Amnesia Causes Many Things . . . Falling for My Enemy Isn't One of Them

One week had passed since I had last seen Lord Salvador, but even though one week had passed, he was still floating around in my mind. Elinor had learned quite quickly not to even mention the Lord's name around me, and as my almost personal body guard, she made sure everyone else knew it too. It didn't take long before my mother pulled me aside one afternoon as I strolled the gardens just outside the castle.

"Sweetie, I must know what you think of Lord Salvador."

As soon as the name was said, the hairs on the back of my neck raised and a crystal clear image of the young man with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes appeared before me as if I had only saw him a few seconds ago.

I cleared my throat as I turned to look at my mother. She only had to look at my face before she gestured for me to follow her. It was a short walk to a small stone bench underneath a cherry blossom tree. The leaves were just filling out as pink buds showed on the branches of the tall tree.

I sat down obediently beside my mother as she looked over toward me, her all-knowing eyes holding a story that I didn't know the words too as she gazed at my face for an immeasurable amount of time.

"Selene, your birthday is in a couple of weeks. You need to find someone to marry in that time," she stated, her voice calm and smooth with a slight edge. I only smiled and nodded my head, my ash brown hair falling over my baby blue dressed shoulders as I looked calmly toward my mother.

"Mother, I know this, and I've already chosen who I'd like to marry," I replied with an air of casualty as I waved my hand toward her, but her brown gaze held more than she was saying.

"I know honey. Conner is a wonderful man, or maybe I should say . . . was."

For a moment, I thought my world had stopped. Then I looked back up to my mother, knowing this couldn't be true.

"No, he is a good and wonderful man. He'll be back shortly too," I replied, my voice sounding strange even to my own ears. My mother's brown eyes held no warmth in them as she gazed at me with the saddest expression I'd ever seen her wear.

"Selene, sweetie, Conner's no longer with us. I'm afraid he was attacked while patrolling the camp," her voice was so soft, almost as if she would talk in any other way the air would shatter. Her hand reached over toward me in a comforting manner, but I stood up so fast I almost lost my balance.

"You're wrong," I told her before I walked away as calmly as if nothing had ever been said between us. It didn't take me long to break out into a run into the large barn. The hominess of the place would make anyone happy and at peace, but now, it only terrified me.

The few stable hands that were hanging about took one glance at me before they stared with shock as I ran pass, holding my blue dress up so that I wouldn't fall. I ran into the tack room, took one look around, and stripped down quickly before grabbing a pair of boots, dark colored pants and matching shirt along with a bridle, saddle, and a blanket before I ran from the room, my dress forgotten among the hay.

I easily made my way to a large stall holding a large black stallion. His long strong legs and body made him a perfect jumping horse, and today would be a perfect day for him.

Quickly I saddled Eclipse, already feeling the hotness in my eyes and the tightness in my throat as I mounted him and opened the gate. I tore out of the barn like a mad woman as I felt the wind whipping at my face as I gave Eclipse free reign as he bolted through the fields. The tears in my eyes were now overflowing onto my cheeks as I jumped a fence and onto the road leading away from the castle and into the woods beyond. I didn't care where I was going, or where Eclipse would take me, but I trusted the horse more than I trusted myself at this moment. The setting sun wasn't even a worry for me.

I clung to Eclipse's mane and reins as he galloped along the road. It didn't take long for me to breakdown into a total mess. The hot tears pouring over my face made it impossible to see anything, and as Eclipse leaped over an unknown object, I was almost thrown from the saddle as I rocked forward and back again.

It didn't take long for Eclipse to throw me off, however. My emotions set him off and as he was leaping over a log, a sudden snapping of a twig startled the stallion and he tripped, sending me flying over his head and hitting the hard cold ground. Unconsciousness soon passing over me as a sharp blow to the head cut off the mental images I was receiving.

With a sudden gasp of air my green eyes shot open, not fully understanding where I was or what I was doing. The cold wind swept over my body like chilled fingers as I took in lungfuls of air before I choked. My memory brought back everything to the surface and fresh tears made their way down my cheeks. I didn't care where I was, my mind didn't process anything besides the fact that Conner was gone. My best friend now lying dead in the ground in an unknown place with scars all over him.

My fingers suddenly gripped the grass, dirt getting underneath my fingernails as I struggled to breathe. I was alone. I was officially alone in this world and no one could save me. I was looking over an abyss that never ended and promised me no more pain, even though my heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces.

Sounds reached my ears, but I couldn't process what they belonged to. I hoped it was a hungry predator ready to swallow me whole, or maybe an enemy who would shoot me dead in an instant.

"Oh, Selene. Look at you."

The voice sounded familiar, but I refused to figure out who it was. I didn't care. I wanted to be dead and away from all of this shattering pain. My throat was so tight, it was somewhat of a miracle I was still able to breathe as my body shivered with cold.

A warm hand stroked my cheek, but my eyes still didn't see anything. I only recognized the colors that were whirring past. Hot tears ran freely down my cheeks, as I drowned in the loss of Conner. The name alone set off a choke of sobs and tightened my hold on the grass.

"You shouldn't be like this. You need to be back where you belong, otherwise this never would have happened."

The voice, so familiar yet so alien, pushed through my darkness and my watery eyes suddenly looked up to focus on the face above me, but I couldn't see through all of my tears.

"C-Conner. . . ." I managed to whisper through my sobs as tears ran down my soaked cheeks. A hand rested on the side of my head and stroked my hair lightly. My body was racked with another swarm of sobs, and before I could find my voice to scream out in my pain, I was picked up and carried in strong warm arms. My head lay against their chest and I didn't care whose it was. I wanted this to end. I couldn't stand this pain, this loss, this loneliness.

"Please . . . " I begged, my voice so strange and alienated I didn't even recognize it, "please, kill me."

The arms that held me tightened their grip on my small body as they walked, the motion almost comforting.

"I can't do that Selene. You know I can't," the voice whispered, harsh and hoarse almost as if they had lost their best friend as well.

It soon fell silent, the only sounds that I could hear were my sobs of sorrow and the steady beat of my carrier’s footsteps. Time didn't seem to process through my mind, because it only seemed like a few minutes before I saw the faint lights of the castle. Voices filtered through the air and I buried my head deeper into the person's chest, wishing I could just fall in a hole and never return. The strong arms around me tensed and held me closer, if that was possible, as we entered the castle doors.

Voices uproared instantly and I closed my eyes tightly, wishing this would all go away. My hand gripped the person's shirt almost as if it was a safety blanket, which it sort of was at this moment. His chest rumbled as he spoke, but it didn't take long for all of the voices to die down and the sudden feel of soft sheets underneath my dirty riding clothes.

Even though he had set me down, I refused to let go of his shirt. It felt like if he left, my world would become a reality. With him, I could try and believe that none of this was happening.

"I can't stay with you," his voice whispered, hoarse and almost frantic as his warm hands tightened around my small fist. I tightened my hand around his shirt, but it was almost too simple for him to unravel his shirt from my hand.

"N-No," I whispered, my voice barely audible but shattering the silence around us. The desperation and terror in my voice didn't seem to faze the person standing next to my bed in my dark room. He simply took a step back before he turned, walked out of my room, and shut my door. That door would stay shut for the next three days.

On the third day, Elinor walked into my room, as she always did, and laid my breakfast on a rolling table before sighing heavily as her gray eyes gazed on my unmoved body.

"Selene! You must get up! You can't just mope around sweetie, no matter how much you'd like to," she stated, her voice harsh at first before softening into a motherly tone as she sat down at the edge of my bed and patted my covered leg. I sighed, for maybe the millionth time that morning. I knew things weren't going to get better, but in my mind, if I stayed in my room and underneath my covers, I'd never have to face the reality that was staring me in the face.

At my action, which was nothing, Elinor sighed heavily before waving her hand toward the door, her expression obviously of defeat.

"Come on in! There's no way she's going to get out of this bed for me," she grumbled, walking over to the other side of my room as if it was normal for anyone besides her to walk into my room so suddenly. My green eyes slid over to the door with hardly any curiosity. I was expecting mother, or maybe father if he really wanted something done, but the person who walked in shocked me so suddenly I choked and lost my breath. There, in my doorway, stood sandy haired, blue eyed Deimos. His formal wear made him look sleek and handsome as he strode into my room, his eyes boring into my own.

With a sudden scream, I gripped my head as pain pulsed through my mind, and along with the pain came images. Images of Deimos, but ones that I've never seen before. One was of him with his usually nicely combed hair, tousled and sticking out at all odds and ends as he stood in the middle of a lush forest with a bare chest. Another was one with him in front of a whole group of people, ones I had never met before.

The more images I received, the more pain I received as I curled up in a ball with my fingernails digging into my scalp as my mind pulsed and tears started down my face. I didn't even hear Elinor's frantic shouts as she ran out of the room. As the images slowed, my screaming stopped and I panted as my body trembled from the experience. What was that? Some sort of memory? Or maybe a long lost dream? But if so, why would it cause so much pain?

A warm hand on my arms made me freeze as I slowly moved my head up, wincing slightly as I gazed up at Deimos, his eyes glistening as a sad smile lightened his lips.

"What did you see?" he asked me softly, his voice sweeping over me like a warm blanket as I stared up at him, my green eyes never blinking as I stared into his blue eyes. Confusion soon filled my face as I remembered every detail in Deimos's face.

"You," I replied, my voice breathless and weak as I kept looking up at the man standing beside me, his warm hand still on my arm. "I saw you."