Without You, I'm Just Me

The next day, I went to see Patrick. I went by myself, I just wanted to talk to him without a distraction. Patrick tells me everything when we're alone, and I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to him if I had the boys, or if Naomi was with me.

I drove to Glenview, to his mom's, and waited a minute before I got out the car. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to wait, but I did. Then, his mom came out, looking preoccupied with her purse, and hurried down the porch to her car; she got in and drove off.

I think it was fate.

I got out and shoved the keys into my pocket before jogging up the pathway, up the porch and then I knocked. The weather was chilly, sending chills up my spine as I waited for him to answer the door. After what felt like 10 minutes, the door finally opened.

Patrick stood there in fleece Ninja Turtle pajama pants and a black t-shirt; his dirty blonde hair was messy, he had his glasses on and he looked paler than ever. I smiled at him, he just looked at me blankly; "How come you didn't call?" He asked.

"Hello to you too, Patrick," I made my way in.

Patrick closed the door, "Take your shoes off, my mom just vacuumed and nearly killed me when I walked 'round here in my loafers."

I chuckled and stood by the door, pulling my converse off, "Pat still runnin' things?"

"Doesn't she always?" Patrick led the way to the living room to the left, "What brings you here, Wentz?"

"Well, we went through a very traumatic experience and I thought I'd come see you."

I spoke jokingly gaining a smile from my friend.

Patrick nodded; we both sat on the couch; he winced softly, "I'm happy to see you...I'm still kinda messed up."

I exhaled, "Me too, I mean...I've got pain killers and I've been exercising to take my mind off it. I don't remember most of it, Stump...do you?"

"I remember everything," he muttered, "I think...no, I am gonna go to counseling. Sabrina is gonna help me with that, my mom too."

I licked over my lips, "That's good. How..." I trailed, "do you...uh, wanna still do the band?"

Patrick tweaked his lips, he was quiet for a few seconds, "...Maybe. I dunno. Not right now...in a few months. The album is already finished, I fixed the final cut of Yesterday; I sent it to Joe, but he hasn't called or anything."

"Hurley told me you guys are having second guesses," I said.

Patrick sighed, "After this whole thing, I don't wanna fly on planes for awhile. I don't wanna...I don't want to be forced to do anything for a little while, Pete. How do you feel?"

"I wanna do it still, not at this very moment, but soon. I want to get back in the game, I wanna do this all before my kid is born--"

Patrick cut me off, "Navy's pregnant?"

I paused and then smiled, "Yeah, she is. She just told me the other day. Hil's pregnant too, we weren't gonna tell anyone until Thanksgiving."

He smiled back at me, "Congratulations, Wentz...I'm happy for you."

"We're happy, we're excited," I bit at my lip, "I want to do this all--I want to come back and show our fans that we didn't forget and that we didn't break up and that shit is great."

Patrick's demeanor suddenly changed, "Shit hasn't been great with me...I divorced Juniper, Soul Punk bombed, I nearly went broke, I got stabbed," he laughed hollowly, "shit has been terrible for me."

I shook my head, "Patrick, you said it yourself; the darkness gets bigger before it gets better. You divorced Juniper to be happy--to be free. You met Sabrina, you wrote some amazing fucking music. Soul Punk didn't bomb; you created a great album by yourself! Who can say that?"

Patrick smiled now, looking down at his lap, "Yeah...yeah, you're right."

"You don't have to fly on planes if you don't wanna; you waited for me when I freaked out and wouldn't get on planes, I'll do the same for you. If you wanna fuckin' drive everywhere, even across the goddamn ocean, I'll steer the fucking boat for ya."

He looked over at me and laughed, "I know you will, Pete."

"And," I began, "if you don't wanna reunite for another 4 years, I'm cool with it. I'm just sayin', I'd rather do it now that we're all on the same page...and we're not that old yet."

He laughed again, "Okay, Wentz, ya got me. I'm still down. I'll always be down."

I leaned over and hugged him, "You're the best, Lunch Box," I pulled away, catching him blushing. "Now, show me your scar and I'll show ya mine."


When I got back to my parents, I found Naomi outside. She was sitting on the porch steps, her eyes fixated on something. She was lost in thought, and I was wondering what she was doing outside in the cold.

"Navy?"

She looked up at me as I approached, "Hey. How was your visit with Patrick?"

I sat beside her, "It was okay."

"Still gonna do the comeback?"

I nodded, "Just needa talk to Joe."

Naomi scooted closer to me, she took my hand and interlaced our fingers. I smiled and turned to kiss her cheek, causing her to giggle.

"Why are you outside?" I asked her.

"Thinking. I just talked to Rae, and she and Ricky eloped."

"For real? That's awesome."

She hummed, "Yeah, and she's pregnant."

I laughed, "Damn. We all were kinda busy, weren't we?"

She laughed too, "She's only a few weeks along. She's so excited and called me to tell me...she found out after they went to the courthouse."

"You won't be so alone with those whole pregnancy stuff."

"Yeah, it's exciting. Babies everywhere..." She trailed. "I never felt this happy before, Pete. And I mean that everything in my life is perfect; I have a great paying job, my dad is retired--sort of; my little dudes are happy, they're healthy and funny as hell. I'm married to you, you're all mine," she let go of my hand to wrap it around my middle, "I'm pregnant and I'm not scared of what I'm gonna do. Everything is perfect."

I placed my arm around her, "Yeah, it is."

Naomi was right; everything is perfect. I couldn't dispute it.

She looked over at me, "I love you, Petey."

I laughed, "I love you, too, Navy."


On Thanksgiving, everyone came over to my parents house. It was me, Naomi, Benji, Lew, my parents, Hilary, George, Andrew, Fiona, Andy, his mom, her husband Oscar and Jasmine, and Naomi's dad, Amy and Abbey, and then Rae and Ricky. The house was full, everyone was talking and laughing; the kids played together; nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.

The kids sat at a separate table, and Naomi and Amy got them food and drinks before they sat with us. Naomi sat next to me, looking nervous about telling everyone. Finally, after my dad made a cheesy toast with jokes, Naomi spoke up, clearing her throat; "I don't wanna keep everyone from eating, but I...me and Pete have to tell everyone something that we've been keeping--actually, we've been dyin' to tell you guys."

Everyone looked over at us, I was even feeling nervous. Lee had given me a look, "You guys aren't getting divorced, are you?"

"No!" Naomi laughed. "Uh, I didn't want to tell anyone just yet, I didn't want to take any of the attention away from Hilary--"

That's when my mom cried out, "Oh my, God! You're pregnant too?!"

Naomi and me grinned; Lee laughed, and Rae cheered, "I knew it! Yes, someone to get chubby with!"

We all laughed; immediately, everyone was asking her questions. Benji had shot up and come over to me; "You did this?"

Lee almost fell over laughing. I smiled at Benji, "Uh, well, yeah, little dude. Me and mommy did it together."

Benji looked at me with confusion. He was thinking, then he exhaled, "We're gonna have a new baby?"

"Yeah," Naomi sat him in her lap, "we're gonna have a new baby."

"What's it's name? Is it a boy or girl?"

"We don't know yet," she told him, "but as soon as we know, we'll tell you, baby boy."

"So..." He looked at me and then at Naomi, "I'm gonna be a big brother too? Like Lewis?"

We both nodded, "Yeah, Benny, you're gonna be a big brother."

Benji grinned, "Cool! That's cool! When is it gonna get here?"

Everyone laughed and cooed at Benji. Naomi kissed his forehead, "Not for awhile, love. Maybe in May or June."

"Is the baby gonna be Lewy's or daddy's present, mommy?"

"Both," I said, gaining his and Naomi's attention. "And your present, too. The baby is for all of us."

"Auntie Rae," Benji looked across at Rae, "your baby and our baby will be friends! Auntie Hilly, yours too!"

We laughed at Benji's enthusiasm; Hilary nodded, "Of course, Benny! We're all gonna have lots of play dates and parties."

Benji climbed off Naomi's lap and looked at her stomach, "Hi baby! I'm Benjamin, your big brother. I'm the boss!"

It was almost too much for Naomi; she cooed and pulled Benji into a hug, "Ooh, baby boy, you're such a sweetheart."

"I'm not a baby no more," he announced, hugging her back.

"Of course," she let him go, "but you'll always be my baby boy, okay?"

Benji kissed her cheek, "Okay, mommy."

I ruffled his hair as he hurried to share his excitement with Lewy, Abbey, and Jasmine. We all returned to dinner, laughing and joking; all indulging in the fact there would be babies soon.


After everyone left, we had gone upstairs to get ready for bed. Naomi had talked all night with everyone, I did too, but I was more aching to get some sleep, my body just felt wiped out. I took Benji to the bathroom for a bath, while Naomi and Lew changed.

Benji sunk under the water and came back up, "I'm clean!"

"You're not clean just because you went under water, dude," I told him.

He made a face, "I hate baths, daddy."

"Yeah, I used to hate them too."

"Will the baby hate baths?"

I smiled softly, "Probably, all kids hate baths, Benny."

"Baths suck!"

I laughed, "Yeah, I know, I know, but you need to be clean."

Benji just hummed and played with the bubbles. I used an old cup to rinse his head after I shampooed it; Benji groaned and then shook his head at me, causing me to get all wet.

He giggled, "Sorry, daddy."

"It's okay," I muttered. "Hey, Benny, are you happy about having a new baby?"

He nodded, "Uh-huh. I'm the boss now!"

"No, mom's the boss," I told him.

Benny again made a face at me, "So, I am too."

I just laughed, "Okay, Benny."

"Are you happy?" He asked

I nodded, "Yep, I'm really excited."

"It doesn't have a name yet?"

"Nah, not yet, dude. Not until the baby is here, you didn't really have a name when you were that little."

Benji tilted his head at me, "How come you named me Benjamin?"

I smiled, "Mommy thought it was a cool name."

"Why is Lewy, Lewis?"

"He's named after me," I laughed, "mommy wanted to name him Lewis and since Lewis is my middle name, she just named him after me."

Benji scratched his head, "Oh. Can we name the baby Thundercat?"

I laughed, "No--I dunno, you have to ask mom."

He giggled, "Okay!"

After Benji was done with his bath, I wrapped him in a towel and carried him to my room. Lew was already asleep and Naomi was on her phone; "Mommy," Benji called to her, to which she looked up, "can we name the baby Thundercat?"

Naomi smiled, giggling, "No, baby boy. You can call the baby that, but that's not gonna be their name."

Benji grinned, "Cool!"

I dried Benji up as he went on about how he was gonna hang out and take the baby everywhere with him. He kept telling us he was gonna protect them and teach them things. Me and Naomi were relieved that Benji was taking this so easy; he and Lew both were excited and didn't seem upset that we were having another kid. They both couldn't wait, especially Benji; we knew as the baby would get older, Benji would be their best friend, the kid loves everybody. I honestly couldn't wait to see the 3 of them together.

Benji fell asleep between me and Naomi; he passed out in the middle of a story he was trying to tell the baby. Naomi was brushing his hair back with her fingers, smiling, "My sweet little boy. I'm so happy he's happy about this."

"He's taking this a lot easier than I expected him to," I said.

"I know," she looked over at me, "I was expecting a tantrum."

"Me too. But I guess it makes sense since he likes being around people. He's definitely the opposite of me when I was his age."

"Lewy's turning into you," Naomi nodded her head towards Lew, who was sleeping in the other twin bed by himself.

"Yeah...I just hope he's a lot happier than I was."

Naomi exhaled and then she climbed out of bed; she leaned over and kissed the top of Benji's head. She kissed me next, "I'm gonna sleep next to Lew, so he won't wake up by himself."

I nodded, "Alright. Make sure he doesn't kick you."

She laughed softly, "I almost forgot."

Naomi climbed in the bed behind Lewy, pulling the blanket over them. Lew rolled over and nuzzled into her; Naomi wrapped her arms around him, kissed his head; "Goodnight, Pete."

I turned the lamp off, "Night, Navy."