Without You, I'm Just Me

Naomi didn't seem all that upset once we were back at my parents. She and the kids were in the living room, where she was coloring with them. I sat by, watching them laugh and sync into their routine of life; they had one without me and it was like looking in from the outside.

"Daddy," Benji said, "c'mere and color."

I smiled and went over and sat on the floor with him. He opened his coloring book, "We color this," he said to me, "okay?"

"Okay, Benny."

We were all in our own little world; Benji was asking me questions, and Naomi was laughing at Lewy telling her jokes he had heard. We were interrupted by Lee coming in; "Hey, you guys ready to come on home?"

Naomi looked up, "Yeah, dad."

"You okay?"

"I'm good," she said.

Benji stood up, "Hey, papa!"

Lee picked him up, "Hey! How was school?"

"It's was fun," Benji said excitedly, "how was work?"

Lee and Naomi laughed; "It was good, Benny. Amy's at home making your favorite brownies, you wanna help her?"

"Yes!"

"Alright, say bye to your dad and grandma," he set Benji down an he immediately rushed to me.

I sat up and hugged him, "Lets get your shoes on, huh?"

"Okay."

Naomi was getting up, Lee helped Lewy put his shoes on. It was quick how everyone said goodbye and how fast they were gone. I sat on the couch, rubbing my neck; my mom sat beside me, "So, how was your drive with Naomi?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes."

"She basically told me she hated me," I looked over at her, "nothing new."

"She doesn't hate you," my mom said with a shake of her head, "she's waiting for you--"

"No, ma, you don't know what I did. You shouldn't even know, and I'm not gonna tell you. Lets just say, Naomi had every right to hate me and I don't blame her."

My mom frowned, "What did you do?"

"Mom--"

"You cheated on her, didn't you?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah."

"How many times?"

"A lot," I breathed, "don't even worry mom, she knows and she hates me for it."

"Why would you even think about cheating on Naomi?" She wondered angrily.

"Remember when I tried to kill myself?" My mom frowned deeper, "Yeah, I was so messed up, mom...I don't have an excuse, other than I was sad and being sad me, I needed comfort--"

"And you found comfort with a girl who wasn't Naomi," she finished.

"Yep."

"You are one stupid boy," she muttered as she stood up, "I didn't think things were that bad...I thought Ashlee was the first girl you cheated in Naomi with."

"No. And it wasn't cheating, we weren't together."

"Have you shown her how sorry you are?"

"Yes, mom," I sat back against the couch, "she doesn't want me, she wants Rob."

"Jesus," she mumbled, "you need to do something."

"What? What do I do? She doesn't want me to do anything! If you haven't noticed, she's very Anti-Pete."

"She doesn't want you to hurt her."

"I'm too old for all the shit I used to do. I'm fuckin' 31 years old."

"You should've thought of your future years ago."

"Who ever thinks they're gonna be 30? No one ever thinks they're ever gonna get old."

"Just like they don't think they'll ever find the perfect person and fall in love and have babies, but you did. Now, you grow up and divorce Ashlee and get back here and start over with Naomi."

I smiled, "You think that'll be easy, mom?"

"Yes," she stated simply.

"I don't wanna hurt Ash."

"Son, you'll be hurting someone, so you have to decide who you love more. Life isn't easy, and loving someone who doesn't reciprocate the same feelings hurts, but we know that Naomi could give a chance. You're the father of her kids, you really think she wouldn't give you another chance?"

"Do you know how many chances she gave me?"

My mom's brows flew up, "Naomi is more of a saint than I give her credit for."

"Yeah...I should stay outta her life--"

"Like hell," my mom snapped at me, "you think I want to see Naomi with someone else? That girl was meant to be with you; she was meant to be my daughter-in-law. I love her."

"I'm sorry, mom."

"You better make it work, because I know that you can. I'm all for you making it work with Naomi."

"Like I said, I'll try."

"Sure, Pete," she patted my cheek, "I hope she sees how sincere you are."


I didn't see Naomi for the next 2 days; I picked up the kids and dropped them off and then brought them over. Lee would pick them up at 2 and we would repeat the next day. I had to leave on Saturday, so I went over Friday night to see them; I spent a few hours with them, answering questions that Benji seemed to throw at me.

It was all good, but I didn't see Naomi. I was told she was at her house talking to Rob. The few hours I was with my kids, I had a little bit of fear in the back of my head. When the kids drifted off to bed, I left, immediately going to Naomi's house.

When I finally got there, I saw that there was 2 cars in the drive way. I parked at the curb, got out and walked up the pathway; the porch light was on and I could see some lights were on inside. I wasn't sure if I should knock or just open the door; so, I just went with my gut and opened the door slowly.

I could hear heated words, mostly Rob snapping at her. It was coming off towards the bedrooms; I slowly walked in, closing the door behind me. I couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, but it was getting louder.

Finally Naomi spoke, "How many times do I have to say this? My kids come first, you know that! You knew that before we got together."

"You honestly believe he'd take them from you?!"

"Yes! God, his mom was a phone call away from calling my dad!" She hissed after that.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't touch me," she said, but it was soft, not panicky.

"I'm sorry...I still am," Rob muttered, "I didn't mean to push you, Naomi. You know how I get."

"You need to learn a knew way to vent your anger. This is all why we can't be together...when I was 17, I was with a guy who--"

"You told me about him. I'm not like him; I wouldn't hurt you like that."

"God, I don't wanna rehash that...he's dead, it's all in the past," she paused, "look, I'll be in New York in 4 short weeks and I'll come see you. Maybe Jason could watch Lewis and Benji and we could have a little alone time."

"I'm sorry, Naomi," Rob murmured. "I didn't mean--"

"I know, I know. Just, stop saying sorry."

There was silence and I thought about leaving, but I heard her grunt.

"Ok, stop it...stop, Rob," she muttered, "I can't--stop it! Get off of me!"

"Shut up," he growled.

I could hear her protesting and for some reason my feet wouldn't move. When I heard her scream and cry, I finally moved. I ran to her room and found her lying on the bed with Rob on top of her, holding her wrist above her head. I grabbed him, pulling him off of her; he was taken by surprise. I shoved him towards the door, causing him to trip backwards and hit the door with a loud crack.

"What the hell--" Rob muttered.

I looked at Naomi and then at him; I could see his fly unzipped and Naomi's shirt pulled up to her neck and her sweats yanked down to her thighs. She was frozen back on the bed, breathing slowly; the bruise on her stomach was large, her wrap had been torn open.

I just lost it and went over to him and began to beat him in his face. He had no defense, he tried to push me off, but I wasn't going to let go. All I saw was red and that was it; I couldn't remember how or why I stopped, but my arm ached and my knuckles were skinned and bloody.

Rob was on the floor, on his back, laughing, "That...that all you got, fucker?" He spat blood on the floor; his right eye was bruising, his bottom lip was beginning to swell.

"I told you, you touch her I would kill you. I'm half way there--"

I felt Naomi's hand on my arm, "Stop it," she looked at me, deep, her eyes wet with pending tears, "get outta here," it was a soft command.

"Naomi--"

"He's leaving," she said, "now I have to clean this up. Just go, Pete."

Naomi let my arm go and went to Rob, "I'm sorry, I didn't know he was here or that he was coming. Lemme help you."

"Get the fuck off," He spat on her, she gasped and then he pushed her back; I rushed over and helped her up, "you really think I need your help?"

Naomi was beginning to cry; she ripped her arm away from my grasp. Rob got up; "You can have her, Wentz. But she'll come crawling back, she always does."

He spat again, on the floor, and grabbed this duffle bag that was by the hall entry. Once he was gone, Naomi let out a small sob. I didn't know what to say or do; I just watched her; she took her shirt off, leaving her in her white and red polka dot bra, and her torn wrap, and tossed it on his spit and wiped it up with her foot.

"Navy--"

"Don't call me that," she mumbled, "get out of my house."

"If I hadn't of come--"

"Just get out," she bent over and picked up the shirt, then turned to face me, "throw this in the trash when you go," she tossed the shirt to me and started to walk towards her room. "Dammit," she mumbled.

I dropped the shirt and followed her; she was looking at the door and the wall. Me pushing Rob against the door caused it to crack and the knob went through the wall. She yanked it out and gave a slow sigh of pain; her eyes fell on me, "I said leave."

"I'm...sorry. I apologize."

"Please, I want you to go," she said, "just go away, Pete. I'm begging you to just stay away from me."

"He was gonna rape you!" I exclaimed, "You think I was just gonna listen to that?"

"He would've left eventually. I rather give him what he wants so he'll go."

My eyes bulged, "Are you serious?! You would've let him--"

"Do you think it was the first time? I know how to get him to stop--"

"He's done this before?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose, then her hand dropped. She grabbed my arm and pulled me out her room, down the hallway and to the door. She opened it and pointed to the door, "Get out. Don't come back until Hell freezes the fuck over. Even then, think before you even step foot on my lawn."

"I was helping you!"

"Go, I don't need your help, Pete!" She held herself, "Now get out."

"Do you want me to call your dad--"

"Go and tell him," she spat at me, "go and fuck me over some more! Go right ahead and make things even harder for me, because I deserve it!"

"I'm tryna help you," I told her, "that's all."

"You wanna help me so bad?" She narrowed her eyes, "Go home to your wife, have kids with her so you can stay out of my life. Stay in LA, since your life is so perfect there, and leave me and my kids alone."

"How can you even say that?" I stared at her.

"Because you're no father," she growled, "you come and go as you please, you think my kids deserve that? No, they don't. Do us a favor and leave, go have your own kids, try and be there 24/7 like I am."

"You're talking crazy--"

"Get out, I never want to see you again," she shoved me towards the door.

I had nothing to say, so I did as she said; I left. The door slammed hard behind me, causing me to flinch. I stood there for a moment before I walked down the pathway and to my mom's car.

I wasn't gonna stay away from my kids. My mom had been wrong, Naomi wouldn't forgive me or give me another chance. I didn't mind it, as long as she was okay.