Good Love Will Find Me

They had gone through the usual set of Into Your Arms, Jenny, Saving Grace, I Must Be Dreaming, Thinking Of You, and Untangle Me.

The wedding setlist.

Who was he kidding? They had never played a wedding before. But Nat's mom was basically his mom's best friend, so he was doing it as a favor.

He hadn't meant to sing Into Your Arms directly to Natalie.

But as he sang, he found that the words rang true.

He hadn't even written that song about a particular person.

But now, he felt that he had.

She got up, midsong, to grab a beer. She had the most troubled look on her face (of course, after her disgusted expression had faded) and she looked...lost.

Natalie appeared frustrated, angry, and confused, which was how he felt most of the time.

All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and tell her it was okay. But it wasn't like he could just stop playing out of nowhere to comfort a girl who would probably reject him.

She probably wanted to forget him, especially after last night. Even if he tried, John would never be able to even bring himself to forget her.

Natalie was unforgettable. Indescribable.

He could use the word stunning. Maybe beautiful, gorgeous, or fascinating. Each of those words couldn't compare to what she actually looked like. They seemed mediocre, or normal. Average. Bland. Everything Natalie most definitely wasn't.

So he played through the set, aching to talk to her. That is, until, she got up and left.

Disappointment coursed through him, hitting him like a train at full speed. He desperately wanted her to see him sing.

He need her approval, badly.

In-between songs, Garrett talked a little and Jared walked over to John, whispering, "What's going on with you?"

He sighed, closing his eyes, mumbling, "Natalie. She's killing me, man."

Jared replied, "Pull it together, alright? It's just two more songs. Then you can pull your puppy dog looks and find some other girl to fuck for the night."

John shook his head at Jared's suggestion to find someone else. Someone else? Someone else?!

Never. Never in a million years.

He sounded so juvenile, but he didn't care. He had a feeling that even if he tried, he would never find anyone like Natalie Smith.


"You staying, John?" asked Kennedy.

"Nah, I think I'm gonna go."

"It's an open bar, though!"

John just shrugged.

"I'll put all the stuff away. You guys go ahead."

Kennedy shot him an odd look and went back inside with Garrett, Pat, and Jared.

When he turned back around, there was a small figure leaning against the side of the trailer. She had a cigarette in her mouth and a bottle of beer in her hand.

He tried his best to appear indifferent and kept putting the equipment away, when all he wanted was to call her name an strike up a conversation.

The last amp was put away and he pulled up the ramp, locked it, and tested it just to make sure it was sealed tight.

Then, calm as can be, he walked over to Natalie, preparing for both the expected, which was her rejecting his comfort and walking away, and the unexpected, which was to find out what was bothering her and make her smile at least a little bit.

"Enjoying yourself?"

She looked up, shrugged, and looked back down at the ground.

"Did you catch our set?"

She nodded.

"All of it?"

She looked away, taking another drag. "I made you change your ways?"

"I wrote that song way before I met you, I swear."

She smirked at him and threw her cigarette to the ground.

A shiver ran through her and it was visible. Unfortunately, all John was wearing was a powder blue button up with nothing underneath.

"Do you need a ride home?"

Natalie bit her lip. "I don't want to go home. I don't have a home."

"Get in the van. I'll take you to my place."

She drank the last of her beer and followed John to the front of the van, getting into the passenger seat as he walked around and into the driver seat.

The first thing he did after turning the engine on was put on the heater, then the stereo.

It's Okay by Land Of Talk played, seeming somehow appropriate for the moment.

Natalie was sitting in an odd position. She had her legs curled up under her and her hands were tucked in between her knees.

He chose not to question it.

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Two bottles of beer."

He nodded in approval and started to drive.

"So. You alright?"

She shrugged.

"I want to help you, you know."

"I'm not sure that you can, John."

"I still want to try."

Nat just looked out the window and hummed along to the song.

This girl was not only indescribable, but difficult, as he was starting to understand.

He still liked her, though.

There was no doubt about it.


"You take the bed and I'll take the couch."

Natalie shook her head furiously and took the couch in John's room.

"Nat, I can't let you do that."

She shot him a challenging look as if saying, "Why not?"

"It's not the way I was raised."

A giggle escaped her lips and John almost fainted.

If he was going to have a heart attack just about every time Natalie giggled or laughed, he was in for a very hard life.

"Alright, do you need clothes to change into?"

A shy nod.

He dug through his drawers for basketball shorts and his old Mountain Pointe PE shirt.

A smile graced her face as he handed her the clothes. "I have this shirt," she mumbled, and looked up at him.

"I still have no idea how I never saw you during high school. I mean, you're beautiful, how could I-"

Her eyes widened and she gasped quietly.

"D-did I do something wrong?"

She just walked out the door.

John smacked his hand to his forehead, wondering what caused her to act that way.

Then he stopped wondering and just hoped that she would come back.

Changing into basketball shorts and no shirt, he laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling. There was something about Natalie that scared him. But she was so intriguing at the same time.

He simply couldn't handle her.

The door opened and she stepped in, looking apologetic. Natalie frowned at the fact that John was on the couch.

At first, he thought she was going to let it be.

But she walked over to him, took him by the hand, and pulled him up. John was much, much heavier than she was, so he still held onto her, but got up by himself.

Confused, he obliged when she dragged him over to the bed and expectantly stood there, waiting for him to lie down.

He chuckled and got into bed. "Happy now?"

She smiled and instead of turning around to sleep on the couch, pushed him over gently and lay down right next to him.

She was still shivering slightly, so he cautiously wrapped an arm around her, gauging her reaction.

Natalie just nestled into his arm. He couldn't help but smile and pull the blanket over them.

"I'm sorry for walking away like that," she whispered.

"It's okay, I just don't know why. What did I do wrong?"

"You called me beautiful. You didn't do anything wrong, you just shocked me is all."

"Why? I mean, you probably hear that all the time. It's nothing but the truth, Natalie."

"It's not, John. It's far from the truth. I'm...boring. I'm nothing special, you know? You could find carbon copies of me, anywhere, anytime. There's a million girls like me. I'm generic. I don't love anything the way people love Morrissey or whatever.

"I mean, yeah, music is awesome. I love it. But I can't even play an instrument, let alone sing. And no one loves me the way they love painting, or photography, or something. I'm bland."

All John could do was stare at her in bewilderment. Was she lying to herself? Was she doing it to get sympathy? Was she blind?

He looked down at her and she looked completely serious. She wasn't lying. She really felt that way about herself, and it confused him.

Why?

"Natalie, listen to me. I mean really listen, alright? You are none of those things. I'm sure that I'll never find anyone like you. You're nothing like any girl I've ever met in my life. You surprise me every minute that I'm with you. Do you understand that? You fascinate me. You intrigue me. You intimidate me. You're amazing. I don't know why you think otherwise."

Silence.

He took a deep breath. She was toying with his fingers, so she wasn't asleep.

"John," she said, "Will you do something for me?"

He replied quickly. "Anything you want."

"Will you love me?"

"W-wha-what?"

"Please?"

What was he supposed to say? No?

"What exactly do you mean?"

"I just, it'll only last until I leave and you go back on tour. It's nothing serious. If you don't want to, that's fine too..."

What the hell was he getting himself into?

The truth was, he honestly thought he already loved her.

But something temporary? A fling, almost? She was willing to create a relationship that wouldn't last, knowing fully well that they would have to go their separate ways.

He wasn't sure if he could handle that.

How would he avoid falling head over heels for her?

"I'll do it."

"R-really?"

"This is just temporary...right?"

"Nothing serious. Friends with benefits."

He fought the urge to sigh.

He wanted more than that.

But he figured this was the only way he would ever get any emotion out of her other than hatred.

It would be worth it in the end.

Right?