I'm Losing the Best of Me.

Monday morning came too early for Jack, he had spent most of the weekend at his ex girlfriends house looking after her with tins of chicken soup, blankets and plenty of box’s of tissues for her tissue mountain that was building up where the bin was supposed to be. Jack would much rather be there with her now, hands holding her blond hair from flopping in her face as she vomited up the soup.

“—Jack?” Christofer was flapping his hand over Jack’s eyes which were staring off in the distance a frown set onto his face, -“Barakat…?”

Jack snapped up and frowned a little shoving the long fingers away from his face as he carefully pushed his jelled black bangs from his dark brown eyes; being extra cautious about not letting his slashed wrists show to his colleague who would most likely flip out to him yelling about how ‘IT’S NOT SAFE TO DO THAT, YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. LET ME SEE IT, NOW.’ And so on.

“What, Chris?” he asked after a few seconds of messing with the bits of spiking hair at the back of his head, he was possibly being a little more picky with his hair than he normally was but it’ s not like this wasn’t important. He was seeing his ex-best friend again after six years, to help with a divorce that shouldn’t be happening because they should not have gotten married in the first place.

“We got about five minutes; are you okay?” asked the younger man who was also fiddling with his lighter brown hair that had fallen into his brown eyes, a few bracelets fell down his wrists as he did so, but he didn’t seem bothered by the concert bracelets that were sitting there.

“I’ll be fine, he might end up a little injured but… is that okay?” Jack smirked a little, one hand brushing over his slight stubble which he probably should have cleared off this morning, but he wasn’t bother about looking nice for Alex.

Chris laughed a little and rolled his eyes to the dark haired boy before sitting back down on his leather chair, feet going to the desk where his Nike High Dunks crossed over each other; the older boy laughed a little at the trainers that were on his feet –“nice.”
-

Alex was fixing his hair as he looked down to his outfit, it was simple; black skinny jeans, yellow flannel shirt, grey beanie and a pair of red converse which were gratified by Vinny and Matt when they had met up one time at a bar. He couldn’t afford fancy shit anymore.

“Come on, we gotta go!” whined his wife from the car, he rolled his eyes and glanced to the mirror again before jogging down to the car which was an old Ford sort of thing that he had gotten cheap from his mate.

“Coming, dear…” he muttered to himself with a slight eye roll.

The car journey in all was awkward and fucking awful, his wife had been tapping her fingers onto her thigh and mumbling to herself while Alex was tempted to just chuck her out of the car and tell her to get there herself; but he wouldn’t, he didn’t hate her that much.

When they reached the tall building Alex frowned a little and got out of his car, one hand opening the door for Lisa who was in a pair of sweat pants and a tank top; he rolled his eyes, typical. His fingers combed at his bangs before he walked into the building, Lisa trailing behind, critical eyes darting around the spotless building.

He went to the desk and leant on it a little, raising a dark eyebrow, “Christofer and Jack’s office?” he questions, he didn’t know their names and had forgotten the room number.

“Number 70, floor 6,” the petite blond smiles sweetly at him, jabbing a manicured finger towards the lift for him to use.

“Thank you!”
-

“He’s fucking ten minutes late, Chris… Can I go home?” whines the older man who was picking at his nails, a bored expression crawling on his face as he stared to Christofer with a slight pout blown onto his lips, hoping he would persuade the younger man to let him just fucking /leave/ already.

“You can’t leave, Jackary, darling! I need something sexy in here while I suffer…” the younger pouted a little, brown eyes looking to him- he looked gorgeous with the two studs on his lower lip- it made Jack cave almost immediately.

“Fine, but only if… “Jack couldn’t finish, due to a knock on the door; he recognised the timid knock and he froze at the thought of seeing Alex- he started to cough into his hand, feeling some of the scars bust as he moved his wrist at a weird angle, he liked the pain though, and it would make this all bearable.

“Come in.”
-

Alex was walking down the hall as Lisa trudged beside him, a pout set onto her glossed lips as they counted the numbers on the doors 67, 68, 69, 70… Alex swallowed nervously yet again considering that it could be /his/ Jack that he was about to see before he frowned and shoved the thought away, hand raising and knocking quietly on the oak door. He heard their laugh’s come to a halt, then some hacking coughs.

“Come in,” a sing song voice that he remembered from yesterday came from behind the door which had a gold plate on reading ‘CHRISTOFER DREW’, the name was somehow comforting; it didn’t have the words ‘Jack’ or ‘Barakat’ in them, so he let out a breath of a sigh.

“You can come in?” the voice repeated, making Alex realize he wasn’t actually in the office of the Divorce lawyers who were possibly considerably younger than he was- maybe a lot smarter than he was, considering they didn’t get married as soon as he did.

Before he knew it he was standing in the office, eyes focused on his converse before he was being sat into a chair by Lisa who looked bored already. Alex couldn’t bring himself to look up and see who this Jack guy was, he was so scared that his fingers pulled at each other.

“Hi, so let’s get this over with- what gonna happen and so on?” asks Lisa, glancing over the two men behind the desk,

“I-I’m sorry… I-I can’t-t do thi-this Chris…” chokes one of the men, and Alex’s head snaps up to see a flash of raven black hair leaving the room, a light brunette left in the space where the two leather chairs were sitting.

The brunette just nodded softly and leaned forwards, elbows on the marble desktop as he started to run through everything that was going to happen between the two of them- but Alex was glancing to the door wondering where the raven haired boy had gone and why he had left at all… maybe he was Jack. He swore he remembered that voice, but he shook it off and just nodded the man with long hair in front of him.

“I’m gonna go find, Jack, I’m sorry about that… Can you two fill out these sheets please?” a tattooed hand passes them each some sheets and pens before Alex see’s a pair of Nike High Dunks leave the room.
-

Jack speeded from the room, feet stumbling over the laces of his black converse as he hurried down the halls, trying to regain breath to his lungs as he stumbled up the stairs making his way towards the roof. He always sat up there when he needed to think about something/someone.

He found the top of the roof and let his palms push against the metal door, he loved the feeling of the air that rushed and hit him in the face, and it was perfect because when he was in that office he felt fucking suffocated.

He walked across the gravel roof and sat with his back against the concrete, head hanging back so he could get some more air into his lungs; so he could feel somewhat alive again.

He pushed his head into his palms, feeling the horrible pricks of tears threatening his brown eyes to drip over—he hated crying, showed some sort of weakness, in his opinion, he cried too much. He never used to cry, when he was in the band… when he had Alex by his side.

“No- you’re better without him, Jack…” he murmured to himself, fingers tugging at the spikes of his hair.

Chris was running up the stairs to the roof, he knew Jack well enough to know that he would be going there to run off. This had happened before and honestly Chris hated seeing the older man so upset about something that had happened six years ago.

Christofer Drew was 26, he lived in an apartment with a girlfriend he was too scared to dump; he practically lived at Jack’s apartment or at the office block. He was hopelessly in love with Jack, though he did well to disguise it—nobody knew a thing about him liking Jack and he planned to keep it that way. Jack was not gay anyway, he only saw the two of them as close friends and that’s all he was ever going to see Chris as.

Chris pushes his long bangs from his eyes and pushed against the metal door, walking out onto the roof he glances around and see’s a pair of old black converse, he immediately knew that Jack was there and he knew his best friend well. He walked over, Nike’s skidding over the gravel as he took a seat next to the charcoal haired boy whose arms wrapped around Chris, head buried into his shoulder as he cried- cried his eyes out.

“Shh, it’s okay… I got you…” Chris whispers, arms holding the older man to his chest, lips pressing a kiss to his forehead. “It’s okay…”
-
“That was your friend,” Lisa states, as she tapped the pen on her thigh, “That Jack guy.”

Alex almost froze as she said that- was she just saying that to get him emotional or was she actually telling the truth? Was that actually Jack Barakat; his Jack? Lisa could be lying, but she probably wouldn’t about something like that—she’s not that bitter.

“Did you not see? He’s even skinnier, still has the weird spiky hair and all that… you didn’t even look up, did you?”

“No--- you’re lying, I know you are… Jack, Jack Barakat was never wanting to be boring or normal… why the fuck would he be a lawyer?”

Lisa shrugged her shoulders, as she wrote down on the sheets, lips puckering slightly as she wrote in her little writing “I don’t know. But it was him—and that Chris guy totally has something for him, did you not notice?”

“No- I did not fucking notice. I didn’t look at either of them.”

“Well, that was Jack- okay? And he left because he knew it was us, he left because he was probably fucking forced to do this, you know him- he hates going out without a fight- you have to remember that…” Lisa states again, eyes looking to her husband with a raised eyebrow.

“Okay, it was Jack… I miss him- I just didn’t want to look, I kind of guessed it would be him-“ he looked back down to the sheet where he continues to write down the information that was being asked for.

“I know you do, okay?”
-
Jack pressed his nose more into Chris’ neck, tears still slipping down his nose as he thought about even seeing the choppy golden hair that slipped into his golden brown eyes, God he missed staring into those eyes as they snuggled in Alex’s bunk.

He wiped his tears again and tried to get the memories from his head but he couldn’t stop the flash back’s popping up to him.

Flash Back.

“Lex? Wake up, come on… wake up, Lexy…” Jack whispered, gently pushing his best friends golden hair from his eye lids which were fluttering a little whilst he woke up from possibly a good dream meaning a good dream, as in Jack could feel Alex’s morning wood poking into his thigh.

“J-Jack?” Alex’s voice croaked a little bit, it was so God damn sexy in the mornings with the little hoarse.

“Yeah, wake up before your boner goes elsewhere,” he mumbled into Alex’s neck a little as the older man moved slightly into a different position though his boxers were half way down his hips showing a bit of hair, but Jack liked it- and he was kind of scared about it.

“I’m up… and you do loved… the boner…” a croak replied, a smirk flushing on the other boys face who was pushing his bangs from his eyes.

“Oh of course- you’re fucking sexy. Not,” he laughed a little laugh whilst smirking at his best friend who gave him a little wink.

Before Jack knew what was happening he felt Alex’s body on top of his, morning wood pressed together and it felt so right that Jack frowned a little as their eyes connected together, both eyes sparkling slightly as a smirk twitched the older man’s lips.

“Don’t freak out, okay?” the older man mumbled as his thighs straddled over Jack’s waist; arms above his head. Jack nods dumbly- freak about what?

That’s when Alex pressed his lips against his best friends, Jack felt sparks go off as their lips started to move in sync and it was just so perfect. Alex’s tongue quickly swiped over Jack’s bottom lip, it was urgent and needy, but so fucking perfect- had he mentioned that already?

But it was all over too soon as a high voice squeaks “Lexy?” and Alex hurried out of the bunk to meet his girlfriend.

Normal Time.

Jack looked up to Chris and nodded his head a little bit “We can go back in now.”
-

Alex looked up as the two men walked in again, a wet patch on the lighter haired boys shoulder obviously where Jack had been crying on his shoulder, and that made Alex feel bad about even showing up, he didn’t want him to cry- he did miss him.

“Here’s the sheets…” Lisa passed the sheets to Chris who took them with a tattooed hand and a small smile towards her before he pushed his bangs back and shoved them into a smile called Gaskarth.

"Thanks-“ Jacks voice was slightly croaky as he forced a smile, because hell was that forced –“Can you guys come on Saturday to? We will have to talk to each of you separately, if that’s alright?” Jack’s voice was forced, it was clear to Alex since he knew everything about him.

“Yeah- that’ll be fine; I’ll be with Chris, yeah?” Lisa adds with a flirty smile at the light brown haired boy who just nods in a ‘yes’.

“Yeah, that will be fine; you’ll be in this office and Alex you will go to floor seven room 69 which is Jack’s office—that okay?” the tattooed individual asked with a raised eyebrow.

Alex nods his head slightly, taking a glance to the man who he used to be best friends with. Lisa was right, he looked so thin now and his skin was almost white which highlighted his black bushy eyebrows and stubble that spotted his cheeks and just above his top lip- and he really thought that he saw a little scar on his wrist, but then again, he was most likely making it up.

“So I’ll see you on Saturday, Jack?” Alex asks, he felt his throat constricting but he continued, he then again thought he saw Chris’ hand twine together under the desk then un-twine, it made him frown a little—Jack wasn’t gay.

“Yeah-h. But if I’m not there, someone else will be talking to you—might gotta look after Zack or something…” mumbled the man in a suit, who pushed back the raven bangs from his eyes, again with the scar…

“Uhm. Yeah—okay,” Alex agreed whilst standing at the same time as Lisa.

“Bye.” They speak together before walking from the office.

Why did Zack need looking after, what was wrong with him? Was he sick? Was he in hospital? Was he dying? What the fuck was happening? Alex frowned whilst walking down the hall with his current wife, god his life was fucked up.

But Jack is back now. He's be fine.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg