Good Love Will Find Me

Natalie found herself in bed with John for the second night in a row.

She didn't quite know how to feel about it, but relief rushed through her when she realized she still had clothes on. And she was still wrapped up in John's arms.

To be honest, she was quite comfortable with John.

And to be even more honest, she did have feelings for him. Feelings she would never admit out loud to having. But she wondered if they were strong enough.

She had promised herself a while back to never get attached to anyone, because everyone left in the end. Her dad left her mom, her best friends and ex-boyfriends left her, she left Arizona. No matter how genuine the promise was, that person always walked out of her life somehow. Whether it was forced or intentional, or even accidental, it still happened, and Natalie was sick and tired of being let down.

Making this plan with John was sensible, wasn't it? A temporary fling, just something to pass the time and fill the void in her heart. Something to make her feel less alone.

But what about John?

She had a feeling that John was genuinely interested in her. She just didn't know how interested he was. By doing this, was she hurting him? Using him?

A pang of guilt hit her as she thought her decision through. She felt like he was a puppy dog that she was manipulating and abusing.

She had no idea what to actually think. John was something, that was for sure. Confusing, yes. An asshole, no, even though that was her first impression of him. Caring and sweet, definitely yes.

Maybe this plan would be good for them. They wouldn't get attached. At the end of this vacation, or visit, or whatever, they would go their separate ways and forget about each other and move on. Simple.

But was everything really that simple?

She took his long fingers and played with them. They fascinated her. Everything about John fascinated her. After hearing them play that night at the Marketplace, she had checked out some of their stuff and noticed that they had released a new CD, Pioneer.

The lyrics themselves were enough for Natalie to declare their music as breathtaking. Her favorite might have been, "I am alone. No, not because I'm lost, because I'm found."

The overall sound was so raw and real. It was obvious they had worked hard on it.

Jared had told her that John was the main writer for most of their music. The way he put his words together was truly beautiful.

John shifted behind her and mumbled, "Good morning, Nat."

The hand she was holding curled around hers and he pressed his lips to her cheek.

It took all she had to keep from giggling. She was a sucker for mushy relationships.

"So," he said, "I think there should be like, guidelines or whatever for this whole thing."

"Like what?"

He cleared his throat. "I...I don't know, really. It's your plan. Are we allowed to date other people?"

"I guess. I mean, no getting attached, right?"

He pursed his lips. "No getting attached."

Natalie sighed. "So, I was listening to some of your guys' music a few days ago."

He perked up, just as she expected. "Really? What'd you think?"

"I loved it. The lyrics especially. I liked that one line from When I'm At Home. It goes, 'I am alone. Not because-"

"Not because I'm lost, because I'm found," he recited perfectly. "That's from a poem I wrote."

Now she perked up. "You write poems?"

He nodded. "Wanna see them?"

"Of course I do!"

He got up, and instantly, Natalie missed the feeling of his arm around her.

When he came back, she sat up and he sat next to her. She pulled her feet under her legs and tucked her hands between her knees. It was an odd sitting position that she had gotten used to ever since she was little. Her head rested on John's shoulder as he opened a notebook full of writing.

"I put out a book a few months ago, called Exaltation. But this is some of the stuff I've written."

He handed it to her and she flipped through it with amazement.

"We are born to believe we can't change a thing, we can't, and we never could. But before you believe the things you believe, you must understand to be understood," she read out loud.

His hand went to the back of his head as he blushed. "I've never really shown anyone some of these."

"They're really, really wonderful, though."

"They're just...personal. I mean, I don't know. Some of them went in Exaltation but there's a lot that didn't make it."

"If I die, remember me as a tree. Perennial and calm, but most of all free."

She kept going through his notebook and they spent the whole morning like that.

Eventually, she gave him the notebook to read all his favorites out to her, because his voice enchanted her. It was raspy and soft and hypnotizing all at the same time. She could listen to him all day if she wanted to.

And they probably would have stayed holed up in his room if John hadn't gotten a phone call from Jared telling him that they had a band meeting in fifteen minutes.

Natalie didn't want to go home. The house was going to be empty for a week - her mom and stepdad had gone to Alaska for their honeymoon. She couldn't quite understand why they picked Alaska of all places, but it still left her alone. She didn't want to be alone.

"You wanna come with me?" said John, reading her mind.

She beamed and nodded enthusiastically.

He grabbed her by the hand and pulled her out of the room and down the stairs, telling his mom good morning.

"You must be Natalie!"

Natalie smiled and nodded. John and his mom both had extremely radiant smiles that lit up the room. She could see where he got most of his features from. And just like John, his mother had a sort of charisma about her.

"You can call me Jenny. Where are you two headed?"

"Jared's," John answered.

"Here, take some muffins, you two."

She handed them each a muffin. John waved goodbye and Natalie did the same, adding on a, "Nice to meet you, Jenny!" before they headed out the door.

When they got to the driveway, they were standing in front of an old, white, pick up truck. She wanted to laugh, but held it in.

"Ross took my car again," he muttered, and turned to her. "This is the car I drove in high school. I picked up so many chicks in this baby."

"Don't even lie, O'Callaghan. We all know the only chick you picked up in this car was your mom when you drove her to the grocery store."

"Okay, you know what, you can't just diss Valerie like that. She has feelings too."

Natalie rolled her eyes. "So you're one of the douche bags who names their cars. Do you have a name for your dick, too?"

She was only joking, but with a completely straight face, he replied, "His name is Señor Juan, thank you."

Natalie burst out laughing. He looked so calm and serious. He had to be joking. Señor Juan?

"Please tell me you're kidding, John."

"What if I'm not?"

"I'm never having sex with you again."

"Why not?!"

"I am not going to have sex with a guy who names their penis, okay?"

"Well I'll have you know that I was totally kidding."

"Don't worry, I think your car is adorable."

Natalie kissed him on the cheek, giggling before she got into the car.

She knew that her giggle got him. It wasn't like he hid it. He also liked it when she played with his hands, and if she remembered anything from the night at the party, it was that he liked it when she ran her fingers through his hair.

She had him figured out. At least, she thought she did.

John got into the car as well and when he turned on the engine, the stereo turned on and played Walking On A Dream by Empire Of The Sun.

"How do you do that?" she mumbled.

"Do what?"

"Play all these songs that I know and love! It's like we have the same iPod or something."

"I guess we're just musical soul mates," he said with a grin

"You cheesy fuck."

He just chuckled and backed out, driving to Jared's house.


"Yo!" John yelled after pushing open the unlocked door. He still had Natalie's hand in his.

She didn't plan on letting go anytime soon.

"John, I thought we talked about talking like th - oh. Hi!" said Jared with a smile. His eyes went to their interlocked hands.

She expected John to let go, or something, but he just held on even tighter.

"Everyone's out back. I broke out the grill today, just for the hell of it. Do you eat hot dogs, Natalie?"

She nodded.

"Alright, sweet. Come on!"

When they reached the backyard, she was relieved to see she wasn't the only girl there. Leigh was there too, with Luke sitting on her lap. And even better, she was only in sweatpants and a t-shirt, so Leigh didn't feel underdressed in John's shirt and basketball shorts. Everyone greeted them and Jared went back to the grill.

She noticed that there were only two seats unoccupied. One obviously was for Jared, and the other for John.

"Aw, shit," said Jared, "I'll go get another chair. Hold on a sec."

"No, it's alright!," said John.

Natalie shot him a confused look and he just grinned, pulling her over to the chair. He plopped down and pulled her down with him, so that she was sitting on his lap.

She leaned back and whispered once more, "You're still a cheesy dork, you know that?"

"And you're still beautiful, did you know that?"

She sat back up, a blush blooming on her cheeks. She felt John's hands go to her hips. His thumbs found their way under the hem of her shirt and rubbed circles on her back.

She couldn't help but smile in contentment.