Punching in a Dream
Une
When the soul meets the body; an epiphany happens. I just experienced one. It's around midnight right now; my room temperature seems to be extremely hot from my anxiety. I'm packing everything up; I need to leave. I can't deal with this emotional & physical pain anymore. I stuffed everything into boxes, trash bags, & my only suit case; decorated in fake zebra fur. Daddy will be home soon, his sober state of mind completely abolished. He's a very subjective person; completely head over heels in love with crank. I remember that one summer night when everything joyful was destroyed. His eyes were blood shot; that malicious smirk stamped on his face, the smell of death. I was 7; Daddy was supposed to protect me from people like him, but instead, he became every father's worst nightmare.
I shuttered in disgust, letting that sharp electric bolt run down my spine. I took a deep breath, I can do this. I can leave. I'm not a teenager anymore; I have a sense of direction. I already bought the house. Now all I have to do, is walk out that door & drive. If only it were that simple. When I actually stepped out the door, the night was cold; it was winter. My favorite time of year in Detroit. The snow was glowing with the moon light; it made me feel like everything was okay. Once I get to California, it will be. I placed everything in the back of my red pick up truck; & put the sheet cover over it, tying it down tightly. I put a bag full of extra comfy clothes & bath materials for the drive.
I went back into the house; turning off my lights & grabbing any other items that I might miss; such as my stuffed animal octopus named Ingrid, she was a gift from my mother before she died. Tears wanted to fall ever so desperately; I refused to give in to such late timing. I turned off the light & ran down the stairs, checking off everything in my mind, keys; check, phone & iPod chords; check, laptop & house information; check. I don't seem to be missing anything. Good. There is no time for mistakes.
I jumped in the truck & sped down the dirt road, heading to the free way. I stared at the house in my mirrors, saying goodbye to insanity. I smiled to myself, this is really happening. Memories flooded my mind, playing back horrible nights where he'd lock me in a room with him. My eyes stung with tears, begging Daddy; not tonight. The pain from the previous is still burning me; all he did was chuckle and turn out the lights. He never looked at my face; his cowardly acts were always over powering, but if you can't even look at the victim, what does that say about you?
I shook my head, erasing them for now. I don't need to stay in the past, I'm moving forward, I'm doing this for me & no one else. Only me.....
More memories.
Not ones of Daddy, but of Pieper; my best friend. She has no idea what I've done, or where I'm going. She has no part in it. It sounds oh so horrible of me to do so; but right now, it's for the best. Pieper would be the first person Daddy came to to find me, she'd crack under pressure. I can't risk it, I will tell her once I get to California, or at least the boarder of Arizona. I'm going to miss her, she was the only one who knew about Daddy, she was like the sister I never had, her family was the family I never had. I would never replace Mum; she was the perfect Mum, if only she made it through the cancer. I remember everything that happened that night. I still suspect Daddy of doing something wrong to her; she was doing so well. But something happened....I swear it wasn't because of the cancer. When Daddy got the news, he acted as though it broke him, but in the car ride, his lips were a disgusting smile the entire time.
Other thoughts crossed my mind, romance in particular, I don't have a boy friend, & I haven't had one in a year. I wonder if this new start, just might give me the chance to experience love for the first time. I imagined what he'd look like, how I want my dream boy would look like, long dark hair, piercing blue eyes, tattoos, gauges, that's all I'd want. Looks aren't everything to me, but if you have gauges & tats, you have me at Hello.
I smiled at the thought of lacing fingers with my dream boy; walking the beach in the sunset, looking at the pink & yellow skies, debating on what the clouds look like, creating a perfect end, to a perfect day. That's one of my goals when I get to Cali, it's nonnegotiable.
I shuttered in disgust, letting that sharp electric bolt run down my spine. I took a deep breath, I can do this. I can leave. I'm not a teenager anymore; I have a sense of direction. I already bought the house. Now all I have to do, is walk out that door & drive. If only it were that simple. When I actually stepped out the door, the night was cold; it was winter. My favorite time of year in Detroit. The snow was glowing with the moon light; it made me feel like everything was okay. Once I get to California, it will be. I placed everything in the back of my red pick up truck; & put the sheet cover over it, tying it down tightly. I put a bag full of extra comfy clothes & bath materials for the drive.
I went back into the house; turning off my lights & grabbing any other items that I might miss; such as my stuffed animal octopus named Ingrid, she was a gift from my mother before she died. Tears wanted to fall ever so desperately; I refused to give in to such late timing. I turned off the light & ran down the stairs, checking off everything in my mind, keys; check, phone & iPod chords; check, laptop & house information; check. I don't seem to be missing anything. Good. There is no time for mistakes.
I jumped in the truck & sped down the dirt road, heading to the free way. I stared at the house in my mirrors, saying goodbye to insanity. I smiled to myself, this is really happening. Memories flooded my mind, playing back horrible nights where he'd lock me in a room with him. My eyes stung with tears, begging Daddy; not tonight. The pain from the previous is still burning me; all he did was chuckle and turn out the lights. He never looked at my face; his cowardly acts were always over powering, but if you can't even look at the victim, what does that say about you?
I shook my head, erasing them for now. I don't need to stay in the past, I'm moving forward, I'm doing this for me & no one else. Only me.....
More memories.
Not ones of Daddy, but of Pieper; my best friend. She has no idea what I've done, or where I'm going. She has no part in it. It sounds oh so horrible of me to do so; but right now, it's for the best. Pieper would be the first person Daddy came to to find me, she'd crack under pressure. I can't risk it, I will tell her once I get to California, or at least the boarder of Arizona. I'm going to miss her, she was the only one who knew about Daddy, she was like the sister I never had, her family was the family I never had. I would never replace Mum; she was the perfect Mum, if only she made it through the cancer. I remember everything that happened that night. I still suspect Daddy of doing something wrong to her; she was doing so well. But something happened....I swear it wasn't because of the cancer. When Daddy got the news, he acted as though it broke him, but in the car ride, his lips were a disgusting smile the entire time.
Other thoughts crossed my mind, romance in particular, I don't have a boy friend, & I haven't had one in a year. I wonder if this new start, just might give me the chance to experience love for the first time. I imagined what he'd look like, how I want my dream boy would look like, long dark hair, piercing blue eyes, tattoos, gauges, that's all I'd want. Looks aren't everything to me, but if you have gauges & tats, you have me at Hello.
I smiled at the thought of lacing fingers with my dream boy; walking the beach in the sunset, looking at the pink & yellow skies, debating on what the clouds look like, creating a perfect end, to a perfect day. That's one of my goals when I get to Cali, it's nonnegotiable.