Without You, I'm Just Me

"Hey," I said awkwardly, "uh...you wanna come in?"

Babette stood, "I actually just came to say hello to Naomi. It's not a long visit...I was driving by."

Naomi stood too, with some struggle, but didn't ask for help. She exhaled softly, "We just talked for a second."

"You guys...good?" I asked.

Naomi and Babette looked at each other, then at me, simultaneously saying, "Yes."

I smiled, knowing that the smile growing on Naomi's face was genuine. There was some relief in there too, but I didn't want to push it.

"I have to pick up my baby from his grandmama's," Babette said, "I'll see you. Call me."

She and Naomi hugged, "I will."

They parted, Babette waved and started off towards a car parked in front of our house. Naomi came over to me, "Surprised?"

"Very," I answered.

"Well, I felt sort of bad about wanting to slam the door in her face," Naomi went inside first, "so, I asked her what she was doing here and she said she wanted to apologize and see if I needed any help."

I blinked slightly, shutting the door behind me, "Oh, wow."

"It's weird, it's...like we hadn't talked to each other in 4 years."

"You guys are friends?"

"Maybe," Naomi gave a small shrug, "she told me Kate's not doing too well."

My stomach always sinks at the mention of her name. I know Naomi hates the thought of me and Kate. It wasn't even all that memorable or worth it, and I regret it every single day.

"I'm sorry--"

Naomi shook her head, "It's in the past."

We sat at the table with the boys; Naomi didn't look upset, she was tired though. Benji looked at me, "Who was that?" He asked, looking to Naomi now.

Naomi looked at him, "That was my friend B."

"The lady with the blonde hair?" Lewy asked.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I was just talking to her," she licked over lips, changing the subject. "You guys wanna go swimming?"

"Yes!" Benji exclaimed.

"After you eat and wait a little while or you'll sink to the bottom," she warned.

Benji made a face, "Never!"

"It's true," I said, "happened to me once."

Benji's eyes grew wide, "Not-uh! Really?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, really."

Lewy made a face too, "That's scary!"

"Yeah, I know," Naomi acted serious, "you guys should play before we swim, okay? Mommy has to take her pills anyway and wait for them to kick in."

After we finished eating, the boys went outside to play on the swing set. I made sure the gate around the pool was locked so they wouldn't go in. I went back in the house, leaving the back doors open with the screens closed.

I went into the bedroom where I found Naomi. She was standing at the dresser, in just her bra and sweats, getting ready to change. She had swallowed her pills and looked over her shoulder at me, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?" I stood next to her, leaning against the dresser.

"Is everything...you know, good for you?"

I furrowed my brow in confusion, "What? What do you mean?"

She bit at her lip, lifting a bottle of her depression meds, "The doctor says this would increase my...um," she blushed, "I feel embarrassed."

"C'mon," I nudge her playfully, "what is it? I've heard and seen everything."

Naomi inhaled, "He said it would increase my...sex drive and I'm like...hell, I wanna jump your bones."

I laughed softly as she gave me a pout, "I'm not laughing at you, Navy, I swear. I'm just surprised."

"We haven't had sex in months," she said, "I mean, it hasn't been easy."

"I didn't want to just jump on you," I said with a smile, "and your knee, you know."

She sighed, "I feel dumb."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just do," she placed her palm over her face.

"Wanna try?" I asked sheepishly.

She peeked through her fingers, "With the kids outside?"

"We can go in the bathroom."

She dropped her hands and shook her head, "We should wait. I need to figure this out."

We both laughed. "Alright," I agreed, "you never have to be shy about tellin' me anything," I leaned over and kissed her lips, "I don't care what it is."

"Yeah, I know, but it was embarrassing for me. It still is."

I kissed her again, "Yeah, well you shouldn't be, I'll understand. And, you know what? I've been dying to jump your bones too."

She giggled, "Oh, I know. I hear you in the bathroom."

I laughed, caught off guard, "Hey, a man has to do what a man has to do."


We had a long day playing with the boys. Then we ate and watched a movie. Not long after it got dark, we put the boys to bed and then went to our room.

It wasn't too late, around 8, and Naomi wasn't tired anymore. She sat on the bed, her leg leveled on her special spongy, yellow pillow she got from her doctor and had a bowl of strawberry ice cream. Honestly, I kept thinking about what she had said earlier. I was dying to have sex.

6 months without sex was weighing on me, even though I've gone longer, it sucked. I never pressured Naomi, because I was afraid I would hurt her. If she gave me consent, I'd still be afraid of hurting her. That's all I thought of when I undressed and saw Naomi sitting there. She was in shorts and a tank top, and eating, watching something on her laptop on the bed beside her.

God, she looked so damn good. It's the hormones in me, raging hard to tackle her. I bit at my lip, sighing, catching her glance over at me, "You okay?" She asked, licking her spoon.

I inhaled, "Yeah."

She smiled softly, "Will you take my bowl to the kitchen for me?"

I grabbed her bowl, and took it to the kitchen; I had forgotten I was just dressed in my briefs, not totally thinking. Back in the room, I sat on the bed with her, she smirked at me, "You're gonna sleep like that?"

That's when I noticed my lack of clothing, "Yeah, why not?"

"Just curious."

"What're you watching?" I asked, holding back the subject of sex.

"Iron Man, but," she shut her lap top and put it on the bedside table, "I think he can wait."

I held it in tighter, "Why?"

Naomi gestured me closer with her index finger. I did exactly what she wanted, I crawled over and bit the inside of my cheek. She smiled, her hand cupped my cheek, and she kissed me. The rough urge to pin her down was overwhelming, but I had to remember I could hurt her. It was annoying to my dominate side.

She pulled back, "I think we should just lie down," she said, "I'll show you."

You could see how nervous and bashful she felt. She pushed away the cushion, carefully lying on her back. She inhaled softly, and I kissed her, trying to calm her down. Naomi sighed and ran her hand up my arm, leading up my neck and hair, tugging at it. I kissed her deeper, praying I wouldn't hurt her; I slipped my hand up her top and groped her breast.

Naomi and I groaned, I rolled my hand down her stomach to her shorts. She broke away and sighed, squirming a little under my touch. I felt her, hot and wet center, earning another groan and the rough tugging of my hair. I kissed her neck, sucking the underside of her jaw, she moaned and giggled. She pushed me away to pull her top off, revealing her breasts to me.

I bit down on my lip and stared, only to dive in and kiss her chest, taking my time on her breast, down to her belly. Her breathing hitched and she cried out softly, "Pete, wait."

I looked up, "What?" My hand slipped out of her shorts. "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head and palmed her forehead, "I'm...I don't know."

I sat up, "I'm sorry, I-I don't know what I did."

"No, it's not you," she dropped her hand and laid against the pillows, "it's me. It's--I've been avoiding this because look at me."

I didn't need to look, I knew what she meant. "The scars?"

"Yeah. Goddammit, I don't--I feel like I'm unattractive and you'll stop, and I know you won't but I can't help but think that," she rambled, shutting her eyes.

"Navy, I'm not gonna stop unless you want me to," I told her firmly. She opened her eyes and looked at me, "I don't care that you have scars, I love them because they're a part of you. It probably sounds cheesy and cliche, but it's true, I love them. You're beautiful to me."

Naomi blinked causing tears to roll down her cheeks. I leaned up to kissed her, "You believe me?"

"Yes," she said softly, nodding slowly.

I kissed her, "You want me to keep going?"

"Yes."

I knelt down, kissing down the valley of her breasts, down her belly. Naomi sighed and ran her fingers through my hair; I nipped at her stomach, her hips, down to her pelvis. Her scar just above her shorts, protruded and smooth, I kissed it and continued on, pulling her shorts down.

I sat up, carefully pulling her shorts off, tossing them to the floor. Naomi's cheeks were red and her eyes were half-lidded. I asked, "Everything okay?"

She nodded, "Uh-huh."

I knelt between her legs, feeling her heat with my fingers. She whined and tossed her head back; I held her hips and kissed her inner thighs, leading up to her warmth. She whined again once my lips kissed her middle, she let out a low cry when my tongue licked her opening.

"Oh God," Naomi sputtered, "I've--I've waited so long."

I didn't reply, I just focused on pleasing my girl. Whatever she wanted, I'd do, because I love her so much. It's never bad, I love doing this, I love hearing her moan, shake and cry my name.

Naomi grabbed a fistful of my hair, moaning and panting my name. I grew hard just off that, and she tasted so good, just like I remember. She's what my home is, her body is where I belong.

"I-I-I can't," she panted, "I can't hold on!" She cried this a little loudly.

I groaned against her, earning a giggle and a moan. I could feel her tightening around my tongue, my thumb teasing her clit in small circles. Her hips jerked, I slipped a finger inside of her, pulling away to watch her cum. Her face contorted, eyes shut tight and mouth falling open to pant and moan. She moaned my name so soft and quiet, I swore I could see it spell out in the air.

Her muscles tightened around my fingers, Naomi buried her face into a pillow, her hands gripping it to her face. I grabbed it, to watch her, and she nearly screamed. I put my free hand over her mouth, while my other fucked her into a frenzy. She mumbled loud swears into my palm and her hips rose, until I felt her cum, and her hips rock back and forth. I removed my palm and brushed her hair back, leaning down to kiss her, my fingers going slow now.

"Thank you," she breathed.

"Any time," I kissed her away.

Then she bit her lip, "I wanna try this," she said, lying on her side, facing me, "you just...you know?"

I knew what she meant, we tried it once and that was it, back before our kids were born. I reached over to my side of the bed, in the drawer, to grab a condom. I ripped it open and exhaled, kicked my briefs off and slipped it on. Naomi looked nervous, so I kissed her, "Don't worry."

She licked over her lips, placing her leg on my hip as I got closer. I rubbed her knee, feeling the bolts inside, the metal plate under her skin. It was wicked and put a smile on my face.

"Ready?" I asked her.

She nodded, "Yeah."

I began to kiss her, pushing myself into her, and fuck I swore I would cum right then. She was tight and holding me, arms around my neck, legs around my waist. It was just like before, what I was used to and what I love.

Naomi buried her face into my neck as I started to rock slowly. She moaned and whimpered, I growled against her shoulder, kissing her collar bone. I buried myself deeper within her, taking my time so I wouldn't hurt her. The feeling was exhilarating and erotic, I could barely stand it. Naomi panted, "I'm already gonna cum again."

I kissed her then, silencing her and thrusting my hips faster. I don't even know how long it was, but it wasn't long at all. It was almost too overwhelming for us to handle.

I kissed her deeper as she tightened around me, moaning against my mouth. I sighed and grunted, breaking away and pressing my forehead against hers. Naomi kissed at my bottom lip, her nails digging into my shoulders. I came hard and fast, still rocking my hips for Naomi; it didn't take but a minute for her to finish and cry out. Her arms tightened around my shoulders, holding me in place while I continued to work my hips.

She sighed and smiled, "One day, my dirty talk will come back."

I laughed, "I can't wait for that."

Naomi kissed me again, "I'm glad we did this. I feel so...normal."

"You're welcome," I smiled smugly at her.

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, the dick master Pete Wentz rocked my world."

"Damn straight," I kissed her, humming a quiet laugh against her lips.