Without You, I'm Just Me

It took the jury 5 days to come up with a verdict. Naomi had taken Benji to the pediatrician when my dad got the call. She came home, and I had to tell her.

"Tomorrow," I told her, "you have to go to court and they'll tell you."

Naomi looked so nonchalant. I think she was hiding her true feelings. That, or it didn't hit her at all.

During the week, she had been herself, always with the boys. Benji had gotten an ear infection, so Naomi took him to the doctor while I stayed home. Lewy was off at school, things had been normal, but not so much since my dad called.

Benji clung to Naomi, whining about his ear. Naomi just held him, putting the medicine in his ear and rocking him in her arms, in the recliner. I could hear and see her whispering to him as he began to fall asleep in her lap.

I got his favorite blanket and covered them, Naomi thanked me, and then went back to cooing to Benji. I could hear her say she loved him; "I love you so much, Benji. You mean the world to me. You're one of my favorite little humans."

I had smiled at this, seeing how loving she was being. She didn't look as if she was forcing it, she was naturally showing him love. It wasn't like the forced smiles I had seen or the fake laughs. Naomi was just lost in comfort with Benji. He happily curled up, holding her left hand while she pet his hair with her right.

"Are you comfortable?" I asked her softly.

She nodded, "Yeah, we're fine."

I leaned in and kissed her. Naomi smiled at me. I pet the top of Benji's head and then kissed his temple. He didn't move at all, he had a fever, too, so he wasn't feeling all to good.

"I'm gonna go Lew. You want anything?"

She shook her head, "No, but get some milk for Benji. He wants chocolate milk."

"Yeah, sure," I gave her a kiss on her lips. "I'll be back soon."

Naomi nodded waving lazily at me. I left the house, going to pick up Lewis. My entire thought, as I drove, was Naomi and what could possibly be next.


Benji was sick the next morning. Naomi was near crying when we had to leave him with my mom. She had kissed Benji multiple times, making sure he was comfortable. She kissed Lewy next, telling him to have a good day at school. Naomi was shaking by the time we left.

At the courthouse, I sat behind my dad and Naomi with Lee and Amy. It seemed like the judge was taking his sweet ass time getting to the verdict. He was speaking with them, and then he said something that was irrelevant about this case.

Then, the jury arrived and gave their written verdict to the judge. The judge ordered Naomi to stand, which she did, shaking and holding my dad's hand. I inhaled, holding my breath as the judge opened up the paper.

"The jury has found Naomi Ann Valentino not guilty of voluntary manslaughter."

I exhaled. The entire room was quiet.

"The jury finds Naomi Ann Valentino guilty of one count of involuntary manslaughter."

I heard Naomi gasp. The words hadn't hit me. My dad hung his head, Lee shook his head and Amy let out a sob.

The judge sighed, "I am very sorry that it's come to this. This charge carries a mandatory 5 to 12 months in jail. Given the circumstance of your case, Ms. Valentino, I'm sentencing you to 10 months in Cook County Jail. Since you have young children, I'm giving you one week to get your things together then you'll have to turn yourself in. Do you understand, Ms. Valentino?"

Naomi nodded slowly, "Y-yes, your honor."

"Failure to do so, there will be a warrant out for arrest. Do you understand?"

"Yes, your honor."

The judge nodded back, "Case dismiss."

Naomi turned around and she was off in a daze. Her eyes were vacant and she took a step almost falling. My dad managed to grab her and helped her over towards the isle. Lee took her, holding her up and leading her out of the courtroom. The press was there, and we pushed our way out and to the parking lot, away from the cameras.

Lee sat Naomi in their car, waving his hand in front of her face. Naomi pushed his hand away, "Stop."

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"No," she muttered. "I'm not o-fucking-kay."

We were all silent as Naomi sat in the car. She turned into the car, "Take me home."

"Okay," Lee said without hesitating.

My dad looked defeated once the door was shut. Lee waved to us as we all began to leave. Me and my dad went to his car and got in. My dad sighed deeply, "I'm sorry. I'm gonna talk to the judge...maybe since he feel sorry for Naomi, he'll reduce the sentence."

"I don't understand," I mumbled.

"After I talk to the judge, he'll explain it to me. Don't worry, I'll fix this."

I didn't know what to say. Honestly, I had repeated myself for the past couple of weeks and it was starting to lose it's meaning. It was all falling apart and how the hell were we supposed to fix it? Either way, those 12 people found Naomi guilty and now she's going to be taken away from us for awhile. No matter the amount of time, she's still going to be gone.


We had dinner with Naomi's family that night. It was quiet, the dark cloud was over our heads. Benji was seated in Naomi's lap while she fed him. His ear was sore and all he wanted was Naomi.

We didn't know how to tell the boys. They both were happy then, Naomi was there playing and making them happy. But I knew that within the hours we'd have to tell them. We'd have to prepare them for Naomi's absence. The very thought made me choke up.

"What're you doing tomorrow?" Lee asked us.

"I'm taking care of Benji," Naomi answered, "my baby is sore, huh?"

Benji murmured, "Yeah."

"I'm gonna help Lew with his homework," she added. "That's pretty much it."

"We can go out tomorrow," Lee offered, "all of us."

Naomi smiled, "Yeah, sure."

"Pete, you too," Lee looked over at me, "your folks...we'll all go."

"Sounds great."

The rest of the night was pretty quiet and what we all usually did. We went home by the time the boys had to go to bed. Naomi had taken Benji to our room and tucked him in, and then she came and helped Lew get ready for bed.

"Hey," I told her as she stood by the door way of the bathroom, helping Lewy brush his teeth. "Lemme help him, you can go get ready for bed."

Naomi shook her head, "I wanna do this."

I knew by her tone that there wouldn't be any reasoning with her. I kissed her forehead, "All right. I'm gonna check in Benny, then on you and Lewy."

"Alright," Naomi hummed softly.

I went off to our bedroom, sitting beside Benji. He was fast asleep, tucked deep in the bed. From the side he looked just like Naomi, his thumb in his mouth. I brushed his growing hair from his cheek and watched him for a bit. I got up and headed to Lewy's room, Naomi was tucking him in. I stood by, listening to her talk to him. Lewy yawned, Naomi kissed the top of his head and looked over at me.

I went over, smiling at my son, "Goodnight, buddy."

"Night dad."

I kissed the top of his head. Naomi stood, "Goodnight bub. Sweet dreams."

Lewy yawned again, "Night mommy."

Naomi and I left, closing the door behind us. You could make out the glow of his favorite nightlight under his door. Naomi led the way into our bedroom, "I'm gonna shower," she told me.

I grabbed her forearm, "Wait, Navy. You wanna talk about what happened today?"

She shook her head, "No, I don't."

"We have to talk about it some time, and I don't want it to be the day before you have to turn yourself in."

Naomi shut her eyes, "What do you want from me, Pete?" She looked at me with tear filled eyes now. "I don't wanna talk about going away for protecting myself. Those idiots on the jury didn't understand I was protecting our kids, they just saw me as some crazy woman who killed her ex-boyfriend."

"I know, I'm sorry. I really expected it to go the other way."

She waved her hand off at me, "I'm tired, I wanna go to sleep. I have to check Benji's ear and then shower."

I grabbed her before she could walk away from me. As soon as I did, she began to cry. I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her, "It's okay," I murmured.

Naomi held me tight, her hands holding my shoulders around my back as she buried her face into my chest. I felt her tears through my shirt as she cried, though she didn't sob, she just cried. I kissed her head, rocking our bodies from side to side to let her know I was there.


That night Naomi slept like a rock. Though, she did get up in the middle of the night to take care of Benji when his ear was bothering him. They slept close together, most of the night he was in her arms, resting against her chest. In the morning, I took Lewy to school, letting Naomi and Benji sleep in. Returning home, I cleaned up a little, keeping myself busy.

Naomi and Benji woke up at 10, both hungry. Naomi carried Benji around like it was nothing, and he happily and comfortably wrapped his body around her. I smiled at them as they sat at the table, "You guys slept for so long."

Benji yawned, "Ya bed is comfy."

Naomi rubbed her eyes, "Sit down, Benny, I'm gonna make breakfast."

"I made coffee," I told her.

She smiled faintly at me as she stood, sitting Benji in a chair, "Thanks."

I sat next to Benji, looking him over, "How's your ear, Benny?"

"It's itchy," he made a face.

I pouted, "Aw, I'm sorry."

"Mommy's makin' it better."

Benji being so attached to Naomi wasn't going to make her leaving easy. He's much more emotional than Lewy and I knew he's going to cry every single day until she comes back. My heart was breaking for my kids.

"Daddy," Benji pulled my shirt, "ya phone's rangin'."

I got up, "I'll be right back."

I went off towards the living room where my phone was, and answered, "Hello?"

"Hey," it was my dad. "I talked to the judge."

I paused where I stood, "What did he say?"

"He commuted Naomi's sentence down to 8 months. He said the jury only went with the guilty verdict because they felt she was responsible for his death."

I sighed, "They're so dumb."

"The good thing is her sentence was reduced some. If she's a model prisoner, they'll let her out early for good behavior."

I scratched my head, "Dammit. Thanks...a lot dad."

"Yeah, you're welcome. I'll see you guys tonight."

"See ya."

I hung up with my dad and returned to the kitchen. Naomi was making waffles and eggs. I went over and wrapped my arms around her waist, "I love you."

She turned her head and kissed the corner of my mouth, "I love you too."

I exhaled, backing away from her, "Dad called. He said the judge shortened your sentence to 8 months."

Naomi snorted, "2 whole months, wow."

"At least it's something. He said if you're good they'll let you out for good behavior."

"I know."

"That's something, Navy."

"Yeah, but it doesn't make this situation any easier. Does he know why the jury found me guilty?"

I shook my head as she turned to look at me, "They believe you're responsible for his death."

She scoffed, muttering sarcastically, "Of course I am."

"I would've killed him too."

"I guess my hospital stay and rehab visits weren't enough to get me off."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged, "I'll be fine. I'm only worried about leaving my babies."

"I'll take them to see you--"

"No," she muttered sternly, "I don't want them to see me in there. No way."

"Naomi, you can't just--"

"I have to think about it, okay? Lets break the news to them first...I still need to get my things together..." She trailed, sighing deeply, her shoulders slumping. "Fuck."

I hugged her from behind, kissed her cheek, "It's okay."

Naomi let out a breath and turned to hug me. I rubbed her back and kissed her again.

"Wha's goin' on?" We heard Benji's small voice from the entry of the kitchen.

Me and Naomi parted. She giggled, "Nothing, Benny Boy. Daddy was just giving me a hug."

Benji outstretched his arms and cups his hands, "Hugs, mommy."

She let out another giggle, "Of course."

Naomi picked Benji up and placed him on her hip, "We'll finish breakfast together, okay?"

"Okay."