Without You, I'm Just Me

"What do you mean my house is burning down?"

My voice came out in a rush. The panic was barely setting in.

"The house--y-your house caught on fire," my dad sputtered, "you need to get home now, Pete!"

"How?! What happened?" I snapped.

"I don't know," my dad's voice was fumbling; behind it I could hear sirens and other noises. "We got here to pick up something for Benny and--and we--it's the garage!"

I ran a hand through my hair, "Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah, we didn't go in. The fire department are putting it out," dad was a little calmer.

I sighed, "Oh shit. It's just the garage?"

"No, son, it got to the living room, I think. It's just...smoke and flames."

I shut my eyes momentarily, "Me 'nd Navy will be there soon."

"I'm sorry this--" he stopped suddenly, "oh my God...there was a girl there--in the backyard! They're bringing her out."

"What girl?"

It suddenly hit me.

"I don't know her name, but I've seen her before."

"Kate Gutierrez," I muttered.

"She kinda looks like Naomi."

I shook my head, "That's her. Dad, I havta wake Navy, we'll get there soon."

"I'll keep you posted, son. Drive safe."

"I will, thanks dad." I hung up with him and rushed to the bedroom. Naomi was sitting up and rubbing her face, checking her phone. Her eyes squinted from the sharp bright light from her phone, "What's the emergency?" She asked tiredly.

"The house is on fire," I spat out. "Kate set it on fire."

Naomi looked at me, "Are you joking? I'm not in the mood to kid about something like that."

I shook my head from side to side, "Navy, I'm not kidding. She set the garage on fire and it spread to the living room. Dad just called."

Naomi gave me this disbelief look. I think she was in shock.

"No one was there, dad went to get somethin' for Benny and saw it. They just got her--they found her comin' out the backyard."

Naomi looked down, set her phone aside on the bed and got up. She grabbed her bra, slipping it on and then she made her way over to me. She snatched her panties from the floor and pulled them on; Naomi didn't speak to me as she went to her bag and began to dress. I heard her sniffle, so I walked over and grabbed her arm, pulling her to my chest; "Get off," she spat, "off, now!"

I let her go, "Navy, I--"

"Shut up, please," her voice was thick.

I closed my mouth and let her scrambled to dress. Naomi wiped her face when she turned to me, "I can't believe her."

"Me either," I exasperated.

She swallowed, her nose growing red, "What the fuck are we gonna do now?"

"I dunno, but it'll be okay, baby. I promise you, we'll be fine."

She shook her head, "That's not--I'm not worried about where we'll live. I'm pissed off! All of Benny and Lew's favorite things were there! The fishes, Hemy's ashes! What kind of monster--this is so fucking low, even for Kate. I'm gonna kill her."

I pulled Naomi into my arms and let her cry against my chest. I rubbed her back and cooed to her, "Navy, it'll be okay. We'll get them new things. As long as they're alright, we'll be just fine."

She sniffed, her head tilting up, "Imagine if we had been there? God, I...I'm so glad they were with your parents and we were here."

"Yeah, it's sorta like fate."

Naomi wrapped her arms tight around me, kissing my cheek and then buried her face into the crook of my neck, "I need to see my babies."

I exhaled, "Yeah, me too."


My dad called while we drove back to Chicago and confirmed that it was Kate who set our house on fire. She had bashed in the window beside the garage, climbed in and poured gasoline all over my car and lit matches. Dad wasn't allowed to survey the damage, Naomi and me had to do it since our names were on the house.

Naomi didn't speak as I drove. She had talked to her dad, the boys and then she spoke with Mia about rescheduling a meeting they were supposed to have on Tuesday. Naomi looked wiped out, upset and tense; I had held her hand, kissed her at stop lights and made sure she knew I was there for her. I think she was beyond pissed off, she had that look; I swear if looks could kill, several people that looked her way would've dropped dead.

When we finally got to my parents, Naomi jogged up the pathway and into the house. I followed behind her, hearing her call for Benny and Lewy. It was late in the afternoon, even though I slept I was fucking exhausted. The thought of nearly everything of ours was gone made me want to climb into a bed and never get out. I set our bags by the stairs and followed the voices I heard.

"Mommy, everything is gone!" Benji cried, "All my cool stuff!"

Naomi had sighed, "Yeah, I know baby. It'll be okay."

"Dad!"

Lewy called and rushed over to me, I picked him up, "Whoa, buddy, you're getting heavy."

He didn't smile, "Where are we gonna live? What about my school stuff? 'Nd our clothes?"

"Hey, don't worry," My dad cut in, "not everything is gone, guys."

I exhaled and asked, "When can we go over there?"

"We've got to call the Home Owner's insurance people and talk to the police officers," Naomi told me.

I set Lewy down, he immediately hugged my waist; "Great," I muttered. "I need to sit down or something."

"Come to the living room," my dad waved us over.


Naomi and I were able to go to the house after a few hours. The insurance would take care of costs and Naomi didn't even look like she wanted to bother with it. The fire department gave us boots to wear through the house. It was still warm inside, despite the rain, and the water; the living room and kitchen were destroyed, the fire ended at the beginning of the hall to our bedrooms.

"Thank God," Naomi muttered, then she looked at the fireman, Brian, leading us through, "Can we get some things?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "just be careful around the living area. The sky view in your bedroom," he began slowly, "there's uh, water and broken glass on the bed and floor."

We left the house and returned with boxes to collect most of the things the boys and us needed and wanted. Naomi went into Benji's room and got all of his favorite toys and the bulk of his clothes, I did the same in Lewy's room. Then we took the full boxes outside where Lee was waiting to take them to my parents, where we'd stay until we figured out everything. We returned to get our things, Naomi stood by the door with me, staring at our bed; that's when she began to sob.

I put an arm around her and let her coil into my arms. I kissed her head and held her until she sniffled and let me go, "Let's get what we can."

Our feet squished on the soaked carpet; the rain had soaked and ruined everything around our bed. We got our clothes and pictures, Naomi made sure to get all of what the boys had drawn for her when she was in the hospital. We left, but stopped at the entry of the living room; the fish tank had broken, the glass shattered and the boy's fishes were baked on the floor. Naomi had gasped, "Hemy's ashes! They're okay."

I grabbed her arm before she rushed to the living room, "Lemme get 'em."

Naomi nodded, "Be careful."

I set my box down and looked around the ceiling; there was a big gaping hole where the roof used to be. Sun shined in, making a jagged halo around the floor and our burnt coffee table. I took quick and careful steps; I stepped over the fish and went to the fireplace mantle and grabbed the marble box with Hemy's name on it. The box had a lot of grit, water and smoked residue, but it was okay. I managed to make it back to Naomi and pick up my box with Hemy's ashes on top of it, and then we went outside to meet with the firemen and Lee.

After returning the boots and thanking the firemen, we left with Lee. He was quiet, Naomi had already filled him in, so he didn't have any questions. We got to my parents and he immediately met with the boys, playing and picking them up; "You kids want to go see a movie with Papa? Us and Abbey? We can get hot fudge sundaes after!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Benji cheered, then he looked to us, "C'n we, mommy 'n' daddy?"

Naomi smiled softly, "Sure, but you got to be good."

"We will!" Benji affirmed.

"Hey," Lee began, "why don't you help your dad get your stuff from the truck while I talk to your mama?"

"Okay," Benji answered, then he grabbed my hand, "Daddy, didja gets our stuff?"

I nodded as Lee and Naomi went off to the side, "Yeah, come help me."

We all went outside to Lee's truck and I opened the back hatch and grabbed one of Lew's boxes first, "Nothing was gone, I got your backpacks, toys, clothes, crayons."

Benji took the lightest and then me and Lew grabbed one. The boys took everything up to my old bedroom where we'd be crashing. We repeated our trips until all 8 boxes were up in my old room.

"Are you guys ready to go?" Naomi asked as we appeared back downstairs.

"Yep," Lew answered.

Naomi hugged and kissed them, as did I, before they headed out. Once they were gone, Naomi exhaled, "I'm gonna head upstairs, take a nap."

"I'm coming with you," I said, following behind.

Naomi took my hand as we headed upstairs. In my room, we both laid on the far right double bed; she wrapped an arm around my stomach, lying close to my side. My arm was around her side so my hand rubbed her back; "Are you feeling alright, Navy?"

"I don't know. I'm just tired," she answered softly.

"I'm sorry this all happened."

"Me too, Pete."

I looked down at her, "Our 5 minute honeymoon wasn't all that bad, was it?"

Naomi laughed, "No, it was nice. We made love, you reformed Fall Out Boy -in your head- and you got me flowers."

I shut my eyes, "I'm sorry I left them in the room."

She giggled this time, "Its okay, I appreciate the thought," she leaned up at kissed the underside of my jaw.

"Let's nap before we have to make some decisions."

She exhaled softly, "You had me at "let's nap," baby."

I rubbed her back until I fell asleep with her. The heaviness floated away as soon as I was in my head.