Without You, I'm Just Me

I picked up Benji and Lewy first, then, as I began to drive slow, I remembered the twinkies. The kids were both talking in their little language, sending my mind elsewhere. I drove to the local mini-mart that wasn't too far from Naomi's place.

"What're we doin' 'ere?" Benji asked.

"Your mom wants twinkies."

Lewy giggled, "I ate the last one."

I helped them out and picked up Benji, carrying him while Lewy walked beside me. I asked the clerk where the twinkies were, and he pointed me to aisle 4. Lewy rushed ahead of me, nearly running, "Hey, Lew!" I called after him.

He turned a corner and I heard an "oof!" I hurried over and saw a man picking him up, "Thanks," I said, but then my voice caught when I saw his face, "Chris?"

There he was, "Hey Chris" in the flesh after what felt like a million years. Lewy rubbed his elbow, "Sorry, mister," he murmured.

Chris looked at me, a brow cocked, "Hey."

I swallowed, "Hey man."

He looked at Lewy, who stepped over to stand beside me, and then at Benji. "Shit, I almost forgot you had kids."

I felt like I had been holding a breath, "Thats Lew, and this is Benny."

Benji and Lewy stared at Chris; finally, Benji stuck his little hand out, "Hi, my name is Benji."

Chris cracked up and shook his hand, "I'm Chris. Who taught you that?"

"My mommy," he answered.

I adjusted him on my hip. The silence was getting awkward. Chris knelt down to Lewy, "Hey, I remember you, do you remember me?"

Lewy shrugged, "I dunno."

"I'm Hey Chris, I used to hang out with you when you were a baby. Me and your mom used to be friends."

Lewy looked up at me and I felt completely stuck. I didn't know what to say. Lewy looked back at Chris, "You know my mom?"

"Yeah...Naomi, I know her. Do you remember Babette? I'm married to her, we have a daughter."

Lewy nodded, "Uh-huh, Auntie B...I remember."

Chris smiled sadly and then patted his arm gently, "Yeah, man," he stood up, "uh, it was cool seeing you. Your kids look identical to you, dude. Congrats."

I smiled, "Yeah, but they're all Naomi."

He smirked slightly, "I can tell," he breathed, "well uh, I gotta go, my kid needs chocolate milk pronto. Tell Naomi I said hi."

"Yeah, sure."

Chris waved and maneuvered around us. I didn't look back, I made myself walk; Lewy began to walk ahead of me. Benji rested his head against my shoulder, yawning; I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.

"I found 'em!" Lewy announced.

"Hold them for me, I'm gonna get something else for your mom. She's a little on the bizarro side," Benji giggled.

I got Naomi ginger ale, I got orange juice for myself and a piece of candy for the boys. I went up to the counter, paid and then returned to the car. After strapping them in and chugging the orange juice, I made it back to Naomi's.

Lewy was the only one awake, so I had him carry the twinkies while I carried the ginger ale and Benji. We managed to make it in the house, where we heard Naomi snoring on the couch. Lewy giggled and went over to her; I shut and locked the door behind me.

"Mommy," Lewy shook her and whispered; "daddy bought you twinkies."

Naomi continued to snore; "Get changed into pajamas, Lew, mommy isn't gonna wake up for awhile."

Lewy left the snack cakes on the coffee table and followed me to the hallway; he went into his room while I went into Benji's. Benji grumbled as I began to change him into his pajamas; his shaggy dark hair was a curly mess and all over the place, I felt kinda bad, it was nearly longer than Lewis'. I tucked him into his bed and moved his hair out of his face, he instinctively reached out for something, but I didn't know what. He sat up, "I want my teddy," I looked around the darkened room and saw a bare teddy bear on the floor, I quickly gave it to him and he immediately fell right back asleep.

I left his room and checked in on Lewy; he was struggling to get his top on, so I helped him. He smiled, "Thanks, dad," he shook his hair from his face, "can I watch TV?"

"Yeah, for a little bit. I'm gonna put mom in her bed, alright?"

"Okay."

Lewy and I went to the living room; I shook Naomi, "Navy, wake up."

She grumbled, sounding exactly like Benji, "No."

Lewy giggled, I sighed, "I guess I'm gonna havta carry you."

"Go for it," she muttered.

I put my arms underneath her and lifted her up; she was surprisingly light. She woke up a little, wrapping an arm around my neck; Lewy took the room and plopped on the couch. I carried Naomi to her room and set her down; she sat up on the edge of the bed while I pulled the covers back; she kicked off her pajama pants, leaving herself in her underwear and sweatshirt. She looked at me, combing her hair back, "Did you get my twinkies, Wentz?"

"Yeah, I did. Now get into bed."

Naomi crawled into bed and let me pull the blankets back, "Thanks," she murmured.

"I'll crash on the couch."

"Alright," she yawned, "G'night."

"Night, Navy."

I left her room, shutting the door a little and headed back into the living room.


I woke up to cartoons playing on the TV. I looked around, feeling weight in my stomach; I saw Lewy's hair, and then I saw Benji on the floor with a bowl of cereal. I looked down at myself again and saw there was a blanket on us. "Lewy, are you awake?"

He hummed, "Uh-huh."

I sat up carefully with him, and wrapped the blanket around him. I set him on the other end of the couch with a pillow. I rubbed my eyes and looked around again, "What time is it?"

"It's 9," Benji said without looking back at me.

"Where's your mom?"

Benji looked back, "She's in the shower."

I got up and stretched and looked at the boys; they were focused on the cartoons. I went to the kitchen and started to make some coffee; it took me a minute to figure out her coffee maker before I actually got it to brew. I then looked at the counter and grabbed an apple to wake me up. Before I could take a bite, there was a knock on the door; Benji got up, but I stopped him, "Let me get it."

"It's Rae, daddy," he said.

"How do you know?"

"Mommy say she was comin'."

I went to the door and opened it as whoever knocked shortly. There was a tall woman in front of me with long brown hair; she had a smile, but it fell. She stepped back, looked at the numbers on the side of the door and then looked at me, "Andrew, you got shorter...and paler."

She had a funky accent.

"I'm not Andrew," I said.

"You one of the Wentzs' nephews? You all got strong genes."

"No, I'm--"

I was cut off by Benji, "Hi Rae!"

She smiled again, bending towards him, "Hey there, honey! Who's this, one of your cousins?"

"No, that's my daddy," he said with a laugh.

Rae looked at me with arched brows, "You look quite different in person."

I stepped aside and let her in, "You weren't what I was expecting," I said.

"Really? What have you heard about me?"

"Not much," I shut the door, "just...you're Ricky's girlfriend and you do Naomi's hair sometimes."

"Yep. I'm cutting Benji's hair today."

"For real?" I muttered.

"Naomi didn't tell you?" Rae set her bag down on the coffee table.

"No," I said as I bit into my apple.

She knelt down to Lewy, "Hey little guy, good morning."

"Hi Rae," he whispered.

She sat next to him while Benji returned to his cereal. I sat in the arm chair, eating the apple; Rae talked with Benji and Lewy. She seemed to know them like they were her own; I didn't mind, because if Naomi trusted her, I could too.

"So..." I began, Rae looked over at me, "where are you from?"

"England."

"Oh. What're you--"

"I came here to study your American culture, and teach some of your women how to have some decency."

I laughed, but she had a serious look. I stopped, causing her to laugh.

"I'm kidding. I came to visit, ended up staying; it's nice here."

"How do you know Naomi?"

"I work at Dima Vera, on Sheridan," I nodded, "Naomi came in one day, liked the way I did her hair and kept coming to me."

"How long?"

"A year," she shrugged, "she sent Ricky in to meet me one day and we hit it off."

"So...you're like their babysitter now?"

She chuckled, "Only when Naomi needs me. The boys are good, this one," she patted Lewy's back, "likes to make things and that one," she pointed to Benji," likes to wrestle; Ricky's good for that."

A second later, Naomi came out the room; her hair was wrapped in a towel and she was wearing a tank top and sweats. She exhaled, "Hey Rae, thanks for coming," she rubbed her stomach, "I feel like hell."

"It's no trouble," she stood up, went to Naomi and the two embraced. "Am I just taking Benji?"

"Uh, I dunno," Naomi took the towel off her head, "Lew, you wanna go with Rae?"

"Yeah."

Naomi looked at me, "Can you help him get ready?"

"Yeah, sure," I stood up and picked Lewy up, "I got ginger ale last night."

"Thanks, Pete," she said softly.

I took Lewy off to the bathroom, helping him brush his teeth. I could hear Naomi and Rae talking, faintly; once Lewy was done, I helped him dress and then we returned to the living room. Naomi looked beat; she sat on the floor, helping Benji put his shoes on, "...I just have stuff to do, I'll pick them up."

"Don't fret," Rae told her, "Ricky's cookin' so they'll be fed and having fun. Don't worry about a thing."

"Thanks again."

"I'm ready," Lewy said, pulling his Yoda backpack onto his shoulders.

"Gimme a kiss," Naomi told him. Both boys hugged and kissed her, "Now daddy."

The boys came over to me, I knelt down and hugged them, "Have fun, I'll see you soon."

Lewy leaned into my ear and whispered, "Are you gonna kiss mommy?"

I raised a brow at him, "Uh...I don't know."

He smiled, "Do it."

I laughed, "Sure, Lew."

Naomi stayed on the floor until Rae left with the boys. I went over and lent my hand out to help her up. She took my hand and stood up, "Me and you needa talk."