Without You, I'm Just Me

Ricky was telling me how Naomi was gonna jump my bones when she saw the ring. I just laughed and shook my head.

"Dude, where'd you find that thing?"

"I was just lookin' around. I figured Naomi would like it."

"She's more than gonna like it."

We got back home, with some food for the kids, just as it started to rain. We rushed into the house, finding it unusually quiet; Ricky had looked at me with a slight confused look; "Rae?" He called out.

"We're in here," she replied back.

I went in, Ricky behind me, heading straight to the living room. I was surprised to see Naomi there; the boys weren't there; she and Rae were on the couch. I set the food down in the coffee table, looking at her; she had this blank look; her eyes were red, her cheeks stained with tears, and Rae was holding her hand.

"What happened?"

Rae looked at me, then at Naomi. She stood and grabbed the food, "We'll feed the boys," she said swiftly, "talk to her."

I sat beside Naomi as Rae and Ricky left the room. Naomi rubbed her cheeks with the palms of her hands, sniffling, "They didn't believe me."

My jaw slacked, "What do you mean?"

She looked at me, "They gave him 5 years probation."

"That's it? Are you serious?"

"I'm dead serious," she spat, "no prison or jail time, nothing! He just has probation!"

I was at a loss for words; "But, I don't--"

"They deliberated for 2 hours! 2 goddamn hours and they found him not guilty!"

"Shit."

"He's not allowed to come near me, he has his own little life set up in LA, away from me, but how does that protect me?!"

I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, unsure of what else to do. Naomi gave a big sob and wrapped her arms around my neck, dissolving into tears against my shoulder. I held her tight and kissed the side of her neck, over her hair.

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked her softly.

"Because I couldn't talk," she sobbed.

I didn't know what to say or what to do. Naomi was a wreck and I had no clue what the hell to do.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, "I really wish I had something better to say, but I don't and I'm...I'm a fucking idiot and I'm sorry."

Her hands gripped the back of my shirt, fisting it. Her face buried into my shoulder; I could feel her crying, the tears soaking through my sweatshirt. I kissed the side of her head; "We'll be okay. You won't go through it alone."

She sighed and pulled away, "I'm gonna stay at my dad's tomorrow, after you leave."

"I don't think I should go."

Naomi let my shirt go to wipe her eyes, "No, no, you should. I'll be fine...I just need to...I don't even fuckin' know."

I rubbed her arms, "Take a deep breath."

Naomi inhaled and then exhaled deeply; she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"I am gonna worry about you," I swallowed, "I wanna...I need to," I was floundering, overcome with a need--a want.

"What?" Her voice was soft, confused.

I let her arm go to reach into my sweatshirt pocket; I felt the ring box in my hand; "I wasn't planning on doing this until I came back, but things change and I'm eager and I love you and--" I was speaking fast.

"Pete, what are you talking about?" She sniffed.

I pulled out the box and showed it to her; her jaw slacked; "I've been planning on asking you for awhile, and I finally found the perfect ring."

Her brows flew up and her mouth shut.

"I know this is probably the worst time, but I can't wait and I--"

Naomi cut me off, "Yes. Just shut up, the answer is yes."

I laughed, "What if I had a whole speech planned?"

"Do you?" I shook my head, "Then shut up and ask me, then put the ring on my finger and kiss me."

I opened the box and showed her the ring; smiling, I asked her, "Naomi, will you marry me?"

"Yes," she nodded with her eyes brimming with tears.

I took the ring out and slipped it on her finger; it fit perfectly. She leaned in, kissed me and then wrapped her arms around my neck again. I felt so much relief and tension fall away, it was ridiculous; I would float away if Naomi wasn't holding me.

She pulled away and kissed me on my lips, her hand came up and brushed back my hair. When she pulled away again, she bit her bottom lip, "This is amazing, thank you."

"I wasn't planning on doin' it today, but what the hell?"

"I really, really needed this," she pressed her forehead against mine; her fingers brushing against my cheek, "thank you."

"Don't thank me," I kissed her lips, "I'm just so fucking in love with you, Navy."

She exhaled, "This is it. If this doesn't work between us, I don't--"

"It will, you're what I want and what I need."

The corners of her lips turned up, "Ditto."

I grinned again, "You feel better?"

"Much."


Naomi didn't talk about the trial anymore after that. She wanted to forget all about it, but you could see it weighed heavily on her. I hated the thought of leaving her, but she said she was fine with going to her dad's after I left.

That night, I held her in bed, listening to her breathe softly. She was still up, late after midnight; the lights were dimmed, the two of us quiet. Naomi's fingers played with mine; I don't know what made her stop suddenly, but I figured it out when she said; "Is that my name?"

I looked down; my left hand was opened and her finger was tracing her name tattooed on the inside of my ring finger. "Yeah," I answered.

"When did you get it?"

"Back in '07, during the Honda Civic tour."

She turned around, facing me, "Why?"

"Because I was high. For real."

She tweaked her lips, "You're crazy."

"I know."

Naomi adjusted on the bed, "You really want to get married?"

"To you? Pssh, yeah," she giggled at me, "of course I do."

She smiled faintly, "When do you want to?"

I shrugged, "Whenever you want."

"I have to think this all through. Maybe in a year?"

"Sounds good to me."

She exhaled, "Let's just keep it to ourselves."

"Yeah, whatever you want."

Naomi licked over her lips and ran her fingers through my hair. I smiled at her; the feeling her nails scraped my scalp. She kissed me, pulling my head towards her; kissing me deeply. I climbed on top of her, pushing one hand up her pullover. It didn't take no more than a minute for all of our clothes to come off.

Naomi rolled over on top of me, before resuming, she reached over on the bedside table and opened the drawer, grabbing a condom. With the package between her fingers, she leaned down and kissed me. She sat up on my lap, her eyes half-lidded, she tore the wrapper and removed the condom and slipped it on me.

Naomi moved slow, climbing on top and sliding down on me, all I could think was how much I love her. The forever broken record that wouldn't stop; I love you, I love you, I love you played constantly. Memories sunk and faded; I remembered exactly the first time we had sex and how connected I felt to her.

My hands planted firmly on her hips, one trailing up and grope her breast. Naomi groaned softly and rocked down harder against me; I could only imagine how we looked and that only fueled my fire even more. Her soft moans and pants were music to my ears; the way she moaned my name made me even harder, if it were possible.

I just wanted more of her. I wanted everything. I'm selfish and she's all I'll ever want.

We came down, sinking into bed together. She lay on top of me, her arms wrapped around my neck, our bodies coated in sweat, sticking together. I could feel her breathing softly; she fell asleep and I was up, trailing my fingers down her back, feeling this connection to her. This was something different that I'll never be able to explain. It was worry; I'll never not worry about her; I love her, and it's hard to explain it without adding that.

I kissed the top of her head, she stirred only a little; I reached over and flipped the light off. I listened to the rain fall overhead, like white noise, and listened to Naomi's breathing; her soft breaths tickling my chest. No matter how comfortable I got, the worry tugged at my senses.


Lew was a little sicker the next morning, and Naomi stayed with him in his room, making sure he was okay. He had the flu, and with the chicken pox, he stayed in bed, taking medicine. Benji was more active than anything; he still itched, but he was good so far.

"Lew okay?" I asked her once she came out his room.

"He's okay, just tired," Naomi replied. "Did you pack?"

"I don't think I should go," I said.

"Pete, we'll be fine," she patted my shoulder, "the snow stopped falling and you'll only be gone for 2 days. Just go."

I bit at the inside of my lip, "Are you absolutely sure?"

She smirked, "Yes, Peter."

I thought for a moment, "I'm all packed, my flight leaves at 3."

"Do you want me to drop you off?"

"Nah, I'll take a cab. You stay and take care of Lew."

"Fair enough."

We went back into the living room, playing with Benji until I had to go. Benji helped me get the last of my stuff together; "Daddy, can I play wit' your iPad?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Can you take care of it?"

"Yes."

I handed it over, "Share with Lew."

"Okay."

He messed with the screen until he accidentally called me. He giggled at the fact his face came up on iChat, "Cool!"

"If you wanna call me, you do that," I told him.

"I can call you?"

"Yeah, man, whenever. I'll answer."

Naomi came from checking on Lew, "He's up, but he's too tired to get out of bed."

"I'll go see him," I said, "I'm letting Benji use my iPad."

"He'll be careful, since I'm here," she smiled at him. "I know he better not let the fishes play with it."

"But, Awesome likes ta play too!"

"Not with daddy's iPad," she warned.

Benji giggled, "Okay!"

I went to Lewy's room to check up on him; he was lying in his bed, breathing softly. He looked as if he would fall asleep at any given moment; I sat at the edge, "Hey, Lew, I'm leaving soon."

He yawned softly, "For how long?"

"Just for 2 days."

"Okay. I'll miss you."

I leaned over, picked him up, wrapped in his blanket and sat him in my lap, "I'll miss you too."

He rested against my shoulder, "Carry me to your room?"

I stood, holding him carefully and carried him to my and Naomi's room. She was sitting with Benji, playing a game on the iPad; she looked up, "Aw, hey bub."

He yawned again, "I sleep in daddy's spot?"

"Yep, you and Benji both."

The boys laid there in the spot besides Naomi. They played a game while I packed; it didn't take long for my cab to arrive. I kissed them all, making sure they'd be okay; I was so nervous and hating the idea of leaving them. But, Naomi's reassurance and smile helped a lot.


I only talked to Naomi twice since I arrived, and they were short. Lewy was throwing up, but had gotten better after she gave him some medicine. Benji was the same; hyper and loud; Naomi had a handle on him while Lewy slept. Lee had gone over and helped, as well as my mom and dad. Everything was cool, and my worry had faded a lot.

When I got to Angels and Kings, I saw a few people setting it up for the party the next night. There was a lot of pink; all the vintage photos were covered and Spencer was at the DJ booth, checking the sound. I walked through, seeing a large banner over the bar that read "Happy Sweet Sixteen Gina!"

I got to the booth, "Hey."

"You made it," Spencer nudged my side with his elbow. "The kid is having a little pout about you not being here yet."

I set my equipment down and rolled my eyes, "Where is she?"

"Uh," he looked around and then nodded his head forward, "right there."

I looked over, my jaw slacking when I saw the kid, Gina. She had a large frown, one that I seemed to know; she stood with 2 women, an older one and one around her age. I knew exactly who they were.