I'm Losing the Best of Me.

It was the Saturday that Jack was honestly dreading, he was going to have a proper breakdown in there or he’d just yell at the older man until he was the one sobbing on the floor whilst pulling at his hair in shame. But that was more than unlikely, the older man had more dignity than to cry on the floor or hold someone as they cried, like Jack had done with Chris.

Jack pulled his leather jackets sleeves over his hand as his teeth chewed on his lips; why was he so fucking nervous about seeing Alex Gaskarth? He’d seen him naked, he’d touched his dick- he should not be worried about anything.

He was wearing a pair of tight black skinny jeans, white v-neck and a brown leather jacket- it was a Saturday, he technically didn’t need to have the proper uniform on as it wasn’t actually a day he was supposed to be working on.
-

Alex fixed his flannel shirt as he walked onto the right floor whilst checking the numbers on the door, he was so god damned nervous about being alone with Jack- he had no idea what to expect with him anymore when he used to be able to read him like a book, it was different now though.

Alex knocked on the number sixty nine door, the golden platter shined out the name ‘Jack B. Barakat’ it made his stomach churn, it made him feel sick it made him worried and most of all… it made him smile.

“Come in…” the voice replied, making Alex look down again; his hand turned the door knob and he stepped into the large dark purple office.

His eyes glance around it, it had black leather chairs and a black desk; the blinds were open and purple like that walls that were painted around it. Alex saw Jack sitting at the desk writing down some sheets called ‘LIAM HENDSON CASE’, Alex frowned a little and sits on the chair closest to him.

“Hi.”

“Hello…” Jack’s voices replied as he looks up. Alex notices the dark bags under his eyes and the slight purple marks left on his neck in some sort of shape a messy ‘c’.

“So what do we gotta talk about, Jack?” asks Alex, raising a brow.

“Why you’re divorcing, and why the fuck you ever married her in the first place…” his voice went bitter towards the end, and Alex flinched slightly at the tone- he remembered hearing that tone before… remembered how he had felt sick at that.

“Uhm.” He chokes awkwardly.

“For fucks sake, Alex, you married the girl that you knew we all hated- you fucking screwed up!” he tried to stop himself from yelling, he really had not wanted to start anything. “You ruined everything, all because you were so wrapped around her fucking pussy like a fucking sex slave.”

“Calm the fuck down!” Alex yells back, eyes flitting over the taller man who was pushing his black bangs from his eyes.

“You ruined everything, Alex;” the whisper is choked.

“How the fuck did I ruin everything? You’re life is god damned perfect compared to mine! Rian’s life is great, Zack’s is great! It’s fucking dandy, whilst I’m in a failing job; divorcing my wife and arguing with my old best friend- I ruined nothing, okay?” Alex growled back at the younger man who scoffed.

“Rian is a pot head with some dude called Caleb; he’s been put in jail multiple times only to be bailed out by me most weekends. Zack’s a full class alcoholic who comes home completely hammered most nights crying about how you betrayed us…” Jack snaps back having found out about the pot a few nights before.

Alex looked shocked, his mouth was open wide at the sudden news that Jack had chucked him at him, because really- Rian a pot head? Alex remembered he was the one going around saying not to do drugs but now he was smoking them daily? Zack and alcoholic, jus shocked Alex even more- Zack had never drunk at any of the parties before so this confused him. Alex noticed Jack taking the leather jacket off, before he smirked and snarled “And what about you? You just like them or a double whammy?”

Jack sneered at him and lifted both of his arms up to show the dark and long scars that sliced up the white skin; it was everywhere the dark red scabs where the blood had dried off. Alex’s mouth went dry, the snickering comments were long gone and he felt his heart hurting, this was just like with Tom and he looked to his hands with a frown.

“Used to only have six…” Jack mumbles, shaking his head slightly, “one for every year we were apart… then found out I would be helping you with a divorce- kind of made my arm piece of abstract art work,” his voice turns bitter towards the end before he pushes his hands through his charcoal locks.

Alex puts his face in his hands, he felt his eyes stinging causing him to frown some more. He had never expected Jack to become a self harmer, to do anything like that to him because Jack had known how Alex had been torn apart by the death of his brother, he remembered hearing Jack promise never to self harm, never to hurt himself like that. Lies.

“Why, Jack? You could fucking die from that… I don’t want you to die,” choked Alex, hands pushing through his fading purple-ish red hair.

“And tell me, Alex, why you’d care?” the charcoal hair boy cocks an eyebrow, one hand rubbing over the fading purple marks on his neck, which Alex had guessed were ‘love bites’ from some sort of skank that he had found on the streets.

“Just because we didn’t speak for years doesn’t mean the promise was ever broken, y’know…” Alex mumbles, shaking his head softly at the thought of Jack slicing a razor blade over his delicate white skin- made him shiver, made him want to cry… break down.

“Whatever, Alex.”

Alex looks up, his fingers pushing through his layered locks; his dark eyes looking to the taller man with a tired expression on his face, Alex can’t remember Jack ever being tired on tour as he always slept like a log whilst curling into his side… God Alex missed it.

“Who are the hickies from?” he mumbles, jealous.

“Chris,” Jack purrs, fingers combing through his dark hair.

Flash Back.

“Come and cuddle with me, Lex?” a sleepy voice mumbled to Alex who was currently wanking off- way to ruin the mood, Jack.

“I-in…in a s-sec…” he gasps out, hand wrapping tighter around his dick as he pumped it up and down thinking about the other night when he had got near to kissing Jack, he is letting out a gasp.

“Just let me do it!” comes Jack’s reply as the boy himself slides into the bunk, boxers outlining his sei hard dick; it’s just something that Alex did to him… especially hearing his strangled moans and gasps because God, he moaned like a fucking whore.

“Jaaaacckkkkk…” Alex whines as his best friend is straddling his waist, but God, it was so damn sexy as the younger man leans down and brushes his lips over Alex’s slightly wet ones.

“Let me get you off… then we can snuggle,” jack mumbles, nose nudging against Alex’s.

Jack expertly presses kisses down Alex’s jaw, lips tickling against the slight stubble on the older man’s cheeks; he presses open mouthed kisses to the boys chest, tongue flicking over the boys nipple causing him to groan out loud, hands holding tighter to the younger boys skinny hip bones.

“Oh, God, Jack… just do it already!” whines Alex, fingers now tugging on the dark charcoal hair that was brushing over his belly button.

Jack smirks as his lips trail down his best friends cock, teeth sliding down the underside, hitting over the vein causing a loud groan escape from Alex’s mouth, and fuck, it went straight to Jack’s dick. Jack’s lips go around Alex, a small smirk on his face.

“Fuu—“ Alex begins.

“What the hell is going on?! Why aren’t you moaning my name? Alex, where are you?” comes the annoying voice of Lisa, God, it was even more unwelcome now that it normally would have been to Jack.

“Get off my cock!” Alex whisper/yells still trying to hold in a jagged moan as Jack moves his mouth and gives him a wink before pulling his boxers back up for him and cuddling back into Alex’s chest- she would be annoyed at that, but it was normal… BJ’s weren’t.

Alex tucks his nose into the crook of Jack’s neck, arms wrapping automatically around the lanky boys waist, his legs curled into the shape of Jack’s a grin turning into Jack’s neck as his eyes slip shut… that’s how he loved falling asleep- cuddled with his best friend.

Lisa’s heels click against the shining black floor, manicured nails gripping onto the dark red curtain of her boyfriends curtain and yanking it back and God did she hate the sight- why did she always see the two of them cuddling when Alex and her never cuddled? All they did was sex.

“Ugh. I hate you, Alex…” she grumbled leaving the curtain open as she saunters out of the room, nose pointing in the air as if she had smelt something bad.

Normal Time.

Alex’s eyes got slightly big before Jack rolls his eyes and laughs a little, “shit- I was kidding…” he mumbled, hands pushing back his ebony hair with a frown at Alex’s shocked face that he had got some sort of ‘action’.

“Who did it then- huh? And since when have you been gay?!” Alex growls, because seriously, when did Jack like guys? The last he remembered he was fucking every girl with big tits that he could get his hands on, it was like free porn on the tour bus.

“It’s what happens when you live with an alcoholic, Alexander.”

Alex looks down to his hands again, chocolate eyes just wanting to close on the whole world but he just rolls his eyes and looks up to the younger man, “you didn’t answer my other question.”

Jack’s face etches to a frown as he pushes his dark hair from his doe eyes, they were settling on the desk as he loses all of his previous confidence that had been radiating from his figure, he had tried to avoid this subject, well, from telling Alex it anyway.

“Why do you think I got so upset that you said you were getting married to her?” he whispers, it’s barely audible but it was as loud as he wanted to speak, he was so scared of breaking down for the second time in front of the caramel haired boy.

Alex doesn’t hear.

Flash Back.

Jack pushes his hand through his skunk coloured hair, before it falls back into his doe eyes making him huff out in annoyance before he pushes it back again, admittedly he was bored as he sat in Rian’s basement waiting for the others to come back with food and drinks.

Had they ditched him like they usually do?

“She’s the girl all the bad guys want…” he mumbles to himself before shaking his head in annoyance, “he’s the boy all the good guys want.”

“Jackary!” a sing song voice pops up from the top of the stairs.

“Jack-a-lope!” a slightly deeper voice yells.

“Uhm. Jack!” and lastly, a shy voice says awkwardly.

Jack’s eyes dart up to see his three best friends holding bags of crisps and bottles of Lemonade and Coke, which he fucking despised. He nods at them all as he stands from the seat he had originally been seated on.

“We wanna play dares, babe, babe, babe…” grins Alex as he plops down next to Jack, hands chucking a bag of Dorito’s towards the skunk haired boy wearing a pink fleece.

“Oh cool.”

“Oh lighten up gay boy- we’ll let you go in the cupboard with Alex and bum him!” Rian retorts ashe stuffs a few Pringles into his wide mouth, a grin appearing on his face at the look of shock on Alex’s face.

“Ignore them, baby!” Alex whispers with a giggle, pressing a feather soft kiss to Jack’s lips- he felt his heart soar and his cheeks redden he looks down to the floor and takes cover by stuffing crisps into his mouth so the others didn’t think he was a freak of some sort.

Normal Time.

“Do you remember any of when we were mates? First kiss? Trip to Disney world? When we met? Anything at all, Alex?” Jack looks up to him, eyebrow cocked to wait for his old friends reply.

“Of course I do, dumb shit.”

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead