Without You, I'm Just Me

Naomi was asleep with the boys in her bed by night fall. The entire house has been quiet; Naomi was sober when the boys were back and was apologizing again for the way she acted. Benji always received Naomi and forgave her; you could see the resistance in Lewy's movements.

It was hard not to think what he may've been thinking every time he saw Naomi. He saw something bad happen to her and he probably blames her for how bad it makes him feel. Naomi seems to think so, and I believe it too, just by looking at him.

I forced myself not to think about what she told me, it only made angry. I hated Rob with every inch of me; the things he's done to her -what I do and don't know- makes me want to rip his throat out. It was hard to sleep that night, out on the couch, trying to push the thoughts away. I could barely drift my mind away before the thought was back and I was plotting ways to torture Rob. My thoughts finally broke free when I felt a tug on my sweatshirt.

Lewis stood there rubbing his eyes; "Daddy, can I sleep here?"

I nodded and opened my blanket up and let him slip on the couch with me. I covered him and draped an arm around him, "You okay, Lew?"

He shrugged, "I'm sleepy."

"Yeah, me too."

He yawned and nuzzled into me, "You smell like mommy," he whispered.

I smiled, "Is that good or bad?"

"Good," he murmured.

My mind was free and drifted easily. I shut off the TV, hugged Lewy and shut my eyes. I fell asleep easily, without anger.

Waking up was the same, only I was awaken by Naomi shaking me. It was a little shake, Lewy was still in my arms; "Hmm?"

"It's 7, the boys gotta get up and eat breakfast. I made some waffles."

I nodded, while Naomi bent over and picked Lewy up, cradling him easily. He grumbled while Naomi kissed his cheek and whispered, "Time for breakfast, bub, I made waffles, your favorite."

He made a couple more tired noises before Naomi carried him off to his bedroom. I got up, rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stood, stretching before I went into the kitchen. Benji was there, eating pieces of waffles that were cut into small pieces for him.

"Mornin' little dude."

"Morning dad," he murmured.

I chuckled and sat with him, "You get up this early a lot?"

He nodded, "Uh-huh."

"How come?"

Benji looked at me, "I gots school, daddy! Duh."

I laughed, "You're smart, Benny."

"I know."

Naomi and Lewy returned; he was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. He was up, but looked so tired; "You sleep okay, buddy?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I'm sleepy still."

"Waffles'll wake you up," Naomi told him as she got him a plate, "and warm syrup and apple juice."

The kids were quiet as they ate, Naomi had coffee while I ate, too. Not long after, we both took them to school; Naomi took Benji to his classroom and I took Lewy to his. He hugged me, "You'll pick me up?"

I nodded, "Yeah, of course. Daddy's not goin' anywhere, I promise."

I knelt down and hugged him. He hugged me back, grinning, "Will you kiss mommy?"

I chuckled, "What's with you wanting me to kiss mom?"

"Coz you'll be in love and stuff! Then you can live with us," he explained.

"I'll try," I whispered, "it's a secret, I think mommy wants to kiss me."

His grin seemed to grow wider, "Really?"

"Yeah," I patted his shoulder, "I got it under control, Lew, don't worry."

Lewy took off and found his friends; I left the classroom and found Naomi making her way over, "Is he good?"

"Yep," I replied, "he's got his lunch and his friends. Everything he needs."

Naomi smiled, nodding, but then her smile faltered, "Is he still upset?"

We began to head towards the parking lot; "I don't think so...not anymore. I think he's happier with me being around."

Naomi exhaled, "I just...you know, want to make it up to him."

I put my arm around her shoulder, to my surprise, she leaned into me, "He'll be okay...I think maybe he should see a therapist or a child psychologist."

Naomi sighed, "Yeah..."

In the car, before I could even start the engine, I saw her crying. I looked over at her, "What's wrong?"

"God, it was so bad," she muttered, "he watched me...I really fucked Lewis up."

"You didn't do it, Rob did--"

"But I was there, I started it. I should've just shut my mouth."

"Hey, Naomi, this is all over," I told her earnestly; she kept her head down, "Rob's gone, we'll get some help and things will be alright. I'm not goin' anywhere, I'll help with everything, don't even think about it. One day at a time, okay?"

Naomi looked up at me, "It's not even...I don't even care that he did that to me, it's just...Lewy saw, Pete, and I couldn't hide it from him."

I took her hand in mine, "I know, Navy," I said softly, "you were being held down, no matter what you said, it didn't give that fucker a right to do what he did."

"He did it so many times, I'm just numb to it," she mumbled, "it was just like I was a piece of meat to him. I stopped fighting back to avoid the bruises and the pain...he's done it a million times, but that last time with Lewis there was the one that hurts the most," she wiped fresh tears away, "I wish I could just take that one day away--wipe it from our memories."

I leaned over and kissed the side of her head, "It'll go away, Navy, I promise. Lewy doesn't hate you, he's just confused and doesn't know how to deal. I'll talk to him, okay?"

Naomi sighed, "Okay. I'm sorry this all happened."

I shook my head, "You don't have anything to be sorry about."

Naomi leaned back in the seat, buckling the seat belt, "Thanks for everything," she said softly, "for real, Pete."

"Don't thank me either."

Naomi just gave a small nod; I felt a little better, but I could see Naomi was still feeling down. I drove her home, going inside with her; she and I plopped on the couch. She laid her head on my shoulder, "I really wanna get wasted."

"I'm not letting you," I told her.

"I don't have anymore liquor in the house and I'm too lazy to go to the store."

I out my arm around her shoulder, "Lets just watch TV until we get hungry."

She laughed, "Sounds easy to you."

"Last night," I paused for a second, "I was really pissed and Lewy came in and just...he just made me forget how mad I was."

"Benji helps," she added, "he's such a sweetheart to me, he's always trying to make me laugh."

"We got great kids."

"Yeah, I know. I don't deserve them."

"Don't start that," I said softly, "just be happy you've got them. They're probably the best little people to come into our lives."

"They are. I didn't know I could love someone as much as I love them."

I was gonna speak, but Naomi got up and took me by surprise; she climbed over me and straddled my lap. My brows shot up, "Naomi--"

"I'm sober now," she said, "and I need you."

"How did this happen?" I joked.

"I just want to forget," she said, "help me?"

I swallowed and nodded quickly. Naomi leaned forward and kissed me, cupping my jaw. The kiss was equally intoxicating as the day before; I felt like I was floating on air. Naomi was giving me everything; kissing me deeply and grounding her hips into mine. She broke the kiss to kiss my jaw, down my neck, while her fingers tugged through my hair.

"Are you sure?" I moaned.

She hummed, her lips parting from my skin, "Positive."

"Then lets go to your room," I told her wantonly.

Naomi climbed off me and grabbed my hand, once again leading me down the hall to her room. I shut the door behind me, unzipping the hoodie and watched Naomi pull off her sweatshirt. We were both down to our underwear before we reached each other again.

Naomi initiated the first move, kissing my neck, trailing her hand through my hair. I held her hips, grunting as the intense feeling of having her lips on me again. Naomi kept kissing, getting down to my chest and quickly down on her knees. I wanted to stop her, because, for one, I wanted to touch her and two, I was afraid to explode at any given moment. Having control was fleeting and it wasn't helping that Naomi was kissing and sucking on my skin.

I hissed softly when I felt her tug my boxers down and immediately she grasped me. She moved fast, placing her mouth around my tip; I grunted, "Oh my God, Naomi."

Her fingers raked down my hips and legs while she sucked. I held back from thrusting my hips, I had to keep from shooting my load. Naomi was making it really fucking hard; I stroked my fingers through her hair, murmuring how beautiful she is. My toes curled and I begged, "I'm gonna cum, stop."

Naomi released me, kissing my pelvis, nipping her teeth against skin. She got up and unhooked her bra, tossing it to the floor; I guided her to the bed, pushing her back; she let out a small giggle. I swallowed as I mimicked her actions on me; kissing down her chest, kissing her breast, hearing her moan softy. I could cum just hearing her moan that way, it made me hard, it made going slow a daunting task. I fought the urge to rip her panties off and fuck her; I trailed my lips down her stomach, my eyes met her scar and her tattoo.

Naomi propped up and sighed softly; I pulled her panties down easily, eyeing her heart tattoo right below her hip bone. I looked up at Naomi and saw her biting down on her bottom lip; as soon as she was exposed to me, she whimpered, her arms shaking. They gave out as soon as I dove in; she moaned and giggled as I parted her and licked; I couldn't believe wet she was. I hated/loved forgetting how she tasted and felt; it always felt good and familiar as soon as I was back inside; it's one of the best things in the world. Her fingers dug into my hair as I sucked on her clit; her body jolted; "Oh my God, Pete!"

I chuckled, letting her tug on my hair. Her back arched off the bed, I grabbed her hips and held her down, burying my face and tongue deeper into her, if it were possible. She cried out and dug her nails into my shoulders now, "Oh, fuck," she muttered.

Naomi withered, shaking; she panted and cried that she was close. I continued to suck and lick, bringing my thumb down to play with her clit. She let out a loud moan, near a scream and rocked her hips, her nails scratching across my shoulders, down my arms. I continued to suck, licking her clean as she shook and panted. As soon as I backed away, I kissed her thighs; Naomi pulled at me, "Fuck me."

I got up and climbed over her; "Wait," she panted and pointed "drawer, condoms."

I sat back and went to the drawer she pointed to and opened it, finding an unopened box of Trojans there. I ripped the box open and grabbed one; I ripped the foil open and found it was too small; "These are too small," I told her.

Naomi grunted, "Are you kidding me?!"

I tried to slip it over the head of my cock, but it was definitely too small, "It's too small."

Naomi beckoned me back, "I have Plan B in the bathroom, just get over here."

I laughed and returned, pushing her legs open. Naomi grabbed the back of my head and kissed me. Her legs wrapped around my waist and she arched her lower half up. I entered her swiftly, hoping I didn't hurt her, but she just moaned and smiled against my mouth. I held her hips; our kiss broke, her hands fell to my forearms; Naomi had this blissful look on her face.

That look sent my heart soaring. It was all I needed to know that this would be okay and alright.

I buried myself deep inside Naomi, rocking my hips hard and quick against hers. She cried out, her hands found my back now, her nails digging deep. Her bottom lip was tight between her teeth, I was sure she would bite it off; I kissed her again, grounding my body against hers. She moaned softer, purring, "Ooh, Pete."

I kissed her mouth, her jaw and then her neck, making sure I had a good pace going. My climax was near, but Naomi seemed to have finished again before me. She muttered something, wrapping her arms around my back, "Again," she cried this time. I repeated my movements, feeling my gut puddle and tighten; I lifted up, rocking hard against her, "I'm gonna cum again," she whimpered, her nails dug deep into my backside. I held her hips, grunting and telling her to let go.

I bit down on my own lip when I felt my peak hitting me. Naomi cried out as I came fast and hard, deep inside her. She exasperated, our hips rocking slower, clapping softly; again, her hand came up and pulled my head in to kiss her.

We parted reluctantly to climb in between the sheets. Naomi climbed on top of me and lay her body against mine. My hand came up and rubbed her back; "I don't regret this," she said, "I haven't felt that good in a long damn time."

"Goddamn, I know," I chuckled lamely.

I kissed the top of her head, hearing her breathing soften and even. It wasn't long before I knew she was asleep; by this time, she had slipped to my side, her right arm lay across my torso. The room had been quiet until it began to rain; I wasn't the least bit tired, more satisfied than anything else.

I held Naomi close to me, letting my mind drift, it was pretty easy. But my thoughts were rudely interrupted by her phone vibrating on the bedside table. I reached over, out of habit, and looked at it; there was a text message, so I opened it. It was from a number that she didn't seem to have saved. The text read; We need to talk now! Meet me at the W room 219. You better come Naomi I'm not kidding

I was set to wake Naomi and show her, but I thought of something else. I kissed her head, set her phone down and climbed out of the bed; she had protested sleepily, but fell right back to sleep with a pillow clutched under her head. I grabbed my clothes, dressing; I was going to see whoever that was. Fuck, I knew it was Rob, and I was gonna kill him. The time has come and it was inevitable, I was gonna kill him and I didn't even care or think twice.