Without You, I'm Just Me

The next morning, we went to my parents, surprising my dad. He was sipping coffee when we arrived and Naomi was all but jittery. She had sat across from him, while the boys had gone and watched cartoons.

"Dad," she said, "I can't let Lewy go through it again."

I sat next to her, holding her hand. She squeezed it, looking straight at my dad. My dad's brows rose, "Naomi, this is important."

"I understand, but Lewy has see and done enough. More than one child should ever have to see," she swallowed, "I'm really sorry of this makes you look bad or--"

"No, I don't care about me, I care about you. I'm helping you," he told her sternly, "and I know you're right. I can't let Deon tear into Lewy."

She blink, tears rolling down her cheeks, "If I go to jail, at least Lewy won't be hurt or have to go through more therapy."

My dad nod, "Yeah. I think Deon was gonna push Lewis too much today."

Naomi wiped her eyes, "You're not upset, are you?"

"No, not at all."

"Naomi was worried," I said, "will this affect her case?"

My dad sighed softly, "I don't know. I'm not sure. All I can do is read Deon today, see what he's got under his sleeve."

"If I lose," Naomi began, "how long...will I go--"

My dad cut her off, "Naomi, we can't think like that."

"I know, dad, but, I wanna know," she murmured.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"It's between 10 to 18 months for a involuntary manslaughter."

Naomi sighed, "Dammit."

"You're not guilty," I told her, "you aren't guilty, Naomi."

She looked at me, "Not yet."

"Look, we're gonna get through this," I looked over at my dad, "right? Naomi'll get out of this."

My dad nodded slowly, "Yes, I believe so. You just have to think positive."

Naomi looked so defeated. Honestly, I think she lost all hope before it even began. I think she gave up. I would have to fight for her, because I knew she wouldn't. But I knew she cared about the boys, that's why she didn't fight so hard, she didn't want to put them in the middle of this.

I kissed the side of her head and hugged her, letting her know we'd get through this.


The medical examiner, the crime scene investigators and even Lee testified. The ME said that it looked as if Naomi had intentionally killed Rob. He had gun powder on the palms of his hands, meaning he was holding the barrel of the gun when she shot. The CSI team had said different, the struggle intended that Naomi had no choice. They showed pictures of Naomi's face, the living room, the wounds, her's and Rob's.

Lee was questioned about Naomi's anger issues. Deon asked him about her breaking her hand back when we first met. Lee answered, "She was upset about me not letting her see a boy--Pete, her child's father, before they had kids."

"Why is that?"

"She liked him, and she was just angry."

"Had Naomi ever done anything like that before?"

"No. Things were different then, she had just left her mother's and her mother wasn't all that attentive on Naomi."

Deon pestered about Naomi keeping the abuse a secret, and Lee almost cried, but he held it in. Deon was losing again, losing the harden picture he had painted of Naomi. My dad questioned Lee, and that's when Lee broke down, crying.

It was really heartbreaking. Seeing a man crying over the things his daughter endeared made you tear up. Naomi was crying, choking on her sobs. I was praying that this would help, I was hoping that this would give Naomi some hope.

Naomi was on the stand last. My heart was racing when I saw her sitting there. Her hair was back, her eyes tired, she looked so beaten down without makeup on. But, she sat up straight, looking as professional and okay as she could. A blind man could see she was scared and uncomfortable.

Deon strolled up towards her, "Naomi, how did you meet Robert Coppola?"

"I was parked near my home. I had just been fired from my teaching job and I was pregnant, I was crying and he offered to help me," Naomi answered clearly.

"How long were you two together?"

"2 years."

"And when did the so-called abuse start?"

"8 months after we were together. It was just little things, like...like calling me names, it escalated after a year we were together. He had pushed me and I hit my kitchen table."

"Why didn't you tell anyone if the abuse was so bad?"

Naomi looked around, like a frightened animal. "I-I-we're in the public eye. I loved him, I didn't want him to-to be scrutinized. I tried so hard to keep it as private as possible."

"Why not tell your father?"

Naomi shook her head, "My dad...I couldn't tell him. He'd be upset--he would've killed Rob--"

Deon cut her off, "No, you did that instead."

My dad shot up, "Objection!"

Deon smirked at my dad, "Sustained."

Naomi started to cry, tears rolling down her cheeks, "I didn't want to kill him! I just wanted him to leave me alone!"

Deon stepped up, "Why not just call the police?"

"I don't know," she muttered, wiping her face, "it was a stupid mistake! If I could take it back, I would! I didn't want to kill him!"

Deon kept going, "You were assaulted when you were a teenager, yes?"

"Yes," Naomi answered reluctantly.

"You told the police then, but after keeping it a secret. Why?"

"I didn't want my dad to know. I didn't want anyone to know."

"You beat the man up, didn't you?"

"Yes--"

"You pepper sprayed him."

"He was attempting to assault me again," she spat out.

"You've got an anger problem, don't you Naomi?"

"I don't think I do. I have a problem with letting jerks control me."

The room was silent. My heart was racing and my fists were clenched. Deon stepped back, nodding, "Did you feel rage when you killed Robert?"

"No. I was scared, I--"

"Then why did you say "fuck you" to him just before you shot him?"

Naomi was quiet. She exhaled deeply, "I-I was angry. He said he was gonna kill me and then he was gonna kill my sons. I just wanted it to stop."

"When you shot him, were you relieved?"

"No. I was scared. I didn't think I killed him. I was waiting for him to get up, and when he didn't, I...I knew I made a huge mistake, but I was already fading out from the blood loss."

Deon hummed, "When was the last time you spoke to Robert before that night?"

"I don't remember...November maybe? I don't recall," Naomi was rubbing her face with her hand.

"Are you sure about that?"

Naomi nodded, "Yes."

Deon went to his desk, grabbed a piece of paper and said, "This is proof that you did speak to Robert Coppola a week before you killed him."

"It was a 10 second call!" Naomi growled. "He was breathing and I didn't know who it was! He didn't say anything, I didn't even know it was him!"

Deon smirked, "Sure you didn't. What did you say so fast to make him fear for his life?"

"I didn't say anything, I hung up," she muttered, shaking her head. "I didn't know it was him."

"10 seconds may seem like nothing, but it is enough time to threaten someone."

"So he can eliminate me?" She snapped and stood up. "What if he killed me? Would you be defending him then?!"

The judge banged his gavel, "Ms. Valentino, sit down."

I almost got up to run and get her. Naomi ultimately sat down, apologizing. Deon rested, sitting down and my dad stood, heading towards Naomi.

"Naomi, do you recall how many times Robert hit you in the course of your relationship?"

Naomi shook her head, "Too many to count."

"You suffered a miscarriage from an incident?"

Naomi paused, shocked. I held my breath, watching her. "Y-yes."

"What did Robert do that day?"

"I said something he didn't like and he pushed me and I fell. I fell on patio steps in my old backyard."

"You cracked ribs?"

"Yeah, 4."

"What did Robert say?"

"He was sorry. He was always sorry afterwards."

"He tried to discipline your sons, which you didn't like--"

"He spanked Lewis. He was brought up to spank, and so was I, but I told him I wouldn't do that. He spanked my son and I hit him, he hit me back."

"He did a lot of things in front of your son," my dad murmured. Naomi nodded, tears forming again. "Why did he sexually assault you in front of your son, Lewis?"

"Because I didn't want to sleep with him...Lewy wasn't feeling well and I stayed up with him. Robert came out of my bedroom and grabbed me off the couch, screaming at me that I was going to do what he wanted, whether I liked it or not."

"Where was your son?"

Naomi exhaled, "On the couch. Robert pushed me on my hands and knees, grabbed my hair and pulled my..." Her voice caught. "He pulled my pants down and...he, uh, just went at me. Lewy was trying to get him off of me, he was screaming and crying. I was telling him to go, to not look, but Rob grabbed him and made him watch."

It was eerie how quiet it was. It was as if Naomi and my dad were the only ones in the courtroom.

"What happened after that?"

"I kicked him out...my son wouldn't talk to me directly for weeks."

"Why not tell the police then?" My dad asked softly, in such a careful way.

"I thought it was over. I didn't think he'd come back."

"Naomi, after everything he's done to you, would you still have killed him? Say if there wouldn't be a 50/50 chance of going to jail?"

"No. I didn't want him to die. I only wanted him to get help."

My dad gave a small nod, "Thats all. Thank you, Naomi."

Everyone seemed to hold their breaths as Naomi got up and sat back next to my father. She had looked at me, but she quickly looked away. I couldn't wait to bring her into my arms.

Deon stood for the closing arguments. My heart was in my throat now, waiting for him to slander Naomi.

"Do I believe Robert Coppola put his hands on Naomi Valentino? Yes, but I believe she was the aggressor. You've seen and heard her temper. A woman lost her son, all because a woman couldn't stand the thought of him being alive after calling her. Calling her! So, if you're saying that anyone is guilty, both are...Naomi is the only one alive to recieve the consequences."

I clenched my jaw as he sat. My dad stood and shook his head.

"My client has faced abuse by men she was in love with. She was battered, raped and threatened. If you think that she wasn't defending herself and her children, then I don't know what self-defense is. Naomi is a fighter and a damn good mother, her children need her, they know she'd do anything for them. So, if you decide my client is guilty, you might as well tell every woman fighting for her family will have to die to have justice. Don't let this wonderful mother and survivor go to prison for protecting herself."

The judge banged his gavel, dismissing the trial, the jury was to deliberate. It varied how long it would take, they were going to look over the evidence, which included the photos. Naomi and I, along with my dad, had left the courtroom to photographers and media.

The police escorted us out the side, where Lee and Amy were waiting. Naomi immediately rushed over to her dad and hugged him tight. The 3 of them cried, Amy was sobbing by the time she embraced Naomi.

"I'm so sorry," she had whispered.

"It's okay," Naomi whispered back. They parted and Naomi exhaled, "Can we come over? Pete, me and the boys?"

"Yeah, you don't have to ask, kid," her dad sniffed and smiled.

"Thanks, dad. We'll be over soon."

They hugged again and said their byes. Me, Naomi and my dad headed over to the car.


The time Naomi spent with the boys and her sister, was the first time, in a long time, I had seen her laugh and smile without a care. I was so happy to see her this way, even with all the shit that was happening. I knew she was scared and this was her way of letting it go.

Returning home, Naomi continued to play with the boys. They all tired themselves out, falling asleep on the couch together. I had to carry Benji and Lewy to their rooms, and then I shook Naomi up.

"Wha?" She mumbled.

"Come to bed," I told her.

"What time is it?"

"A little after 10," I helped her stand, "c'mon, Navy."

She wrapped her arms around me and followed me to the bedroom. I sat her on the bed, she leaned forward and yawned. I watched her, wondering how she was feeling, that's all I ever wondered.

"I had fun today," she spoke softly, tiredly, "like...I forgot that I'm in hell because I was with my sons."

"I know, you were happy."

Naomi threaded her fingers through her hair, "I keep telling myself that if I go away, it won't be forever, but I'll miss them for some time."

"Are you giving up?" I asked, sitting beside her.

"Yes," she nodded. "Not because I want to, because I don't want my sons to go through hearing and explaining what Robert did to me. Lewis doesn't need to know or tell people that Rob raped me in front of him. Benji doesn't need to hear it, he doesn't need to experience this."

"I just don't want you to give up. You're practically pleading guilty."

"Maybe I should have. It would've saved--"

"No, you have to try," I told her. "Fuck, I know it's scary, but we have to try."

Naomi began to cry, "I hate myself for crying, but I can't help it," she sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "It's hard to try when everyone just believes I killed Rob because I wanted to. I never wanted him to die, I wanted him to leave me alone, I wanted him to go away, be locked up so he wouldn't hurt anyone else. No one believes me."

"I do, lots of people do," I wrapped my arm around her. "It may not seem like it, but we do. Shit is rough, but it won't last. You have to just keep your head up."

Naomi sighed, "I just wanna sleep. That's it."

I moved and helped her undress. Naomi and I got into bed, where she wrapped her arms around me. It was about 5 minutes into lying down that she sat up an turned the light on. I looked over at her as she began to pull her large shirt off, exposing herself. I knew where this was going, so I didn't hesitate to follow her lead.

Naomi crawled over to me, a condom in hand and kissed me. I took over and rolled her over so I was on top. Naomi broke away and sighed, her hips bucked against mine, "C'mon," she murmured, biting her bottom lip.

I took the condom from her, slipping it between my fingers and kissed her again. Naomi groaned, her body pressing against mine. I moved down to her neck, her arms wrapped around my own, her fingers began to tug my hair. I broke away, feeling how eager she was and ripped open the condom. I slipped it on and grabbed her thighs, prying them apart without much effort and pushed into her without a word.

Naomi groaned, her back arching, hips rising and her arms tightening around me. I buried my head into her neck, rocking my hips slowly. I grunted, kissing and nipping all skin available to me. Naomi was moaning against my ear, panting my name. Her legs wrapped around my waist, tight and secure, it only fueled me even more. I ground harder into her, building a sweat like you wouldn't believe, and earning louder moans from her.

I leant up and put my hand over her mouth, "Shh."

She moaned under my palm, her eyes shut tight. It was unbelievable how crazy she made me feel. She's so beautiful and amazing, I could barely keep my composure.

I kept my hand over her mouth, continuing to fuck her without a thought. Her hands slipped down to my hips, digging her nails into my back and scratching up and down. She tightened herself around me, causing me to let out a loud groan. Naomi giggled and licked my palm, I kept it there, going harder until I felt my stomach tighten. I leaned into her ear, "I'm gonna cum, baby."

She whimpered and hummed, nodding her head. I flipped over so she was on top, letting her rock harder. I ran my hands up her sides, then sat up to kiss her chest, nipping at her neck as my peak rose. She breathed and rocked slower, easing my orgasm over me. My whole body nearly shook, I grunted and held her tight against me, bucking my hips. Naomi moaned against my shoulder, sinking her teeth in, bouncing on my lap, getting off.

We stayed together, panting and riding out our orgasms. She kissed me softly and slowly, massaging my scalp. I rubbed her back, squeezing her ass every so often.

Still deep inside her, I rolled us onto our sides and held her close to me. Our noses brushed as she kissed me again, whispering how much she loved me. I was madly in love and it was more than I could ever remember being with her.

"We should just go to the courthouse and get married," she murmured against my chest. "That way we'd be married if I go away."

I shook my head, "Naomi, I don't want that for you. I want you to have a big wedding and have all our friends there. I want it to be real for you."

She looked at me, her eyes scanning my face, "Really? You mean that?"

"Yeah, I do. I want to give you everything."

She smiled softly, and kissed my lips, "I love you."

I smiled back, "I love you too."