Good Love Will Find Me

Natalie wrapped a knitted scarf around her neck as she stood in front of a mirror, surveying her outfit for the day - jeans with combat boots on the bottom and an old Joy Division crew neck under an army green windbreaker she had found at a thrift store a week ago.

It was currently raining cats and dogs outside at sixty-six degrees. After spending so much time in Arizona where it never rained and eighty degrees was considered cold, Cleveland was pure madness for her.

But she fought through it, considering it was a small price to pay for the huge opportunity she was getting.

That was what she kept telling herself - this internship was nothing but good and she made the right choice - but every day, right before bed, she visited the Southwest Airlines website, looking up departure times for Tempe, Arizona. Each time, she almost convinced herself that she would be able to pack all her things in time for the next flight. That it was simple and she could just get on a plane and forget about the cold Cleveland weather and the lonely nights she spent in her apartment, waiting for things to get better. But she talked herself out of it and went to sleep, dreaming of the desert sun and a little boy who sang about deer and an older one who owned an old white truck named Valerie.

Looking at the clock, she decided to skip breakfast and head out. She was still without a car, but didn't mind at all. Walking cleared her head, especially when it was clouded with nostalgia.

Her commute to work took about 15 minutes at the most. In all honesty, Natalie loved her job. Apart from the fact that it wasn't the best location, she still enjoyed what she did. None of her coworkers were mean or bossy, and they all shared the same love of music that she did.

So she did have to get them coffee quite often and do their copying and filing and their phone calls once in a while, but they were never jerks about it. And she got to meet the people that wrote some of her favorite articles she had ever read in AP magazine. People who had talked to Fall Out Boy and Jack's Mannequin and Manchester Orchestra and The Used and Blink-182 and You, Me, And Everyone We Know and many, many more.

She sighed in contentment as she pulled the door open, walking in and starting another day.


"You guys are doing an interview at Alt Press today," Tim informed them.

John was just walking into the main lounge from the bunk area, running a hand through his already disheveled hair.

They were in Cleveland for a day off - but not really. Not that he minded. The people at AP were always nice.

Jared approached him. "Are you alright?" He had taken to asking John this every day.

John took a minute to ponder his mental state, mostly to annoy Jared. And he was alright. For a while, he definitely was not. But a month into touring had patched some things up enough to get his head back into the game and perform shows properly - as in without Natalie taking over every inch of his thought space.

"I'm alright, Jare. Not fully recovered, but I'm alright."

"Are you gonna be okay about today?"

John frowned. "I'll try."

He was hoping no one would mention it. Today was Natalie's 22nd birthday. They would have been celebrating together if she had stayed.

And he would have gone out and found her if he had known where she had gone. She left Arizona in ruins with her absence.

Bridget was dumbfounded and felt quite betrayed. Luke was often looking for her, not aware that it was in vain. The guys didn't dare mention her because John himself was torn apart. He didn't think she would actually leave him. She didn't even utter a proper goodbye. She just left without any mention of where or who with or why. And for a while, that made John extremely angry, bewildered, and lonely. He barely talked or ate. He just scribbled madly in his notebook.

Her mother and Henry definitely knew where she went, but they told him that they couldn't tell him. She had told them not to. She didn't want to be found.

But all in all, John still loved her. He would always love her no matter what.

The bus rolled to a stop and they all got out. Part of the crew went a different direction, hoping to do some exploring on their day off. Tim led the guys into the offices, saying hi to the receptionist.

She smiled warmly at them. "The Maine?"

"Yep!"

"Alright. You guys are going over to see Annie and she'll be interviewing you in just a second."

The guys all smiled at each other. Annie Zaleski had done their first major interview in the magazine when they had gone on the AP tour.

They headed towards where they were supposed to go and John couldn't help but look around. They were definitely busy. He assumed they were preparing for a new issue that was coming out soon. There were a handful of people toting lighting equipment back and forth for a cover shoot and even more people typing away on their computers. If John hadn't been in a band, he wondered if he could work here. The atmosphere was certainly nice, and he could meet people with the same music interests as him.

When they walked into Annie's office, he noticed that it hadn't really changed. There were a few albums added to the wall, along with a couple new magazine covers. But it was still unbelievably neat, which didn't mirror her crazy personality at all. He always loved talking to Annie. She didn't pry, but she delved deeper than just the surface. She knew what to ask - proof that she had done her research - and she always made it feel like more of a conversation than an interview.

She smiled ear to ear when she saw the guys. "Oh dear, these are faces I sure haven't seen in a long time. Look at you boys!"

"Hi Annie!" said Pat.

"Hi Pat! I'm having my intern bring over some fruit for you."

He beamed.

"Do you guys want anything?"

They all shook their heads.

"Where in the world is my coffee?" she muttered to herself.

John looked down as he silenced his phone, and when he looked back up, he almost dropped it. Instead, he dropped his jaw and lost the ability to breathe.

There, standing right in front of him, was Natalie Marie Smith.

"This is my intern, Natalie," said Annie, as if this fact didn't shatter his entire being and that it was no big deal.

He had found her. But judging by the way that the room became awkwardly silent, he wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

The world shifted back into place as they stared at each other. He took in her wide, green eyes that seemed to be popping out of their sockets at the sight of him. She had gotten noticeably skinnier, which worried him as she was rather skinny to begin with. Her hair was longer and her cheeks were redder, but that was probably because the heater was turned on full blast.

He wanted to jump up and capture her in his arms and never let her go. He wanted to kiss her a million times. He wanted to sit her in his lap like he used to when she wanted to try driving Valerie. He wanted to scream at her. But for the most part, he just wanted to tell her to come home.

Instead, he just looked at her and said, "Happy birthday."

He had prepared a thousand speeches for when he was going to see her again. John had hoped it was going to be something much more eloquent than a birthday greeting.

The guys all shifted in their seats uncomfortably, not knowing whether this would break John or make him happier than ever before.

John just sat there, still staring at her. There were bags under her eyes, which had hollowed out. They weren't the same as when he had first met her - not bright or smiling. They looked rather lonely.

As if she had remembered that she could move, she snapped out of her trance and handed Annie her coffee and Pat his fruit. "You forgot your coffee at my desk."

And with that, she walked away.

"Do you guys know her?"

Kennedy spoke up. "Yeah. She's from our hometown."

"Oh yeah! Tempe, right?"

They all nodded, apart from John. He just sat there, frozen from the sight of the girl that had crashed into his life and changed it forever.

During the interview, he was distant and gave short, one-sentence answers. He usually gave long, thoughtful ones, but his thoughts were currently somewhere else.

He barely heard Annie's questions and pretended not to see Tim's disapproving glares. The guys tried to get him to speak more, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from the girl sitting at a desk a few feet away from the room he was sitting in.

Her face was in her hands, her elbows resting on the desk.

She looked exhausted.

He wondered if she was happy. He hoped she was. Because no matter how far away from him she was, or how much she hurt him, all John wanted was for Natalie to be happy.

If moving away made her happy, then he was fine with that.

If moving on made her happy, then he had no problem with it.

If listening to Nickelback made her happy, then he wouldn't fight it.

Of course, he doubted Natalie would ever willingly listen to Nickelback.

"Alright, guys. This was a good interview," said Annie. "Time to wrap it up. Do you guys have a day off today?"

They all nodded, the excitement evident on their faces.

"Enjoy exploring," she told them with a warm smile. With that, they exited her office.

"I'm gonna go say hi to Nat. Anyone coming?" asked Kennedy.  Pat, Jared, and Garrett all beamed and followed him to where she was sitting, scribbling something on a piece of paper.

Tim watched them as he sighed. John recalled that he was never close to Natalie. In fact, Tim barely knew her. John muttered, "I'm gonna go get some stuff. If I'm not back by the time you guys wanna leave, just go. I'm coming back here."

"Where are you headed?"

"I'm gonna pick up some stuff for Nat."

Tim nodded. "Be careful. Don't expect too much, okay John?"

"Okay," he replied, hands held up, palms facing Tim innocently.

They both knew that was a lie. They both knew John was going to do everything in his power to bring her home.


"Natalie, could you get me some copy paper for the printer?"

She smiled and nodded, heading to the copy room to open a new ream of paper.

Behind the smile, she was more than just shaken up. It was like she had seen a ghost. It was safe to say that seeing the boys had been like taking a kick to the gut.

She had missed them, of course. All she did was miss them. It wasn't easy to make the transition from seeing them every day to not seeing them at all - a transition she was still trying to complete. And when she caught sight of them, her world started turning once more. She felt like she could smile again - genuinely smile, that is.

But she was also struck with fear. They had found her and she knew it wouldn't take much convincing to bring her home.

She needed this internship. And she was sure John would understand, but she didn't fully comprehend that fact, no matter how many times she went over it in her head. If John smiled at her, called her Wendy Darling and kissed her, she would buy a ticket to Arizona so fast he wouldn't even realize what had happened.

She handed Annie the paper she needed and walked back to her desk almost bursting into tears at what she saw.

John was sitting in her chair, admiring his handiwork. On her desk was a cup of coffee - what she smelled to be pumpkin spice - and a small plate of strawberry cupcakes with a candle on each. There was a birthday card, seemingly hand-drawn by Kennedy, and Love Is Hell by Ryan Adams on vinyl, propped up on her computer screen.

She walked closer and John looked up and smiled. "Happy birthday, Natalie! You looked tired so I got you coffee, and I know strawberry cake is your favorite. And I know you don't like the frosting, so I asked them to make me some without it."

She was speechless.

John's smile slowly started to fade and he asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head and smiled the widest she had smiled since she left Arizona. As John stood, she jumped and wrapped her arms around his neck, starting to cry.

"Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me," she whispered as she set her feet back down on the ground.

"You're welcome, baby. I would never forget your birthday, never in a million years. I think the guys would really like it if you celebrated your birthday with us tonight. I mean, if you don't have any other plans."

He was indirectly asking if she had met someone in his absence. 

"Are you asking me out?"

"Maybe," he replied sheepishly.

"Then of course I'll celebrate with you. I haven't been asked out in a long time, John Cornelius."

He sat back down and pulled her onto his lap. "I find that hard to believe."

She smiled coyly. "I just haven't said yes to anyone in a long time."

"That sounds better," he chuckled.