Without You, I'm Just Me

Naomi and me packed for our little getaway that night. After that, when the boys got home, she spent the rest of the night playing with them. Benji was attached her as usual and made her lay in his bed so she would read to him. She had fallen asleep with him before she could finish The Little Prince. I didn't want to wake her up, she looked so peaceful and comfortable -she and Benji both, so I didn't wake her.

In the morning she woke me up. She made a face at me, "Hey, why didn't you wake me up?"

I yawned, "Sorry, you looked comfortable."

She smiled and kissed my forehead, "Thank you, it was the nicest sleep I've had with my baby boy in awhile."

I smiled back, "You're welcome. What time is it?"

"It's 8:30. Lew's up and Benji is still twisted in his sheets."

"We gotta leave at 10, you know the traffic is gonna be a mess."

"Mm-hm. Where are we staying again?"

"Somewhere quiet. Somewhere you and me can talk and walk around naked."

She laughed, "Pervert."

I winked, "For you."

Naomi shook her head at me, "Get up, we'll be waitin' for you."

Naomi left the room; I climbed out of bed and rubbed the heels of my hands in my eyes to clear out the sleep, then I went to the bathroom to wake myself up. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and hopped into the shower. After, I dressed and then went to the kitchen where I saw Naomi screech and jump, "Benny!"

Benji was giggling so hard he almost fell off his chair. I raised my brow, "What's going--"

"He keeps pulling his baby teeth out!" Naomi grabbed a paper towel and wet in the sink, "That's the second one this morning!"

Benji was still laughing when Naomi picked him up and set him on the counter and was wiping the blood off his chin and lip. He was dribbling salvia and blood because he was laughing so hard. I held back my own laughter while Lewy grimaced and said, "You're weirder than dad, Benny."

"They was buggin' me!" Benji giggled. "N' mommy screamin' is funny."

"Lemme see," I held my hand out and he handed me his tooth, "do you want them?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, we'll get you a box or something to keep them in and leave notes for the tooth fairy."

"'Kay."

Naomi cleaned his mouth and wet another paper towel, "Keep this on your gum, baby."

Benji did as she said and then she picked him up, setting him back at the table. Lewy continued to grimace, "Don't it hurt?"

Benji shook his head.

"Don't rip anymore out when you're with grandpa and Papa, okay?" Naomi warned him.

"Okay," Benji mumbled sadly. "But they bug me, mommy!"

"I know, but they're not ready to come out yet," she told him. "You have to be patient and wait."

Benji pouted, but he listened to her. He then got up and sat in Naomi's lap so she could feed him without hurting him. I could see that if we did have another baby, Benji would be jealous and feel left out. So, waiting was a good idea, just until Naomi was ready and Benji was a little more independent.

After breakfast I helped Lewy pack up his stuff for the weekend. He looked like he didn't want to leave, and I asked him what was up. He was going slow at picking out clothes, his favorite toys and was hesitant to put them in his Yoda bag.

"I don't want mommy 'nd you to leave," he mumbled.

"Why?" I asked him. "You worried we'll be gone for a long time?"

He nodded, "Mommy just came back," he added. "'Nd you're goin' too."

I pulled him into my lap, "We're only gonna be gone till Monday. We're gonna pick you and Benny up from school. I promise you, buddy."

He exhaled, "You promise you'll be okay?"

I pulled him into a hug, "I promise, all me and mom are gonna do is be alone for a little while. We haven't been alone together since before you were born, Lewy. It might not be fun," he smiled, "but, we just wanna do stuff together. Just like you and Benny do stuff together, and you and Ricky hang out without mommy and Benny; that's what me and mommy wanna do."

His face contorted, "You wanna watch Star Wars by yaselves?"

I bit back a smile, "Yeah. We're gonna watch Episode 1 and 2."

Lewy smiled, "Thats cool! How come we can't come? Cuz you wanna be alone?"

"Yeah. We love being with you and Benny, but sometimes grown ups need to be alone, Lew. We'll come back and have fun and we won't leave again."

Lewy nodded, "Okay. I understand, dad."

I kissed the top of his head, "We'll bring you guys back something. And, you know what? Grandpa and Grandma will spoil you guys. And Auntie Hilary too."

He grinned, "I forgot! Yes!"

I chuckled, "Alright, dude, lets get to it."

The boys finished packing up and we drove over to my folks. The boys were excited to spend the night with Hilary and her husband Greg, so they weren't too sad about us going. Before we left though, Naomi called the boys back to her and then knelt down to Benny first, "What aren't you gonna do while we're gone?"

"Not hit Lewis or rips my teeth out," he answered.

We all laughed softly; Naomi nodded, "Exactly. And if your tooth does come out I want you to give it to Grandma or Grandpa, or whoever you're with, alright? We'll save them and write a letter to the tooth fairy."

"I know, mommy," he murmured. "When will you be back?"

"Monday, when you get out of school."

"That's..." He started to count on his hand, "3 whole days."

"Yeah, good job," Naomi kissed his cheek, and then ran her fingers through his shaggy, curled hair, "be a good boy for us."

"I will."

Naomi gave him a hug, and then it was my turn. We gave Lewy a hug and kiss before we left too. The boys again were off to hang with Hilary, so me and Naomi took off.

In the car, Naomi was biting her lip, "I hope he doesn't rip anymore teeth out."

I laughed, "I'm sure they'll stop him."

"He's such a cute little weirdo. Were you weird like that, Pete?"

I smirked, "I think so. I hated cold cuts, remember?"

She laughed, "The sandwich mustard story, yeah."

I shook my head, "Benny gets the weirdness from me."

"He looks just like you."

"Lewy's growing to look more like you," I told her, "the mole and the smile get me, man."

"I wonder what it'd be like if we had a daughter."

I hummed, "I'd really protect her then."

"You would?"

"Yeah, I don't want anyone to hurt my girls."

Naomi cooed, "Aw, baby, you're so sweet."

I smirked again, "Yep, I sure am."

"And romantic. What're we doing in Michigan?"

"They're gonna have some firework's show for some park's 50th birthday or something, and we'll see that. We'll go out to dinner and then spend the rest of the weekend eating room service and watching Star Wars."

She snorted, "I hate that movie."

"How can you hate Star Wars?! It's a classic," I argued.

"I don't get it!" She argued back with a smile, "Like, it's all jumbled up, right? It takes place a long, long time ago, yet somehow in the future?"

I shook my head, "Navy, you're thinking about it too much."

"I can't help it. I wanna watch Pretty In Pink or the Breakfast Club."

"You're such a nerd," I grumbled jokingly.

"Says the guy who has a basement full of Transformer toys and Fruit Brute collector cereal boxes," she shot back.

I laughed, "You got me there, babe."

Naomi and I fell into silence; she messed with the radio, playing music. I laughed when she turned on infinity On High; "This is my favorite album," she said.

"It's one of the weaker ones," I confessed.

"Is not!" She snapped at me. "This album is amazing."

"I like Cork Tree better."

"Mm-hm. Sure, but don't you ever talk shit about Infinity, it's my favorite."

"Why, cuz I wrote most of it about you?"

"No," she smirked back at me, "it reminds me of when Benji was born and when Lewy was learning how to former sentences better."

"I almost forget that they were babies when I was recording," I replied.

"Time goes by so fast," she exhaled, "it's kinda scary. I need to do what I want and what's best for the kids, you know? Who knows how long I have left to do it all."

Naomi's words stuck in my head. Arms Race was playing and making me feel nostalgic and anxious all together. I thought deeply about it, about my life and the fact that we weren't getting any younger and that life was really flying by. I couldn't idle by anymore, I had to do what I wanted, like Naomi said herself. I needed to do something, and it was hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Pete?" Naomi called my name softly, "I'm hungry, can we spot off in a few?"

"Yeah," I hummed, "sure."


It was raining when we got to the hotel. The valet parked are car and the busboy took our luggage up to our room once we signed in. We were at the top floor with a view of the lake and the rain. It was a nice sight, but I didn't really look because I was feeling jittery and anxious.

"I needa go to the store real quick," I told Naomi.

"What?" She spun as I moved around her. "Why?"

"I just needa get some stuff. I'll be right back."

Naomi didn't argue, she just kissed my cheek, "Hurry back."

I nodded and returned the kiss. I grabbed the keycard and headed out. The reason I left was to go get a notebook and pens so I could write. There was little things stuck in my head, something more than just twitter nonsense that I had been sending out. There was so much I needed to get out at the worst possible time. I hoped it would all come quick and I could get back to being with Naomi.

I headed down out the lobby and out the hotel. It was pouring now, and I was a little lost while I looked for any small store. I found a Walgreens at the end of the block and was soaked when I went inside. This kid, about 16 with a shock of blue hair in a mohawk, recognized me, "Hey! Whoa, are you alright?"

I laughed at myself, "Uh, yeah, I'm in a rush. Do you work here?"

He nodded, "Yeah...I'm gonna need to mop up after you, dude."

"I'm sorry, I just need a notebook, some pens and something to give my wife to apologize."

The kid smiled, "You married that hot model Naomi, right?"

"Yeah," I chuckled.

"Stay here, I'll get the stuff for you. I'll get you an umbrella and some flowers too."

I was extremely grateful, "Thanks man."

The kid rushed off and I stood there shaking from the cold. My hoodie and beanie were soaked, I was freezing my ass off. Customers that came in gave me weird looks but continued walking. The kid came back with everything motioning me to the register, "Here, I hope she likes the chocolates and flowers."

I smiled, "Thanks, you're a lifesaver."

"No problem. Can I tell my friends about this?"

"Usually kids ask for a picture," I offered.

"Can't have a phone on the floor," he frowned.

I pulled my phone out my back pocket, "I hope it ain't too ruined. Come around here, I'll tweet you the picture."

The kid's brows shot up, "For real?"

"Yeah," I said with a shrug.

I took a picture with him, @replied him and thanked him. I paid and signed the receipt for him, the kid, who's name is Josh, thanked me a million times before I left. I waved to him before I popped open the umbrella and headed back to the hotel.

I made it back and headed back to the room. My soaked shoes squeaked the entire way up and at the door. I struggled to open it with everything, but I finally did and found the room was empty. I had walked around and noticed Naomi's clothes were on a pile by the bed, so I figured she was in the shower. I moved back to the living area and set everything down on the table; I looked at the flowers and mentally thanked Josh.

I set the candy and flowers aside, grabbed the black spiral bound notebook and saw the kid got me Avenger novelty pens. I didn't even bother fussing over it, I ripped them open, sat and then began to jot the words fumbling around in my head.

"You bought flowers?"

I jumped when I heard Naomi's voice; I barely noticed how deep I had been writing. I turned in the chair and saw her in a white hotel robe with her hair in a towel. I smiled, "Yeah...surprise!"

She giggled, "You're sweet, Peter."

"I had to get something for you...I'm sorry for rushing out, but there's something...somethin' goin' on in my head."

She came over, picked up the roses and smelt them, "Like what?"

I pulled her into my lap and showed her the notebook. 3 pages had been filled with my sloppy handwriting. Some droplets had stained the page, making the red margin lines smudge, along with the blue ones.

"What is all this?" She asked as she read them to herself.

"How cheesy would it sound if I said "a sign?""

She laughed softly, "I dunno. A sign about what?"

I bit my lip, "The band."

Naomi looked back at me, "Fall Out Boy or Black Cards?"

I couldn't hold back my smile, "Fall Out Boy."