Without You, I'm Just Me

My sister gave birth to a boy on the 1st of May; she named him Devon, and Naomi had even cried over how excited she was. I was still on the go when that happened, I got updates and everything, though, and pictures. I was home for Lewy's 8th birthday, and my brother told me he proposed to his girlfriend. A lot of awesome shit was going down; it was great I was home for just a little bit, even then, I was doing some phone interviews and shows.

As the days till tour approached, I helped Naomi get the baby's room ready. Her dad had built the crib and shipped it over and I put it together with Andy's help. Lee had given me the instructions on how to do it, so we pretty much put it together quickly. It looked so cool; it was purple with sparkling paint and had Susie painted over the head of it; the mobile had sparkling stars and moons; it was the coolest thing we've ever seen. Lee told us he was planning something cool for Benji and Lew for them in the summer when he, Amy and Abbey would come, he didn't want the boys to feel left out.

Susie's room was made up like space, constellations and stars on the ceiling, a moon in one corner, it was black, but with lots of pinks, purples, blues and greens to lighten it up. Her changing table and dresser was painted the same; Naomi had these specially made. At her baby shower, which I had to miss, back at the end of April, she got a ton of clothes and toys, so we were set for the next year. She was going to share most of the clothes with Rae, who was having a girl too; she and Ricky moved right next door to us, with Naomi helping; she and Naomi are attached at the hip now, more than they ever had been. It was a lot of relief to know that Ricky and Rae were close by to help when I couldn't be there, I couldn't even thank them enough for it.

A few days before tour started, Jasmine came to stay with us -Naomi and the boys actually- while we would be on tour. She had just a few weeks left of homeschooling, and Andy wanted her to have a break from the road, so she stayed with Naomi. She's a great kid, she loves the boys, she and Lew get along so well and she was the one Lew talked to the most, I was grateful for that. Me and Andy helped everyone get adjusted before we were set to leave, I was kinda nervous about leaving, just for the fact that Naomi was soon to give birth. She had assured me that she would be okay; she was helping me pack and telling me to stop worrying.

I wasn't packing my shirts right, I wasn't folding them good enough, my mind was everywhere; Naomi took them from me, "Sit down and stop worrying," she told me.

I sat on the bed while she folded my shirts for me, "I don't wanna miss anything," I said.

"You won't," she smiled at me, "now stop being a dork."

I sighed, "You sure?"

"Yes, Pete, I'm sure," she put my last shirt in and zipped up my suitcase. "You can call me whenever you get worried, okay? Stop being a pansy."

I laughed, "I can't help it."

Naomi's belly wasn't huge, just a lot bigger than I remember, since I had been gone a lot. She wasn't as big as she was when she had, had Benji. Rae was so small, she didn't even look pregnant, unless you really looked at her.

"You got everything ready?" She asked me, breaking my gaze on her stomach.

"Yeah," I nodded.

Naomi stood in front of me, her hands cupping my cheeks, "What're you worried about? I'll be fine, Susie'll be fine. Lew and Benny too; we'll be okay."

"I feel like shit leaving you guys."

She threaded her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp, "Oh, Peter, you shouldn't feel like shit. We want you to do what you love! You're doin' what you love and you'll always come home."

"This isn't too much on you?"

She shook her head, "Nope. I've got Rae and Ricky right next door; I got Jasmine to help too; I've got my dad, mom and Abbey coming in a couple of days. I'll be fine, the boys will be too. You're the only one stressed about this."

I finally relaxed; Naomi leaned down and kissed my lips, "You're my favorite human."

I smiled, palming her protruding belly, "You're my special human...you and my baby girl in there."

She giggled as little Susie kicked; she did that a lot when Naomi giggled or laughed. I kissed her stomach; "I can't wait to meet her...she's taking forever. My forever human."

Naomi kissed my forehead, "Your forever human is hungry and loves you very much.

I laughed and rubbed her stomach, "Let's feed her then."


The days went by slow; the shows were insane, the kids were awesome and I tried to meet as many as I could before there was a mob. I was on Marcus's shit list for sure for all the crap I pulled. Aside from that, I talked to Naomi everyday, talked to my kids, but I barely slept.

I was always too afraid to fall asleep too long, I didn't want to miss anything if Naomi went into labor early. I was always on guard, making sure everyone knew to wake me up if I did fall into a deep sleep and something happened with Naomi. Everyone obliged, being totally cool with it.

My birthday passed without incident; I video chatted with my little dudes and had blown out candles on a small cake Joe had bought, for them. They had shown me presents they had bought me but couldn't open until I came home, I couldn't wait to get home to open them and meet my other little special gift.

We returned to LA on 12th; as soon as I got home, Naomi made me get to bed. I was washed out and tired from all the sleep I had missed, so she ushered me to bed. She had pulled the covers back and pushed me in, "Get to sleep."

"I'm good--"

She cut me off, "Just sleep. Ricky will be back with the boys after the movie and then you'll be up, we'll have dinner and then you can hang all you want. Sabrina and Rae are here too, so don't worry about anything, Pete."

I had nodded, tiredly, "Okay, okay. Don't do nothin' too much for yourself."

She kissed my lips, making me smile, "Brina's helping me wash clothes and Rae is cooking, so relax. You hear me?"

I hummed, "I heard ya."

I shut my eyes, hearing her laugh and then feeling her lips against my forehead. I didn't even really remember getting off the train from whatever town was last, I had been so tired and consumed with seeing Naomi and my kids. I had taken pictures and signed stuff, that's all that played in my head as I fell asleep.

I woke up to food cooking, the smell pulling me from sleep, I hadn't realized how hungry I was till then. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, a little surprised to see Benji lying there with his iPad. He was playing some racing game and was steering with his tongue sticking out.

I smiled, "Benny, what's up?"

Benji paused his game and sat up, "Nothin' daddy. How ya been?"

The way he talks makes me laugh; I chuckled and pulled him into my lap, "I've been good, little dude, how have you been?"

"Okay. I missed you, did ya open my presents?"

"Nah, mom made me go to sleep as soon as I came home."

Benji shut the iPad off and nuzzled into my lap, "Are ya gonna be home for a long time or a little time?"

"Just for a little while, Ben."

"Cuz your fans miss you?"

I smiled again, "Yeah, but you're more important than them. You and your brother and sister."

"Susie takes forever to get here," he mumbled, "she's a brat."

I laughed, "She's a baby, Benny, she doesn't know."

"She's still a brat. I don't like the way she kicks mommy, that's not nice."

"She's just letting us know she's alive, Benny."

Benji shrugged, "Still not nice."

"You kicked mommy too, ya'know."

"I did?"

"Yeah, Lew did too."

"I didn't mean it."

I kissed the top of his head, "We know, it didn't hurt her."

Benji looked up at me, "Does mommy havta go to the hospital?"

"Yeah, that's how Susie's gonna be born."

"She isn't gonna be there for a long time like before, is she?"

"Nah, she's only gonna there for a couple days."

"Promise?"

I nodded, "Yep."

"Can I stay with her?"

"Yeah, but not the whole time, you have to come home and sleep, but you can stay with mom."

Benji climbed to his feet and grabbed my shoulders, looking at me, "Can I tell you a secret, dad?"

"Yeah, you can tell me anything, Benny."

He leaned into my ear, "Mommy is my favorite person, and you're my second and then Lew 'nd Ricky 'n' Rae are tied."

"What about Susie?"

He shrugged, looking back at me, "I dunno 'er yet, daddy."

I smiled at him, "You'll know her soon enough."

I took Benji downstairs with me; he hung onto my back, wrapping his arms and legs around me. I found Naomi, Abbey, Amy, Jasmine, Marie, Rae and Sabrina in the kitchen, all giggling and laughing. They all stopped when we came in; "Good afternoon, sleepy head," Naomi smiled at me, "ya hungry?"

"Starved," I set Benji down, "what're you making?"

"It's a surprise," she said, "Rae made it. You and Benny go hang out with the guys in the living room."

"Are you tryna get rid of me?" I joked.

"Since I've met you," she joked back.

The girls giggled; I shook my head, picking Benji up again, "Let's go, Benny, we're not wanted here."

Benji laughed and waved, "Bye ladies."

The girls cooed at him while I carried him out. I went into the living, finding Andy, Patrick, Lee, Lew, Ricky and Joe; Lew and Patrick were playing a game of connect four with everyone watching. Joe looked over at us, "Yo, come watch your son wipe the floor with Patrick."

They all looked so engrossed and concentrated on the game. I laughed and set Benji down, who rushed over and sat in Lee's lap, "Ya winnin', Lewy?"

"Uh-huh," he said, his eyes focused on the game set.

"That's because I'm letting him," Patrick mumbled.

"You wish, Stump," I retorted and sat at the end of the couch beside Joe.

Patrick frowned and shook his head; Lewy added a chip and smiled, "Your turn, Uncle Trick."

Patrick continued to frown and look at the set up, signing. Benji jumped up, "Ooh, Uncle Patrick! I know where to--"

Lee out his hand over Benji mouth causing us to laugh. Patrick scoffed, "Damn."

"You never rat out your brother," Lee told Benji.

Benji giggled, "But I know where to go, papa!"

"Let Patrick figure it out for himself."

"Ice cold, Mr. V," Joe laughed.

We all watched Patrick struggle with a red chip in his hand until he just gave up and put it in the last slot. Lewy laughed and put his chip in, "I win! Diagonally, Uncle Patrick!"

Patrick threw his hands up, groaning at where Lewy showed him how he won. Patrick got up, "I quit! That kid is too good!"

We all laughed; Andy cleared the game set, "I'm next! You won't win me, Lew."

"I bet I will!"

Patrick came over and tapped my shoulder, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

I nodded, "Yeah, what's up? What me to tell my son to stop kicking your ass?"

Patrick rolled his eyes, "For real, come with me."

I got up and followed Patrick off towards the dining room. I crossed my arms loosely over my chest and faced him, "What?"

He bit at his lip, then dug into his pocket; out came a small ring box. It was black and I could see Patrick's hand nearly shaking. I decided to play with him; "Oh my god, Trick! This is so sudden! But, you do know I'm married to Navy already, don't you?"

"Shut up, smart ass," he licked over his lips, laughing softly. "I'm gonna--I wanna ask Sabrina. This weekend. Should I?"

Patrick spoke in spurts. I shrugged, "If you think you should, man. You guys been together for like a year, right?"

"Close to it," he mumbled. "I...I dunno, I just love 'er, ya'know. She's helped me through a lot, especially all the stuff with Juniper," he exhaled deeply, then hung his head.

Just as he did that, I saw a figure move behind him. Sabrina looked at me and jumped; I smiled and patted Patrick's arm, "Tell me what you wanna tell her."

He looked up, not at me, more at the ceiling, "She makes me happy...she makes me feel alive and loved. I haven't been--haven't felt in love since Juniper...years ago, honestly. I feel so happy with her and I wanna make her happy."

Sabrina was tearing up behind him; I waved her over; Patrick frowned, his brow furrowed at me, and then he turned around. He looked at her and sighed, "Oh shit. I didn't want it to be like this."

Sabrina's eyes were streaming with tears now; she sobbed and then wrapped her arms around Patrick. I patted his shoulder again, "Congrats, brother."

Patrick smiled, "I should ask you properly," he said to her.

I hurriedly left the room to give them space. I almost ran into Naomi when I left; "Whoa! What's the rush there, Wentz?"

I smiled, "Patrick just popped the question."

Her eyes went wide, "For real?"

I nodded, "For real."

She smiled back, "That's awesome!"

"I almost ruined it, but I'm sure she'll be screaming yes in a minute."

Naomi giggled, "Then let's give 'em a minute, get the boys to wash their hands, dinner's ready."