But I'm a Guitarist!

I felt like a child again as I sat in the back of my fathers car. I watched the trees come into view as I whispered my good byes to the city limits. We were in god’s country now. The ride was a long one, which gave me a lot of time to think about how the hell I got in the situation I was in. It all kind of seemed like a blur, first I’m driving with Abby to my house, next thing I knew my parents were threatening to pack my things for me.

“No fucking way am I going!” I sat there defensively, my arms crossed my chest.

“I should get going,” my stupid lack of a math teacher muttered, finally butting the fuck out like he should have done in the first place.

“Yeah, go!” I shouted at him. “Why the fuck you were here in the first place? Because I don’t fucking know!”

My mom looked like she was going to mentally combust from my unusually large amounts swearing tonight; usually she had no tolerance for it. I guess today she made an exception. “He’s just worried, Frank,” she said in her small, quiet, motherly voice.

“Yeah fucking right,” I swore again, mostly just to be a dick to my undeserving mother.

“Could you give me a ride home, Todd?” I heard Abby ask. I almost completely forgot she was there. He nodded and they passed me without saying a word or even looking at me.

“Wait!” I tried to grab for Abby’s hand but she pulled away. She turned and looked at me though, it was the least she could do for the last few months we spent together. I don’t even know what I wanted to say to her, I just didn’t want her to leave. Not like this.

“I’m sorry Frank,” she whispered when I still didn’t say a word A small hint of tears were in her eyes. “I tried, I really did. We’re over.”

When she said those words I wasn’t even sad, just even more confused. As I understood it, she broke up with me because of who I am. All those things, they were just excuses, right? I must be gay because I own a pink belt and I wear make-up. Guy make-up to be exact. I must be gay because I’m a vegetarian. There’s many famous male people who are vegetarians, aren’t there? I must be gay for having a poster of my favorite guitarist on my wall. I had no idea that Todd didn’t like hugs. I’m a huggy person, especially when I’m excited about something.

“You better get packed, Frank,” Ms. Mackenzie told me, being the last to leave. “The sooner you come in and get help, the sooner you can be put on the right path.”

She stood up and walked over to my parents and shook their hands, “It’s nice meeting with you again and I’ll see you all tomorrow morning.”

She flashed me a smile before she showed herself to the door, I wanted no less than to smash her face in.

I couldn’t turn and face my parents as I realized why I got strange looks all week long. They were looks of shame. They were ashamed of me and my lifestyle.

My mother muttered something about making dinner so that my father and I were the only ones left in the vacated living room, still surrounded with equally vacated chairs.

“You better get packing,” he told me and left the room, probably to lock himself in his office until dinnertime.

I went to my room, but refused to pack my things. An empty suitcase was open on my bed. I just sat there. I don’t know how long it was but eventually my mother came into my room, setting my stolen things down on my bed.

“Dinner is ready,” she told me, but I just told her I wasn’t hungry. I think that pissed her off though because then she told me if I didn’t start packing she’d make my father do it. God only knows the shit he’d get into in my room.

I waited until she left to start going through my clothes and throwing random items in. I hope to god they won’t search me because I plan on bringing a few things that are a little less than heterosexual.

My mind went to my unicorn that was in my luggage case. I had it since I was a small boy in 2nd grade. One of my best friends gave it to me right before I moved. She said it was good luck to bring a unicorn with you wherever you went so she gave me hers and I’ve had it ever since.

“We’re here,” my mother announce as we pulled into a long driveway out in the middle of no where.

At the end of the driveway is a sign that says Mother Mary’s Institute for the Gender Confused and Misled. This place was called an institution for a reason. It wasn’t a huge place but there was obvious that more than just a few people attended, and the large white walls made it look like a place for the crazies.

Institute for the Gender Confused and Misled

Is that what they classify me as? Confused and Misled? Because I sure as hell am confused. They’re the ones who made me this way, though. If it wasn’t for them, or for my parents I’d still be happy with Abby, chain smoking on the side of school. I wouldn’t be so damn confused.

“Get out,” my father ordered me before I could move. Both my mother and father got out of the car and I slowly followed, grabbing my suitcase and backpack from beside me.

On the steps of the institution stood Ms. Mackenzie and another man. He was dressed in a button up white shirt with a dark blue and red stripped tie and blue-ish/grey pants. He was very built to be wearing something so non-casual. My parents each grabbed one of my shoulders and shoved me up the stairs.

“Before you know it you’ll be home again,” my mom said. Then something hit me. What the hell am I going to do about school?

“And school?” I asked anyone that could give me the answer.

Ms. Mackenzie spoke up, “We have teachers that are certified to teach you and your peers for your stay at Mother Mary’s.”

Yay…

I looked back at my parents searching for something good that will come out of this. What are they hoping? That when I’m done I’ll be straight? News flash! I’m not gay!

My mother came up to me and kissed me on my forehead and told me, “we’ll see you in group therapy, dear.” And they left, my father not even giving me a second glance.

I watched the car as they continued down the circle driveway and out past the sign. I watched the car until they were way out of site and Ms. Mackenzie cleared her throat.

“Shall we go to my office?” She asked but I didn’t say anything. I just let her lead me to her room.

There were clearly more than one floor to Mother Mary’s and the first thing we did was go up the elevator to floor 3. The walls were mainly white besides the random ‘Straight is Great’ and ‘Signs Your a Homosexual’ posters. It didn’t take long to get to her office. It was unnaturally large for an office although it used the room well. What was strange about it though was everything was so pink.

I voiced my thoughts to Ms. Mackenzie to which she simply replied, “I am a woman, women like pink.”

There was a slight pause while we sat down and she gathered some papers on her desk. “Shall we start then?”

I just simply nodded while my mind was somewhere else. “You’re sixteen now, is that right?”

“Yup,” Does is matter?

Ms. Mackenzie went on the describe the steps I need to take to become ‘straight’, but I was to busy gazing longingly out the door and into the blindingly white hallway to pay attention. I was day dreaming, wondering what would happen if I did decide to bolt out the door when both Ms. Mackenzie and I were snapped out of our thoughts at the sounds of feet hitting the tiled floor and two voices yelling. I almost forgot that I wasn’t the only one here.

“Give it back!” I heard one voice yell as a boy, a little older than me, runs past the room with a notebook held above his head.

Ms. Mackenzie stood up in fury, “BOYS!” She yelled as she stormed to the door. I was shocked. I never heard her yell before.

Another boy stopped in the doorway, obviously alert to her yelling. The boy stood there, his black hair flowed down a little lower than the bottom of his ear. His expression was innocent, his green eyes looked at Ms. Mackenzie in shock. His white button up shirt was rolled up to his elbows and his tie was slightly undone. He wore his pants the same as the man earlier had, but his feet had a pair of converse clung to his feet instead of dress shoes.

“Eric, give Gerard his sketchbook back!” she ordered the blonde haired boy as he unwillingly slowly dragged himself back to her office door. “Now aren’t you two suppose to be in class right now?”

They both looked down guiltily, still neither of them catching my eye.

“Gerard, you can go back to class, I don't want you skipping again, you're lucky that Mr. Steve didn't catch you or you'd be in detention right now,” Ms. Mackenzie told him. He was about to reply when he looked up and finally caught my gaze.

I think my whole world stopped.

“ Mr. Way,” she said grabbing back his attention. “You may go back to class now.”

Way. Gerard Way.