Bliss and Bloodlust

Waking up suddenly in the darkness of Daniel's bedroom with his body close to mine send me into a dizzying panic. I pulled away from him and stumbled out of the bed. He woke up and called my name, worry in his voice but I backed away until my back hit a wall.

“Stay away from me.” I said in a small unsteady voice that displayed my fear. I threw my hand to my neck but it felt the same as before. No new bites, no pain nor tenderness. It had all been a dream, just a horrible, horrible dream.

“Tourie...”

I couldn't see him but I knew he could see me. I didn't know if he had moved closer or not since he moved so soundlessly, for all I knew he could be a few feet in front of me, but I knew he could smell my fear.

I cursed the tears that were threatening to fall from my widened frightened eyes. Daniel switched on the lamp on his side of the bed and watched me silently. I blinked rapidly in the sudden light. He stood perfectly still, and I realized he was standing on the side of the room with the door, not that I would have made it out in time but I felt trapped.

“Tourie, did you have a bad dream?” He asked me calmly. My eyes glanced briefly at the door. “Don't do it.” he whispered. Then, like a fool, I ran.

Daniel's hand grabbed my arm and quickly swung me around until I was in his arms. “Calm down, darling.” he cooed, “Calm down.”

I struggled in his arms and pounded his chest with my fist which hurt me more than it did him. His body was solid and it felt like punching a tree trunk. He then threw me down on the bed and straddled me. I just about lost it.

“Get off of me!”

“Tourie, you need to stay calm.” I struggled beneath him. “Look at me.” He demanded and repeated those words until I did. Our eyes locked. His pupils dilated, eyes dark and scary. “Calm. Down.” he whispered.

Then the feeling of obedience swept over my body followed by the most relaxing sensation I had ever felt. I had to obey his words. Daniel laid his head my neck. It took a minute or two to realize what he had done.

“Why did you do that?” I asked, feeling betrayal.

“Because you need it.”

“You compelled me. You promised me you would never do that.”

“Yes and I'm sorry.” He didn't sound sorry.

“You've done that before, haven't you?”

“No.”

“Bullshit.”

“I'm not lying. Please Tourie,” he breathed against my neck. “It's killing me. Your fear.”

He moved and stared down at me but I turned away, afraid he would try to do it again. My heart was hammering in my chest. My pulse racing in my neck. I knew he could hear it. But I didn't feel so scared anymore. Compulsion.

“You smell so good right now.”

I was starting to become afraid again. I glanced at him and his dark demon eyes caught mine again before they looked at my neck. His fangs were out, looking dangerously more sharp than ever before.

“That's why you must remain calm.” he spoke slowly, softly, seductively. “You smell like fear and sex and sweat and me.” his fingertip brushed collarbone. “And it's all turning me on, so just stay calm. Give me a few minutes.”

I tried to do as he said but the images from the dream, well... nightmare, were still in my mind.

“Fear is like an aphrodisiac for us. And you're in my bed, wearing my shirt, with your sweat and mine on your skin, our scents mingled so sweetly together.” he explained. “Mmm. It's irresistible.”

He moved his head back to my neck, putting most of his weight on me as he lied down. I could feel how turned on he was.

“Mine.” he whispered.

I held as still as possible. He was going to bite me, like in the dream, tear me to shreds. I felt tears flooding my eyes. But Daniel only gently kissed my skin, tiny sweet, tender kisses on my wildly beating pulse.

“Mine.” I started shaking, crying. “I'm sorry baby.” his voice was rough, but this time he sound sincere. “I'm trying. I won't hurt you.”

He still had his mouth by my neck. I shut my eye letting my tears fall down the sides of my face. I stopped moving, knowing I wasn't helping him in his effort to stay in control. I'm not sure how long it took but eventually Dan moved and gently pulled me up into a sitting position. He sat down at the end of the bed facing me.

I looked down at my wrist and then touched my neck again just to be sure. Nothing to see, nothing to feel. Daniel's eyes never left my face and minutes passed as I tried to think rationally.

“What did you dream?” he asked in a strained voice.

“I think you know.” I was still looking down at my wrist. I brushed my hair, that had fallen out of my ponytail, out of my face.

“I will never intentionally hurt you.” his voice was husky, like he was in pain. I still hadn't lifted my eyes up to his face. “But that doesn't mean I can't by accident. You know this.” He reached his hand out and touched mine. I flinched but he gave it a gentle squeeze and didn't let go. “I sometimes forget how fragile you are.” he rubbed his thumb over my hand making tiny circles. “I know you sometimes forget that I'm not human. I'm a ten times stronger than you are.”

“I know.” I said even though my voice was breaking. He wiped a tear away that I had felt escape my eye. His touch was soothing. I shut my eyes.

“I have to remember not to be so rough. One wrong move and I could break those delicate arms of yours. Crush your collarbone, your spine.” Or rip out my throat.

I opened my eye again. “Guess, that's no fun.”

I'm not sure why I said it but as I did my eyes moved up until his lips came into view. They the held a hint of a sad smile. He placed a hand on my forearm and rubbed up and down soothingly.

“The first time we made love...,” he paused for a moment as if picking his words carefully, “I almost lost control. I tossed you around like a rag doll. I left marks, bruises on your skin.”

“I handled it.”

“Yes, yes you did but you're human, and I'm not. I couldn't live with myself if I, even by accident, did something I can't reverse.”

“Like kill me.” Saying the words out loud sent a chill down my spine.

“Yes, like kill you.”

“Are you okay?” I asked. His eyes were a deep, deep shade of blue but I could see only a little of the white and his pupils were still large. Those fangs were just tiny points in his mouth, a sign his bloodlust was backing off.

“I'm better. Just sit with me.”

“Should I go take a shower of something? Would that help?”

He stroked my arm, “No.” he said huskily, “You're quite something, you know. You're on my skin. I can still taste you.” he licked his lips.

Hearing that somehow sent my libido higher but the image of Daniel ravaging my neck stopped that feeling in its tracks. He could still do it, I thought. He seemed fine now but he could pin me down again and kill me. I shuddered and he moved his hand away.

“I do love being with you, Tourie but I would completely understand if you don't want to see me anymore.” I wasn't sure what I wanted quite honestly. I didn't know what to think, to say, to feel. He continued staring at me. After a minute of silence he said, “Please say something.”

“You've never lost control like that before.” I breathed out, my voice watery. I hated it.

“Not with you, no. But you have to understand that I am what I am. And I know I've said this before but I'm a monster, a predator, and I can hurt you. You know what I'm capable of. So whatever you dreamed isn't far from the truth.”

“Do you really think you're a monster?”

“Not think, know.” he sighed. “I have done some things in the past that are... fucked up to say the least.” He paused and looked away for a minute. “I have killed. There was a time when I had no control and I enjoyed the suffering.” If he was trying to get me not to be afraid he was doing a bang up job.

His hand reach out slowly and wiped away another escaped tear from my cheek. I hated myself for being so afraid. I sniffed.

“This isn't easy, I know.” He stared at me again for a very long time, “Do you want to me to take you home?” I thought for a moment then shook my head. “Are you sure? Do you wan tot end this?”

“No.” I whispered. “No I... I don't want that at all.” I was going to say that I couldn't imagine life without him now, but the words wouldn't form. It might have been the stupidest decision I've ever made but I wasn't going to run away from him.

“Good.” he said happily then more somberly added, “I would miss you. That's a bit hard for me to admit.” He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. “You're a part of me now. Mine.” There was that word again, mine. “I haven't felt this way in a very long time.” Which meant it could have been decades, or centuries in between. Then he said with a seductive note to his voice “You are addictive.”

I half laughed, surprising myself. “And you are delusional.”

“If you could see yourself through my eyes you'd agree. When you had my blood and all of your senses were heightened, do you remember how different things looked, like you had brand new eyes?”

I nodded remembering waking up the next day and staring in the mirror at myself and for the first time thinking I was beautiful.

“Well imagine that times ten. Sensory overload. I can see the tiniest freckles on your skin, the flecks of gold in your eyes. The sound of your voice rings like bell to my ears, especially when you sigh.” he smiled crookedly, “The way your skin feel beneath my hand, softer than silk and satin.” he sighed heavily, “Things you can't see with human eyes or hear or feel. The world is a strange and beautiful place. There are things I've seen that would make you lose your breath at the sight of them. Things that would make you weep with joy. There are colours that I hadn't even known exist but I see them, darling, if only you could see them too.”

It was heartbreaking, so beautifully mesmerizing to hear but it hurt because his voice was also sad, like a man, a lonely man, who knows the secrets of the world but couldn't share that knowledge with anyone, not truly, because words could not do them justice.

His voice which had been soft and fluid and calm, turned hard. “Those are the perks of this life, it almost make the bloodlust worth it.”

He stood up and went to his dresser and pulled something out of one of the drawers. It was about seven inches long and made of thick wood. “Take this.” he said and handed me the stake. “Just for my own peace of mind and yours.” The wood felt heavy in my hand. I alternately looked at the sharpened piece of wood and the vampire. “Put all your weight behind the strike and aim for the center of the chest.” he instructed me. I gave him a mortified look.

“You want me to use this...” I swallowed, “On you?”

“If I ever loose control you might need to, yes.”

“But it would kill you.”

“And I could kill you.” he said as if it made it alright.

“You said you killed people.” I said cautiously.

“Yes.”

“Because of the bloodlust, right?”

“Yes.”

“Are you ever going to tell me how you became a vampire?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

He cocked his head and gave me a strange look. “You are the sweetest person I know.” he said abruptly. I felt a small smile curve my lips and Dan's hand once again wiped away another tear. Would they ever stop falling? “I felt like I've corrupted you.” He took my hands in his and held still for moment. “Are you scared of me?”

“Stop stalling.”

“I'm serious, Tourie. Are you?”

“No. I'm not scared of you,” I said honestly, putting the stake down beside me. “Just what you can do sometimes.”

“That's what I thought.” He searched my face for several heartbeats then began. “I told you my father was murdered. I was there when it happened.” his eyes stared straight ahead, but not seeing any longer. “We were preparing a body for burial, it was late and we were just finishing up when the door of the backroom we were working in flew open. My father was closest so he looked out first, only to be thrown back into the room forcefully. I saw three people,” he said the word with contempt. “Walk into the room, a woman and two men. I assumed they was thieves, it wouldn't be the first time we had been robbed for one thing or another, times were hard. So I reached into the drawer that we kept a revolver in but…”

He trailed off for a moment. His eyes were almost black entirely black again, his mouth was set in a hard line. “One moment the motherfucker was by the door, the next he was standing by me, knocking me to the ground. My father was out cold and I tried to get up but the man kicked me and broke my ribs, then my hipbone, my arms, my legs. I was immobile.” He grew still and didn't utter a word for a full two minutes.

“They were on my father, draining his blood, ripping out his throat, his wrist, any part they could get. He couldn't even scream, nor could I, too frozen with fear and pain to do so. I watched all three of them, they... looked like demons, I didn't know what to think. Then they were on me. It was... painful.”

He suddenly grabbed my thigh, I froze. His body tense, his eyes full of hate and pain and rage and sadness and guilt but he didn't look at me. I can't imagine what that must have been like. I placed my hand on his, the one on my thigh, and he let go a fraction. It didn't hurt but like he said he could hurt me accidentally.

“They practically tore me apart,” he continued in an almost detached sort of voice, “Then as I lied there dying on the cold floor, one of them took the body we had been preparing and left in the blink of an eye. I made a noise and one of the men, the larger one turned around, walked back to me, and said 'You should be dead.'” Then he picked me up, every part of my body protested, the pain was unbearable, and I saw my father's bloody, ripped up body as that man, that demon, carried me out into the cold December night.

“He told me later on, the man, that he knew I had the makings of a true vampire, that I was a real candidate. I was strong. A survivor.”

“Why had they taken the body?”

“He was a transitioning vampire, not actually dead. They stole the body so he could fully turn. The killing of my father was unfortunate, but really it was for fun and had I died no one would have give two shits about it.”

“So how exactly did they turn you?”

“I had to have lots of his blood.”

“The man, the vampire, who took you away?”

“Yes, and it took three days. Three long days before the process was complete. It hurt like hell. It hurt worse than the feeling of dying on that cold floor.” He laughed bitterly then said, “Sometimes I wish I had truly, then I wouldn't-” he stopped then said instead, “I think we should get some sleep.”

“No tell me the rest. What was his name?”

“My maker?” I nodded. “Ferdinand, Ricardo Ferdinand.”

“And the others?”

“The other vampires who killed me, because really, I died along with my father that night.”

He stopped talking, lost in his own thoughts. I leaned forward and put my hand on the side of his face, felting his smooth skin. I wasn't afraid anymore. His eyes looked up at me. He tried to smile but failed.

“They were called Theresa and Micheal Ferdinand. They became my siblings. There were many of us. We all took Richardo's last name after we turned, as he had taken his makers and so on.” He finished.

I noticed for the first time that the rain outside had begun to pick up and the distant sound of thunder rumbled. “So you have other siblings like Angelina?”

“Yes. Or did. ”

I didn't ask what he had meant by that but I could guess. He moved until he was seated not facing me but next to me instead. He wrapped a careful, cautious arm around my shoulder. I felt no fear. This was the Daniel I knew, my Daniel.

“If you took your maker's last name then where does Cooper come in?”

“It's my real surname. My father's name. I honor him by using it. He hadn't deserved to die such a death. I had to leave my hometown, leave everything from my old life behind. I didn't even get the chance to bury him. To get my closure. ”

“I'm sorry, Daniel.” I whispered.

My mom used say something that I believed I subconsciously had been doing. Run towards the thing that you fear the most. I looked up at the vampire, the predator, the man who has lived so long and lived so many lives. I was his prey whom could rip me in two but he choose protect me instead and realized it's what I had been doing all along, running towards the fear, not from it. I had a fear of what Daniel was, not who he was and that was the difference.

“Dan, did you have a wife? Children?”

He wouldn't answer me for a long while. “Yes and yes.” he murmured against my hair.

“How many?” I whispered.

“One wife, one son, a boy.”

“What happened to them?”

“They died.”

“How?”

“Helena, my wife, died during childbirth. My son followed her into death hours later.” he said softly.

“Oh, god, Dan.”

“It was a long time ago. She had a difficult labor. But I got to hold him, see him breathing, even if it was only for an small fraction of time.”

“What was his name? Your son?”

“Henry. Henry Albert Cooper.” So much lost and death had plagued his life. “I don't really remember what either of them looked like.” he added somberly.

“Life has been hard on you.”

“No, it's hard on everyone. But it brought me you, so it had proves it can be just as kind as it is cruel.” I smiled and I lifted my wrist until it was my his mouth. “Tourie, what are you doing?”

“I think you haven't been feeding, that's why you lost it. Am I right?” he didn't answer. “Drink.”

“No.”

“But I want to help you.”

“It might be too dangerous.” I felt the stake roll beneath my thigh when I moved closer to him but didn't move my arm. He kissed my wrist like he had my neck earlier, soft and tender.

Mine, his voice whispered in my head, he had said I was his.

“Mine.” I whispered and turned my head to kiss his bare shoulder.

“Yes, yours. Although I'm not sure why you would want me after what I just put you through.”

“You take the bad with the good. It's not your fault that you are how you are, Daniel. You didn't ask for any of this. Not your fault I had a bad dream and got scared. Not your fault that your instincts...” I stopped.

“Told me you were my prey.” he said, “That wasn't the first dream you had about me, is it?” Daniel asked changing the subject.

“No.” I huffed out a sigh, “I've had far worse dreams than that. And not about you.”

“I bet you have.” he paused, “I don't like the shit I dream about either.” We then grew quite, both lost in our own thoughts as he held me and we listened to the sound of the rain pelting the windows.