Without You, I'm Just Me

Our last day in Chicago was two days after Thanksgiving. The boys had to get back to school and Naomi had to go and talk to her assistant to schedule her shoots and appearances for the next year. When she said that I got the worst fluttering feeling in my stomach.

My parents were having a big dinner for us that night; we were set to leave at 10PM so we could fly home while the boys slept. Of course, the dinner was like Thanksgiving, everyone was back at our house and eating, talking, planning and taking pictures. Naomi's twitter was crazy, as was mine; Benji kept taking pictures with my phone and posting them, with my help, and writing little things to my followers. It was all good and I was a little sad we were leaving soon.

At around 8, when things were winding down, we were indulging in cake and ice cream with the kids, when there came a knock on the door. I didn't even notice anyone had come over until my dad came and got me. I felt a little nervous when I saw Joe; I went over any way and hugged him, "Hey, what's up?"

Joe smiled, "You didn't invite me to your party? That's messed up, Pete!"

"Dude, I didn't think you did parties anymore! And Naomi told me you were with your in-laws."

"I was--we are," he cleared his throat, "I actually was in the closet of their house listening to the final mix of our songs. Patrick sent them to me," he paused. "I'm..."

I could see he was getting emotional. It was a little awkward, it's hard to see the always funny and joker Joe Trohman emotional. I patted his arm and led him away from everyone, straight into my dad's office. I shut the door while Joe sat on the edge of my dad's desk; "You okay, Joe?"

He nodded, "I've been thinking...a lot. I was sure that you and Patrick almost dying was a sign that this was too good to be true. Too good to actually happen!" His hair shook as he talked, "But, I thought again, after talkin' to Marie and then listening to the final mix, that this wasn't a bad sign, it's a good one, especially since you guys survived."

I nodded absentmindedly.

"On the way here, I was listening to the radio and it's all...it's not what I like anymore. There's cool pop songs, top 100s and shit, but nothing I like enough to give the album a listen. And I...I think that we should fuckin' takeover again, or at least try! I want to fuck shit up, I wanna tour again and meet kids! I wanna save rock and roll! I wanna give the kids what I think is rock and roll, and our fuckin' album is motherfucking rock and roll, Wentz."

I looked at him, feeling my heart had sped up while my friend had spoken excitedly. I grinned at him, "That's what I'm fucking talkin' about!"

Joe grinned back, "So, are we back?"

"We're fucking back, Trohman."


We got back to LA and easily slipped back into our life. The boys returned to school and Naomi was going to meetings to get everything in order. Me and the guys were putting the final touches of Save Rock and Roll; we named it in honor of Joe.

We decided that we'd finally come out with everything in February. The management had the tour and merch ready; the album packages. We talked about video treatments in the beginning of December, and just after Christmas we were shooting the video. It was Patrick and Naomi who thought about us getting kidnapped was a good idea; Naomi said it would give us some kind of perspective of our crazy flight. Patrick came up with the crazy concept of having his organs taken and eaten; then the whole concept was figured out with storyboards. Benji and Lew were the ones who came up with kids beating us up. Joe embraced it more than we did, but it was kinda funny having kids there. Lewy's best friend plays the kid that tricks Patrick into getting kidnapped; the little dude is a killer actor and he's always over our house.

During the passing days and weeks, Naomi had checked the progress of her pregnancy. It was awesome being there when she picked out furniture and clothes that she thought were cute. She would call me, when I was gone or with the guys, and tell me about this cute crib or toy she saw. She bought baby naming books, telling me the names she and Hilary and Rae talked about. Naomi was keen on the name Valen again, and Sammy, which I was cool with. She picked Susana Dahlia for a girl; we just weren't sure about boy names, Benji was calling the baby Thundercat from the moment we told him. I was just excited to have a kid to pick out names for, it didn't matter much to me, as long as it made Naomi happy.

Towards the end of January, Naomi and me went to her first exam. I was nervous for some reason; the doctor was cool, Naomi was healthy and we were told she was due between June 10th-20th. I had grinned at that; "It's gonna be a birthday present for you, babe," Naomi had said.

It took a lot not to tear up. Despite the pain I had from the beating I received, everything was awesome and I felt so happy. Tears would be appropriate.

Naomi had kissed me before she went to change to have the scan. I was nervous again, I played with my hands, waiting. Finally, Naomi called me into the room; she was lying on the exam table and holding her hand out for me. I sat next to her, holding her hand, then the ultrasound technician put that goop under her belly button and started to wave the wand around that area. She was showing us the womb; I hadn't seen this before, so I was in complete awe, it was crazy seeing it live rather than just seeing a picture.

"Your little one is small, but he or she is in there," the technician said, "there, that little blob is your baby, you can just make out their shape."

The baby looked like a jelly bean, just like Benji and Lewis had looked like. But seeing it move was cool, almost like some weird dancing glob. After that, the technician turned this thing on, and she told us that we'd hear the baby's heart beat. I bit at my lip and listened to this swishing sound fill the room. I got choked up, honestly; "It sounds like the shores of Lake Michigan," I said aloud.

Naomi squeezed my hand, "Are you gonna cry, Pete?"

I nodded and let the tears come. The technician awed at me, "You're not the first, it always gets me when the dad's cry."

I sniffed and rubbed away my tears, "We have 2 boys and I wasn't there when she had these appointments," I said, "this is the first time I'm hearing it...hearing one of my kid's heart beat before they were born."

The technician even teared up, "Congratulations, Mr. Wentz."

"Thanks," I sniffed again.

Naomi kissed my hand, "You'll be okay, babe."

I could see she was a little teary-eyed too.

We both stopped our tears and Naomi got cleaned up. The technician gave us 5 stills and a DVD of the baby, and then we headed home. The ride had been quiet, to be honest we were really excited to show Benji and Lew the video of the baby.

As soon as we got home, Benji rushed over; "Auntie Rae, mommy and daddy are back!" He skidded to a stop in front of us, then he rushed to me and hugged me, "How's the baby?"

I picked him up, "We'll show you."

"Show me?"

Naomi waved the package with the pictures and DVD inside, "Yep, we'll show everyone."

We went into the living room where Rae and Ricky were with Lewy, who was playing video games. They greeted us and Naomi told them about the DVD; "It's not that interesting, but you'll get to hear their heart beat and see them moving."

Benji was excited and bounced in my lap, "Hurry! I wanna see Thundercat!"

Naomi grabbed her laptop and turned it on; everyone gathered around the coffee table, watching Naomi put the DVD in once her computer started. She played the DVD; first you saw the baby moving just a little and then you could hear their heart beat. Benji looked in awe, "That's Thunda'cat?"

I nodded, "Yep, that's Thundercat, Benny."

"Wow," he grinned. "You dunno what Thundercat is yet?"

"Not yet, babe," Naomi smiled at him, "in a couple of months."

Benji sighed dramatically, "That's forever away!"

Naomi laughed, "The months will fly by."

Benji just pouted, "Sure."

I patted his back, "Don't worry, Benny, I can't wait either."


Before we knew it, the time was here. Time to let our fans know we were back. My stomach was in knots the entire flight back to Chicago. Naomi and the boys came with me; Patrick and Andy were already there, and Joe and Marie flew in. We all kept ourselves inconspicuous, we stayed at our families, we didn't go anywhere that weekend.

I did an interview the night before with the local paper. My stomach was in knots as I talked about music I liked and about my kids and Naomi. I announced that we were expecting a kid, that that rumor was true. Then, they asked me if it was true that the band was coming off hiatus. I said the only thing I could think of.

"Don't hold your breath."

The next morning, the 4 of us went to Q87.7, having to make a deal with the DJs that we wanted to keep it all a surprise. I was still nervous, and sitting there, reading texts from Naomi about how she was listening and telling me how proud she was of us, I was feeling a lot better.

The studio was filled with excitement. The room was electrified. Patrick was grinning beside me, his cheeks blushing as we waited and counted down the seconds till the radio hosts would announce it. I licked over my lips, watching the female host say, "We promised a surprise and here it is. We have special guests in the studio, but we aren't going to just blurt it out...you all can introduce yourselves."

Patrick exhaled, softly, "Hey I'm Patrick."

"I'm Pete."

"Joe here!"

"And I'm Andy."

"That's right listeners! Fellow Chicagoans! Fall Out Boy is back!"

It was basically a blur after that. They played the song, we talked about the show we were gonna do that night at Subterrean and announced the tour. I don't even really remember sending out tweets. It was such an amazing blur. I couldn't wait to fully enjoy the little bit of people waiting for us.