Watch You Take The Fall

Sierra’s POV:
“Sierra, can we borrow your laptop?” Rian asked, looking up from his game of go fish with Zack.
“Yeah, um, why?”
“I want to put some music on and I’m too lazy to grab my iPod.” Welcome to another day on the All Time Low tour bus. Random card games in every corner and nearly constant music. I was currently sat in the back lounge along with the band, Vinny, Flyzik and Grieco. I was huddled up in one corner, aimlessly browsing Tumblr and replying to a few people on Twitter.
“Yeah, sure, here you go.” I said, logging out of both and handing my old laptop across to Rian who plugged it into the speaker system that ran through most of the bus. I watched as he opened my iTunes and hit the shuffle button. I relaxed back into my seat as Letterbomb by Green Day poured out through the speakers. Already, I was getting bored not being attached to my laptop. I pulled out my phone and replied to the few text messages and emails I had sitting in my inbox. Just as I finished up an email to my boss, the strains of a horribly familiar song started. Blushing, I jumped to my feet and walked across to my laptop.
“S-sorry about that, that really shouldn’t be on there, I thought I deleted it.” I stuttered, reaching for the skip button. Just then, Rian grabbed my wrist, a look of confusion on his face.

“No, leave it on a minute Sierra, this sounds really good.” I gave up, knowing how stubborn these guys could be, and walked back to my seat, pushing myself as far into the corner as I could get. I ignored the questioning looks everyone was directing at me and tried to distract myself from the embarrassment that would be upon me if anyone ever found out.
“Yeah, Rian’s right” Zack chimed in “it is really good, I mean listen to that bass line! That’s so sick.” I chewed my lip rings as a guitar solo kicked in before merging again with the frantic drum line and heartfelt lyrics. The back lounge had collapsed into silence and some people that hadn’t already been there had come through to see what the music was
“Well thanks guys, I’ll be sure to tell them that.” I said, a little nervously. I didn’t miss the looks everyone was giving me.
“Sorry, what?” Said Matt from beside me, looking up from his folder of work.
“Yeah, I’ll tell them.” Seeing the confused faces around me, I sighed before elaborating a little more.
“The band that this is by, Lost Hope? Well, I produced, their stuff, this EP being the debut. Yeah, I also did all the album artwork and stuff. I’m close with that band” I muttered, averting my eyes to the television that was playing an episode of The Hills on mute. As soon as I’d said that, the drum fill at the start of the next song from that EP started playing. Sodding shuffle, I swear it never actually works when you want it to.
“Fucking hell, that drum line is brilliant, I don’t even want to know how long that took to figure out.” Rian said, his eyes wide.
“It really wasn’t that hard once you had the main beat figured out.” I said, before slapping my hand over my mouth once I’d realised what I’d said. I sighed as Jack piped up from the opposite corner. Out of all the boys on this bus, aside from Alex, I’d probably become closest with Jack. Our personalities were exactly the same, as were our senses of humour.
“Right, Seashell, what’s going on?” I smiled slightly at the nickname I’d acquired over the past few days before squirming in my seat and opening my mouth to talk.
“I didn’t just produce and do the artwork for Lost Hope, I kind of wrote the music. And lyrics. And sang. And played guitar. And bass. And drums. And everything else on the record. And then mixed it when I was what, 17? Yeah, 17.” I said, regretting ever letting Rian have access to my laptop in the first place. Lost Hope was my major weakness. I didn’t even get a chance to send out that EP before, ironically enough, I had lost hope with my music. I guess being told every single day of your life that the one thing you truly felt was your one escape from everything else was never going to make it anywhere really took its toll on your self-confidence. I shook my head softly, I was sure I’d deleted that a couple of months back. I didn’t want anyone hearing it again, it was a terrible EP and I was stupid even thinking that anything would ever come of it.
“Holy. Fucking. Shit.” Alex breathed, from my other side.
“What?” I snapped, turning my head to look at him. “I know it’s shit, you don’t need to tell me. I don’t even know why I made it. I suppose it meant something massive to me once. Hell, it still means something to me now. It’s just now; it’s a collection of mistakes. I should have never of made it, nothing was ever going to come of it anyway. I was stupid and young; can we all just forget about it now please?” I said harshly, my voice getting quieter towards the end of my little rant.
A collection of “I’m sorry but what?”’s “What the fuck are you on and where can I get some?”’s and “You may well be one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met, and I’ve met Jack.”s surrounded me as I dared to look up for the first time in a couple of minutes. I stared around into the shocked faces of my friends and decided that the best thing to do at this point was to chew on my lip rings again. So I did.
“Sierra, what we were trying to say was that that was fucking epic. I just can’t believe that you did all that by yourself. You must have had some help, surely?” Alex questioned. That in itself made me a little bit happy and a little bit angry at the same time.
“You don’t believe I can play?” I said, arching my eyebrow “Jack, do me a favour and pass me that guitar would you please?” Jack passed it over and I weighed it in my hands, scrunching my nose. If I was being honest, I preferred my one at home but hey, I was doing this to make a point, not to become a guitar critic. I strummed it a couple of times before stopping to tune it slightly.
“Right then children, what should I play?”
“I say you do American Idiot, I’m in a full Green Day mood today.” Replied Rian, still holding his set of cards. I bowed my head and began playing. I played, not for myself this time, but to prove a point. I loved this song and at this moment in time, it felt like I was saying a massive “fuck you” to all the people that didn’t believe I could ever do what I wanted. Sure, I never got far with my music, but people always said that I couldn’t be a tour manager. Well I proved them wrong, didn’t I? I let the final chord ring out and I raised my head. I quickly passed the guitar back to Jack and stood from my seat.
“I’m going to go get changed now. I suppose I’ll prove that I can play the rest of it some other time, yeah?” Without waiting for a reply, I walked to my bunk and grabbed the clothes I wanted before heading to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me. I hurriedly changed and threw on some make-up, letting my thoughts cloud my mind as I did so. I promised myself that I would never let anyone else hear that music again. It died a long time ago. Sure, I still loved music, don’t get me wrong. It was the one thing that was always going to be there at the end of the day when nothing else was, it was the strength that kept me going on more than one day, it was the sole reason to smile when I didn’t feel like I could. Above all that, it was my life. It had given me my life with my friends, my lifestyle now and on more than one occasion, it had stopped me from ending it all. Ending the life that the music restored in me. I just never felt like I could play again.
I straightened up and took a few deep breaths and unlocked the door. I walked as quietly as I could back to my bunk and threw my stuff back onto it again. I turned around and walked to the front. Noticing that we had finally arrived at the venue for today, I snatched up my folders and radio, yelled a goodbye behind me and rushed off the bus. I felt hopeless, I didn’t trust easily, and I didn’t fully trust the people on the bus I had left behind yet. However, for some reason, I had displayed to them the one part of me that no-one ever got to see. I don’t understand why I did it and it was making me feel a little uneasy. No matter how good they seemed to think it was, it could still all be ripped up and thrown on the ground again.
I shook my head and walked off, away from the bus. I still had a job to do, and I was damned if I was letting that slide just for what had just happened.
Ladies and Gentlemen, just another day of Warped Tour.

SIERRA'S OUTFIT: http://www.polyvore.com/watch_you_take_fall_sierra/set?id=38974681