Without You, I'm Just Me

My dad took the boys out while me and Naomi stayed home to relax, in a way. My dad had gone over the questions the DA and lawyers were going to ask her come September. We had a list and Naomi concentrated on them when my dad and the boys had gone.

"There are 25 questions here," Naomi spoke softly, as if she was speaking to herself, "dad said they're gonna ask me an array of these...I should--I have to get familiar with them."

I looked them with her and saw how personal they all were. They were long and calculated. My dad had said these were questions he knew they'd ask, but he was the one to come up with them and print them out.

"The first one is easy, how did you meet Rob, blah, blah," I said, trying to calm her.

We looked down the list and saw that she'd have to tell when the abuse started and why she never told anyone. The questions alone made her tear up.

"I don't know if I can do this," she mumbled through tears.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, "You can, Navy. I'll be right there."

She groaned, "Shit. I don't want you to hear that. That was...that was horrible."

"This is the only way to make them understand that you did what you did to save your life."

"I know, but it's so embarrassing. I feel so stupid for prolonging it. Had I ended it sooner, maybe he wouldn't have gone nuts," she sputtered.

"Navy, I don't think so," I pulled her closer to me, "honestly, I think he was always psychotic, he could've pounced at any given moment."

Naomi let out a soft sigh, "Yeah, I know. I'm scared, that's all. I don't want the boys to be without me. Being in the hospital was bad enough."

I rubbed her arm, "You'll get out of it, okay? I know you will. As for his mom, I'll fuckin' give her everything I've got--"

"It's not just the money, she wants to ostracize me! She wants everyone to know that I killed her son in cold blood, that I was the reason he became crazy!"

I kissed the top of her head, "Don't cry anymore. I'm so sorry and I hate to see you cry."

Naomi leaned into me and wrapped her arms around my middle. I kissed her head again, rubbing her back. "We'll be just fine, Navy, I promise."

"When this is over, can we get married?" She asked quietly.

I smiled, chuckling, "Psh, yeah!"

She laughed, "I just wanna do this before I get old."

"You'll never get old, baby."

She looked up at me, "I wanna have a baby, too."

I blink, "What? A baby?"

She pulled away from me and straddled my lap, "The doctor, he said where Rob stabbed me," she pointed towards to pelvis, "where he stabbed me...if he had gone just a few more inches in, I wouldn't be able to have children. He almost slicked through my uterus."

I could see she was serious and she was watching me for any discomfort or refusal. I was all for having a kid, not this very second, but soon, and I wanted this kid with Naomi. This was the first time we ever discussed kids before she actually got pregnant.

"I think it was a sign," she murmured meekly, "that my life is short and I...it all made me realize that one day I won't be able to have babies and I want more babies, Pete. I just didn't want them with him."

When she finished, she looked at me with a worried glance. Like a child wanting their parents overwhelming approval. I could only smile at her; my girl with a nervous look in her eyes.

"Why do you look so nervous? I want a baby too," I smiled wider at her.

Naomi exhaled happily, smiling right back at me with such a relieved look on her face. She climbed off my lap, kissed my cheek and hugged me tight. I knew there was more to this than I was understanding; Navy just held me so tight and happily, lovingly.

"I almost died," she said to me, "if I had, what would you have done?"

"You want the truth?" I asked.

"Yeah," she murmured.

I paused before telling her. "I honestly would've killed myself. I know it's selfish, but I can't imagine my life without you...it's scary."

"Why would you leave Benji and Lewy?" She asked.

"I don't know. I'm selfish. I guess I would hurt like you were. You would've left them behind too."

"Yeah, but I was sure they didn't need me. I know they do, because I need them," she smiled faintly, "they're my babies, they're the loves of my life, I would die for them...when Rob came in, I was ready to die to save them."

"I don't see how that constitutes manslaughter," I said, mostly to myself.

"There weren't any former complaints," she explained, "they say since I never called the police before we broke up and he has no history of domestic violence, that I lured him over, set him up to give him no choice but to hit me, in a way of defense, so I could kill him."

"Yeah, but he brought the gun!" I muttered.

"Yeah, that's one of the defenses I have. But I'm sure they'll say I was threatening his life," she shook her head, "if I go away, I'll do the time. I have no choice, I know that--"

"You aren't gonna go to jail or prison. If you do, I'll--we'll get appeals and get you out. It's worth the fight, Navy."

Naomi nodded slowly, "I don't want to drag it out...this is my life and our sons' lives, Pete--"

"My life too," I told her. "Since we met, my problems have been yours and yours, mine."

Her eyes net mine, and she couldn't help but to smile. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip. Fuck, I love everything about her.

"Yeah, I know. I wanted to escape you, but I can't. I don't want to, but God knows I tried," she smirked now, shaking her head slightly, "I wish I could go back and tell myself everything that happens...I'm sure 17 year old Naomi wouldn't believe it, but then again, I probably would. Life is weird and hard."

"Since we can't change the past, lets just make sure the present and future are great."

She leaned into me again, "I only want to be with you and have the boys, that's all."

"And that's exactly what I'll give you," I kissed her forehead, "whatever you want, I'll give you."

She exhaled quietly, "Thank you."


Naomi went to her weekly regiment at the hospital to help with the pain, so I was at home with the boys. I was surprised when Babette stopped by; she and her kids.

"Hey, I didn't know you were gonna come," I was speaking awkwardly, as if I never knew her.

She bounced a baby in her arms, "Yeah, Naomi said she'd be gone, but I was welcomed to being Christina by to play with the boys."

"They're in the back yard," I stepped aside and let her in; immediately, her daughter rushed off, to the backyard. Benji and Lewy were out there playing, I had been watching them, waiting to pick up Naomi.

Babette shut the door behind her, placing her baby on her hip, "This is Brando," she said, "don't he look like Chris?"

I looked at Brando; he did look a lot like Chris, only a lighter complexion, "Uh, yeah."

"Why are you acting like we just met?" She laughed.

"We haven't talked--the last time we did, you threatened to run over my balls," I muttered.

"I was angry and I've...grown from it," she said with a smile.

I exhaled, "Yeah. I can't help it. So, uh, how's Chris?"

"He's working right now," she led the way into the living room, "he's writing another book."

"Oh. That's cool."

We sat down, her baby cooed and she stared at me with a smirk. It was awkward. I didn't know what to say to her.

"How's it been being a full time daddy?" She asked teasingly, bouncing her baby.

"I love my kids, you know, I like being with them."

"I never expected this," she laughed, "Pete Wentz settling down."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, well, I should've done it a long time ago."

"You can say that again," she huffed.

I inhaled, "Look, I'm sorry for...whatever the hell happened between you and Naomi."

"It's in the past," she muttered, still bouncing her baby. "Besides, I had to get over all that...Katy's living with us now--and her 2 kids."

"Her boyfriend too?"

"No. Erik isn't her boyfriend either, he's just a deadbeat dad," she spat, "all she does is mope over him. She needs to grow up, I told her she needs to act like Naomi."

I laughed, "Irony."

"Oh, yeah, most definitely," she smirked again. "I'm tryna make her get her shit together, but you know Kate."

Babette got up and carried her baby off towards the backyard. I followed her, "Hey, wait. Do you think she and Naomi--"

"No," Babette said, "Naomi won't ever forgive Katy. Kate knows that. Honestly, I'm surprised she forgave you."

We went outside and saw the kids chasing each other.

"Me too."

B sat in a chair by the gazebo with her baby. I stood, watching the kids, without a real thought.

"Is it true Naomi's going to jail?" She asked while her baby cooed.

I looked over at her, "No."

"She's got it all worked out?"

"Yeah."

"This is all my fault," she said softly, "if I hadn't of been such a selfish bitch, Naomi would've come to me and told me about Robert."

I stepped over and sat across from her. Her son was near sleep, suckling his pacifier.

"Nah, Naomi was so sure that things wouldn't get so bad. This isn't anyone's fault."

Babette shook her head, "I shouldn't have been so stupid, I could've been there for her and helped her."

"What have people been saying about them? Do you know the extent of his abuse?"

"People have said that she just snapped, and I don't believe that," she replied. "Naomi couldn't kill anyone because she "snapped". She didn't kill you and you cheated on her with her friend. She didn't kill Katy, so why would she just kill some guy who was calling her nonstop?"

"He wasn't just calling, he was hitting her," I told her, "he'd push her around, call her names. He was close to hitting my kids. Naomi couldn't take it."

Babette frowned slightly, rocking her son, "I read she tried to kill herself."

"Yeah," I nodded, "I found her just in time."

"I told her how sorry I was about everything, and she instantly told me she forgave me," Babette smiled now, "that girl...if it wasn't for her, I would still be questioning my career choice. I don't know if Chris and I would still be together. If Naomi wasn't here, if I never met her, things would be so different--they wouldn't be as good as they are now."

"Fuck, I know. I don't know what the hell I'd still be living for."

Babette giggled softly, nodding her head. A second later the boys and B's daughter came running over. "Can we have ice cream?" They all asked.

"Yeah," I looked at my phone, "I have to go get your mom."

"I'll stay here and watch them for you," B said, "I'll get them ice cream and put Brando down to nap."

"Thanks," I stood, "I'll help you get the ice cream."


I went inside to the rehabilitation center, up to the front desk. The woman behind the counter knew me and waved me back. I went through the double doors and headed down the hall.

The place looked like a hospital, replacing crash carts and IV poles with exercise equipment and heart monitors. Of course, there were people groaning in pain, over the doctors and trainers words of encouragement. Naomi would be in the last room with the bikes and treadmills.

I was surprised to see her walking on her hands in the room next to it. The yoga room; people were in awe of her, and clapping. Naomi stood on her hands and then spread her legs; her tank top slipped down a little, showing just the top of Oogie Boogie's head and the waist band of her purple underwear. Her trainer asked her how she felt as she stood a few feet from her.

"Like a million bucks," she exasperated.

Naomi straightened her legs up and then she lowered herself down. She stood up and saw me, I laughed as she blushed. "Nice moves, Valentino."

"Thank you. My knee doesn't hurt so bad today."

Her trainer patted her on the back and said a short goodbye. Naomi signed out and walked over to me, her limp hadn't gone away fully, but you could barely tell she limped at all.

I grabbed her cane from where it hanged on the wall beside the door, "You need you cane?" I asked her.

"Nah," she took it and twirled it, "I feel great today. Where're my little dudes?"

"They're at home with Babette. She came over to see you."

Naomi exhaled, "Thats cool. It'll be nice to talk to her. Was it awkward?"

I chuckled, "Not really."

She and I walked out of the building and to the car. Inside, she fiddled with the radio as I drove. Naomi looked so happy, it didn't even seem like we were going through our own hell.

I wanted it to stay this way.