Ascension

Chapter 10

Lost and Insecure

Time stood completely still. Blue and aqua eyes bored into each other's eyes. Seth held the ipecac bottle in his fist, and Mira's heart was pounding in her chest.

"What do you mean?" She said with a hesitant laugh, as if it were the craziest thing she had ever heard. "It's-it's ipecac. The-the baby manual said that parents need a bottle when you have a new baby. In case she swallows something." She reached a hand up to take the bottle out of his hand, but he jerked it back, his face still a mask of anger.

After Audrey had left for the store a couple hours ago, Seth had decided to take Lucy for a walk around the park. They only made it halfway when the baby started fussing, so he took her home.

As soon as he was through the door, the first thing he heard was the tell-tale sound of vomiting. Seeing as Mira's car was in the driveway, he knew it had to be her. Before he could reach the door, something on the hall table caught his eye. It was a bottle. When he picked it up, he realized with horror that it was a bottle of ipecac.

In his mind, he added two plus two, and the answer he got was not a good one.

Mira slowly lowered her hand back, finally taking note of the look on his face.

"Don't. Lie. To. Me." His tone was so serious that it scared her a little.

Her heart apparently hadn't decided if it was pounding in her throat or had completely stopped. She could feel her hands shaking so badly that she began wringing them in front of her.

Only one thought was on her mind, 'don't let him know the truth'.

"Mira," He stated, "Is this what you've been hiding?

She let out another small, nervous laugh. "What? No, I'm not hiding anything!"

He stared at her for a moment longer, his gaze penetrating through the shield she had put up around her eyes.

"Lift up your shirt," He commanded softly. And just like that, she became a caged animal.

"W-w-what?" she stuttered, backing away one step. Seth took one step closer.

"Lift your shirt."

"Are you out of your mind?" she asked. Oh shit, this was not good. Mira could almost the desperation sinking in her belly.

She continued backing up until she hit the wall. Seth stood just a foot away from her. His eyes moved swiftly from her face to her waist, which she protected by tightening her sweatshirt around it.

"I-I have nothing to prove to you." Her eyes darted to the side, to the front door. His arm slamming beside her head blocked her view of her only escape way.

"Oh, yeah you do," He declared. Mira raised her gaze a little and finally met his gaze. His eyes looked so… angry. It set something off inside of her. Something that told her to get the fuck out of there.

The two stared at each other for a moment, then Mira ducked under his arm and bolted for the door.

Seth was right behind her, easily grabbing her around the waist and hoisting her off her feet.

That's when the screaming began.

"NO!" She shrieked, thrashing in his arms. "LET ME GO!"

Seth tightened his grip around her and struggled to keep his footing. He was fairly horrified to find that Mira was light. Very, very light. Hell, he could have easily picked her up with one arm. But he kept both arms wrapped around her waist, trapping her arms to her side.

Mira kicked her feet back as hard as she could, but it seemed she could only hit air. Her heart was pounding in terrible fear. She knew she was going to lose this battle of wills, but she was too terrified to surrender. She fought in his arms with all the strength she could muster, but he was just too strong.

They wrestled for another thirty seconds, but her efforts were fruitless. She didn't have much fight left in her, so she turned to desperate measures.

Mira threw her head back as hard as she could, hitting him square in the nose.

"Shit!" He swore, dropping his arms from around her waist to go up and grab his injured nose.

Without looking back, Mira tore out of that house like a bat out of hell.

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Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Mira made it as far as the grocery store four blocks away before she collapsed. She leaned against the brick wall on the side and gasped for breath. Her muscles were positively aching. Apparently marching in a parade, then vomiting, then running away was a bad idea.

Mira ran a hand down her weary face. What the hell was wrong with her? How could she have done that to Seth? She had never hit him. Ever. She had been so terrified of him finding out the truth that she panicked.

She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her forehead to them.

God, what was she going to do now? Where could she go? All her friends were at the pride parade until late tonight.

Her knees ached in protest as she stood up and hugged her arms to herself. She knew it was a bad idea to stand up so quickly, but something told her she had to.

"Where can I go?" She asked herself, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the brick wall.

Her mind drifted to earlier, when she was at Ava's house getting ready for the parade.

"Please tell me Zeke is not in there wearing handcuffs and a cock-ring?"

Ava snorted, "No, Zeke's parents are too conservative to let him go. So it'll just be us. Come on in."

Mira lifted her head. Zeke wasn't at the parade. Which meant he was probably at his house.

Using her hands as leverage, she pushed herself off the brick wall and began dragging her feet in the direction of her friend's house.

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Zeke was in fact home. He was a little bummed about not being able to go to the parade with his girlfriend, but he used the opportunity to get in a good workout.

"Ninety-seven… ninety-eight… ninety-nine…" He stopped bench-pressing the massive weight when he heard the doorbell ring. Frowning, he set the bar back on the its stand and rose to his feet.

Zeke wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and opened the door.

"Mira?"

"H-hey Zeke." She was leaning heavily against the doorframe, shoulders rising and falling heavily. He immediately placed a hand on her back and led her in.

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

"Yeah, I just need to sit down." She plopped her body onto the sofa. Zeke kept his hand on her shoulder, looking at her in concern.

"You've been crying," he observed. She wrapped her arms around herself and refused to meet his eyes. "Mira, what's wrong?"

"Seth and I… had a big fight," she whispered.

"About what?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." She lifted her head to finally look at him, "W-would it be alright if I stay here? Just for a couple hours?"

Zeke nodded, eyes never leaving her, "Of course. Can I get you anything?"

"Can I get some water?"

He squeezed her shoulder, "Sure."

Zeke walked into the kitchen and took a bottled water from the fridge. When he returned to the living room, he saw Mira curled up on the couch, sound asleep. Somehow, she managed to look unhappy even in her sleep.

He set the bottle on the coffee table and took the thin blanket from off a chair and draped it over her body.

"Sleep tight, little mommy."

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"Will you pick up your fucking phone?" Seth yelled into his phone. It had been over an hour since Mira had run off. And six phone calls later, he was no closer to finding her.

When Mira had bashed her head against his face, she had come close to breaking his nose. Upon further inspection, he realized that it was only bleeding, not broken. And he was lucky to still have all his teeth.

For once, being a formerly abused child helped him, because he knew how to handle bloody noses.

Seth ended the call and squeezed his phone in frustration. What the fuck was going on with that girl? He picked up the ipecac bottle and looked at it. There was only about a quarter left. He pressed his lips together tightly to suppress the frustrated scream that was clawing at his throat. He wanted to throw the fucking bottle across the room.

"I'm home!" Audrey's voice called from the kitchen. Seth went into the room to see her struggling to place an armful of grocery bags on the counter. He helped her haul them up. "Thanks."

She turned and looked at her sleeping granddaughter in her car seat on the table, "And how's my little angel?" she asked the baby, who gurgled and kicked her feet.

That's when the mother noticed the caked blood on Seth's face. "What happened?" She asked, taking his chin in her hand and examining him.

"I… uh," At that moment, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and read the text message from Zeke.

'Mira is at my house, did you two have a fight?'

His eyes widened a bit. He pocketed his phone.

"Um, I ran into the doorway. Don't worry, it's not broken or anything." He pretended to look at his wrist, "Oh look at the time, I need to get to work."

"But you're not wearing a-"

"Bye Audrey! Bye Lucy!"

He was out the door.

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Zeke was fairly surprised when the banging on the door and ringing of the doorbell didn't wake up Mira. She merely stirred and snuggled deeper into the couch cushion.

He opened the door to see Seth standing there. "Hey man," he greeted.

"Is she here?" He asked.

Zeke stepped to the side to reveal the sleeping girl on his couch. Seth stepped past him and walked over to her. He stood over her for almost thirty seconds before turning to his friend.

"I know this is your house, but can we have a minute alone?"

"Sure, just holler if you need anything." He walked out of the room, leaving the two young parents alone.

Seth watched him go then turned his attention back to Mira. She looked so… drained.

He sat on the edge of the coffee table and just watched her sleep for a minute. It had been a while since she had let her guard down long enough for him to see.

When he couldn't take it anymore, he reached a hand out and shook her shoulder. "Mira?" He asked softly. He got no reply, so he shook her a bit harder. "Miiirrraaaa?"

"I don't wanna get up… you take care of her," She mumbled sleepily. He wanted to smile at that, but he remembered the secrets she had been hiding and the way she had nearly broken his nose and shook her harder still.

"Mira."

Her eyes snapped open, the cloudiness clearing rather quickly.

"Seth?" she asked with a yawn. She brought her hands up and rubbed her eyes. "What are you-"

He saw the realization hit her eyes. She immediately tried to scramble away from him, but he grabbed her upper arms.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere."

"How-how did you find me?" she asked to stall for time. Her eyes glanced at the door then back at him, wondering how she could get out of his grip and run out of there.

"Zeke texted me. Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was? Do you?" He shook her a little in frustration. "Answer me!" He forced her to sit up, still holding her upper arms. He was mildly horrified when he realized he was practically holding the bone.

Her head remained bowed, and by the stains forming on her shirt, he knew she was crying. For a moment, his heart twisted. He swallowed the ache. If he was going to get to the bottom of this, he needed to be strong.

"Mira," He asked, gentler this time, "Please… what's going on?"

It was then that she raised her head and looked at him. What he saw made him even more worried.

Something he had always loved about Mira was that she had this… light. It seemed like, no matter what, she had this beauty and hopefulness about her that made things feel so much better.

But when she looked up, he came to a startling realization.

The light in her eyes had died.

"So thanks for everything, man," Seth was saying to Zeke, his hand holding Mira's. She kept her head angled toward the ground. She didn't see the point in saying anything; Seth clearly knew what was going on.

The grip on her hand was tight, clearly telling her that she could either not try to run off, or chew through her own wrist, because he was not letting go.

Zeke and Seth said their goodbyes before the latter led her out to his car. He watched her open get into the car seat, and noted the empty look in her eyes as he reached across and buckled her seatbelt. The Mira he knew would have slapped his hands away and buckled her own seatbelt.

He got in the driver's seat and started the car, backing out of the driveway and drove down the street.

They got about three blocks away when he pulled over and put the car in park. They sat in silence for a minute before Seth reached into the big pocket of his sweatshirt and pulled out the offending bottle of ipecac. He tossed it into her lap. After a moment, she picked it up.

"You wanna explain or do I have to jump to conclusions?" he asked quietly. He looked over to see her shoulders shaking and one hand squeezing the bottle so hard her knuckles turned white and the other hand covering her eyes.

He pulled his lips into his mouth and slowly reached a hand out to rest on her shoulder.

"Mira, talk to me," he said in a softer tone.

"Don't… don't hate me," She whispered in between sobs.

That did it. Seth unbuckled his seatbelt and awkwardly leaned over to wrap his arm around her. His other arm cradled her face as she buried it into his chest.

"Talk to me, Mira," He whispered into her hair, "I know something is wrong… please, I love you."

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"Where did she go?" Audrey asked in a baby voice, hands covering her eyes. Lucy watched in fascination as her grandma's face disappeared. Audrey quickly uncovered her eyes, "There she is!"

The baby giggled and kicked her feet in joy. Audrey easily hoisted her up and blew a kiss on her tummy, causing her to start waving her arms and giggle louder.

"Who's my happy girl?" Audrey asked. "Is it you? It is Lucy?"

She caressed the smiling girl's soft hair. When she was first born, Audrey thought Lucy would be a brunette like her father, but in the last few weeks, her hair had lightened quite a bit. It would appear there would be another blonde in the family.

"Okay big girl," She said, standing up and placing her granddaughter's head on her shoulder, "Let's give you a bath, then put you down for your nap."

She made it halfway into the kitchen when she heard the door open. She turned around to see her daughter and Seth standing there.

"Your mommy and daddy are home!" she told the baby excitably. Her enthusiasm faltered when she saw the look on the teen's face. "What's wrong?"

Seth looked over at Mira, "Tell her."

"Tell me what?" Audrey stroked the back of Lucy's head nervously.

Mira disentangled her hand from Seth's and reached out to take her baby. Lucy cooed happily at her mother's touch.

"Sit down, mom," Mira said softly. Audrey looked at Seth, who nodded and moved to stand beside Mira. The older mother sat on the sofa, eyes still alert of what to expect.

"There's… something I need to tell you. You're-you're not gonna like it, though."

"Oh dear god, you're pregnant again."

"What?" Mira asked, slightly offended, "God, no I'm not pregnant again!"

"Oh thank God." She placed a hand over her heart. "Don't scare me like that."

"Mom… will you please just listen!" she exclaimed. Audrey's face turned to surprise at Mira's outburst.

Seth rested his hand on Mira's shoulder. She closed her eyes and handed him the baby.

"Okay, for…um, the last six weeks I… haven't exactly been eating."

Audrey stared at her in concern for a moment, "what do you mean 'haven't exactly been eating'?"

"I mean, I've eaten… I just… don't digest it." Mira looked down in shame. Audrey stood up, about to say something, when Mira cut her off, "Please don't be mad at me mom!"

"How much weight have you lost?" Her voice was strangely calm, and that scared her.

Mira looked over at Seth and her daughter nervously, "Um… about eighteen… twenty pounds maybe?"

Audrey's eyes remained on Mira for a long time. She finally took a long breath and slowly let it out.

"Alright, first things first." She stood up. "We need to get some food in you."

"Mom-"

"Seth, get my cell phone out of my purse. I need to look up the doctor's number."

"D-doctor! Mom, I-"

"Mira," Audrey interrupted sternly. "Go sit at the table."

Fifteen minutes later, Audrey set a plate full of scrambled eggs in front of her daughter. To make her feel less nervous, she also made a plate for Seth.

Mira looked at the plate in front of her, and then back at her mother.

"Are you serious?" She asked in disbelief. "Why don't you just feed me a bucket of lard?"

"Eat it, Mirabelle."

"You covered it with cheese!"

Seth looked up at the two women glaring at each other, fork held in midair. This would not end well.

"Mira." Audrey's voice was dangerously low, "Eat it or I am taking you to the emergency room right now."

The girl held her glare for a few more seconds, then lowered her head in defeat and took a bite of the calorie-ridden eggs.

Mira nearly let out a moan when the first bite passed her lips. The taste of salt and cheese were better than the rice cakes and granny smith apples she had practically been living off of.

But once she swallowed that first bite, it felt like a bowling ball sized load had been dropped into her stomach. The guilt rose in her throat again.

Across the table, Seth was watching her struggle to take another bite. He kept his head tilted down and stared at her through his lashes.

She had taken five bites before she set her fork down. "I-I don't want anymore," she said.

"Keep eating," Audrey said, not looking up from trying to find the doctor's number on her phone.

"I said I'm done," Mira said more firmly, pushing the plate away.

Audrey pocketed her phone and slid the plate back in front of her with her index finger. "And I'm said 'keep eating'."

Mira quickly got to her feet.

"No! You can't tell me what to do! I have a baby!"

"You may have a baby, but you are still a child. More importantly, my child."

Seth almost saw something in Mira snap. She seized the plate off the table and threw it at the wall. It shattered upon impact, sending porcelain and eggs everywhere.

Mira darted past her mother and out of the room. Seth was about to go after her, thinking she was running away again, but he heard her footsteps going up the stairs to her room. Instead, he walked over to his daughter, who had been awakened by the shattering plate and was screaming in her car seat on the counter.

"Shh… shh, it's okay baby, it's okay," he cooed to the crying baby, rocking his body from side to side to calm her.

Audrey knelt down and began cleaning the plate and egg. She picked up a few pieces of broken porcelain, but dropped them in favor of covering her mouth with her hand to muffle a sob. Seth walked over and awkwardly patted her shoulder with his free hand. He remembered when Audrey had comforted him when his father had come to town.

"How could this happen?" She asked after a moment. Seth didn't know what to say, so she stood up and faced him. "When did you find out?"

"I just found out today. I… caught her throwing up in the bathroom when she thought she was home alone. When I confronted her she…" he touched his nose absentmindedly. Audrey looked at it.

"She hit you?" she asked in shock.

"More like head-butted me."

Audrey sighed softly and reached a hand out to rub her now quiet granddaughter's back. Lucy burbled in her father's arms and kicked her foot against his ribcage.

"Adam will be home soon," Audrey said, "Why don't you go upstairs and put her to bed?"

Seth nodded. "Would it be alright if I stayed the night? I just… I don't think Mira should be alone."

She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Of course."

Seth made it to the doorway before he stopped and turned to her. "This isn't your fault, you know that right?"

Audrey glanced at him briefly, then went back to staring at the broken plate on the floor.

"It isn't anyone's fault. She told me that she was desperate to lose the baby weight. These things happen, Audrey, no matter how much they suck, they happen."

The older mother managed to give him a small smile, "When did you get so much insight?"

Seth turned his face so he could kiss Lucy's cheek, "Ask your daughter, she taught me."

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"Mira, I am holding the baby and really don't feel like breaking your door down. Open up," Seth said tiredly.

He was about to step back and start kicking when the door opened to reveal a tear-stained Mira.

"I need to put her in bed," He said, not knowing what else to say. Mira stepped back to let him in. Seth walked into the room and it actually took him a moment to realize that it was pitch black He frowned, but didn't comment on it. Instead, he placed his baby in the crib and caressed her little cheek with his thumb.

"Goodnight Lucy," He whispered.

When he stood up straight again, he noticed –thanks to the hall light drifting in from the open door- that Mira was cradling her right fist to her chest.

They stared at each other for a minute in the darkness.

"What's wrong with your hand?" he whispered. She nodded her head to the side. He looked over her shoulder to see the bareness of her closet door and a pile of broken glass lying on the floor in front of it.

In two quick strides, he was beside her and cradling her fist in his hands. Her knuckles were cut and bleeding rapidly.

"Shit Mira," he whispered.

"It's nothing," she whispered back. "Just go… I'll take care of it."

As if that was going to happen. He released her hand and bent down, swiftly slipping his arm under her legs and around her back, picking her up bridal style.

She squeaked in surprise, but quickly grabbed onto the back of his neck with her uninjured hand.

He set her on the bed and clicked on the lamp on the bedside table. Taking her hand in his, he inspected it closely. Luckily, there appeared to be no broken glass in the wound. He released her hand and walked out of the room, returning moments later with the first aid kit from the bathroom.

"You wanna tell me why you punched out the mirror?" He questioned, kneeling down in front of her and taking her hand in his. His other hand cradled her elbow to hold it steady, his thumb right in the crook.

"Why do you think?" she asked stiffly. Seth poured the antibiotic ointment onto a cotton ball.

"This is gonna hurt like a bitch," he warned, pressing it to the wound. She hissed a little, but didn't pull away. He figured after giving birth to their daughter, this probably felt like nothing.

He sat back on his haunches and just looked at her. So this was Mira now; scared, alone, broken.

After a moment of him staring at her, she lifted her head and looked back at him.

"Could you not look at me like that?" she asked quietly.

Seth leaned forward so he was on his knees and took her face in his hands, angling it so she was looking at him.

"I will always look at you like that," He said solemnly, running his thumbs over her smooth cheekbones. He stood up and tilted her head up so he could kiss her forehead.

"Now scootch over, we need some sleep. Something tells me we're in for a busy day tomorrow."

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