Accidental Addiction

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^*Matt’s POV*^
As I watched Allison intently as she slowly started to lean towards me. Our lips connected, and fuck…I saw sparks. She leaned into me, and I leaned into her. I didn’t want to pull away, but she did, and just looked down at the floor. What in the hell did she just do? What in the hell did we just do?

“Sorry.” She muttered, and I slowly shook my head, trying to resist the urge to kiss her.

“Don-don’t uh…don’t…fuck…” I couldn’t form words. I had a new feeling towards Allison. I didn’t want this feeling, really, but I had felt it before. I only cared about Allison as a friend, that was all. Right? Right. Allison was a friend, nothing more. I could help her, and she could get out of this, but that was all I was to her. A friend. Nothing more. I loved that bit- Sarah, don’t I? I do... I think. I really don’t even know why in the hell she’s even living with me. I must’ve been drunk through the first three years of our relationship, because this last year she’s really been a bitch. I stood up from the couch, trying not to fall. What in the fuck happened to me? “I’ll uh…I’ll…be…” Fuck Matt, pull it together! “I-I’ll be back to-tomorrow.” I stuttered, and she nodded, still not looking up at me as I made my way out the door. I walked down the short hall, and outside, where I collapsed in my car. I…I didn’t like Allison as more than a friend, right? Right, Allison is a friend; my boss’s daughter. I can’t love someone like her, can I?

I don’t really care if I can or not…I am, and I can’t help it.

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^*Allison’s POV*^
As I leaned in and kiss Matt, it was like live wires connecting together and fixing a power outage. I felt whole, like I had found this lost part of my life that I had never even realized was missing. I didn’t want it to end. But then I shoved my human side out of the way, and pulled away and then just looked at the floor. I can’t believe I did that. I could see him out of the corner of my eyes, the slightly shocked expression on his face. I muttered a quick, ‘sorry’, and he couldn’t even manage a reply, everything he tried to say just sounded like gibberish. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, and he looked like someone had just slapped him in the face. He was caught by surprise, and didn’t know how to react. In a way, I wanted to kiss him again. I needed that feeling. I liked that feeling. I liked him. No, that wasn’t right. I don’t like him. I can’t like him. I can’t let him inside of my brain. I can’t let my walls down just because of one kiss. He’ll turn into Steven, but ten times worse. But I wanted to feel his lips on mine one more time. But I can’t have that feeling. I wasn’t really paying attention to him until he started stuttering again.

“I-I’ll be back to-tomorrow.” I nodded, and he left, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief. I could let my guard down the slightest bit, without having to worry that I’ll attack him, and run him away for even longer than two weeks. I need him though. I want him. He can protect me, he can help me, he can make Steven go away. I don’t have to push him away. I could let him in. I don’t have to hate him. I don’t want to hate him. I don’t like being alone. I…I think I may love him. Wait, shit, no that wasn’t right at all. I wanted him, I didn’t love him. Love doesn’t exist in my world. Steven ruined love. Steven ruined a lot of things. I wasn’t sure exactly how I wound up here, but I was in my closet again, ripping up floor boards. I didn’t know how I got here, but the sad part was I knew what got me here: Kissing Matt.

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^*Matt’s POV*^
I was on edge ever since that kiss. Sarah was mad when I came home late with my hand busted up. Really, I couldn’t even pay attention to her worried, confused, anger filled words. I tried to answer her questions the best I could, without telling her what actually happened. If she knew what happened, she would blame Allison, and it wasn’t Allison’s fault. So I told her Frank accidentally slammed the top of the copier down on my hand. She thought Frank was a stupid kid, since he was only eighteen, so she believed it easily. I didn’t pay attention when she started complaining about the poor kid, mostly because I couldn’t. I still had that kiss on replay in my head. After about the millionth question, I just got up from the couch, walked into ou- my room, and shut the door. The next day at work I was still edgy, partly because I didn’t get but two hours of sleep, but mostly because of the events of the afternoon before. Donna nearly gave me a heart attack in the elevator, and I twitched so violently I thought my body made an indention in the wall, and I scared the fuck out of her. I couldn’t even face Mr. Fincher. I actually felt kind of bad about it. He sent me to check up on Allison; to make sure she’s okay, not to begin falling in love with her. So that explains why I literally fell out of my chair when he barged in.

“Are you okay Matthew?” He asked, and I nodded, slowly getting back in my chair.

“I-I’m fine.” I muttered with a sigh, and he gave me a skeptical look.

“You sure?” He asked, and I nodded.

“Just…Sarah and I are going downhill.” I said, and he shook his head.

“Should have asked her the question and maybe it could have saved your relationship.” He said with a small sigh, and I mentally groaned.

“Maybe so, but she’s becoming a bitch. I think I may have been completely wasted these past few years for me to not notice her horrible attitude.” I said, and he nodded.

“Well, that’s what happens sometimes.” He said, and I handed him the stack of folders he came for, and just before he walked out the door, he turned and asked, “Hey, have you been by Allison’s place lately?” I froze, and took a deep breath.

“Uh yea, I went over yesterday, and she’s doing fine.” I said, and he smiled.

“Thanks Matthew.” He said, and I smiled a little.

“No problem.” He walked out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

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^*Allison’s POV*^
I actually did it. I have everything bagged up, drugs, rigs, burnt spoons, and plastic lemon bottles. All in one big black garbage bag. I sat in the floor of my bedroom, and stared at the bag. I realized that Matt was right. I can’t keep living like this, or I won’t make it very much longer, I still have tracks on my arms, memories in my head, and the fucked up veins, but that’s almost all that’s left. I was quitting. I wasn’t going to any drug rehab center, I wasn’t slowly climbing out of this pit, I was just getting out, cold turkey. I had gotten a shower today, and I haven’t had any drugs in my system since I woke up. I even managed to cook eggs and bacon for breakfast. I heard a knock on the door, surely it would only be one of two people; Lance, or Matt. In a way, I kind of hoped it would be Lance, so I could break the news to him.

“Come in!” I yelled, and the door opened. “I’m in my room!” I called, and footsteps drew close until Matt appeared in the doorway.

“What’s in the bag?” He asked pointing to the big black garbage bag that sat in front of me. I took a deep breath, and smiled a little.

“I’m quitting.” I said simply, and he gave me a skeptical look. “I’m getting clean.” I looked back at the bag. “Everything’s in there.” I muttered, and I slowly stood up, and looked back at him.

“You’re actually doing this?” He asked hopefully, and I nodded.

“What you said yesterday got to me.” I said, and he smiled.

“I’m proud of you.” He said, and I smiled.

“It wasn’t easy. But being told that you won’t live past twenty one if you keep on living the way you are is like an iron frying pan in the face.” I said, and he sighed.

“Sorry about that. I was in pain, and I guess I got a little preachy.” He said, and I looked down.

“I guess I should apologize for…for kissing you, yesterday. I don’t really know what happened to me.” I said, still not looking up at him and he was silent for a second.

“I-I uh…yo-you don’t n-need to uh…fuck…” I looked up at him and smiled as he trailed off, trying to get his language right.

“It’s okay, I get what you’re saying.” I said, laughing lightly, and he looked at me with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Really?”

“Not really… When you get like that I can’t understand a single fucking thing you say.” I said, and he smiled, shaking his head. Strangely enough, I just realized this is the first actual conversation we’ve had in quite some time.

“Well, need me to get that out of here?” He asked, pointing to the trash bag, and I nodded, the smile fading from my face.

“Yea.” I said, and he walked over and picked up the bag, and I followed him out of the room and into the living room.

“Don’t want to say one last goodbye?” Matt asked as he opened the door, and I shook my head. He gave me an appreciative smile, and walked out. I took a deep breath and walked over and sat down on the couch. I still couldn’t believe I was going to make a third attempt at getting clean, of trying to leave this lifestyle. Matt came back in a second later, and smiled. “It’s gone.” He said, and I felt it hit me then, the reality of the moment. Those two words that made my lungs get tight. I just stared at the door. Can I do this? I’ve tried before, and I always go back. I sat on the couch, staring at the door as he sat down beside me.

“Matt, y-you’re going to help me through this, this time around, right? Keep me from having second thoughts?” I asked, resisting the urge to go get that trash bag.

“Of course.” He said, and I nodded.

“Good, because I’m having second thoughts.” I said, and I felt one of those feelings coming on, the feeling that the world is weighing down on my shoulders. I can’t do this. That kiss must have fucked up my head. I can’t live without my drugs. The heroin, cocaine, speedballs, and zombie dust, I can’t live without them. They’re my lifelines. I stood up, and Matt shot up from the couch and grabbed my hand just as I was darting for the door.

“Woah, where are you going?” He asked, and I looked at him with determination, and fright in my eyes. This is one of those moments I hate. My human, knowing side –my heart- telling me not go get that bag, that I can do this. But then there’s my strung out, fucked up side –my head- yelling at me, and fighting with my human side that I can’t do this, I can never make something of my life.

“I’m going to get that damn trash bag, why do you care?” I snapped, and then realized what I said as Matt rolled his eyes. I tried to pull my wrist from his hand, and once I did he wrapped his arms around me.

“No you’re not.” I tried to get my arms free, but he had them pinned to my sides. I felt fighting and struggling, and then I gave up.

“You sure you want to help me?” I asked, slightly out of breath from struggling against his relentless grip, and he nodded.

“I’m going to help get you out of this, no doubt about it.” He said, and I tried to turn my head to look at him, but I was pressed up against his chest, making that nearly impossible.

“You haven’t in the past.” I stated.

“Well, in the past I didn’t know about Steven. If you don’t get out now, your rather going to die of an over dose, or Steven’s going to kill you. It’s a life or death situation now. I don’t want to see you get killed.” He said, and I sighed.

“Okay, I get it. Now rather loosen your grip so you don’t crush my ribcage, or put me down.” I said, and he slowly put me back on my feet, and then reluctantly unwrapped his arms from my torso.

“Thanks.” I said, and turned towards him. I need that trash bag. “You have something black under your eye.” I said, and he looked at me skeptically. “I think it’s an eyelash. Close your eyes for a second.” I instructed, and he eyes me suspiciously.

“Allison, what-”

“Just close your eyes!” I said, and he sighed before closing his eyes. I took off towards the door, and just as I grabbed the doorknob his arms were back around me, and I was lifted an inch above the ground.

“God damnit Allison! I’m going to have to keep an eye on you.” He said, and I let my head fall.

“So close.” I muttered, and he opened the door, and shifted me so that I was over his shoulder, and I hit on his back as he carried me out the door.

“That’s it.” He stated, and I continued to hit on his back with my fists.

“What the fuck Matt?!” I yelled, but he kept walking.

“You’re staying at my place. You’re too sneaky for me to leave you alone in your apartment.”

“Well, you’re the one who believed a drug addict and closed you fucking eyes for two seconds!” I snapped, and I felt the slightly chilled air hit me as he walked outside.

“Yea, and I’ve learnt my lesson.”