Good Love Will Find Me

The only ones left at the barbecue were Nat, Leigh, Garrett, and of course, Jared.

Leigh and Garrett were in the pool with Luke while Jared and Natalie sat in lawn chairs, each nursing a bottle of beer.

"So, tell me something."

"Anything," replied Jared.

"What's the deal with, uh, that girl?"

"Which one?" Jared mumbled, trying to avoid the inevitable.

"The one John came in with. You know which one I'm talking about. Everyone had a big, collective sigh when they saw her. It's like they all rolled their eyes at the same time."

"I'll tell you when you tell me what your deal with Kennedy is."

Natalie leaned back and looked up at the sky. "Please don't mention that. It was embarrassing when it happened and it's just as embarrassing now."

"I'm not telling you who that girl was, then."

She groaned, taking a sip of her beer. "Fine. I did it to piss John off, okay? He was bugging me about why Kennedy had his arm around me. It was nothing, I swear, Jared."

"Yeah, why did Kennedy have his arm around you?"

"Oh jeez, not you too."

"What do you mean, not me too? John asked because he was jealous. I'm asking because I'm curious."

"Well, did John tell you about that night in the desert?"

"What night? The one where you had sex in the back of his truck and you told him you hated him, then followed him into a diner and told him you would never love him back? No, I don't seem to remember..."

Natalie winced. Maybe it really was as bad as she thought it was. "Stop with the sarcasm, Monaco."

He held his hands up. "It's not my fault you emotionally scarred him for life."

"I never promised to love him back," she whispered.

Jared sat up a little bit straighter and sighed. "But Natalie, you asked him to love you."

"I didn't ask him to fall in love with me."

"What's the difference? Either way, you were still going to screw him over in the end, right?"

She closed her eyes, feeling smaller than ever. "I fucked up so bad, Jared. I should never have come back. I should have left right after the wedding."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"What?"

"You make people happy, Natalie. I don't think you realize that."

"I just mess everything up."

"You don't. I promise. You've made Tempe a lot more fun since your arrival. Granted, you've caused some trouble, but it's not like we aren't happy that you're here. If you left, things wouldn't be the same."

She smiled a half smile. "Thank you."

"So, seriously, tell me what's up with you and Mr. Brock."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes! Actually, everyone in the band wants to know. Girlfriends included."

"The morning after John and I went to the desert, I went to the grocery store to pick up some things for my mom. I literally bumped into Kennedy and his exact words, after saying sorry a hundred times, were, 'Jeez, Natalie. You look like shit,' and then he apologized some more."

Jared chuckled. "That's Kennedy, alright."

"He offered to have breakfast with me, so I took my bike home and he picked me up. We went to IHOP, and I broke down in his car in the parking lot and told him everything."

"Everything? Even the sex in the truck part?"

She winced again. "Yeah. So we've just gotten really close since then."

"Friends? Nothing more?"

"Nothing more. I promise."

"I think you should tell John that."

"It was kind of fun seeing him squirm like that, though. Hey! Now you have to tell me about that girl."

Jared groaned. "You're not gonna like it."

"I don't like a lot of things."

"She's John's..." he trailed off, searching for the right word, "I guess you could call Allison his girlfriend."

"But...so John cheated on her...with me?"

Natalie had never been the cheater. She had never felt the need to be unfaithful, and a guy had never cheated on her, ever. Immediately, anger boiled within her at the thought of any act of infidelity. She couldn't believe John had done such a thing.

"Not exactly. When she left, they weren't on the best of terms. I don't even know what they fought about. She's very temperamental. Or just plain old mental, really. And so I guess he thought they weren't together anymore, or something. But after the night in the desert, she must have called him."

"Jesus Christ."

"I have no idea why John is with her. Everyone hates her."

"Why?"

"She's a bitch, plain and simple. She treats John like shit and gets mad at him for every little thing. And she complains all the time. She doesn't even like our music!"

"Wait, what? She doesn't like the music that you make, and John's still with her?"

"Yeah. And have you heard? She hates Death Ca-"

"She hates Death Cab For fucking Cutie?! No. That's crossing the line."

"See? Yeah. She's a shit girlfriend."

"Lord. If I didn't have feelings for John, I'd-"

"What?" Jared yelped.

"What?"

"You said something. I heard it. If you didn't have feelings for John? You have feelings for John?!"

"Shhh! Fuck."

"Ha! I knew it! You can play all your little games, but there's a heart in there. Natalie Smith can feel!"

"Oh, shut up. I have feelings for him, okay? Just...just don't tell anyone. Especially John. I don't want to make this worse than it already is."

"Yeah, yeah. I swear I won't tell anyone."

"Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart."

Natalie leaned over and hugged her newfound confidant.

"Thank you, Jared."

"You can count on me."


"Thank you so much for doing this, Natalie."

"It's really no problem, Leigh."

"Usually I'd just have John do it, but it's like he disappeared. He wakes up, leaves, and doesn't come home until really late at night. I figure he's probably with you, or something."

Natalie's eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"I just thought, since you guys are usually together anyway."

"Nope. I haven't seen him since the barbecue at Jared's."

"So you're telling me that you haven't seen him in over a week?"

"Yup."

Leigh rolled her eyes. "He's such an idiot."

"What?"

"He's been with Allison this entire time. For Christ's sake, I told him she wasn't good for him!"

"Yeah, well..." Natalie shrugged.

"I have to run. When Luke wakes up, just tell him where I went. Call me or Garrett if you need anything. Gare should be here around two. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen if you need to. But just don't give Luke any candy, because he gets super hyper and it gets hard to control him, and then he crashes and doesn't wake up for a few hours."

"Aye aye, captain."

"Thank you again!" Leigh called before running out the door, heading to work.

Natalie turned on the television and watched whatever channel it was turned to. Currently, it was on some channel that was showing old reruns of Friends, a show that Natalie loved.

"Momma!" a small voice yelled from upstairs.

Natalie shut off the TV and took the steps two at a time.

"Momma, I needa go!"

When the baby saw her, he yelled, "Natalie!" and clapped his hands.

"Hi, Luke! Momma's at work."

"Natty?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"I needa go."

She laughed and picked him up, rushing to the bathroom.

"No looking, okay?" he said as he held out a hand, his pinky sticking out.

She linked pinkies with him and promptly turned around, shielding her eyes as the baby dropped his pajama pants.

She heard the whiz of liquid, and asked, "Almost done?"

"Nope."

"Alright, let me know when you're done."

"Natty?"

"Yeah?"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"...ESTOY POOPEN!"

She burst out laughing at the toddler's exclamation and clutched her stomach, gasping for air.

"Jesus Christ, who taught you that?"

"Uncle John!"

Her laughter died down and she replied, "Of course he did. Remind me to kick his butt."

"I'm done now!"


"Leigh? Luke?" a voice called.

She thought it was Garrett, but it didn't sound like him at all.

Natalie and Luke were in the living room, playing Connect 4, when John walked in, spinning his key ring around on his long finger.

"Johnny!"

Luke got up, wobbled a bit, and ran over to his uncle, who scooped him up. "Hey, Luke! What's shakin', bacon?"

"Nothin', muffin! Me and Natty are playing Connect 4! Wanna play?"

John was about to respond when Luke interrupted, "Wait, you can't, cause Natalie wants to kick your butt."

John smirked at her while Natalie glared at him. What did he expect, for her to jump into his arms as well? It didn't work that way and he knew it. He hadn't even told her about Allison. Jared told her, but she wanted to hear it from him. She deserved it.

Did he even know that she knew?

"What for?"

"For teaching me how to say estoy poopen."

"How about I make it up to you, then? Let's go to lunch," he said to her.

She just rolled her eyes at him. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"He didn't do nothin' bad, Nat Nat! Can we go with him? Please?" he said with a pout.

John pouted as well.

For the sake of Luke, Natalie gently took him from John's hands and brought him upstairs. "Let's get you changed."

Luke cheered and John did the same.

Once upstairs, Natalie did her best to hide her anger from Luke. She sniffled, something she unfortunately couldn't help, and a tear, betraying her, made its way down her cheek from the corner of her eye.

She sat down on Luke's bed and he climbed onto her lap. He wrapped his little arms around her neck and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Natty, don't cry. John's just dumb sometimes. He was probably just kidding around when he taught me."

"That's not it, darling."

"Then what was it?"

"It was just...stuff."

"He probably didn't mean to hurt you. Daddy says that sometimes, people do things without thinkin' 'bout it and they end up hurting people they love, but they still love 'em. I know uncle John loves you, Nat Nat."

She wiped away her tears and smiled. "Thank you, Luke."

"And I love you too, okay?"

"Love you too, buddy."

"I'm hungry!"

She helped him get dressed and they walked back downstairs, hand in hand.

"Let's jet! Where do you wanna go, Luke?"

He thought for a little bit and smiled. "Can we to to Denny's?"

"Denny's it is!"

The two marched out if the house, singing some song about rainbow elephants and purple birds. Natalie followed, closing the front door gently behind her, using the spare key hidden under the doormat to lock it.


"Um...Can I have the pancakes with the mushy mushy?"

"You mean the bananas?" asked the waitress with a smile. It was obvious to Natalie that John brought Luke here often.

Luke nodded. "Yeah! And the sausages! With orange juice, please!"

"You got it."

"I'll have the Grand Slam, please."

"The usual stuff?"

"Yep."

"And coffee, right?"

John nodded and flashed a smile.

She looked at Natalie.

"Can I have just plain French toast and a glass of apple juice?"

"No eggs or anything?"

She shook her head.

"Alrighty! So that'll be banana pancakes, a Grand Slam, French toast, orange juice, apple juice, and coffee, right?"

All three nodded and the waitress collected their menus, leaving Luke's kids menu so that he could continue drawing on it.

Natalie still wasn't talking to John.

"Look, John! I drew you!" Luke pointed to a picture of a giraffe. "Natalie still wants to kick your butt, you know. She says it's because of stuff."

"Natalie's just being silly."

"Oh, I didn't know that getting mad at someone for lying was silly," she snapped.

Luke gasped. "You lied?"

John scratched the back of his neck. "I didn't lie, really. I just...forgot to tell you."

"You can't forget something like that!"

"You're not being fair."

"Fair? Fair?! Since when do I have to be fair? At least I'm honest!"

"If you're so honest, tell me if you're really together with Kennedy."

"I'm not together with Kennedy and that is one hundred percent true."

"Then why'd you kiss him?"

"To make you mad, obviously."

"Well it worked."

"I could tell."

"Okay, fine, you wanna know? She's my -"

Someone slid in next to John and smiled. "Hey!"

It was the girl from the party. Anna, or Abigail, or -

"Allison!"

"I thought it was only gonna be you and me," Allison said, annoyed.

"Yeah, but I had to make it up to Natalie. She's mad at me."

"Natalie?"

"Yeah. Natalie."

Allison shot her one of the dirtiest looks she had ever received in her life. Natalie brushed it off and instead stared at John in disbelief. This was who he was in a relationship with?

"Why'd you bring him?"

"Because he's my nephew, Alli. Problem?"

She rolled her eyes.

"So, do you live here or what? I've never seen you before."

"I live in California."

"You're pretty pale for a California girl. You look like paper," she sneered.

Natalie resisted the urge to punch the girl in the heavily made-up face. She wasn't even close to pale, especially with all the sun she had been getting in the past few weeks she had spent in Arizona.

"If you're going to insult me, at least do it honestly. Honesty seems to be a big issue with the people here. Or maybe it's just you two. I can make at least five honest comments about you right now."

"I want to see you try."

John stayed quiet, ripping up a napkin.

"First, you have so much foundation on, the wrong color, I might add, that your face is a completely different color than the rest of your body. Second, your hair is so fried and dead, and it looks like uncooked ramen. Congratulations on being Chad Kroeger, it's always been a dream of mine. I guess I'll just have to try to win the award next year. Third, your boobs look fake, end of story. Fourth, you have lipstick on your teeth. Fifth -"

Luke interrupted. "Don't forget to tell her she's ugly, Natalie."

Natalie put a hand to her mouth to cover up her laughter. This three year old was quite the riot.

"I hate kids. You're such a brat, Luke. Why don't you shut up and suck your thumb somewhere else?"

"Okay, seriously?" Natalie said, shocked. "It's one thing to insult me, but you're really going to sit there and say things like that to a three year old and not feel any guilt about it? Are you in second grade?"

"Why don't you fuck off?"

Luke gasped. "She cussed."

Natalie directed her comment to John. "Classy girlfriend you've got here, Johnny boy. Maybe you two should move back to the Jersey shore where she came from."

"Actually, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm his fiancé."

Fian-fucking-cé? It was one thing to be dating a girl like her, but marrying her?

Was John on crack cocaine?!

Nat tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her heart. John? Engaged?

She couldn't believe it.

The one person she trusted with her heart, the guy she thought would never screw her over, ended up smashing her heart with what felt like a sledgehammer, and didn't seem to feel an ounce of remorse for it.

And to think she actually felt something for him.

"Nat Nat, can we go now?"

She nodded, afraid to use her voice in case it trembled or cracked. Grabbing Luke's hand, they both slid out of the booth and made their way outside.

Biting back tears, she pulled out her phone and dialed Kennedy's number.

"Can you come get me? I'm at Denny's."

He agreed and they hung up. Luke tugged on her hand. "Are they gonna get married, Nat Nat?"

She nodded.

Luke shook his head. "She's too mean for him. I thought you guys were gonna get married!"

"No, Luke."

"How come? Uncle John loves you! And you love him, right?"

"It doesn't work that way anymore. I guess I wasn't enough for him."

"If I was John, I would marry you, Nat Nat. I'll kick his butt for you," Luke said, showing off his muscles.

She looked down at him. "Thanks, little guy. You're the best."

"I'll always be here for you, Nat Nat. I promise." He wrapped his arms around her legs, not being tall enough to reach her waist.

Kennedy's car rolled up and he got out, walking over to Luke and Natalie.

"What happened?"

"Uncle John's mean girlfriend cussed!"

Kennedy looked to Natalie for confirmation. "I'll tell you later."

He opened the door for Luke and Natalie got in on the passenger side.

Inside, I'm Amazed by My Morning Jacket was playing and Natalie hummed along softly.

"Did you buckle up?" she called out to Luke. "Be careful, buddy, Kenny doesn't have a car seat."

"I get to sit in the big boy seat," he giggled, performing a happy dance.

Kennedy chuckled as he got back into the car.

"Thanks for picking us up."

"No problem, Nat," he replied as he started to drive. "Where to?"

"Um, we should go back to Leigh's house before Garrett does so he doesn't worry."


Luke ran inside the house, hoping to find his daddy. Garrett wasn't there, so Kennedy and Natalie decided to wait until he got home.

Pulling open the pantry door, she pulled out a box of Captain Crunch. "I don't care if you haven't eaten yet, Ken, I know these are your favorite."

He chuckled and pulled out three bowls as she took the jug of milk from the fridge.

"Luke!"

He came into the kitchen with his beloved Winnie the Pooh clutched in his hands. The bear was completely ragged and grimy. Luckily, no stuffing was coming out yet. Once, Natalie had witnessed Leigh trying to wash the bear, and Luke came into the laundry room, screaming. He was saying something about how if she put Pooh in the machine, all the love would be washed away and the bear would be lonely and sad.

Natalie secretly wished that someone loved her like Luke loved his bear. She wished that someone would care for her so much that they would never let her get washed away.

Brushing off her secret wishes, she poured cereal and milk into the bowls and Kennedy took three spoons from one of the drawers.

Luke climbed onto an island chair and started to eat right away. "I'm hungry," he mumbled, his mouth stuffed with cereal. "Pooh wants to eat too!"

Kennedy laughed. "What does Pooh want to eat? Gummy bears?"

Luke gasped, astonished. "Pooh would never eat his friends! Are you crazy, Uncle Ken?"

"Yeah, Uncle Ken, jeez! I'll get Pooh some honey."

As she rummaged around in the pantry, she could hear Luke telling Kennedy about their adventure at Denny's.

"She was so mean, Uncle Ken. She said Natalie looked like paper. She must be dumb or something cause paper isn't ugly, but I guess that's what she meant. Natalie's not ugly anyway. And then Natalie said the mean girl and John were getting married!"

She heard a spoon clanking on the island counter. "They're getting married?"

Natalie turned, clutching a bear shaped bottle of honey.

"He didn't tell you guys?"

Luke whispered, "Uh oh. Did I do something bad?"

"No, Luke. Are you done with your cereal?"

"Yeah. Thank you, Nat Nat!"

He jumped down, wobbling a bit, before reaching up and grabbing the bottle from her hands. He ran off into the living room. In a few minutes, she heard the TV turn on and the theme song for The Fairly Odd Parents rang out.

"She had a ring on her finger, Kenny, and she said it herself. John didn't deny anything."

"You're serious?"

"Dead serious."

He shook his head. "I can't believe he would do something like that. He knows we all hate her. We thought he had broken up with her!"

"I didn't even know about her."

"This is ridiculous. He's gotta have some reason for doing this. Up until now, we were sure he loved you."

"He did."

"Then why the fuck is he marrying Allison?"

"Because I screwed up," she mumbled, her voice trembling.

She was just now realizing the magnitude of her mistake. Things could have gone differently and John could have been here with her if she hadn't -

"What? What happened?"

When he saw that she was crying, he moved to the seat next to hers and wrapped an arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder, silently crying her way through confusion and regret.

"I told him I hated him and that I would never love him back. I fucked him in the back of his truck, and he told me he loved me. I never wanted this to happen. I  asked him to love me, but I never thought he would fall in love with me. I didn't want to get attached. I didn't know, Kennedy, I didn't know."

"You didn't know what?"

"I didn't know things would be this hard. It's not fair."

"Do you love him, Natalie?"

"No."

"Natalie, be honest. Do you love him?"

"N-No."

"Natalie, tell me the truth."

She sighed, shut her eyes, and whispered as softly as she could, "Yes."

"Then you need to fight for him. Get him back. You're better than her and you know it. You fit him better than she does, and you make him happier than she does. He needs you just as much as you need him, I can promise you that. I'm telling you, you can't let this slip away. John means way too much to you."

"But he doesn't love me anymore."

"I don't think so. He can't just fall in love and fall out of it that fast. I don't think anyone can. Listen to me. Get him back. Got it? If not for the sake of you, do it for the sake of us. We want that bitch gone. Natalie, please."

The front door opened and John stepped in, bitch free.

"Where's your fiancé?" she spat at him.

He wasn't looking at her. Instead, he was shooting daggers at Kennedy with his eyes.

"Get your hands off of her," he growled, "She's mine."

Natalie was fuming mad. "Yours? Are you mental, John Cornelius?! I stopped being yours the minute you stepped into the barbecue with that girl! You lost the right to call me yours when you slipped that ring on her finger!"

"You don't even love me!"

"You didn't stick around to find out the truth, did you? No! You lied to me! You forgot to mention to me that while we were wrestling in the back of your truck that you had a girl waiting for you in Australia! You can't just expect me to be fine with that. I'm not a robot, John. I have a heart."

"That's something I never knew! If you had a heart, why didn't you use it on me, huh? You left me hanging there, believing that you didn't love me. This is your fault, Natalie! This is completely your fault. You go around, telling people that you don't need anyone. You're just as weak as all the hearts you break, and I'm not going to stand by and be crushed like all the others! I needed you. I needed you to love me back. You pushed me away. You got what you wanted, Nat. No strings attached. You're free to go." He gestured to the door.

She stood and tried her hardest not to cry. Despite her efforts, tears streamed down her face, full force.

"I trusted you."

"Yeah? You didn't show it. I was there when you were lonely, and I was there when you were bored. I was there when you were feeling scared, but you weren't sure what for. You had me right where you wanted me, Nat. I gave you the chance. The ball was in your court, but you passed it to me when you ran away from your feelings. All you needed to do was tell the truth, but you didn't. So who's the liar now, Natalie?"

She pushed past him and swung the door open. She cried as she walked out of the house. She was still crying when Garrett pulled up to the driveway. She kept crying when he ran up to her, taking her by the shoulders and asking if she was alright. She continued to cry as she shook her head and she didn't stop until she finished walking all the way home.

John had sliced her open and dissected her. He figured out what no one had before, and he put every part of her heart out in the open for everyone to see. He exposed her. He made her feel vulnerable, and he made her feel as small as a mouse. He had beat Natalie's game, leaving her stranded, fending for herself, stripped bare of all defense mechanisms.

She was no longer the steely, bitchy Natalie Smith.

She was raw, revealed, and alone.