Without You, I'm Just Me

Time went by slowly, but it was also a blur by the end of the day. The boys went to school, I hung out with Patrick and helped him put together that song. He and I just chilled like old times, and it got even better when Andy arrived and crashed at Patrick's house.

Patrick's house was set up the way he wanted it, how he used to decorate his room when we loved there together. The window curtains were black, he had some soundproof foam on his walls, a makeshift recording booth set up in the hall closet, the mixer and computer hooked up at the bar, and strung Christmas lights all around the edges of the walls, so it's dim inside. There was piles of bowls with old cereal and milk, and bottles of water on nearly every surface.

But, every other day I went over, it was cleaned up, and I know Patrick didn't clean it up, and I sure as hell know my lazy friend Andy Hurley didn't clean up. So, I teased him, "Who's been cleaning up your pad, Ric? Your landlord?"

Patrick had rolled his eyes, "Nothing."

"Nothing?" I continued to tease him, "The hell you mean by nothing, Rickster?"

"We aren't doing anything," he blushed.

"Liar!" Hurley called from the kitchen. "I heard 'em last night!"

Patrick turned bright red, from what I could see in the dim lighting. I nudged him, "Haha! Sabrina, right? She's cute, man, don't be ashamed."

"I'm not ashamed," Patrick muttered. "I'm tryna...I'm trying to...I don't want to make a big deal over it, we just met and she's sweet...she's not like how Juniper was and..."

"Hey," I patted his arm, "Patrick, I wasn't trying to make fun of you--"

Patrick smirked, "Yeah you were."

I chuckled, "Okay, I was, but I meant nothing mean about it. You know I like to fuck with you."

"I should be used to it," he shook his head. "But, anyway, I'm serious, I want to get to know her before I fall into something more, alright? I don't want you to make her uncomfortable."

"Me?" I pretended to take offense, "Gimme a break! I'm the sweetest asshole you'll ever meet!"

Andy entered and laughed, "The reason Pete was born was to make everyone uncomfortable, man."

Patrick rolled his eyes, "Just not this girl, I like her."

I looked over at Andy; he grabbed the remote and began to flip the channels. He had a bowl of cantaloupe cut into chunky pieces and popped a few into his mouth, "Yo, is he fuckin' her?" I asked him.

Patrick groaned while Andy just chuckled, "No, they just talk - a lot. You know Ric."

I nodded, looked back over at Patrick? "That's nice, Patrick. I'm happy you found a girl to ramble on to."

Patrick smiled, "You and me both."

Andy nudged my side, "Hey, where are your kids? I haven't seen them in forever."

"Uh, Naomi's friend Rae is cutting their hair," I looked at my phone, "I gotta go pick them up."

"Bring 'em by, I wanna show 'em my new digs!" Patrick exclaimed happily.

"I will," I assured. "I'll see you guys."

"Piece out brotha!" Andy called to me.

I left the apartment and headed to my car, driving straight over to Rae's.

When I got there, I knocked and she immediately let me in, "Hello Pete, come in."

"The little dudes ready?"

"Yep," Rae hummed. "Right this way."

Rae had a small hairdressing studio in the back of her small condo. It was a pretty cool place, she and Ricky had moved in together, and the boys came over every other weekend to hang out. Rae and Ricky love the boys just as much as everyone of our family do and it was nice having someone hang out with the little dudes to change things up.

Rae led me to her back living room where there was plush carpeting and a TV with games. Benji was yelling playfully as he tackled Ricky, "Sleep'a hold!"

Ricky laughed while Benji hopped on his back, "You're too slow!"

Lewy was watching them like they were strange animals. I went over and picked him up. He had gasped, "Dad!"

I rubbed the top of his shaven head, "Hey dude!"

Benji had stopped tackling Ricky and ran over to me. He hugged my waist, "Daddy! My hair's all gone!"

I set Lewy down and looked and Benji; his hair wasn't shaven like Lewy's, he had some hair left. It was thick and course like mine, "You look good," I turned to Lew, "you do too, buddy."

"Are we leavin'?" Benji asked.

"Yeah, you guys needa bath."

"K!" Benji rushed off towards Rae, "Bye-bye Auntie Rae!"

She giggled and hugged him, "Aw, I'll see ya soon, little one."

Benji and Lew went to say goodbye to Ricky, who was trying to catch his breath. Rae stepped over to me, "I was thinking of throwing a party for Naomi."

I smiled, "Ah, I didn't even think of that."

"We've got a few days, why not throw something here at our place?" She offered. "All our friends know where we are and I don't think Naomi would expect me to throw a party."

"Why not?"

"I've made the impression that I am not as clever as I really am," she grinned.

"I'm all for it," I agreed. "I'll tell her folks and mine, we can just have a cool get together...a welcome home party."

Rae laughed to herself, "She's going to kill me."

"Yeah, she hates parties, but she deserves it."

"Lets keep it all under wraps," she winked at me.

"No doubt."

"I'll bake some cakes and cookies," she offered.

"My mom will probably wanna cook," I told her. "Naomi'll kill us."

"Aw, the girl deserves it."

I smiled, excitedly, to myself, "She sure does."


There was only 2 days left until Naomi would be coming home. She had a court date to hear the terms of her release and then we would get to bring her home. Again, my body was riddled with anxiety and excitement, I couldn't wait to see her.

She hadn't gotten to call us. She was preparing to leave, to gather up information on her probation and I don't blame her for forgetting to call. Me and the boys were too excited for her to come home, so we didn't really get too bummed about not getting a phone call.

The 2 days were spent helping Rae get everything ready for the surprise party; she baked these cool looking cakes, and made colorful cupcakes and some cookies. My mom cooked a bunch of comfort food for her; and the boys had to go to school, so things were a little rushed as we got things ready. They were also making things for Naomi; cards and pictures. Benji even argued that he was gonna do everything first: "I'm gonna hug mommy first and give her m'a presents first!" We didn't argue with him, because we know how much Naomi means to Benji.

Finally, after the long wait, we went to the court house on February 3rd, 2012. It was me, Lew, Benny, Lee, Amy, Abbey, my mom, Hilary, and Andrew. We were all nervous, despite knowing she was coming home. The only thing we hadn't known was the conditions of her release, but we didn't seem to care. As long as she was coming home.

My dad had read his reason for Naomi to be set free; "Due to the prison overpopulation, the low risks of a repeat offense and the fact that my client has 2 small children at home, I believe Naomi Valentino deserves to be set free without prejudice."

The State interrupted, "Naomi Valentino killed a man, took a son from a mother, ended a man's life, she should suffer the consequences--"

The judge, from her first trial, had been proceeding, he cut off the state lawyer, "I went through the trial and I don't, and hadn't, agreed with the verdict against Ms. Valentino."

It was quiet. I held my breath, unsure of what to expect.

The judge spoke quietly, "With tht being said, as part of your release, Ms. Valentino, you supposed to be placed on probation for the next 3 years. Given the circumstances of your charges, I'm going to go easy on you, Ms. Valentino, I believe you ended someone's life to save your children's and your own. You were found guilty, I maybe not have liked it, but I had to deal with it. Today, I'm letting you go with just probation for the next 5 months. You check in every week with your probation officer and continue to be a model citizen, things will only be up from here...you're free to go, Ms. Valentino."

The bang of his gavel rang in my ears. I was stuck. I couldn't react. The entire courtroom clapped, all except me, because I was in shock. Not in a bad kind of shock, I just couldn't believe that she was finally coming home.

What broke my stoic trance was Benji hugging my neck, "Let's go daddy! Lets go see mommy!"

There was a loud commotion of people, the press. Cameras went off and people speaking a mile a minute. My dad had his arm around Naomi, placing his other hand ahead of him as officers escorted them out; the rest of us followed behind.

As soon as the officers escorted us out the courtroom, out towards the side of the building, we all seemed to stop. Then, Naomi turned and rushed to me, surpassing everyone, heading towards me, Benji and Lewy. It was all a blur, but the warmth of her body - along with our sons'- against mine set me back to reality. I felt tears on my chest, Benji squealing, and arms around my body. Everyone was hugging everyone and it was all good.