I Can't. I Just Can't

"You're going with us tonight, right?" Max Talbot asked me.
"Yeah. I planned on it." I said
"You know Geno is going, right?" said Kris Letang
"I figured. I'll just have to avoid him."
"Okay. Meet us here at 8:00." Max said
"Alright, Maxxy." I said
I walked out of the locker room passing Geno on my way. I didn't event look at him. I couldn't after what he did to me. I acted like he wasn't even there. Out of the corner of my I seen him glance at me. I just walked out the door and down the hall. I reached the main entrance before I heard someone yell my name. I turned around to see Jordan Staal walking toward me.
"What's going on, Gronk?" I asked
"You're wanted in the locker room." he said
"By who? I was just in there."
"I don't know. Sid told me to tell you if I saw you."
"Okay. Thanks, Jordan."
"No problem."
He walked away and I headed back to the locker room.

When I opened the door I noticed how quiet it was. Usually if the guys were in here it was full of noise. From equipment being thrown around to stupid perverted jokes being told and the occasional prank being pulled. I walked in and it was practically empty. Notice how I said practically. Evgeni was sitting in his stall with his head in his hands. I studied him for a minute. He was wearing shorts and a under amour shirt. I followed his thin yet sexy legs up to his toned midriff. Then my eyes wandered up to his sculpted chest. Since his head was in his hands I couldn't see those big brown eyes that I could stare into for hours. His curly brown hair peeked out from underneath his Penguins cap. His head finally snapped up when he heard the door close. I sighed and turned around to leave.
"Taylor, wait." he said while quickly standing up.
I turned to him and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Just please listen to me." he pleaded.
I didn't say anything. I just waited for him to continue.
"I'm sorry. I fucked up. I really fucked up and I know that. I've been so miserable without you. I......"
"Good." I said interrupting him.
"What?"
"I'm glad you've been miserable. Maybe you know just a little bit of how I feel. You ruined my future, Evgeni Malkin. I wanted to marry you. I wanted to have children and grow old with you. I was so in love with you that it hurt to be away from you. It practically killed me when I came home and saw you on top of that blonde puck bunny. Every since that day it has made me sick to look at you or even hear your name. Living in Pittsburgh is miserable for me because I see your face and hear your name practically everywhere I go and I every time I do it kills me a little more inside."
"Моя любовь" he said in Russian.
That hurt. He knew using my nickname would tug some heart strings.
"I'm not finished. I hate everything thing about you, Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin. I hate your stupid Russian accent. I hate your big brown puppy dog eyes. The one thing I hate the most is how much I still love you." I said the tears started to form in the corner of my eyes.
"If you still love me then be with me."
"I can't ." I said letting one tear slide down my cheek.
Evgeni used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tear.
"Why?"
"How do I know it will never happen again?"
"Because I promise you it won't. Taylor, I love you."
"I can't trust you, Geni."
"I'll do whatever it takes."
"I can't. Geni, I'm moving."
"What?"
"I'm moving out of Pittsburgh. I can't deal with it. I'm moving to Phoenix with my cousin."
"When?"
"Next week."
"Taylor, любовь, you can't. I need you here. i need you with me."
Another tear slipped from my eye. Evgeni caught it before it could fall to the floor. I looked at his face to see his own tears starting to fall. I gently wiped them away.
"Geni,..."
Before I could say anything else his lips were on mine. He wasn't making it easy on me and maybe I didn't want him to. Maybe I wanted him to sweep me off my feet and tell me everything was going to be okay. Maybe I wanted to fall for him again.Maybe he meant it when he said it was never going to happen again. I could honestly never see myself with anyone but Geno. I pulled away from the kiss.
"Make it so I trust you, Geni."
"I'll do whatever it takes, Taylor. Just give me a chance."
"You've got your chance. Don't break my heart." I said
"I can't, моя любовь, I can't." he said kissing me one more time.