable lie.

"I'm just worried about when you go on tour and stuff, you know? I mean, you're going soon, right?"

"Yeah, we are. But we're going to find ways to work it out. If we don't, then we're obviously not the right people for each other. But I love you, okay? No matter what, no matter where. I'm never going to stop thinking about you just because we aren't in the same state."

John was making it sound so easy.

He seemed to have no problem with being apart. She, on the other hand, had major problems.

Maybe John could help her through them.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad telling him about Cleveland.

"I just don't want to leave you. Or anyone."

"I know," he said, "Which is another reason why I'm here."

She peered up at him with curiosity. "What do you mean?"

"So Peter had some other job he had to do, which means he can't be our merch guy."

Oh no.

"Leigh can't do it because she has work and she doesn't want to take Luke on tour. She says he's too young and I agree."

She knew what he was getting to.

"Bridget can't take time off of work because you know how she just got a promotion and she has to be there to impress her boss."

She closed her eyes and let out the breath she was holding. He was going to ask her -

"Will you be our merch girl?" he finished off with a grin.

She tried her best to smile back. "When does it start?"

"About month from now, a week into October."

He had to be joking.

She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know...I mean, tour is a big thing and I've never - I mean I just -"

"We'll guide you through it, I promise. And it's fun! You get to spend every day with your five favorite boys in the world!"

Nat placed a hand on his knee. "I'll think about it, okay?"

His smile wavered a little, but then it widened again. She wondered why.

"Okay. Are you sure nothing's bothering you?"

She didn't say anything. She just nodded, then stood.

"I have some stuff to do. Do you wanna stay, or...?"

She was being distant and she knew it just as well as John did.

But ever since Ellie's phone call, she couldn't help but feel that she was losing everything she cared for and her natural response was to shield herself from the pain.

If distancing herself from John would strengthen that shield, then so be it.

He pursed his lips and stood along with her.

"Natalie, talk to me," he almost whispered.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Don't you dare lie to me," John said, his voice getting slightly louder.

"I'm not lying, John."

Natalie hated lying to him. But she felt this was better for him in the long run.

"There's something going on and I can see that. I'm not going to let something eat you up like that. I care about you, Nat!"

She bit her lip. It wasn't fair to John that she was keeping secrets from him like this.

"You really shouldn't care about me. I'm not good for you."

"Bullshit! Ever since you came to this town, my life has changed considerably in many ways, all of which have been good. I love you. Now please, tell me what's wrong."

"I can't." She held back tears. This really was eating her up.

"Yes you can! You can tell me anything!"

"I can't tell you this. John, you need to leave."

"No. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

She had to make up another lie. Something that would keep John away from her so that she couldn't hurt him.

Natalie began to list reasons as to why she couldn't be with John.

"This is too serious." She loved how serious it was.

"We're going too fast." Fast was what she needed.

"You deserve better." He was all she wanted.

"You're too good for me." He was perfect for her.

"I can't do this anymore." She could do this forever.

He closed his eyes and said, "Can't or won't?"

She didn't answer, hoping he would formulate an answer for himself.

John just nodded and walked out the door.

Once she heard the front door close, she turned the lock on her doorknob and sat on the bed, knees drawn to her chest.

What had she just done?