Without You, I'm Just Me

My mom had come over and helped me take care of Benji. I was ready to have Lewy stay away, but my mom encouraged them together; "Lewis' never has had them, so it'd be good for them to have it together."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes," my mom assured, "I'll put this cooling gel on Benji, and then we'll put them together on the couch."

"Is it gonna hurt?" Lewy asked.

"No," my mom assured, "it's just really itchy."

"It feels nice," Benji said while my mom applied the gel on his back, "thank you, gamma."

"You're welcome, honey."

I exhaled, "How long will they have it?"

"A few days," my mom explained, "they'll be fine. You, Hilary, and Andrew had it together, and it was a piece of cake."

"Naomi's gonna kill me," I mumbled.

"No she won't," my mom chuckled, "she's been wondering when they'd get it. She's been preparing for it in a way."

"Did dad call?" I asked.

"Yeah, they had a recess that ran less than 10 minutes," she looked at me, helping Benji put his shirt on, "uh, they had to stop because Robert said something that was irrelevant and they took a recess to make sure the jury wouldn't have an prejudice against him."

"Naomi's alright?"

"Yeah, she was just nervous. She was gonna call, but your dad told her not to; poor thing was shaking."

I held in a growl; "Did he say when it'd be over?"

"No. But I'm sure it'll take a few days to finish the trial and then come up with a verdict. Don't worry."

"I'm worried for Naomi."

My mom smiled, rubbing her hands on a towel, "She and Dad are handling it. I'm gonna stay for awhile, see if Lewy starts showing any symptoms, and I'll even cook dinner."

"Thanks, mom."


Naomi came home just before 6:30; the traffic had been hell, with the snow and all. My mom left just before her arrival. Naomi's hair was pulled up, her leather jacket was zipped up and she looked so tired.

When she came in, I was surprised; I had been expecting her to call. But at the moment, I didn't really care; she came in and I hugged her. She leaned into my arms and hugged me back, "Fuckin' tired."

"You alright, baby?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was too wound up to call ya, I'm sorry."

"It's cool, Navy."

We parted and then she looked over my shoulder. She moved away from me, "Benjamin, what's wrong--you got chicken pox," she stated.

"I was itchy, mommy, then gamma came and put good stuff on me!" He grinned.

"Lew," she called; he came in just the , "Bubba, are you itchy too?"

He shook his head, "No."

Naomi hummed, looked back at Benji and kissed his forehead, "How do you feel?"

"Not itchy no more."

Naomi stood, took her heels off and then set them by the table near the door. She picked Benji up, "Did you take a bath?"

"Mom said to do it later and then put more of that soothing gel on him."

"When she did come over?" She turned to me.

"Around 2, she just left."

"Okay," Naomi exhaled, "I'm gonna go eat and change, then we can play."

I followed her to the living room, where she set Benji down, kissed his head and retreated to our bedroom. I followed her; "How was it?"

Naomi was silent for a moment, unbuttoning her blouse, "Uh...well, it was upsetting. I cried too much and tomorrow I've got to do it again."

"Did he talk to you?"

She sighed, "He yelled at me during his questioning, they had to restrain him, take the jury out for a minute and then resumed."

"What did he say?"

She sighed, "His lawyer asked him if he would ever hit anyone and he shouted," she swallowed and slipped her blouse off, "'Only if they disobeyed me like that bitch did,' and the whole room gasped. I think it's on youtube."

She didn't laugh.

"I didn't see anything about it on TV."

"Good."

She slipped her skirt off, leaving her in just her underwear. She tossed her clothes into the hamper, went to the dresser and got out a black crew neck and pink plaid pajama bottoms. Naomi was quiet as she dressed; "I felt sick the entire time I was there."

"Uh, why...why did you cry?" I asked meekly.

"Your dad had to question Rob about what exactly I did wrong to make him hit me. Rob tried to say it was nothing and that I liked it," she shook her head and sat on the bed, "I started to cry when your dad had to bring up the incident that Lewy saw."

"I'm sorry--"

She lifted her palm up, "Don't."

"Okay," I mumbled.

"Two more days of this crap," she put on socks and then let her hair down, "I don't even wanna talk about it."

"Alright, you got it," I spoke soft.

Naomi stood up, "I'm hungry and I seriously missed my babies."

I smiled and took her hand; together we went back into the living room with the boys.


We had put the boys to bed and were cleaning up the toys. Naomi fed the fishes and then she sat down with me. I began to tell her about the gig that was in the 14th; she had mockingly frowned at me.

"Aw, you aren't gonna have a Valentine's Day date with me?"

I smiled, "This spoiled kid is paying a lot to see me."

She laughed, "Hm, what kid? Why're they more important than Valentine's Day sex with me?"

I chuckled, "They aren't, but I can't disappoint."

"Oh, I forget how noble you are, Peter Panda," she teased.

I couldn't help but to blush, "I don't ever think you've called me Peter Panda."

"Yeah, well get used to it."

"No way," I smirked.

"Fine, I won't call you Peter Panda."

"So, are you okay with me heading out on Friday?"

She nodded, "Yeah, of course, Pete. I'm sure the boys will be recovering from the chicken pox and I'll be reeling from that damn trial, so you can go out. Really, it's not a problem."

"I feel bad--"

"Just go," she muttered, "it's cool."

"Sure?" I asked her again.

"Yes, Pete," she leaned over and kissed me. "But, I expect an awesome Valentine's Day gift."

"Count on it, baby."

She smiled sweetly, "Hm, I'm expecting a lot."

I chuckled, "I know."

She shook her head, "I'm kiddin'. I just want a little gesture."

I hummed, "As you wish, Princess."

Naomi let out a little squeal, "Thats one of my favorites! I love when you quote movies."

"I know Honey Bunny."

She grinned now, "I love you, dork."

"I love you, too."


The next day, Naomi left to court with my dad. The snow had let up some, school was back on, but we kept Benji and Lewy home. Lewy had successfully caught the chicken pox and itched like crazy. Naomi had lathered him in the cooling gel and made them chicken noodle soup before she left.

We all piled onto the couch, watching cartoons. There wasn't much to do, even with the snow letting up. We spent the majority of the day in the couch.

Before long, Spencer was calling me again; "What's up, dude?"

"So, you doin' this with me or not? You need to be ready."

"Naomi said it was cool."

"Awesome, when do you fly in?"

I frowned, "What? Fly in? Where the hell is this party?"

Spencer was quiet for a second, "Shit, I forgot to tell you where..."

"Where, Spence?"

"The NY Angels and Kings."

I grumbled under my breath, "Please tell me you're jokin'."

"I'm not, sorry man."

I sighed, "That means I gotta fly out there tomorrow night, get my equipment together, make sure this place is good to go before the next night."

"I said sorry! The girl just planned the whole thing here less than 5 days ago!"

"You should've said no."

"She begged, man," he scoffed, "she wants you there. I felt kinda bad; her mom is paying extra for it all."

I rubbed my neck, "Shit. I have to get everything ready."

"You can do it, Wentz!" Spencer chuckled.

"Easy for you to say, you're already there. Coulda told me it wasn't here."

"I swear, I thought I told ya."

I shook my head, "Bye Spence."

"Where you gotta go, daddy?" Benji asked once my phone was back in my hoodie pocket.

"I have to DJ a party," I told him, "I have to go to New York."

Lewy looked up, "When?"

"Tomorrow," I sighed, "mommy isn't gonna like it."

"Can we go?" Benji asked.

"No, you're sick, dudes."

"Aw, no fair!"

I chuckled, "I'll only be gone for a little while."

Benji shifted on my lap, "What's DJ?"

I tweaked my lips, "I uh, play music at a party."

"What kinds?"

"Whatever the person wants."

"Is it fun?"

"Yeah, it is."

Lewy sat up, looking at me, "You DJ coz you're not in a band no more?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I kinda miss making music."

"How comes you don't be in a band?" Benji asked.

"Uh, we just needed a break, Benny."

"You miss it?"

"Yeah, I do. But, I like being here, being with you guys."

"Me too!" Benji hugged me.

I laughed, "Thanks, little dude."


Naomi returned home around the same time; she had some groceries and didn't speak when she came in. The boys were in Lewy's room, playing; I had caught her coming in when I came out the bathroom. I followed her into the kitchen; she set the bags on the counter and stood there for a moment.

"Naomi?"

She looked up, "Hmm?"

She had this vacant look in her eyes.

"Everything alright?"

She nodded, "Yeah. It ended early; tomorrow the verdict will come in."

"How was it? You don't look too good."

"Uh, it was...you know, the same."

"You don't wanna talk about it?"

"No. I'm hungry, I'm gonna cook. How're the boys?"

"They're good. I was just about to order a pizza."

"I rather cook," she began to unload the groceries.

"Hey uh, I need to tell you something."

She hummed, "What's up?"

"That birthday party I have to DJ, it's not here."

She looked up, "What do you mean?"

"It's in New York."

Naomi frowned, "You're going to New York?"

"Yeah. The kid--the girl, her mom is paying a lot of money."

Naomi shrugged now, "Oh, well, okay."

I furrowed my brow, "You're not mad?"

She shook her head, "No, why would I be?"

"I have to leave tomorrow night, and I'll be gone till the 15th."

"Yeah, well, I expected it. I still expect a wonderful Valentine's Day present," she smiled at me.

"Yeah, no doubt about it."

I went over, to which she dropped whatever was in the plastic bag and opened her arms. She was still in her heels, nearly towering me; she laughed and hugged me, "I love you, stupid."

I kissed the underside of her jaw, "I love you, too."

She pulled back, slipped her heels off, becoming eye level with me, "So, what's this kid's name that's in love with you?"

I threw my head back, laughing, "I don't know. Spence just told me she planned the whole thing about 5 days ago."

"At least I'll be here when you go," she said with a shrug.

"Um, how'd," I paused a second, "how do you think the jury will go?"

"Dad said it looks favorable to about a decade behind bars," she exhaled, "I'm nervous as hell; the jury are leaning towards me, though...still nerve wrecking."

"Good," I murmured.

"The little guys were okay today? Not too itchy, I hope."

"Nah, they were great, they were just bored and wished for snow."

Naomi shook her head, "They are not allowed to go outside, they're sick."

"Yeah, I told them that."

"They'll be better soon," she exhaled, "I'm gonna check on them, change my clothes and start cookin'."

"You sure? I can get a pizza and you can relax."

"Nah," she came over, kissed my cheek, "I wanna cook."

"Alright."

She smiled at me, kissing me again, "I missed you today."

I pulled her into a hug, "How come?"

"I don't know," she rubbed my back, "I couldn't wait to come home and see you guys."

"Yeah, we couldn't wait to see you too."


The next morning was the same as before, but I called Rick and Rae over. I needed them to watch the boys for a bit so I could go to the jewelry store. I was planning on buying Naomi a ring; I had been looking online and found the perfect one.

Rae had come in first, "What was the rush?" She asked with her funny accent.

I smiled, "I have to go get Naomi's V-Day gift."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"A secret," I said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh, you're hilarious."

Rick followed in, "I'll come with you, man. I've got some errands to run."

We went into the living room; the boys jumped up, "Hi Rae!" Benji ran to her, stumbling a little; Lewy was behind him.

She knelt and hugged them, "Hello there, boys! Look at that, you've got the chicken pox."

"Uh-huh," Benji nodded vigorously, "I gots red dots all over me!"

Rae smiled, "They'll be gone before you know it."

"Are you leavin' now, daddy?" Lewy asked.

"Yeah, Rick's gonna go with me. You guys be good for Rae, I'll be back soon."

"Can you bring chicken nuggets?" Lewy asked.

We all laughed; "For sure, buddy. I'll be back real soon."

We said bye to the boys before we headed out. Rick and I rode in his car; "What're you getting Naomi?"

"A ring," I answered, "I've got it all picked out, I just need to go pick it up."

"You're gonna ask her to marry you?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "I was gonna ask her on Valentine's Day, but I got a gig in NY and I won't be back until the 15th. I think it'll give me time to think of a good, cheesy speech."

Rick chuckled, "She'll love that. I need to get Rae something...I don't know what. She digs coffee, so I thought about a gift card or something."

"Girls are complicated," I said.

"Yeah, I know."


At the jewelry store, it was easy to see the woman behind the counter recognized me. Or, she had seen me on a magazine and knew my face. She wouldn't stop staring at me.

I moved on to the male clerk and told him I had an order for the ring. Rick stood beside me, looking at the array of necklaces. The clerk came back holding a plastic, deep purple ring box; "This it, sir?"

He opened it and flashed the ring; Rick leaned over, "Holy shit."

I nodded, "Yeah, that's it."