Without You, I'm Just Me

I could barely sleep with the news of Naomi coming home in less than a month. I was excited and it felt like the days were longer, I had to push through. I even got on my knees a couple times to pray the days to rush by me.

All the while, Benji had refused to go back to school if Lewy wasn't coming with him, so I had a big problem on my hands to add to the anxious feeling. I had to enroll them in that school Naomi and I talked briefly about. McKenzie elementary; I talked to them a week after everything, Naomi gave me a heads up about what I should and shouldn't ask, because I am new at this school stuff, and then I had to get the boys transcripts and their immunization records. It was just our luck that both of them were due for shots.

"No," Benji said once I relayed the news. "No shots! Heck no!"

I laughed because he sounded just like Naomi, he even made her face. He stuck out his bottom lip and crossed his arms, both feet firmly on the ground instead of him hopping around like he usually does.

"No shots fa' me!"

"Do you want to make friends?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"Do you want to learn new stuff so you can be smart?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to go to school?"

"Nope."

I had to laugh, my boy was killing me. "Oh, Benny Boy, you have to."

"Not-uh, mommy's a teacha', she can learn me stuff!" He retorted.

"It's not gonna hurt, I promise you," I smiled at him, "I'll even get a shot too."

His features softened, "Ya will?"

"Uh-huh, I will."

"Lewy too?"

"Yeah, all of us, buddy."

He tweaked his lips, "...'Kay, I guess."

I was successful in getting him to agree, all I had to do was get him into the doctor's office. Lewy was cool with getting a shot, he just wanted to get back to school. He and Benny both love school, total opposites of me; I would have died to get outta that place, especially the first time a kid pushed me down in the sandbox.

And while this was all going on, Patrick was house hunting and helping me out with the boys. Me and him were like how we used to be. We talked and all that, basically becoming best friends again; we even drove by our old apartment just to see it. This happened just before the boys' doctor's appointment.

"Whoa, it still looks the same."

"It's for rent," I pointed toward the sign.

"No way," Patrick exhaled, "Dude, I have to--"

"Go ahead, I'll park and take the boys down the block for hot chocolate."

Patrick could've kissed me right then, he had this grateful look across his face. He climbed out and jogged across the street. I drove off, turning a corner to look for a spot.

"What is this place?" Lewy asked.

"This is where me, Patrick and Joe used to live."

"Really? Was I born?"

"Nah, not yet, but me and mommy used to hang out there a lot."

"Can we see it?"

"Yeah, sure, just lemme find a parking spot."

It didn't take me long, I parked and helped the boys out. Benji was hopping on his feet and almost slipped, so I took his hand. Lewy held my other and we walked around the block to meet Patrick.

Patrick was talking to a woman who was bundled up and holding a key of rings. He smiled at her and I could see that look my friend got when he's smitten with a girl. I chuckled to myself as we met up with them, "Who's this?" I asked him.

Patrick looked at me with a grin, "This is Sabrina Adrian, she owns the building."

Sabrina turned to me, "Patrick was just telling me you guys used to live here."

"Oh yeah," I affirmed, deciding to play with him, just to make him blush. "We lived here before we got married."

Patrick narrowed his eyes while Sabrina's brows shot up. The boys both looked up at me, making faces.

"M-married? That's nice," she stammered.

"Yeah, we got two little ones, Benji and Lewy," I added with a smirk directed at Patrick.

"We're not--we're not like that," he said quickly, "he's just messing around."

"Aw, baby, don't be like that," I reached out to caress his cheek, but he slapped my hand away.

I laughed to myself, poor Sabrina looked disappointed and shocked. I felt bad until Benny spilled the beans; "Daddy, you's married uncle Trick?"

I laughed, Sabrina did too, looking beyond relieved, "Nah," I picked him up, "I was just messing around with Patrick."

Patrick rolled his eyes, "You're not funny."

"I almost suspected Peterick was real," Sabrina giggled.

"You a fan?" Patrick asked her.

"A little, I've heard of you guys. Quite surprised I own your old home."

"Can we take a look? I'd love to see it..." Patrick trailed. "I'd uh, love to rent it from you too."

Sabrina smiled, her eyes sparkling at Patrick's, "Sure thing, follow me."

I carried Benji while Lewy went ahead with Patrick and Sabrina. She and Patrick talked lengthily about the apartment and what changed and what hadn't. I was surprised and happy to see that the exposed brick was still there.

"Damn, it's still the same!" Patrick gushed.

"We fixed the bathrooms up a few years back and we got rid of the rat and mice problem."

"Wicked," I said with a laugh.

"This place did not change," Patrick looked around, Lewy followed him.

I set Benji down, letting him explore the empty space. I was reminded of the short time I spent here with Naomi. It was all a blur, really, because I was so high all the time. I didn't live here long, I had lived with Naomi for a bit, but she always took care of this place for us. She used to give our landlord the rent and come clean up from time to time when we were on tour so we wouldn't get evicted.

This apartment was sort of the foundation of everything.

I followed Patrick and Sabrina, the boys rushed around us. We went towards the dining room, next to the bar, "We shot the cover of our first length album as a band right there."

"The band we came to be," I corrected.

"Yeah," Patrick looked back at me. "I really wanna live here, I can hook up a studio 'round here."

"Well, the rent is $1200 a month, I need first and last months up front," Sabrina said. "The price is high because--"

"Nah," he stopped her, "it's cool, I can pay it. I just need to be back in a good place...and this is a good place."

I patted my friend's shoulder, "Sure is, bro."

"Well, you're free to move in when you choose," Sabrina said, her smile still spread across her face.

Her and Patrick's attraction was overwhelming. Hell, I could smell the sexual tension and feel it.

"Great, I'll give you the deposit this afternoon," Patrick stuck out his hand, "deal, Ms. Adrian."

Sabrina shook his hand, "Deal, Mr. Stump."

I held back a snarky remark, watching them eye fuck each other. I just knew that this was the beginning of something wonderful for my buddy.


I left Patrick at his mom's so he could get his car and start moving. Me and the boys went down the doctor's office, ready to get our shots. I had laughed to myself at the thought of getting a shot just to please Benny, I knew I had to. I couldn't chicken out, not that I would.

When we finally got called back, we only waited a few minutes before their doctor came in and I explained the situation. He had winked at me and let me go first; he didn't prick my skin, he used an empty syringe and then quickly put it away so they wouldn't notice it had no needle. Then, he put a blue band-aid over my "shot" and then Benji hopped up to go next.

"Is it gonna hurt?" He asked me.

"For a second, Benny, but then you'll forget it even happened," I told him.

He but at his lip while the doctor rolled up his sleeve, "Okay."

"Okay, Benjamin, ready?" The doctor asked.

"Uh-huh," Benji mumbled.

It took less than a few seconds. Benji had his eyes shut tight, "Ouchies!"

I chuckled, "You alright?"

He opened his eyes and looked at us, "That it?"

"Yep," Lewy said, "you was scared for nothin', Benny!"

Benji giggled while the doctor put a red band-aid on his arm, "That didn't hurt."

I put his hoodie back on, zipped it up and picked him up, "I told ya. You're next Lew."

Lewy too took the shot like a champ. Both of them got lollipops and we headed out on our way.

"C'n we go ta school now?" Benji asked once we were in the car.

"Yeah, little dude, it does. Are you excited?"

"Uh-huh."

"How about you, Lewy?"

He shrugged, "I guess."

"You worried?"

"Yeah."

"The kids at your new school will be okay, I promise. If they aren't, mom and me will hook you guys up at a better school."

"Really?" He asked hopefully.

"Yeah, we will," I looked back for a moment, "don't worry about anything, me and mom will always take care of everything for you guys."

"You know what daddy?" Benji began.

"What, Ben?"

"You're the best daddy in the universe."

I chuckled, feeling my heart warm, "Thank you, kiddo. But you know what's better?"

"Hmm?"

"You and Lew are the best kids in the entire universe."

"I know," he said simply.

I laughed, "I'm glad you know that, little dude."

"Mommy says we're the best-est all the time," he answered. "Duh."

I shook my head, still laughing, "Thats because mommy knows everything."

"She's a genius."

"Yep, she sure is."


Patrick was busy moving in and making the moves on his landlord while I was getting the boys ready for their first day of their new school. They were equally nervous, but Naomi had called the night before, wishing them luck.

Lewy had talked to her the longest, asking and telling her everything he could think of. After awhile, Benji got on and talked her for a bit before going to bed. I was last to talk to her, I was so anxious; "I really can't wait to see you, this month is taking forever to end."

Naomi had laughed, "You sound like the boys. You just have to be patient, Pete. It won't be long, just 2 more weeks, babe."

I exhaled, "Yeah...13 days."

"Now, focus on something else. Abbey's birthday is coming up, my dad is throwing her a party, you should get her something."

"We are," I assured. "We all talked about it."

"Get her something from me," she said, "she likes books, so buy her that Harry Potter collection."

"Will do."

Naomi let out a small exhale, "This is such torture."

"Tell me about it," I mumbled. "I wish I could get my mind off it for a minute. I miss Patrick to distract me."

She giggled, "Is he dating that woman?"

"I think so, he hasn't called me back. Good for him, Rickster needs to get back on his feet."

"He sure does. How's he been? I mean, from what you told me, he was depressed, right?"

"Man, Trick is great. He's turned it around, I'm proud of him."

"All you need to do now is get Joe and Andy to stay with you and you'll have the band back together."

I smiled at the thought, "That'll be a dream."

"Mm-hm. Have you thought about that?"

"Everyday."

"How come you don't tell them?"

"They all have their own thing going on, I can't just spring it up."

"Well, you'll know when the time is right."

"Yeah...we all will."

As usual, a guard called Naomi's name before she could speak. I sighed as she groaned, "I have to go, babe."

"I know. Love you."

"I love you too, my ambitious lover."

I chuckled, "See you soon."

"Ah, that you will."

We hung up and I shoved my phone into my pocket. I could feel my heart swelling, I was madly in love with that girl and I probably always will. I will never get over it either.


The next morning, Benji woke up at really early, getting me up too by jumping up and down on my bed. I had grabbed him mid-jump on my bed, "Hey!"

"C'mon, lets go make breakfast," I told him as I carried him over my shoulder.

"I was jumpin' there! You's rude!"

I laughed be patted his butt, "I know. Where's your brother, asleep?"

"Yep."

I set him down, "Go to the kitchen, I'll get him up."

Benji took off while I went into Lewy's room. I heard him coughing and wheezing before I went in, "Lew?"

He was coughing deep and kneeling on the floor. I rushed over, "Hey, are you okay?"

He shook his head, coughing. I was frozen for a moment, then I remember his inhaler; I shot up and went to his desk, ripping open the drawer and looking for it. It took me the longest few seconds before I found it and began to shake it.

"I got it, Lew, hold on," I went back to him and sat him up.

I put the inhaler to his mouth and pumped it. He inhaled and coughed, his body was shaking and he was sweating. He breathed in deeply and panted, "'m...I'm o...okay."

I rubbed his back, "Are you sure?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I'm okay, dad."

I sat him on the bed, "Are you sick?"

He shook his head, "My breath was stuck here," he pointed to his chest.

"Can you go to school?"

He nodded, "Uh-huh. I need my inhaler."

I looked him over, wiping the sweat from his face, "C'mon, you need a shower."

I helped Lewy to the bathroom and let him soak while I got Benji some cereal. It was tough rushing between them, I didn't want Lewy to hurt himself or start wheezing again, and I didn't want Benji to spill cereal. I hadn't done this before, jumping between the house, so I wondered how Naomi would've handled it.

After his shower, I dried him up, dressed him and got them both ready. He ate and then it was time to go; I felt a little proud of myself for being able to pull everything together in time. I drove them off to school and when I signed them in, we almost got lost, but we managed to find the pre-K room.

Lewy stood by while I signed Benji in, made sure he had his lunch and snack, "I'll be here to pick you up, bud. Are you ready?"

He looked happy and excited, "Yep!"

I hugged him, "Have fun, Benny."

He waved, "I will. Bye daddy!"

He took off to the first kid he saw and quickly engrossed in a conversation. That kid can make friends with anyone, kinda reminds me of me as a kid. Lew isn't like that, he can make friends, he just likes to observe before diving in, I've noticed that about him.

I held his hand as we went to his first grade classroom, seeing a few kids inside. The other kids were on the playground before the bell rang. We went inside, standing by, his teacher, Ms. Baskins came over, "Hi there, you must be Peter Wentz."

Lewy smiled at her, "Call me Lewis."

She giggled, "Ah-ha, Lewis, that's nice."

"It's his middle name," I told her, "I'm Pete, so we chose to call him Lew so we wouldn't be mixed up."

She nodded, "I recognize you...I think I've seen you in concert...Fall Out Boy?"

"Yeah," I cleared my throat, "I hope our personal lives won't be a big deal--"

She put her hands up, "No, no, all we care about is education and respect. That's all, Mr. Wentz."

I exhaled, relieved, "Thanks. We had trouble at his last school."

Ms. Baskins looked at Lewy, "As long as you're a good kid, we'll get along, Lewis."

He smiled again, "I'll be good."

"Awesome! Are you ready to start, then?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

"Alright, follow me," she lent out his hand, but Lewy didn't take it.

He turned to me and hugged my hips, "I'll see ya, daddy."

I knelt down and hugged him back, "You got your inhaler?"

He nodded, "In my backpack."

"Great. Have fun, buddy."

He let me go and then took Ms. Baskins hand and followed her. I watched him talk to her, then he talked to other kids. This was going better than I had hoped.