Without You, I'm Just Me

As soon as I made my way inside the hospital, I went to find Naomi's room. Lee had said it was on the 3rd floor, room 2541, to the right of the nurses station. I had gone down the hall, and it didn't take me long to find it, because I heard her shouting when I got there.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!" She screamed now. "Get me out of here! I don't want to stay here!"

I rushed down the hall, to her room, and went in; Naomi was out of the bed, holding onto the intravenous pole, backing away from 2 nurses and her dad.

"Naomi, we need you to calm down," one of the nurses said panicky, "you're upsetting the other patients."

"I AM NOT STAYING HERE!" She roared, "Take this shit out of my arm, give me my clothes and let me go!"

"You need to get better," Lee started, "you just woke up, you're weak."

"No! No, you're gonna send me to the psychiatric ward! I didn't try to kill myself!"

"Honey, we need you to sit down and relax," the other nurse told her.

"I want this shit off now!" Naomi growled, "I want to go home!"

"Then sit down and we'll take it off," the second nurse quickly said.

Naomi's eyes darted, that's when she saw me. Her anger disappeared, and all I could see was her breaking down. Tears filled her eyes; she looked away and moved towards the bed, sitting down with her back facing us.

I inched forward, but was unintentionally pushed back when some male nurse rushed in. He had a syringe in his hand, ready to give it to Naomi, but the first nurse stopped him. She whispered something to him, and he gave a nod before leaving.

They sat Naomi back on the bed, she looked up, her eyes looked distant, like she wasn't there. Lee sat beside her, taking her hand; her eyes rolled over to his, "I don't want to stay here," she muttered.

"Just for a little while, Naomi," he said, "just another day so you can gain some strength."

Naomi sighed, "Can you guys leave, I want to talk to Pete."

"Pete's not--"

"He's right there," Naomi pointed effortlessly towards me.

The nurses and Lee looked over; the nurses murmured something and then left. Lee stayed for a second, "I'll be outside--"

"Dad," she shook her head, "go home, I'm okay. Go take care of your business and Abbey and the boys. I'll be okay."

Lee leaned over, kissed the top of her head, and then he came over to me. He patted my shoulder, I was sure there was going to be something more, but Lee didn't say a word. He left us; it was just Naomi and I, so I went over to her bed and sat by her side, "Hey."

"That's it? 'Hey'?" She muttered.

"I don't know what to say," I shrugged lamely.

"You're not gonna ask why?"

"I don't believe you tried to kill yourself," I told her honestly.

"Well, you're wrong, I did."

I glared at her, "Why the fuck--"

"You know why," she spat, "you know what it's like with that constant monkey on your back."

I shook my head, "Not you, Naomi. Anybody else but you...why? What happened when we left?"

Naomi shut her eyes for a moment, scratched her head and then looked at me, "I had my mind made up by the time you took them to school yesterday."

"What?"

I was completely caught off guard.

"I had things to do," she continued nonchalantly, "I took care of getting restraining orders for the boys, I changed my number, got a new phone..." She trailed, "and then he called. I don't even know he got my new number, I think he had his lawyer get it; he's fucking stalking me."

"Why didn't you call the police? Why didn't you tell me?"

Naomi's eyes glossed, "I told the police and you know what they said to me? They told me that as long as I had the order of protection and that he was behind bars that I was fine. They told me not to answer my phone and to stay put--" she stopped abruptly, "Pete, he said he was going to kill me and you know what? I believe him. Rob won't rest until I'm dead and I don't want to put Benji and Lewis through all this mess!"

"I'll help--"

"Pete, stop it. You can't help. If Rob can kill me, he can get to you, and the boys need someone to take care of them; if not me, you."

"He isn't gonna kill you."

Naomi growled and shook her head, "God, no one believes me! You sound like the cops! Fuck it, when he kills me, I hope all of you assholes feel like shit; I hope my death haunts you for the rest of your life!"

I shifted to face her; I grabbed her hand, "Naomi, I promise you, he isn't gonna come near you. I'll do whatever I can to protect you."

"No, you can't do a thing."

"What happened?" I asked suddenly, "Did he call when I left?"

She nodded, "He did. He said he had people watching me and I...I decided to save Lewis and Benji the trouble of having to know that Rob killed me. I wanted to do it myself, no wonder, no mystery; I died because of Robert; I beat him at his own game."

"They're little kids, they don't need to know that their mom killed herself because of some freak who can't take a goddamn hint," I snapped.

"Pete," she swallowed, "he is going to either going to kill me himself, get someone to kill me, or he's going to figuratively kill me by hurting or killing Benji and/or Lewy. I don't want them in this, I don't want you in this, I just want to end it all myself."

"Naomi, I don't want this for you. I'll go to the police, I'll--"

"They won't believe you!" She exclaimed, "They'll say it's hearsay, and nothing'll be done."

"I'm not letting you kill yourself."

"I can't do this anymore," the tears rolled down her cheeks, "I can't let my sons be burdened and stressed out. I don't want them to be scared; Lewy already hates me, I can't let them go through this."

"They aren't--"

"Please, take care of them, okay?"

"Naomi, you can't be serious," I exclaimed, "think about this!"

"I did," she mumbled. "I thought about it all day, I was scared, but if it stops Rob from hurting the boys, then it's worth it."

"I'm gonna talk to the police."

She shook her head, "They aren't gonna believe you. They'll think I'm overreacting."

"I have to do something," I stressed.

Naomi laid back against the pillows, "I'm sorry."

I could only look at her, wondering what was going through her head. I felt helpless, like I was falling from the sky without a parachute. Here I was crash landing in a pit of quicksand.

"I promise I'll do something, Naomi," I squeezed her hand, "don't do anything, okay? Please?"

"I'm already dead, Pete," she didn't look at me, "I really am sorry, I wish things hadn't turn out this way."

"You can't give up," I snapped at her.

She shot a look at me, "He's going to kill me! What choice do I have? He's not going to be in jail forever, he has the best fucking lawyer from New York! He may be semi-famous, that doesn't mean he isn't fucking crazy and dangerous and can make me disappear, Pete. I have no choice but to give up; do you think I want Lewis and Benji to find my body?"

"You passed out on Benji's bed," I shot back, "you wanted him to find you in his bed in your underwear?"

"I knew you'd come back first," she revealed, "I know you, I'm not stupid."

I exasperated, "Don't do this to me, Naomi. Don't kill yourself."

She shrugged and turned her head away, "They're sending me to the psychiatric ward in a few hours, I won't be able to do anything in 72 hours; unless Robert pays someone to give me some pills that'll kill me."

I sighed, "I'm gonna go talk to my dad--to the police."

"Good luck," she mumbled.

I leaned over and kissed her forehead, "I love you so much," I murmured.

"I know," she whispered, "and I'm sorry."

She just laid there, ignoring my presence. I exhaled and left her room, heading down the hall. I needed to talk to Lee; he would help.