Without You, I'm Just Me

Lew had a bruise along his stomach and was sick for the rest of the day. He laid on the couch, he didn't complain at all, he just watched TV and would drift off. His small left hand was bruised, along his knuckles, from hitting the kid repeatedly in his side. Lew told me what happened while I sat with him, Benji had been sitting there too, looking confused and a little upset.

"He was kicking my legs," Lewy had said, "'nd I told him to leave me alone, but he wouldn't. So...I hit him in his side cuz Ricky told me that no one would eck-spect it coming."

I had smiled, it wasn't his proudest moment, but it I thought it awesome of him to fight back. Despite being expelled, it was meant to happen, I would've done the same thing. I wondered what Naomi would have said if she had been here, I bet she would've been pissed off and cussed that principal out and then reward Lewy with something.

Benji was so worried about Lew, he was afraid he was really hurt because of the bruise. He sat with Lewy, making sure he was okay and if he needed anything. It was nice of him to do and to see that they really do love each other. Benji even fell asleep beside him on the couch, I had put a blanket over them and left them to sleep. Patrick and me ate while they napped, and we hung out like we used to.

"What are you gonna do about his school?" Patrick asked, slurping up his noodles from the Chinese takeout place I had ordered from.

"I dunno," I answered, "I have to talk to Navy about it."

"How's she holding up?"

"She might get out soon," I told him happily. "I'm nervous, I'm...excited too, but I don't wanna jinx it, you know what I mean?"

"Of course, man. I'm hoping for the best, I miss her."

"Me and her, we talked about gettin' married in July. We want to do it as soon as she's out, now I'm hoping it'll be before Valentine's Day so we can do something special."

Patrick cocked a brow, "In a month? That's ambitious, Pete, even for you."

"A man can hope," I smiled sheepishly. "But, when we do, we're gonna have a nice wedding, everyone, friends, family. Whatever Naomi wants."

"You aren't scared?" He asked curiously, "Getting married again?"

"To Naomi, nah. If I was marrying anyone else, probably. Naomi's all I want, Trick, honestly. I...I love her more than myself, even that's not enough."

Patrick chuckled, "Yeah, I can see it between you guys. I just never understood you cheating and all that."

"My ego, man, you remember. I felt like I was invincible," I shook my head, cringing at my cocky ways. "I can't believe how I was."

"Hope hasn't been lost," he smiled at me.

"Yeah, I got Naomi back. I'm not messing up, she's all I want."

Patrick had shaken his head to himself, "At least you know what you want and need. I'm so fuckin' confused."

"Don't beat yourself up, Patrick. It'll come to you, man!" I smiled, trying to get him to let up.

"I know you're trying to comfort me, but I don't...feel like myself anymore," he mumbled.

"What's wrong? You told me about all the shit on the tour with Panic, but what else is it? You didn't fail, Patrick. You did something some people are too scared to do."

"Yeah and I know why," he shook his head again. "I don't know, Pete. I just keep thinking about it. I feel washed up, like a has-been. I'm only 27."

"Dude, people don't even know what they're talking about when they say negative shit about you. They don't get how amazing you are and all the people putting you down will be put to shame when you come back in full force."

"Nah, I'm not doing this solo thing anymore. I'm just gonna make music for other people. Help others get where they want to be."

"Still, Trick! Everyone's gonna be eating their words when they see how successful you make it as a song writer."

Patrick smiled, "You think so."

This wasn't a question, this was a statement.

"I know so. You definitely kick my ass when it comes to putting together great music. If it wasn't for you, Fall Out Boy wouldn't have existed. Me and Naomi would've probably be struggling, living in some shitty house with our kids, probably married--"

He cut me off, "That doesn't sound half bad."

"I don't mean it to be bad, I'm just saying," I pointed out, "if you and me hadn't met, me, you, Joe and Hurley, we wouldn't have seen so many amazing things. I wouldn't be able to spoil my kids...I wouldn't be able to send them to an elite private school," I winked at him at the last bit.

He chuckled, "How do you think Naomi'll take it?"

"I think she'll agree with me. Unless she wants to teach them herself, but I doubt that. She wants them to have a normal childhood, that's why she won't move out to LA, she doesn't want them to be photographed every time they leave the house."

"Would you want her to?" He asked.

"Nah, I like it here. Going to visit and shit like that would be cool. If she ever wants to move there then we'll go. Whatever Navy wants, she'll get."

"Yeah. Chicago trumps any other place."

"You can say that again."


It was three days later that Naomi called; I had to tell her that Lew was expelled and I was looking for a new school for both Benji and him. I wasn't sure how she'd take it. I kind of expected her to be mad, I had practiced what I was gonna say, waiting for her to call.

When she did, I bit at my lip, waiting for her to speak.

"Pete," she said my name quietly. "Are you there?"

"Yeah, babe. I'm just...I was thinking."

"You won't believe what happened," her voice cracked a little.

"What?" I panicked, "Are you hurt? Did someone--"

She cut me off, speaking fast, "No, no! I'm...I'm getting out, February 3rd," she exhaled, "They--they voted unanimously. I'm going to be released after 5 months. I'm going to have an ankle monitor for the next 5 months, but that's--that's worth it."

I was in complete shock. It wasn't registering in my head. Maybe it was because I couldn't speak.

"Pete? Are you there? Did you hear me, babe?"

I rubbed my eye, I had tears, "Y-yeah, I heard you. You're coming home?"

"In 3 weeks. I won't have any visitations, but it's okay. I'll be home in 20 days, Pete," I could hear her beginning to cry.

I was in disbelief, but obviously excited to the point of tears. I swallowed, "I'm so happy baby, you don't even know."

"I had to tell you. I didn't want your dad to tell you first, I told him to keep it a secret until I was allowed to call you."

"I can't believe it," I mumbled, "this...this is amazing and...I can't even speak or explain."

"I can't wait to come home. I can't wait to hug you guys, I can't wait to sleep in our bed and have dinner and play," she sobbed softly, "this is gonna be the longest 20 days of my life."

"Our lives," I corrected, sniffing. "I'm crying," I told her with a laugh.

"It's okay to cry," she laughed too, "don't tell the boys yet, okay? I want to tell them."

"For sure, Navy," I sniffed again, rubbing my eyes. "Shit, I almost forgot, there's some stuff that happened this week."

"Good or bad?"

"Oh, man, it's sorta in between."

"Was it Lew or Benny?"

"Lew."

"What happened?"

I began to tell her what had happened that Tuesday. Naomi listened until I finished, wondering what she was going to say first. After keeping silent for a second, she said, "I'm gonna cuss that woman out the next time I see her."

I laughed, "I knew you would."

"Is Lewy okay? He wasn't too hurt, was he?"

"Nah, not at all. He had a bruise on his stomach and his fist, but that's it. He's great, I'm proud of him."

"I am too. Where is he?"

"He's watching TV, we just picked Benny up."

She hummed, "He has to get back to school," she told me.

"I was thinkin' about a private school."

"I went to private school," Naomi muttered, "the uniforms alone suck."

"I was just sayin'," I said, "ya'know, wherever he's comfortable."

"I don't want him to be out of school too long. I can't wait till I'm out of here and I can help."

"McKenzie Elementary isn't too far, how about there?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. Will you talk to them?"

"Yeah, on Monday I'll get right on it."

"Great, thanks babe, lemme talk to him," she said happily.

I left our bedroom and went to the living room where the boys were watching cartoons. Patrick was on his computer, typing away; "Lew, mom wants to talk to you."

Lewy looked up at me, "Is she mad?"

"Nah, buddy, just talk to her," I smiled at him, handing him the phone.

Lewy looked skeptical of me, but he put the phone to his ear anyway, "Hi mommy."

I sat down, grinning, while Lew sat beside me, telling his side of the fight. He looked a little scared about the fact that Naomi had asked him about it, but he looked relieved a few seconds after. He looked as if he was gonna cry; "I am...I know, mommy...I am...Daddy 'n' me read a lot...I miss you too...okay, hol' on."

Lewy gave the phone to Benji, who happily accepted it, "Mommy, I missed you! You take fo'eva to call!...Uh-huh, he did good...yeah...I don't know...what's the surprise?...'Kay, hol' on," I chuckle at this; Benji handed me the phone, "Mommy says puts it on speaker."

I took the phone and put her on speaker, "You're on speaker, Navy."

"Thanks," she giggled softly. "Boys, guess what."

"What?" Benji asked. "Wha's the surprise?"

"In 20 days mommy will be home. I'm gonna get out of here, guys! 3 whole weeks!"

Benji began to jumped around and cheer, screaming, "Yes! Yeah! Yeah!" Lewy looked shocked, I patted his shoulder, making sure he wasn't gonna pass out.

Naomi giggled, "Aw, Benny Boy! I'm excited too! How about you, Lewy? Are you excited, love?"

"Yeah," he said softly, "I can't wait, mommy."

"You guys won't get to visit me, but I'll be out soon. Don't worry, you'll see me soon."

"You comin' home for good?" Benji asked, halting his bounce.

"Yeah, baby! I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm es-sited!" He yelped and rushed over to Patrick, "Uncle Trick, mommy's comin' home in 3 whole weeks!"

Patrick laughed, "I heard, kiddo."

Naomi had giggled again, "I'm happy that everyone is excited. Hey, Lewy, babe, you're gonna start another school, how does that sound? Will you be okay?"

Lewy shrugged, "I guess...if they're nice."

"Daddy's gonna help you get there and when I get home we'll talk about it and see if you like it, and if you don't, we'll work it out, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, bub."

"I love you too mommy."

Someone on the other end called her name; "Valentino, time's up!"

Naomi exhaled, "Shoot, I have to go. I'll call you guys soon, alright? Be good."

"Bye mommy!" Benji and Lewy both said.

"Bye. See you soon Trick!"

"See ya, Naomi!" Patrick called from his chair.

"Bye Navy," I murmured.

"Bye Peter. I love you."

"I love you too."