In One Single Moment Your Whole Life Can Turn Around

TWO

“Everything okay, Ryan?” Hayley asks when Biology class is over. She walks over to him and gives him a quick hug. “You look upset. Want to talk?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thanks,” Ryan replies, swinging his schoolbag over his shoulder. “I just can’t afford a detention that’s all. But I’ll deal with it.”

“Okay. But if you want to talk, you know where to find me,” Hayley says and pats Ryan’s shoulder before skipping off to Patrick.

“She’s really nice,” Ryan states, looking at Hayley as she grabs Patrick’s hand in hers and pulls him a bit closer.
“She is awesome.” I nod in agreement. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You were pretty upset when Stinky gave you that detention. It really sucks because you totally didn’t deserve that,” I say, brushing my hand against his.

“I’m okay now. It’s not such a big deal. I just hate not being able to be home when I should be.” He sighs and then he stops walking. “It just sucks, but I’ll deal,” he mutters and then he looks around him as if he’s checking if there are any teachers around. What is he up to?

“Hey… You know I could really use some time out,” he starts, keeping his voice low. “But the only way to get to free time for me is skipping school,” he continues and then he stops talking for a few seconds and bites his lower lip. “Do you want to skip the last two classes and hang out with me for a while?” he then asks, giving me an expectant look. “We got Physics. The teacher won’t notice, he never takes absences,” he states, still looking at me.

That sounds very tempting. Very, very tempting. We’ve got physics together with another class group, so if there are two people missing, the teacher won’t notice. He’s as blind as a bat anyway.

“Sounds like an awesome idea,” I answer, nodding. “And this might be an odd question, but… would it be like a date? Sort of? Maybe?” I wonder, my cheeks immediately heating up. “Because that would be really nice,” I add, fiddling with the sleeve of my sweater. I’m making such a fool out of myself right now.

“Yeah… a date,” Ryan says, a smile creeping onto his face.

***

Ryan and I manage to leave school without being noticed, so now we’re going to head towards the park. Once we get there, we sit down on a spot behind a bush, making sure that we’re sitting out of sight of possible passers-by.

“I still have some cookies and two little cartons of fruit juice. We could turn this into a picnic,” I tell Ryan, opening my school bag to retrieve the items. First I take out the two drinks and then half a package of chocolate cookies. “You don’t happen to have a checked blanket with you, have you?” I ask, chuckling softly. I have always wanted to have a picnic with one of those red and white checked blankets to sit on. It might look a bit cliché, but very romantic at the same time as well.

“Sorry, I forgot it at home this morning. I usually carry one with me all the time,” Ryan jokes, taking a cookie out of the package.

“Dork,” I reply, poking him in the side. Then I take a cookie as well, putting the entire thing in my mouth at once.

“Says the master of dorks.” Ryan giggles, poking me back. Oh, he wants to play it like that, huh?

“At least I’m the master. I have achieved something in the world of dorks. You’re just a regular dork,” I tell him, poking him once more. This could get very interesting.

“Mmm… I think I might be climbing up at the dork scale, though,” he ponders and then I thought he was going to poke me again, but instead of that, he tackles me onto the grass. “Because if I’m not mistaken, the master of all dorks likes me, right?”

So he has heard the rumours. How long did that take? Less than twenty-four hours? I really have the best friends in the world, don’t I? Just telling the guy I got a crush on that I like him. How nice.

“Yeah…” I nod, biting my lower lip. “How does that help you up the dork scale?” I question, looking up at him. At the moment he’s sitting on top of me and I can’t deny that I’m enjoying it.

“Well… I think I might like you too,” he replies, a blush appearing on his cheeks. “Or then again, I’m quite sure about it. You’re really sweet, Brendon. And funny. Not a lot of people can make me laugh like you do. I like that in people,” he says, his hand resting on my cheek. “And you got a lot of courage too. Standing up to Stinky like you did earlier. That’s pretty admirable.”

“He was just being mean and I didn’t want you having to go to that detention on your own. God knows what that bastard might let you do,” I reply, lifting my hand and resting it on the back of his neck.

Ryan smiles and a few seconds later, the gap between our mouths closes, our lips pressing together in a soft kiss. I suck on Ryan’s lower lip and then lick it, eagerly wanting to know how this boy tastes like. Delicious. The tip of Ryan’s tongue pokes against my lips, pleading to let him in. I part my lips for him and soon our tongues are sensually sliding against one another.

“Brendon, stop,” Ryan suddenly says, breaking the kiss and laying his hand on my chest, gently pressing me away. He rolls off of me and sits upright. “I’m so sorry. We can’t do this, I shouldn’t have done this,” he continues and then he averts his gaze from me, looking down at the grass instead.

“Why not?” I ask confusedly. If he can’t do this, then why did he start flirting with me? Fuck, it was his idea to skip an hour of school so we could spend some time together without the others constantly around us.

“Because I’m not like you, Brendon,” he answers, looking back up at me, guilt clouding his honey brown eyes. “I’m really sorry.”

“If you’re not gay, then why did you start kissing me?” I question, cocking an eyebrow. This doesn’t make any sense at all. The only scenario I can come up with is that Ryan was just messing around with my head during the past days, but I really don’t think that’s the case here. Ryan’s not like that.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m bi and not ashamed of it, but I’m not a normal teenager like you,” he tells me and then he sighs deeply. “I’m really sorry, it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have let you get so close to me. I’m sorry,” he adds, giving me a sympathetic look.

“Why? What’s so special about you that we can’t be a couple?” I ask and I won’t leave him alone before I know what is going on with him. I need to know.

“Brendon.” Ryan sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t think I can tell you. It’s very personal and I don’t want everyone to know it. Not that I’m ashamed or anything, I just can’t tell. I already have a hard time dealing with things and I don’t need any school drama on top of that.”

“Do you really think that I would shout something personal about you from the rooftops?” I question, huffing a little bit. “Don’t you trust me?”

“… I do, but… I don’t know, Brendon. This is really weird. You’ll freak out, I’m sure,” Ryan tells me after a short minute of silence. I suppose I’m making some sort of progress now.

“I can’t promise you that I won’t. But think of it, if you tell me, you can always rely on my help, whatever it is. I think you might need that. No offence, but some days, you look really awful,” I say, shifting a bit closer to Ryan and resting my hand on his upper thigh. “You can trust me,” I add, looking him straight into the eyes. He scratches the back of his head and then he stands up.

“Do you know where I live?” he asks, looking down at me. I shake my head in response.

“No.”

“The small, white house across from the church. Number twenty. Drop by around eight tonight,” he says and then he walks away, leaving me as clueless as I was before.

***

I’m standing in front of the door of Ryan’s house, my sweaty hands buried deep into the pockets of my hoodie. It’s two past eight and I’ve been standing here for already five minutes. I don’t know what I should do. I feel kind of guilty for pressuring Ryan into telling me his big secret. But then again, I really want to know what is going on.

“Are you going to just stand there or do you want to come in?” Ryan’s voice calls from above me. I look up and see him hanging out of a window at the second floor of the house.

“Erm… I suppose I could come in. If you want me to,” I reply sheepishly, shifting my feet from the left to the right a bit. Ryan looks at me for a few seconds, as if he’s hesitating, but then he nods.

“I’ll be there in a second to open the door. Don’t go,” he says and then his head disappears again.

A short minute later, the door in front of me opens and I’m met with a smiling Ryan. It’s quite rare to see him like that. At school, he barely smiles.

“Hey,” I greet, nervously standing in front of him. “You told me to come to your place,” I then say, avoiding his look. “So here I am.”

“Yeah, come in. There’s something I want to show you,” he replies, nodding and taking a step aside to let me in.

“Are your parents not home?” I wonder out loud when I notice that the house is remarkably quiet.

“I live on my own. I moved out of my parental house five months ago,” he answers. “I’ll explain you later why. First I want you to meet someone,” he adds, carefully opening a door.

What the hell? I thought he was going to tell me what was going on with him. And now I’m supposed to meet someone? That doesn’t make any sense at all.

We walk into a room that looks a hell of a lot like a children’s room and after looking around for a few seconds, I come to the conclusion that it, indeed, is one. In one of the corners of the room stands a little crib, a baby mobile hanging above it. Oh dear God, there’s a baby lying in that crib.

“Brendon, this is little Sam,” Ryan starts, walking over to the crib and picking up the baby. “My daughter,” he adds, taking a few steps closer to me again. “Say hello to Brendon my baby girl,” he whispers, gently taking one of the little girl’s hands in his making a waving gesture with it.

“Y-you have a k-kid?” I stutter, my eyes wide from surprise. This can’t be true. Ryan’s only seventeen years old. He can’t be a dad. That’s just so weird, I guess.

“I do.” Ryan nods, lightly resting his head against the baby’s. “She’s all mine.”

“But how?” I question, still beyond surprised. I had a ton of things in my head that could have been going on with Ryan, but this sure as hell wasn’t one of them. “You’re seventeen. How can you be a father?”

“Well… I’m sure you know how it works,” Ryan answers, his words followed by a soft chuckle. “It just happened. I had unprotected sex with my ex-girlfriend and then nine months later, Samantha was born. These things happen, Brendon,” he explains and then he walks back to the crib. He lays the baby down in it again and then he comes back to me.

“What happened to her mother? Does she live here as well?” I ask, probably sounding really nosy, but at this moment I really don’t care. The guy I have a crush on is a father of a baby girl. That’s just… I don’t know what it is, but it is everything but normal and it’s really freaking me out.

“She left me,” Ryan answers and walks out of the room. He makes a little gesture with his hand, telling me to follow him. “She gave birth to Sam and shortly after that, she left with me with our baby. I never heard anything from her again. Not even a phone call. She disappeared,” he tells me and sits down on a scruffy sofa.

“Oh… I’m sorry. That must have been really hard,” I reply, not really knowing what else I could say. He’s got a baby for God’s sake. A baby. “But why do you live on your own then? Wouldn’t it be easier for you if you’d live with your parents?”

“I don’t want to live with them. I am Sam’s father and I want to take care of her as much as I can. If I’d live with my parents, I’m quite sure that my mom would take care of her the entire time instead of me. My parents help me out a lot, though. They look after Sam when I’m at school and they financially support me as well,” he explains and then he eyes me. “You’re not weirded out too much about this, are you?” he then asks, biting his lower lip.

“I’m just really shocked,” I reply in all honesty. “I didn’t expect anything like this at all,” I continue, picking at the nail of my left thumb. “But it all makes sense to me now. Why you’re always late, why you’re leaving from time to time and why you never have the time to do something fun. It’s pretty admirable if you think of it. I wouldn’t be able to do something like this,” I say, sending him a smile to let him know that I’m not completely freaking out.

Ryan opens his mouth to say something, but a sudden, loud wailing sound fills the room.
“Sorry. I’ll be right back,” Ryan mutters and gets up from his spot on the sofa, hurrying out of the room and towards his little daughter. Now I understand why he always looks so tired. That baby must keep him awake every night. Poor guy.

After two minutes, the crying stops and Ryan reappears into the room, holding the girl in his arms. He sits down next to me, giving me the chance to take a good look at the baby. She looks a lot like Ryan. She’s got the same nose and the exact same hazel eyes as him. She’s beautiful.

“Do you want to hold her?” Ryan asks in a soft voice, looking at me with a smile.

I nod in response, still looking at the baby. Ryan lifts her from his lap and hands her to me. I awkwardly put my hands on the little girl’s body and gently press her to my chest. I never really held a baby before in my life, so I hope I’m doing this the right way.

“I think she likes you,” Ryan tells me after a short silence. “Normally, if anyone but me or my parents holds her, she immediately starts crying.”

“I feel honoured.” I smile, meeting Ryan’s gaze. “Why have you never told anyone at school about her?” I question, gently rocking the baby back and forth in my arms. She’s so adorable.

“The teachers know about her. I didn’t really see the point in telling anyone else,” Ryan answers.

Sam stretches out her little arm and when Ryan sticks out his long index finger, she wraps her tiny fingers around it. That is downright adorable. I don’t think there’s another way to describe this simple action.

“You should tell the others. Not the entire school, but just our group. I think they’d love to meet this little girl too,” I tell Ryan, my eyes still resting on Sam’s tiny fingers that are wrapped around Ryan’s index finger. “Especially Hayley. She’d be at your door every day to see her,” I add, smiling.

“No, Brendon. I don’t want that. You told me I could trust you, please don’t tell them,” Ryan says, looking at me with pleading eyes. “I’m not ready for that. I told you because I think… well, I think you’re special,” he explains and I nod understandingly.

“Thanks,” I reply. “And you really can trust me. If you don’t want the others to know about Sam, then I won’t tell them,” I add, averting my gaze from Ryan to look at the beautiful little baby girl in my arms.

I can’t believe this is really Ryan’s daughter. It’s so surreal. A seventeen-year-old boy, living on his own with his baby daughter. That’s not a situation you come across every day.

“So,” Ryan starts, affectionately stroking Sam’s hair. “Where does this leave us? I understand if you don’t want to get involved with me because of this,” he continues and stops stroking Sam’s hair, resting his hand on top of my left one instead. “It’s all up to you.”

“I like you Ryan,” I tell him in pure honesty. “And all of this just made me think of you as an even more awesome guy. You’re strong and damn, I got so, so, much respect for you now. I can’t ditch you because of this. I probably don’t have a clue of what I’m getting myself into, but I’m going to go for it anyway.”

“Are you sure about that? Because it really isn’t going to be easy. Not that you’ll have to take care of her or anything. But Sam’s a part of me, so if you want to be with me, you’ll have to take her with that as well,” he says, absently caressing the back of my hand.

“As long as I don’t have to change dirty diapers, I’m in for it,” I tell him, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

Did I just get myself a boyfriend? And a child attached to that boyfriend? How am I going to explain something like that to my parents?

Ryan laughs softly and shakes his head.

“You can leave that to me,” he answers, winking and then he leans closer, our lips only an inch away from each other. “Thanks for not judging me because of Sam. You’re a really great person,” he says and a split second later, our lips meet in a soft and simple kiss.

When I pull back from the kiss, I notice that Sam is making little noises that sound a lot like giggling. I guess she approves this too.

“I should put her back into her bed. She should have been sleeping already,” Ryan says, taking her from me again. Five seconds later, the little girl opens her mouth and starts crying loudly. Oh fucking hell, how can such a little person make so much noise?

“Sssht, Sammie,” Ryan whispers, rocking her in his arms as he makes his way to the baby room. “There’s no need to cry. Daddy’s here. Ssssht,” he soothes and lays the baby down in her crib. “It’s time to sleep now,” he says, but the Sam just keeps on crying.

I feel a bit awkward standing in the door frame of the room, unable to do something to help Ryan. But then I spot an acoustic guitar, standing against the wall and without really thinking, I take it and sit down on the floor with it. I put my fingers on the guitar and start playing and singing the lullaby that my mother used to sing for me and my younger sister when we were still kids.

“Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass.”

I only realise that Sam has stopped crying when I have finished singing the entire song. I quietly put the guitar back from where I took it and stand up.

Ryan takes a few large strides and when he has reached me, he puts his arms around me, hugging me tightly.

“You’re amazing,” he whispers in my ear and then he leads me outside again. “It always takes me ages until I get her quiet,” he tells me, looking at me in awe.

“I didn’t do anything special,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders, trying to act as if it was nothing, but inside, I feel damn proud of myself. I managed to quiet a crying baby, how awesome is that?

“You have no idea how much you’ve done. Thank you so, so much. You’re an angel,” Ryan says and pecks my cheek.

“It’s nothing. I’m glad I could help.” I smile, grabbing Ryan’s index finger in the same way Sam did a little while ago. “I should go now. I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” I wonder out loud, giving him a hopeful look.

“Yeah, if everything goes well, I’ll see you there,” he answers, nodding and then he walks me to the front door of his house. “Bye,” he whispers, leaning in for another kiss.

“Bye.” I beam as I pull away from the kiss.