You Can Fight Fate, You Just End Up Losing

“Addie” I heard from my doorway in a small weak voice. He had waited a while to come up to my room giving me a chance to think.

“Who are you?” I asked feeling lost and sad. “Because I don’t recognize this person.”

“Addie” he whispered sitting on the edge of my bed. “I’m so sorry.”

“See that I believe” I replied, sitting up and looking him in the eyes. “But I’m still beyond pissed at you. This apology doesn’t mean I just completely forgive you Tanner.”

“I know. Addie, I know that you’re not going to just up and forgive me. Especially after the stupid shit I said.”

“The epically stupid shit you said.”

“Yes the epically stupid shit I said“ he smiled resting his hand on my knee. “Addison, I love you, you are my best friend. And I trust you completely.”

“You have a weird way of showing it.”

“I know.”

“I love you too Tan. You’re just an idiot. Sometimes.”

“I know” he said again with a smirk. “I need you around . . . You keep me from getting too full of myself.”

“Well I don’t know, if you would visit Chicago like you promised freshman year I might be able to help you out. I don’t like cocky Tanner he’s an ass. I kind of want to punch him in the face. And that would be a damn shame because you have a nice face Tan.”

“Gee thanks Adds. The backhanded compliment hurt almost as much as it was nice to hear” he said laying down next to me on my bed.

“Well I can’t inflate your ego anymore. There isn’t enough room in here for me you and your massive ego.”

“You’re such a smart ass.”

“I know but that is just one of the many reasons people love me.”

“True. So, how is everything in Chicago? Really.”

“It’s good I just miss everyone. I mean my friends there are great but they’re not my hockey family. They don’t get my obsession with it. Which is frustrating. Any one who knows the tiniest bit about the sport likes to try to pull out some random fact about our dad’s careers.”

“Nice. I love those people. How about that guy . . . What’s his name . . . Derek?”

“Dan, and there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Meaning?”

“He’s not what I thought he was when we met. He turned out to be an arrogant SOB.”

“Didn’t you call me like a over a month ago talking about how perfect he was, about how great the date was?”

“Yea, it was until he got comfortable too soon and thought that daddy would pay for both of our educations and living expenses.”

“Oh that. . . It happens to the best of us.”

“Not to me!”

“It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“It sucks.”

“I’m sorry it happened Addie.”

“It’s alright Tan you didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“I apologize for my gender and our stupidity.”

“I except although you should occasionally reiterate said apology on behalf of the entire male species.”

“I’m not going to pretend that I’m going to remember to do that Adds.”

“It’s ok Tans” I said sighing.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing really.”

“Bullshit.”

“Fine I was thinking about this crazy realistic dream that I had last night.”

“Oh? What was it about?”

“You . . .”

“Oh really?”

“It was weird.”

“How so? What happened?”

“You flew in to Toronto following me there. We spent a week there together, had dinner with Uncle Max and Aunt Megs and then we went to a club. And had this epic moment where we confessed our love for each other.”

“Wow.”

“See it was weird.”

“Yea weird.”

TANNER

“See it was weird” she said lying next to me.

“Yea weird” I said thinking about it. Confessing our love for each other. Spending a week with her in Toronto, just us. “It would have been a fun week though just me and my best hanging out in the city.” And apparently telling her that I love her. That I love her more than friends, more than what I’ve thought about her for a long time. What I’ve thought, I thought that she was just my friend but today was hell with her barely acknowledging my existence. But Addie and me anything more than friends? That’s crazy right?

“Addie?” I whispered when she was quiet for a few minutes. She sighed as her breathing evened out, her eyelashes fluttering in her sleep. “Goodnight Adds.”

“Night Tans” she mumbled turning into my side, her body curling slightly into my frame.

She is pretty, smart, funny and incredibly kind. But I have Kelsey, she’s hot, but stupid and vapid. She doesn’t get any of our jokes, and it’s annoying when I have to explain every inside joke. Every single one and then she would comment on how it was stupid and didn’t know why we thought it was funny. Addie gets it even if she doesn’t think it’s funny she understands that I think it’s funny.

“Tanner” I heard lulling me from my sleep. “Tan you need to move, your pinning me and it’s hot. I’m burning up here.”

“Shhh” I said pulling her slightly closer. “Sleepy.”

“But I’m getting all sweaty and sticky.”

“Too bad. You’re my pillow” I said with a smile.

“Tan, at least move a little” she said and I moved more on top of her. “Not what I meant. You’re going to crush me.”

“No I won’t.”

“You’re twice my size, you will so crush me!”

“You’ll live.”

“If I don’t it’s all on you.”

“Fine Addie” I sighed rolling over so she wasn’t completely under me. “Better?”

“Yes” she said running her hands through my hair lulling me back into sleep. She always does this to me I’m almost awake and she plays with my hair scratching my scalp and puts me back to sleep. “You have Patrick Dempsey hair circa Grey’s Anatomy.”

“That’s good right?” I said struggling to stay awake.

“Yea. Very good.” I smiled relishing in the tingle her nails sent through my body. It always makes me feel comfortable and at ease. My Addie. My best friend. I don’t have to be anyone but myself but me around her and it’s great. “Very good.”

“That’s good to know” I whispered fighting to stay awake.

“Yea. . .” she sighed her strokes slowing with every passing second.

“Addie . . .”

“Tans . . .”

“Love you.”

“Love you too” she replied “you’re my best Tan” she added as her fingers stopped locking into my hair.

“You too . . .” I said with a yawn.

When I woke up again she wasn’t there and the entire space around me smelled like Addison; like rain and sunshine at the same time. Walking down stairs I could smell the breakfast that my mom and Aunt Katie probably made, along with the fresh brewed coffee. Addie was sitting with her back to me her legs tucked to her chest as she sipped on her cup of coffee and picked at the food on her plate. She’s amazing, her hair a mess glasses perched on her nose and no makeup on her face, and she still looks beautiful.

“Morning Adds.”

“Hey, good morning Tan” she said smiling up at me.

“When did you sneak out?”

“Not that long ago really. I honestly thought you would be out for at least another hour or so.”

“Well I’m awake now . . . Where is everyone?”

“Our dad’s are off fishing or something. My mom took yours and Renee shopping. I think Jamie and Pat are still sleeping or playing video games” she replied walking over to the oven pulling a plate out bring it over to me. “I hid this so my brothers wouldn’t eat all of the food.”

“Thanks Addie.”

“Well I knew you would be hungry.”

“I am. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome” she said picking up a piece of bacon nibbling on it. After a few seconds she untucked her legs and set them on my lap under the massive wooden table getting comfortable. “What do you want to do today?”

“Nothing really.”

“Really? Nothing at all . . . you want to bum around all day Tanner.”

“Yes, it’s summer. I want nothing but relaxation.”

“Well then. How about we just chill on the dock? Maybe take the boat out.”

“Sounds great Adds” I replied resting my free hand on her legs as I continued to eat my breakfast. “I’m glad you’re trying to forgive me Addie.”

“It’s hard to be mad at you. You’re my best friend Tanner no matter how stupid you may be sometimes, I still love you Tan.”

“I love you too Adds.”

“Have I ever given you reason not to?”

“No, never. You’re always there for me.”

“Someone has to put up with your shit” she said bluntly.

“Are you really the only one who can?”

“Possibly. Your mom does a good job though.”

“That’s because she has to. You don’t have to. You do this willingly.”

“No it’s not that I do it willingly. It’s that there is this weird part of my that needs to make sure that you don’t make a fool of yourself and ruin your life.”

“Life is messy.”

“But messy is good sometimes. Without messy you don’t have much fun.”

“True, Addie you’re right. Messy is good.”

“I know, that’s why I said it.”